


The Templar's Apostate

by Seffora



Series: Two Hawkes and a Templar [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-20
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2017-12-08 07:27:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 121,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/758697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seffora/pseuds/Seffora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Garrett Hawke has been protecting his twin Marian since they were children. But all his bribing and threatening can only protect her for so long in the templar-filled city of Kirkwall. As the rumors begin again, Garrett turns to the one man he knows wants to keep his sister out of the Gallows as much as he does; Knight-Captain Cullen. Slightly AU with Marian and Garrett both alive. Cullen/F!Hawke</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Readers. I'm taking a small break from The Moon and Her Eagles. This story has been on my mind for some time so I finally put it into writing. Expect Cullen/F!Hawke fluffiness, angst, and smut. As well as a manipulative twin brother. A special thank you to my wonderful Beta Reader kaysue18. Bioware owns the world, I just play in it. Thank you for reading and if you have questions feel free to ask!

"Marian, what are you doing!?" Garret shouted as he stormed up to where his sister was leaning over the wounded templar.

"Healing. It's something I do after a battle, brother." Marian replied calmly, looking curiously at the templar who was clutching his side and bent on a knee in front of her.

She knelt in front of him. The templar's amber eyes were hard as they looked at her, but he hadn't tried to smite her. At least, not yet. There was pain in his eyes as well. Most likely from the gaping wound in his side where a demon had clawed through his armor. The plate made templars slow. And demons were fast. Most of them anyway, except hunger demons; they always seemed to slug around after their prey. Pity, really, no wonder they were the easiest to kill.

She reached out and the templar moved back, just an inch, and grunted in pain. "Don't be such a baby." She hissed, grabbing his armor so he couldn't move farther away. She felt him stiffen.

"I am Knight-Captain Cullen of the templars in Kirkwall," he said quietly, his jaw clenched. He watched her intently as she moved her hand over his wound.

"Well, Knight-Captain. It seems you aren't very good at your job, are you? If you can be so _disabled_ by a small group of demons." She replied with a snort. Her hands went to work opening the armor so she could look at the wound.

His eyes flickered to her companions. Her brother stood angrily behind her with crossed arms. He glowered at the templar, daring him to move. "Why are you helping me?" He barely whispered as the healing magic flowed over his wound. The faint burn of skin stitching together made him grit his teeth, but he knew better than to move.

Marian sighed and glanced up at the templar to give him a small grin, "Nobody deserves to be left on the Wounded Coast to die, not even a templar." She whispered. Her hands moved away and she stood up. "There. See Garrett. He's all healed and I still retain all my appendages." She grinned broadly at the two surly men and walked away.

"Templar." The large dark-haired man growled down at Cullen.

Cullen eased himself to his feet testing the wound. It was healed, but he would have to favor it for a few days. He glanced around the clearing. The mage, Marian, had moved to the other side and was talking to a tanned woman who wore few clothes and an elf with white tattoos. Another dark-haired man came over to stand next to the glowering man. Garrett, the mage had called him. They looked related. Cullen sighed. The day was only beginning and now he was confronted with a real problem.

An apostate. And four armed people standing between him and said apostate. And he was in no condition to fight them all. He would have to wait and bid his time before taking the girl to the Gallows.

"This is the Knight-Captain we went running after?" The younger looking dark-haired man asked.

"I am Knight-Captain Cullen." Cullen replied glancing over to see the mage laughing at something the other woman had said. He ground his teeth in agitation. Mages should not be so at ease outside the Circle. This mage was not even batting an eyelash at the fact that he, a templar and a knight-captain no less, was standing only a few yards away.

He looked back at the corpse of the abomination that was his templar Wilmod and sighed. Maker, he needed to get back to the Gallows. Things were already a mess without adding in an apostate healing him. He looked back at the two agitated men. "Thank you. For your help with this." He tried to sound thankful, but all he could do was sound a little less angry.

"Yea, you sound real thankful," the younger man said, crossing his arms and glaring at the templar. "Bet you're real grateful for my sister's help too."

Cullen gritted his teeth and turned to the older man. "Listen, I must get back to the Gallows and get to the bottom of this mess."

"Your man was possessed by a demon." Marian said walking up to them and joining the conversation. "It takes a powerful mage to get demons to possess bodies that are not mages."

Cullen barely glanced at her and willed his anger to die down. Now was not the time. "If it is a powerful mage, then it is likely blood magic.” His voice dripped with anger at the word. He breathed before he continued. “I have been conducting an investigation into our missing recruits. Wilmod was the first to return."

"So you drew your sword on him? Seems a good welcome back present." Marian retorted, her eyes glinting mischievously.

"I would not expect you to understand templar business, **mage**. But I would watch your tone." He growled out.

"Going to make me, templar?" She asked sweetly, her smile showing too many teeth.

"Marian. Stop." Garrett said, eyeing her darkly. She knew better than to press her brother when he took that tone. She shrugged and moved away. Let them have their conversation about demons. A few missing templars didn't make her sweat any.

"What is it you want, Knight-Captain?" Garrett asked heatedly. Everyone wanted something, andwhatever the Knight-Captain wanted would keep Marian out of the Gallows.

The templar looked at him for a few seconds as if wondering whether he had said too much already. Finally, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "The last place Wilmod was seen was the Blooming Rose. I tried to speak to the...women there and received no answers. If you investigate there," his eyes lingered on Marian's back for a second, "perhaps you will have more luck."

"What's in it for me?" Garrett asked, his eyebrow drawing up slightly. If the templar was smart he would catch on.

Cullen's brow furrowed and he gritted his teeth. The man couldn't be asking what he thought he was asking. By the Maker he was, wasn't he? He glanced from the dark-haired warrior to his sister and back. He needed to get to the bottom of the missing recruits. At this point, he would have to use whatever resource was at his disposal. "Find out who is responsible for this and find me at the Gallows. I will see to it that..." He glanced at the apostate. "...you are rewarded."

The corners of Garrett's mouth barely moved. "A deal?"

"Deal," Cullen growled and moved past the man and his companions to head to the Gallows. 

* * *

He couldn't believe he made a deal with that blasted man. From everything Cullen had uncovered about this Hawke fellow since that day on the Wounded Coast, he was not a man to make a bargain with lightly. There was a long trail of blood and bodies that followed Hawke. It had started the very day he arrived in Kirkwall, and if one looked closely enough at the trail it was easy to see what the family was hiding.

Not for the first time Cullen wondered what had possessed him to make a deal with the brother of an apostate. He should have found the Hawke residence that same day and tore the place apart until he found the girl, but he hadn't. Whether because he was hoping Hawke would find those responsible for his men's disappearance or because he felt a twinge of guilt when he thought of the mage that had healed him, he was uncertain. He tried to squash the guilt, but it would reappear the next time he thought about finding Marian Hawke.

The man was clearly hiding his sister from the templars and had been doing so for some time, likely the girl's entire life. And if the fact that anyone who questioned him ended up dead was any indication, the man was willing to go to great lengths to keep her from them. It made Cullen wonder what had driven that family to Kirkwall. The Blight most likely. They had sounded Fereldan.

He sighed and caught sight of movement on the edge of his vision. As he looked up he saw Keran walking into the Gallows, the Hawkes trailing behind him. Cullen stared. Would they be so bold? To show up in the middle of the day in the Gallows?

Sure enough, Marian Hawke walked behind her two brothers looking around the courtyard curiously. Cullen barely suppressed a groan.

"Knight-Captain." Keran said saluting Cullen as he walked up. He saw the two Hawke brothers stand slightly behind the man. Garrett glowered at Cullen.

Marian walked up and watched the scene unfold. She had to say it gave her great satisfaction to see the Knight-Captain so on edge. She knew it was her presence, standing in the Gallows so boldly, that made the man practically twitch in irritation. Garrett hadn't wanted her to come, but she had insisted. After all, they wouldn't know if the Knight-Captain would keep his word unless they pushed him into a corner. She could be as conniving as her brother if she wanted to, or at least, she liked to think so. The Knight-Captain's eyes flickered over to her and she smiled brightly at him. She saw his jaw tense and it only made her smile wider.

Garrett was speaking to the Knight-Captain, "There were blood mages. They had a plan to implant demons into your recruits and destroy the templars."

Cullen closed his eyes for a brief moment and opened them on his templar recruit Keran. "Andraste's blood." He whispered.

Keran looked from the ground to his Knight-Captain. "The mages, Ser, they only wanted to crush us, to make us all bow to them. To destroy the Chantry and the templars."

"There were only a few mages that wanted that." Marian piped in looking cross at the younger templar. Hadn't she spent long agonizing minutes healing the templar after they found him? Hadn't she convinced Garrett to let her check to make sure he didn't carry a demon with him? And he didn't. And she was the one that had proven it, both to the stubborn templar and her brother. It seemed his gratitude only extended to keeping her out of the Gallows. A deal he most likely had made with her brother when she saw them whispering.

Carver came up behind her and whispered, "Sister, now's not the time." She shook him off, turning from the younger templar to glare at the Knight-Captain.

She saw Cullen glance at her, his body rigid, "Perhaps not all mages fall to temptation, but none are ever free of it." He stared into her eyes, his eyes as hard as they had been on the coast. "Any mage can become a monster. That is why they must always be watched. They cannot be treated like people. They cannot have the same freedoms as normal people."

She took a step forward threateningly and Carver's hand grabbed her and pulled her back. She growled low in her throat. Was this it then? The templar was going to hand her over to the Gallows. She would die before she was taken.

"Knight-Captain?" Garrett asked, his eyebrow raised slightly. But Marian saw the hardness in his body, knew that her brother would have his greatsword out at the drop of a hat to defend her. She saw the templar's eyes travel over both of them.

Cullen glared at Garrett for a few minutes, the air between them thick with tension. Finally, the Knight-Captain sighed. "Thank you. You have done the Order a service today. It will not be forgotten." He said tightly before moving away with Keran trailing behind. 

* * *

 Cullen moved through the darkened streets of Lowtown, heading toward the docks. Hopefully, the ferryman would still be there. If not he would have to knock on his door and wake the man. Knight-Commander Meredith had sent him to deliver reports to the Grand Cleric earlier that day and he had stayed to pray in the Chantry. He often found himself asking Andraste for guidance these days.

He had lost track of time and a sister's small cough alerted him to the fact that night had fallen and the sisters would be heading to their rooms. He sighed and breathed in the cool night air. Perhaps tonight he would sleep well. The past few weeks his dreams had been plagued with nightmares. Some of them were of his time in the Ferelden Circle. Those he was used to and had long since learned to put aside come dawn.

The new nightmares were the ones that had him going to the Chantry. The new nightmares involved the apostate Marian Hawke. Many of them involved him chasing her, hearing her laugh, always one step ahead of him. Sometimes on his quest to find her he would find his templars. Some would be dead, and some would turn into abominations to protect her.

These nightmares his rational mind understood. He was frightened of letting an apostate roam the city. It was the other dreams. The ones he fervently tried to forget come morning. The dreams of catching the apostate. Of her sly smile, of her laugh, her breath mingling with his own. Of the way her hands would trail up his body, of the feel of her softness beneath him as she opened to him.

Cullen shook his head and blushed. Those were the dreams he asked forgiveness for. Those were the dreams he couldn't understand. Were it just the fact that she was a woman he might understand. It had been some time since he lay with a woman. He supposed he should go to the Rose and get it out of his system. But that was not appropriate for a man of his station. He sighed into the night.

What worried him was that he feared it wasn't merely her body he wanted. It was the fierceness with which she had looked at him in the Gallows, the ease she had felt on the coast in his presence, the way her hands had so easily grabbed him to keep him from moving away from her when she healed him. He wanted to know her. He wanted to watch her smile and laugh. He wanted to hold her and whisper in her ear. He knew it impossible, but it didn't stop his dreams from recurring.

Ahead of him a black shadow stepped in front of his path. Cullen saw the gleam of teeth before he grabbed his sword out of its sheathe. Cutpurses were bold to try and take on a templar. Though as more shapes appeared behind him he realized perhaps they simply liked their odds.

Not waiting for them to make the first move Cullen leapt for the man in front of him, grabbing his shield off his back as he did. His sword met the man's dagger and Cullen threw his shield at the man's side, taking him off balance. He heard a step behind him and Cullen moved. Throwing himself away from the man with the daggers, he got the wall at his back as two more people bore down on him. The man with the daggers stepped back and Cullen barely saw the sneer on his face as he tried to fight off two people at once.

He fought one man off, punching his shield in the cutpurse's face. But the second was quicker and constantly moving out of his range. He knew better than to follow, he needed to keep the wall at his back or risk being stabbed in it. There were others waiting next to the man with the daggers. They would wait for him to tire and then take him down. He saw one nock an arrow in his bow and Cullen felt a shiver race through him as he fought the man in front of him.

Suddenly, he felt the distinct pull of magic being cast and he cursed. How did simple cutpurses have mages? He was gathering his focus to perform a smite when the man in front of him dropped after lightning hit him and Cullen was hit in the shoulder with an arrow. He bit off a curse and his hand instinctively went to his shoulder where the shaft now sat. He growled and looked up. He saw dark shapes moving around and a bolt go through the archer that had hit him. He turned to see Marian Hawke walk out from one of the alleys and cast a series of lightning bolts to take down the leader and several others who were fleeing.

Cullen cursed inwardly as Marian turned her attention from the cutpurses to him. He saw her eyes look at him startled and then she broke into a grin.

"Well, well, Knight-Captain. You just can't seem to keep yourself out of trouble, can you?" She asked, smiling at him as she approached.

He tried to straighten and winced slightly. His hand put pressure on his shoulder. He would need to get to the Gallows quickly and wake one of the healers to attend to him.

"The Knight-Captain?" A dwarf came up next to Marian and looked at him. "Ha, see this is why I follow you Hawkette. Always something interesting around the corner. Saving the Knight-Captain for instance." The dwarf eyed Cullen and smiled, "Makes for an interesting tale, no?"

"I'm sure there will be a lot more cutpurses in your story, Varric. And possibly a dragon or two."

The dwarf laughed and moved away to the dead men. Cullen saw him rifle through a few of their pockets and pull out some coins. Cullen turned sharply when he saw Marian coming closer.

"Woah there templar." She said, grinning at him and putting her hands up. "I'm not going to hurt you." She spoke as if she were speaking to a fidgeting horse, not a templar who could kill her or drag her off to the Gallows any second. He saw the dwarf glance their way and realized that once again she had those around who would stop him from doing just that.

"I don't need your help, mage. I will be returning to the Gallows." He took a step and her hand came up to touch his breastplate.

"Like that?" She asked pointing at the arrow with her other hand. "Was my healing really so terrible that you would rather walk all the way to the docks and take a ferry with an arrow sticking out your shoulder?"

He glanced down at her hand and prayed to the Maker that she didn't feel his heart pick up speed. He couldn't stop the images of his dreams as they raced through his mind and he closed his eyes so she wouldn't see his conflicted feelings. He felt her hand come up and take hold of the shaft of the arrow. He winced.

"May I?" She asked softly, his eyes still closed he nodded and she pulled the arrow out. He groaned and before he could stop himself he had grabbed her waist for something to hold onto. He heard her take in a sharp breath and then healing magic coursed through his wounded shoulder. He kept his eyes firmly shut, but his other senses had taken over.

He could feel the warmth of her standing close to him and the softness of her body under his hand. He could smell the faint smell of sweetness, he wondered if it was a kind of flower, mingled with sweat. He felt her hands on his shoulder and then as the magic faded they dropped to her side.

He opened his eyes to stare directly into hers. Her startling blue eyes looked up into his hard amber ones. Her eyes were wide and ever so slightly vulnerable as she looked into his. He felt the intensity of his gaze and knew she would be able to see his hunger written across his face. An eternity passed in that gaze before he dropped his hand from her waist and stepped back.

"Thank you." He said briskly and walked past her toward the docks.

"Anytime." He thought he heard her whisper after him.


	2. Chapter 2

Garrett stared at the stack of paperwork in front of him. He glared at it wishing for a moment he had Marian's powers to burn things with a look. He knew she couldn't really do that, but he had always thought she could when they were growing up. He used to imagine that when they grew up Marian and him would go on adventures. Fight through darkspawn and evil Orlesians. When he finally outgrew his daydreams he saw the reality. Adventures were the fairytales of children. Real adventures are not fun. He had done many things in his life to protect his sisters. To protect Marian and Bethany. Only now Bethany was...Garrett sighed and put his head in his hands. _Marian_ , he thought. It always came back to her. His sister. His twin. He hadn't been able to protect Bethany; he had failed her. But he would protect Marian. To his dying breath he would ensure that she never wound up in the Gallows or some other Circle. She wouldn't last. Not that he doubted she was strong, but because a place like that would strip her of the will to live. His twin thrived off of excitement and people. A Circle could never keep her engaged enough.

It had been nine months since they came back from the Deep Roads. He had settled them into the Hightown estate and now he had his own study with a stack of papers he should look over. Of course, he had hoped the Deep Roads would be profitable, but he hadn't anticipated what becoming nobility again would do. Everyone seemed to suddenly want to get on the Hawke's good side. He almost smiled, wondering if the rumors that he ate human hearts for breakfast was in some small way responsible for the fear he seemed to install in every noble he had met. Even the Viscount respected him enough to keep out of Hawke's affairs.

But despite how much fear and respect he commanded, his sister's secret could get out. He had bribed and bought half the templars in Hightown to keep them from talking, and it still wasn't enough. There was a rumor that one of the Hawkes was a mage. If only he could turn the rumor into the idea that Carver was a mage. At least he was safe with the Grey Wardens. But that wouldn't be as easy. People wouldn't enjoy gossiping about a Hawke who wasn't in Kirkwall. No. Someone out there wanted to see his sister end up in the Gallows, Garrett was sure of it.

It also didn't help that his sister ran around Lowtown and Darktown killing brigands and cutpurses with magic or helping that Grey Warden mage Anders in his clinic. He tried to tell her to stay low, but she only laughed at him and told him he worried too much. _No_ , he thought, _you don't worry enough so I have to worry enough for the both of us_.

He sighed and stared at the report on his desk. It was from one of his contacts in Lowtown. It stated that the templars were looking for a rumored apostate there. He groaned. Perhaps he should just take his mother's advice and marry her off to some rich noble. He almost smiled with how angry Marian would be at the prospect. But if she didn't calm down soon with her magic use, it would be that or a quick escape from Kirkwall.

A knock on his door pulled him out of his thoughts and he called for them to come in. Bodahn opened the door, "The Knight-Captain is here to see you, messere." The dwarf said politely bobbing his head as he did.

"Bring him in."

Bodahn disappeared for a moment and reappeared with the blonde Knight-Captain.

Cullen looked around the study. It felt oddly...Fereldan. There was a fire in the hearth and the desk was made out of a dark wood he knew grew in his homeland. He looked at Garrett Hawke. The large dark-haired man got up and bade Cullen to sit in the chair opposite. Cullen walked forward and took the offered seat. Hawke settled back into his chair and watched him with intent eyes as if sizing him up or looking for the best way to strike. He wished he knew why the man wished to speak to him, but the letter had simply requested his presence at the Hawke estate. Cullen wasn't sure why he had come, perhaps a small part of him had hoped Marian would be there, though he tried to squash that hope desperately.

Over the past nine months, since the apostate had returned from the Deep Roads, Cullen had tried to avoid her at any costs. He told himself it was because she was an apostate and that it was easier for him to keep her secret when he forgot she was roaming Kirkwall. But the truth was that Cullen never forgot about Marian. She still plagued his dreams, sometimes nightly. And if he saw even a glimpse of her during the day or heard the name Hawke he would dream of her and wake with a longing ache that did not subside throughout the day. He fervently told himself that nothing could ever happen between them. That even if he was to see her today in the Hawke estate he would simply be the Knight-Captain to her and she an apostate to him. It was a never-ending argument in his head. That they could never be together, that he shouldn't even bother trying for fear that she would laugh at his attempt or worse. His worse nightmares were now the ones where he watched her be taken by his own men. Those made him wake in a cold sweat.

"I have a bit of a problem Knight-Captain." Garrett said, startling Cullen from his thoughts.

He cleared his throat, "And that would be what, Hawke?" In his mind Hawke was always the brother and Marian the mage. Or sometimes that Maker forsaken beautiful apostate, though he never said that one out loud. He had once asked himself when she had become different to him and the answer had come easily. When she had saved him twice and healed him both times without ever asking for something in return. When she had looked him in the eyes in the Gallows and practically challenged him to take her. He hadn't. He knew now that he never would be able to. Instead he watched her from afar, hearing reports of her activities. Whether it be clearing out bandits from Darktown or healing people in that Warden's clinic. She always seemed to be doing the good thing, the right thing. He found it odd that an apostate would go so out of their way to help others, especially in Kirkwall, where it was so dangerous to be a mage.

Garrett was watching him and seemed to mull something over before responding, "It's my sister." Cullen startled and then immediately schooled his features and Garrett continued, "I have heard rumors that the templars suspect she is an apostate."

"That is because she is an apostate, Hawke." Cullen stated. Though his voice remained calm, his heart was beating faster. How had he not heard of this? He had been monitoring his men since the Hawkes returned to make sure no patrols came by too close to their estate. Who else, besides himself, would know about Marian?

Garrett leaned back in his chair. "Hypothetically, let us say Marian is an apostate." Cullen barely kept himself from rolling his eyes. "What would you suggest I do?"

He stared at the man. From all the information he had acquired about Hawke, none of it suggested the dark-haired warrior was one to ask advice. Especially from a templar of all things. "Why ask me?"

Hawke waved his hand lazily, "Perhaps I think you don't want my sister in the Gallows any more than I do. Perhaps I think you are a man of your word? And you and I made a deal, did we not?"

Cullen kept his face blank. Could he know? He hadn't made it obvious had he? By the Maker the man was looking at him with such an intent look and if he didn't know any better he would think there was laughter behind those dark eyes. Maybe he did know. Cullen almost groaned at the thought that Garrett knew about his feelings for his sister. As if he didn't have enough problems. That was something he did not want getting out.

Cullen sighed and leaned back in the chair, resting his elbows on the arms. The only thing he could do now was try and help Garrett. He wasn't wrong, Cullen didn't want to see Marian end up in the Gallows and he had made a deal with Hawke those many months ago. "Fine." He chewed his words for a moment before speaking, "Were I to find out where these accusations are coming from...it is possible I could let you know."

Garrett shook his head. "These accusations are only the beginning. There will be more. My sister makes sure of that. I need to know what I can do to make sure that they never happen again." He frowned and then continued, "To make her...immune to the templars, so to speak."

Cullen shook his head and looked down at the desk. "I doubt there is anything that will make her immune to the templars. We are the largest army in Kirkwall and whether or not she was a mage...she could still be under templar jurisdiction."

"Are you saying the templars would overstep their boundaries in Kirkwall?" Hawke asked, his eyes burning into Cullen's.

"I am saying that should the templars decide to act against your sister, it would not matter what she was." He said calmly.

Garrett sat in silence for a few minutes and Cullen wondered if there was anything that could be done. He suspected they could leave Kirkwall, but that idea hurt him more than he would ever say. But if it kept her safe... He was about to suggest it when Hawke spoke up again.

"My mother seems to think marrying her off to a nobleman would work. Would keep the templars out of her business." Hawke said looking up at Cullen. His dark eyes were weighing, as if wondering whether to bring this idea up at all.

Cullen frowned and felt his stomach clench. The idea of Marian being married off was even worse than her leaving. "There is no noble powerful enough to evade the templars in Kirkwall. The Viscount perhaps, or his son, but I do not think you would have luck even there. Short of marrying her to a templar-"

"What if she did marry a templar?" Hawke asked bluntly, his eyes boring into Cullen's.

Cullen looked away and down at the desk to get away from the piercing gaze. "Hawke..." He started shaking his head slightly. By the Maker the idea of Marian being married to one of his men... "Marrying your sister to a templar is a danger in itself. She would not be able to hide what she is from them for long. And when they found out she would be taken to the Gallows. Worse, she would be..." He looked up to see Hawke giving him an intense stare, as if looking into his very soul. Cullen looked down again.

"Thank you, Knight-Captain. I think I know what I must do." Garrett said getting up and Cullen followed him, knowing he was being dismissed. At the door Cullen turned to see Hawke looking at him, the man raised his eyebrow and Cullen wanted to ask what he had decided, but thought better of it and turned to leave the room. 

* * *

 It was a week later when he received another note from Hawke asking him to come to the estate. Cullen hesitated a moment outside the door before pushing it open. As he stepped into the foyer he saw the dwarf come to greet him. "Ah, Knight-Captain. Messere Hawke has been expecting you." Cullen nodded and followed him out of the foyer. As he entered the next room that led to the stairs where he assumed bedrooms were he heard a door close and feet moving on the stairs. He looked up to see Marian walking down the stairs. His breath caught in his throat. She was wearing a simple tunic with the house symbol of the Amell's engraved on the breast and by-the-Maker-where-were-her-pants? He watched the miles of legs that came down the stairs and his eyes followed them to her breathtaking eyes. She was smiling, a slight twinkle in them when she saw him.

"Knight-Captain. What brings you here?" She asked coming to stop a few feet from him.

"M-Marian." He inwardly cursed himself for stumbling over his words like a pre-teen boy. She smiled brightly up at him and he couldn't stop his eyes from taking in all of her one last time. He felt himself blush slightly.

"Here to see your brother, miss." Bodahn supplied for him and he would forever be grateful to the blasted dwarf for it. His head was spinning as he drowned in her beautiful endless blue eyes. The edges crinkled as she smiled at him and he very much suspected she was making fun of him in her head.

All he could do was nod and try to take deep breaths without her knowing. He hadn't been this close to her since that night in Lowtown and at least then the night had been able to shield his embarrassing blushes and the heat of his eyes. Now he suspected she saw all of it.

"Well then. I'll let you get to it." She said quietly, breaking her eye contact with him. Her smile lingered. She turned to the dwarf, "I'm going to buy a few things from the market, if my brother asks where I am, which he probably will once he's done flaying the good Knight-Captain." She smiled up and him and walked past.

He felt as if his body had a mind of its own as he watched her go. The gentle sway of her hips, her legs. He inwardly groaned and knew he should be focusing on composing himself for his conversation with her brother. "Flaying?" He asked the dwarf.

"Ah, the misses is only joking, I'm sure." The dwarf smiled at him and lead him to the study.

When they entered Hawke looked up at him and smiled, "Come in, Knight-Captain. Have a seat." Cullen took the seat opposite Hawke again and looked across the room.

He realized he had never actually seen Garrett Hawke smile. It put him off slightly and worried him more than it should have.

"I've been thinking about what we talked about last time you were here." Hawke rifled through some papers and drew one out. "So I made this." He handed the piece of parchment over to Cullen.

Cullen looked it over and his eyebrows drew together, "This is a list of my men, Hawke." He looked back up at the dark-haired man and saw the corners of his mouth twitch. What could put the man in such a good mood?

"It is. Very observant of you. They are all potential templars for my sister to marry."

Cullen felt his stomach drop out from him and he stared at Hawke. The man's eyebrow raised slightly and Cullen realized his shock must have been clear on his face. "I thought I said it wouldn't be a good idea, Hawke." Cullen tried to say calmly, but it came out more strangled than he would have liked.

"Well, you did. But the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea."

"And Marian?" Cullen couldn't believe she would just go ahead with this.

Sure enough, he saw Hawke's expression darken a bit, "She doesn't know yet."

Cullen shook his head and put the piece of parchment back on the desk lest he shred it before the man's eyes. "Hawke...I don't think--"

"I asked you here to pick one of the names you thought most appropriate for the task, Knight-Captain." The last part was said coldly and Cullen didn't need to look at the man to know the smile was gone and the coldness and anger back in place.

Cullen sighed softly and picked up the parchment again. He read over the list, "Thrask? Andraste's breath, the man is old enough to be her father!" He looked up to see Hawke cocking an eyebrow, but no other indication that it matter. Cullen felt a slow fire burning in him. He couldn't-- the man couldn't honestly believe that Cullen would pick a name from this list so he could...give Marian to them. He felt sick to his stomach. He put the paper back down on the desk, more firmly this time.

"I can't do that, Hawke." He stood up.

"Well, if you won't. I suppose I will have to make the decision on my own." Garrett reached across the desk to grab the parchment, but Cullen slammed his hand on top of it. Something in him had snapped at the idea of Marian being given to one of his men like a proud horse for sale and he doubted the Maker himself could change the course he was about to go down.

His amber eyes were cold as he looked into Garrett's brown ones "None of these men could keep your sister safe." Cullen said darkly. He saw a flicker of anger cross Hawke's eyes before they returned his stare with equal coldness.

"If you aren't going to help, then I have to do what I can." Garrett said standing up to level his gaze at Cullen.

Cullen glanced down at the list and back at Hawke, "The highest ranking man you have on this list is Thrask, and he is only a lieutenant."

Hawke watched Cullen and his eyes flicked to the list. "You are saying I need a higher ranking templar?" His voice was quiet and Cullen knew the question he was really asking.

He sighed and lifted his hand from the parchment, his anger gone. Now a coldness swept through him like he had been dunked into Lake Calenhad in the middle of winter. Was he really considering this? He must be mad. He looked up to see Hawke watching him intently.

"Why was my name not on the list, Hawke?" He asked staring down at the list still on the desk.

"Do you want your name on the list, Knight-Captain?"

Cullen wondered when he had become mad. Maybe he had always been mad. He looked up into Hawke's brown eyes, so different than his sister's. He nodded curtly and saw the corners of Garrett's mouth twitch.

"A deal?" Hawke asked him, extending his hand.

Cullen stared at it a moment before taking it and feeling the rough callouses from years of sword practice there, the same callouses that were on his own hands. "Deal." 

* * *

 Marian looked at the blue ribbon. "Excellent choice, my lady. Imported from Orlais. My finest ribbon." The merchant said smiling toothily at her. She smiled back at him and ran her hand down the smooth ribbon. She wondered what she would use it for. She could wind it through her hair. She usually kept it up and out of her face anyway. She could pin it up with the ribbon, but it was slightly too fancy for everyday wearing in her hair. If she bought enough she could wrap the ribbon around her waist when they went to parties thrown by nobles. She smiled and told the merchant she would take it. She measured out enough to fit around her waist and paid him the three sovereigns for it. As she turned to walk toward home she bumped into a very solid, very heavy object. She looked up to see the Knight-Captain gazing down at her.

She couldn't keep from smiling up at him. The templar tried to be so serious all the time that she couldn't stop herself from trying to get him to smile. She was thrilled when the corner of his mouth twitched just a bit as he looked down at her.

Marian would be lying if she said the man hadn't crossed her mind a few times since their first meeting. He was a templar she had saved twice, not something most mages, and certainly not apostates, could say. She knew he was keeping her secret and she wasn't sure why that caused a warmth in her stomach whenever she thought of it. This man could do so much damage to her if he wanted, but instead he merely looked at her with his intense stare. When she had told Isabela about it the pirate had laughed at her and said she bet he was good between the sheets. Marian had blushed and told her she shouldn't think about templars between the sheets, it was likely blasphemous. The two women had laughed about that for the rest of the night.

Though now looking up at him, into his intense eyes that seemed so dark with something she didn't quite understand she wondered for a brief moment what he would be like between the sheets. She blushed and looked at the ground. "Knight-Captain."

"Marian." His voice was low and there was a warmth to the word that sent a small shiver down her spine.

"I see you are still in good health, despite talking to my brother." She said smiling back up at him. Her fingers played with the newly bought ribbon.

"Your brother is not the easiest to speak with." He glanced down at her fingers, "What is that for?"

She looked at the blue ribbon and smiled. "I thought it was pretty, and it matches my eyes. I am hoping to wear it around my waist, but I am not sure how to tie it properly there." She looked up into his intense eyes.

"I might be able to help." Cullen held out his hand and she blinked before grinning widely and giving it to him. He stepped behind her and wrapped the ribbon around her waist. Her breath caught as she felt his hands so close to her and knowing his body was right there behind her. She felt a rush of warmth spread through her body and her cheeks felt warm. "There." He whispered near her ear and she shivered from the warmth of his breath. She turned to find herself so very close to him. She looked up at his lips, wondering for a moment how soft they would feel before he stepped away. She saw a blush spread over his cheeks.

"Speak with your brother, Marian." He turned to go and glanced back at her, "I'm sorry." He whispered and walked away from her.


	3. Chapter 3

Marian entered the estate slightly breathless. She wasn't sure why she had felt such a wave of disappointment when Cullen had left her standing in the market. She had marched home wondering if Garrett had insulted the man. He had told her to speak with him after all.

"Garrett!" She yelled as she walked through the foyer into the sitting room. She walked toward his study, where he always was these days. The man rarely got out except to chase down some adventure with Varric.

She stormed through the door and saw Garrett looking up at her. He looked wary of her and he leaned back in his chair. "Marian?" He asked calmly, though she heard the unease in his voice.

"What happened with you and Cullen?" She demanded walking up to the desk and leaning over it.

Garrett stared at her a moment before frowning, "He told you?"

"So something did happen. I knew it! What did you do?" She wondered why he would have practically run from her, and he had apologized. Did templars apologize? Maker it must be bad. Suddenly, she felt a rush of cold hit her. Was he turning her in? Is that why he apologized?

"Sit down." Garrett said. She fell into the chair feeling weightless and finding it difficult to breathe. This was it. She was being turned in. She stared at her brother. Why wasn't he angry? Why had he let Cullen leave so easily?

Garrett took in a deep breath and rubbed his face with his hands. He looked up at his sister. "There have been rumors that the Hawkes are harboring an apostate." Marian sucked in breath. She felt hot blood pumping through her ears and she tried desperately to hear what her brother was saying. He had always promised he would protect her. But maybe he was tired of protecting her. Maybe he wanted to live a more peaceful life without her. "This is the only way to ensure the templars leave you alone Marian."

She blinked and shook her head. She hadn't heard him. Wait...the templars leaving her alone. "How?" She croaked out.

Garrett looked at her. "Well, to be honest, I thought it would be more difficult to convince him. But he says it will work, so we have to believe him. He's going to talk to the Knight-Commander since he needs permission. But then things will be on track and we were thinking in a month's time you should be married and safe."

Marian stood up and stared at her brother. "Married?! WHAT?!" She stared at him and then some of what he had been saying drifted through her sluggish brain "CULLEN!" She opened and closed her mouth trying to find the words to say. "ARE YOU INSANE? HE'S A TEMPLAR!" Garrett watched her, his infuriating eyebrow raising at her. There was a small knock on the door.

"Sweetheart, are you ok?" Her mother walked in. "I heard shouting." She looked from Marian who was seething and staring at her brother with venom in her eyes to her son's guarded look. "What's going on?" Leandra asked looking from one twin to the other.

Marian folded her arms and glared at her brother, "Go on. Tell our mother how you sold her daughter to a templar. Go on. Do it!"

"What?" Leandra looked petrified where she stood her eyes moving quickly between the two.

"I didn't sell you to him, Marian. Andraste's ass try to be more understanding about this."

"UNDERSTANDING!" She shouted. "YOU WANT ME TO MARRY A TEMPLAR AND YOU EXPECT ME TO UNDERSTAND!"

Garrett got up slowly. "Marian, I had no choice. You continue to use your magic without thought of cons--"

"DON'T YOU LECTURE ME ON CONSEQUENCES GARRETT HAWKE!" Marian growled her hand erupting in flames from anger. She quickly tried to extinguish the flames, but it was too late.

Garrett growled at her and she felt her mana stripped away as if it had never been. "DO YOU THINK I HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT THIS MARIAN? YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN?" He stalked around the desk and Marian shrank back.

"Garrett." Leandra tried, but one look from him and she quieted.

"It was this or the Gallows." He growled quietly a few feet from his twin. "Make your choice, sister." And with that he stormed out of the study, slamming the front door behind him when he left. 

* * *

"Cheer up cupcake, it could be so much worse." Isabela said cheerily falling into the seat beside Marian with another tankard of ale for the dark-haired mage.

"Worse than marrying a templar?" Marian asked grabbing the tankard Isabela sat down in front of her and taking a large swig as the pirate gently soothed her hair.

"Worse than marrying one fine hunk of templar meat? Yes, I can think of far worse things than that." Isabela purred. "Think of those arms, cupcake. The quiet ones are always the best in that area...and the biggest." Isabela smirked at her and picked up her drink.

"Being taken to the Gallows and turned tranquil would be worse, I expect." Fenris growled from across the table, looking up and scowling at Marian.

Marian frowned into her drink. "I don't care if he's...he's...Maker Isabela. That's not the point. The point is that I'm going to be his...his wife." She felt the world crumbling around her and she set her head on the table.

Isabela chuckled, but it didn't hit her eyes. "You will make a pretty wife. Don't think you have to bend knee to the templar and you will do fine. And if he is too handsy I know a good assassin. But being the templar's wife isn't necessarily a bad thing. Though it's not what I would have done, but your brother pays me far too much to argue with his decisions." The pirate smirked at the mage.

"Is there anyone in this town who my brother hasn't bought?" Marian asked hopelessly.

"No." Fenris growled. 

* * *

"Garrett can't do this!" Anders yelled at Marian, storming from one end of the clinic to the other. Marian sat on his cot, her feet dangling off it as she swept dust off her dress.

"Apparently, he can." Marian scowled down at the floor.

Anders stopped and looked at her. "No, he can't Marian. You can't be forced to marry any man." His voice was strained and she saw that he was only barely holding on to his self-control.

"What choice do I have?" Marian asked softly, picking at her dress again.

Anders ran his hand over his face and through his hair and looked at her. He stayed silent for a few moments before quietly saying, "You could leave."

Marian looked up at him sharply, "I'm not leaving my family, Anders."

"Marian," Anders pleaded, "You can't marry a templar. You don't realize how dangerous templars are. You never-"

"I know perfectly well how dangerous templars can be Anders." Marian frowned at him. "Garrett trusts Cullen, and I...I trust Garrett's judgment."

"And if it's a trap? If the templar is just using this whole thing as a trap to lure you into a false sense of security? What then Marian?"

She sighed and got up from the cot. "Cullen has had ample opportunity to turn me into the templars or kill me himself. If he wanted to, I think he would have."

She started walking towards the door to the clinic and Anders grabbed her arm. "He could do so much worse than turn you into the templars." Anders looked into her eyes and she saw a flash of blue that faded. "Please...just promise me that you will tell me if he..." Anders released her arm and stared at the ground, "if he tries anything."

Marian blushed and nodded. She headed out of Anders clinic and up toward Hightown.

"Excuse me sister, can you point me in the direction of Brother Sebastian?" The Chantry sister smiled and indicated the back of the Chantry. Marian smiled and thanked her before heading toward the ex-prince archer. He was interesting, and she wasn't sure she understood why he dedicated his life to being a Chantry brother, but he was always kind to her and she could use some guidance.

Last night she had gone to the Hanged Man and drank herself into oblivion. After she had woken up and recovered she had gone down to Ander's clinic to tell him and to have her migraine taken care of. She would always be thankful that his clinic was only steps away from the entrance to the Hawke basement. It wasn't easy to heal one's own hangover. Magic was difficult to concentrate on. She supposed she should have expected him to react badly to the news of her marrying a templar. Anders had been the closest to her since they met before the expedition. And she had been the one to convince Garrett to let Anders come along. Maker knows what would have happened to Carver if the Warden mage hadn't been there.

Marian wasn't sure how she felt about the marriage. Last night she had been furious. In the light of morning, she wondered what she would have done in her brother's shoes. She wished he had told her, or spoken to her about his fears. She sighed. But then he wouldn't be Garrett Hawke if he did. No, Garrett Hawke acted first and asked questions later.

Her brother had always been there to protect her, from the first time her magic manifested, to running from the Blight, to the mercenaries during their first year of Kirkwall. He kept her safe.

She knew her brother was doing what was right. Which meant the marriage was probably the safest thing for her in the long run. The problem was that Marian didn't know how she felt about marrying Cullen. She barely knew the templar. Sure he was attractive, she blushed at the thought, but she knew nothing about him as a person.

Marian came upon Brother Sebastian sitting at his desk writing letters.

"Sebastian?" She asked as she neared.

He looked up and smiled, rubbing his eyes and standing. "Marian. It is always good to see you. How are you?"

Marian fidgeted with her dress and smiled at her feet, "I am...well. Thank you for asking. How are you, Brother Sebastian?"

"Please, it's just Sebastian. I am doing very well. I hear your brother is doing the Maker's work and clearing out the streets."

Marian hid her smile, "Yes, he is."

"So what can I do for you Marian?" Sebastian leaned against his desk and folded his arms, smiling at Marian with his dazzling white teeth.

She blushed slightly and looked at the ground. Taking a few breaths she looked back up at him and saw that his smile was gone and a look of concern replaced it. She must look as anxious as she felt. "It's..." She looked around and hesitated.

When she turned back around Sebastian had moved away from the desk and stepped toward her, "Marian, what is wrong?" He looked genuinely worried now.

As he approached she panicked, "Garrett-arranged-a-marriage-with-a-templar." She raced out and took as step back her cheeks flushing furiously.

Sebastian stopped startled, his eyebrows creasing. He glanced at her and then around to make sure they were alone before coming another step and dropping his voice. "A templar? Who? Why would Hawke do this?"

She twisted her dress in her hands and looked up at the Chantry Brother. "He said it was the only way to protect me...from...you know." She glanced around again to make sure they were truly alone.

"Why would Hawke marrying a templar protect you?" Sebastian asked.

Marian stared at him a moment and a shaky laugh escaped her lips before she put her hand over her mouth. "Garrett? He is not the one getting married."

He frowned down at her. "You?" He asked and she nodded solemnly. "Who?"

She took a deep breath and stared at the ground so she wouldn't see his reaction. "The Knight-Captain."

She heard his intake in breath and he moved away a bit. When she looked up his back was to her. He sighed and shook his head before turning around and regarding her with his sky blue eyes. "And how do you feel about this?" He asked quietly, watching her.

"I-I don't know..." Marian sighed. "I trust Garrett to do the right thing. He has been taking care of me since we were children...but..." She closed her eyes briefly and when she opened them Sebastian was watching her. She saw his concern and also, a hint of anger in his endless eyes.

"But...?"

"But it is the Knight-Captain. And I don't even know him. And he is still a templar. What if he decides to change his mind and turn me in...or worse?"

Sebastian scratched his chin thoughtfully. He was silent for a few minutes and Marian started fidgeting again. "From what I have heard the Knight-Captain is a good man. Honorable. I do not think he would take his vows to you lightly. Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing for you." He smiled and walked toward her. "Perhaps this is simply the Maker guiding you down a new path, Marian. Whether you think it is the right one or not, the Maker knows what is best for all of us."

Marian sighed and shook her head. She gave the Brother a small smile. "Thank you, Brother Sebastian. If you will excuse me." She turned and walked toward the doors of the Chantry.

* * *

Marian thanked the ferryman as she got off the boat across the channel to the Gallows. She looked around nervously and adjusted the blue ribbon around her waist. It had been three days since her visit to Sebastian and after a lot of time to think, and a lot of drinking with Isabela, she had come up with a plan. The dress she wore was a light grey and one of the finer dresses her mother had made when they first moved into the Hightown estate. It had silver embroidery on the sleeves and the sigil of Amell embroidered across the breast. There was a slash in the side so that she could easily move and it showed off her fine legs as she walked. She smiled and brushed a small bit of dust off the form fitting dress and walked toward the Gallows courtyard.

She saw Cullen as she entered the courtyard and headed toward him. When Cullen's eyes found her in the courtyard his body stiffened and his eyes widened as he took in her dress. She watched as his amber eyes swept from her feet to her head and Isabela's instructions ran through her head. She smiled at him, putting on her most stunning smile that her mother always said lit her eyes up like stars on a quiet night.

"Hello, Knight-Captain." She said smoothly, beaming up at him.

"Marian." He replied in a hoarse whisper, his cheeks flushing slightly. She watched his tongue flick out to wet his lips as his eyes flicked down to her dress and back up to her eyes.

Isabela had said the man looked deprived.

"I was in the area, and I thought I would drop by and see how you were doing on this fine day."

"You were in the area?" Cullen looked over her shoulder and then back at her.

She smiled wider. "Well, yes. Occasionally, Garrett sends me to see what the merchants have in stock here. He always says the Gallows keeps the best weapons merchants."

He nodded. "Some would say that." His feet shifted as he looked at her. She let the silence draw out.

"I was wondering if I might ask you something? While I'm here." She watched him look past her for a second before his gaze returned to her. He looked unsettled. It only turned her smile gleeful.

"Of course." He nodded to her.

"Well, I have been thinking about...your arrangement with my brother..." She started and watched him grow more uncomfortable. "And I want to know why would you go along with it?" She stopped smiling and looked at him more sternly, "What do you hope to gain?" She asked coldly. She had wanted to throw him off balance. Isabela had told her that was the best way to get an honest answer out of him.

"G-gain?" He stuttered rubbing his hand at the back of his neck as his gaze darted around. He looked completely miserable and she almost felt bad for her devious plan. He took a deep breath, exhaled it and said quietly, "I don't hope to gain anything...I only want to protect you." His look was so heartfelt that she stopped breathing for a second.

She felt a small blush creep across her cheeks. "Oh." She looked at the ground, now the one feeling uncomfortable.

When she looked up the Knight-Captain wore a small smile. "I suppose I should be flattered that you think me capable of grander plans. I am afraid I leave that to your brother."

She smiled up at him. "That is probably for the best." Silence crept between them and she shifted her feet. She watched emotions and sentences unsaid run through his eyes.

Finally, he smiled at her. "Perhaps, while you are here you can help me?"

"With what?" She asked warily.

He shifted and his cheeks reddened. "Well...it is only that...I am meeting with the Knight-Commander later today..."

"To speak with her about...?" She blushed as well.

"Y-yes. I need to get her permission and the permission of the Grand Cleric to..."

Marian felt a laugh bubble up in her throat. "To get married?" She said blushing and looking up into the templar's amber eyes. Maker, if they couldn't even say the word what were they doing?

He swallowed and met her eyes before nodding. She saw the uncertainty in them. At least she knew she wasn't the only one worried about this course of action.

"It is just...I am afraid Meredith will think me rash since she has heard nothing of this...of you before today. I do not wish her to suspect there are other motivations behind my...marrying you."

"And you need me to do...what exactly?" Her heart was racing. What if the Knight-Commander did suspect? Would she send someone to investigate her Knight-Captain's bride-to-be? Panic was slowly rising through her blood.

"Well...if you were too..." His hand ran across the back of his neck and he looked decidedly over her head as he spoke, "show me some sign of affection...the news might travel back to her and she would not think too long on my motivation."

Marian stared at him a long while. He shifted once, but did not look at her. Finally, she spoke quietly, "Speaking like this is not enough?" She watched him glance at her for a second before looking beyond her again.

"It can be enough if you would like it to be."

She wondered at the hidden question in his words. Did she want it to be enough? She looked at the Knight-Captain. She saw what Isabela did, though maybe not in as much detail as the pirate. He was a handsome man. A man that would make many a woman burn with desire. Marian herself admitted she was attracted to him, but being attracted to a man did not mean she necessarily wanted to marry him on the spot. But perhaps it would make her life easier if she could forget for a moment that the man was a templar and focus on the kindness he had always shown her. That and his explicitly broad shoulders.

She gave him a small smile. "Will a kiss suffice, ser?" She asked sweetly.

He looked at her in surprise and then barely nodded his head. She moved closer to him and felt her nervousness rise. By the Maker the man was covered in plate. What if she were to trip and fall into him? She would likely break a bone on his armor alone. She sighed and tried to clamp down her wayward thoughts. She looked up at his lips. She had wondered what they would feel like. Now she could satisfy her curiosity.

She gave a small gasp of surprise when his hand reached around her hip and pulled her a bit closer. There was caution in his eyes as he closed the distance between them. She rested a hand on his breastplate at the same time his head moved down. She tilted her neck and met his lips with hers. His lips were soft and warm. At first she wondered if he would break the kiss quickly but his lips moved against hers and she responded. He deepened the kiss and his hand ran down her back making her shiver against him. Heat surged through her veins and her hand gripped his arm. She felt him pulling away and she moved her head trying to keep the kiss going a second longer, wanting more. As he pulled back she made a noise of disappointment and his eyes sparkled down at her in amusement.

A fire had started in her body and with his lips gone it died a little. She bit her lip and stared up at him. His eyes glanced at her lip and he smiled. He removed his hand from her back and stepped away. She let her hands fall from his armor.

Cullen cleared his throat. "Thank you. I-uh...think that should do the trick." He was smiling and she couldn't help from grinning back foolishly. She knew her cheeks were likely as red as his own and she wanted so badly to grab his armor and kiss him again.

"I suppose I will be hearing from you then?" Marian asked breathlessly.

Cullen nodded. "I will send word as soon as I know."

* * *

Cullen walked into the Knight-Commander's office after a short knock. She glanced up at him from her desk and nodded toward the chair opposite her. Cullen took the proffered seat and waited for her to finish writing.

Meredith looked up from her parchment and examined him with her hard eyes. She rustle through some papers and pulled one out, examining it. Glancing up at him again she pursed her lips. "You want to marry?"

He tried to remain calm under her stare and nodded. "Yes, Knight-Commander."

"This...Marian Hawke?" She put the parchment down. "Was this the woman from the courtyard earlier today?"

"Yes." Cullen thought back to the kiss and repressed a smile. He hadn't thought Marian would...respond so well. He had only hoped for a quick affectionate kiss. One that would show his templars that Marian and him were close, but he hadn't wanted to push her too far. Hawke had sent him a message only the other day saying that Marian would 'come around' to the idea of the marriage.

To be fair Cullen had spent the last several days contemplating when he had lost his mind. After agreeing to the marriage with Garrett he had walked out of the estate only to run into the very woman of discussion. When she had smiled at him, Cullen lost himself to the fantasy of what life would be like married to her. As he wound the ribbon around her waist, however, he realized how cruel it was of him to take her freedom in one way only to ensure it in another and he had felt disgusted with him.

Secretly, he had hoped she would end the engagement before it started. He knew he would go through with it, he would marry her and keep her safe. But Cullen was also keenly aware that he wanted more out of the marriage than to just protect her from his templars and he was also aware Marian did not. He wanted her. He wanted to be her husband and come home to her smiling at him the way she had smiled in the markets. He wanted to hold her in his arms at night and kiss her head in the morning when he left for the Gallows. Cullen wanted this, but he had thought she would never want that as well. After this afternoon, he wondered if she could come to care for him the way he did for her.

"Hmmm. Interesting." Meredith said calmly, still examining him from across the desk. "Hawke is the family that made their fortune in the Deep Roads recently...I have had quite a few reports on their...activities."

Cullen's heart started racing. What if she already suspected Marian of being an apostate? Then there would be nothing he could do. He wouldn't even have time to warn them.

"They bought the old Amell estate in Hightown, did they not?"

"They did." Cullen barely managed to say, his throat constricting with each passing moment. "Their mother is an Amell."

Meredith nodded and stayed quiet for a few moments. "How long have you been courting the girl?"

He swallowed, hating lying, even now. "A few months. A few months after her and her brother returned from the Deep Roads. They are the ones who helped us with the blood mage problem we had at the...Blooming Rose a while back."

"That is when you met?"

"Yes."

The Knight-Commander nodded. "You know that templars are often not allowed to marry if their Knight-Commander thinks it will interfere with their duties."

Cullen nodded solemnly, wondering what he would tell Hawke if Meredith denied his request. "I...understand that, Commander."

She opened a drawer in her desk and took out a folder. Meredith flipped through it as she spoke, "I requested you from Ferelden's Circle because I saw your potential, Ser Cullen. You were being held back and I set you free." She glanced up at him and back down at his file. "Your record in the Order has few marks, Knight-Captain. Save what happened in Ferelden, one would even say it is impeccable. I will give you one chance. Do you think this...Marian Hawke will affect your role in the Order?"

Cullen had scarcely breathed while the Knight-Commander spoke. It took him a moment to realize she had asked him a question. "Y-yes Knight-Commander...I mean...NO." He said slightly more forcefully then he wanted. Taking a breath to calm himself and feeling the heat rise in his cheeks he tried again. "What I mean to say is, no, Marian Hawke will not distract me from my duties to the templar order. As you say, her family is well-off and they have been gaining influence in Kirkwall since they arrived. I have heard from Marian that the Viscount often speaks with her brother. I can only see the templars benefitting from a union between their family and our order." He surprised himself with how easily the practiced speech had come out. The one Garrett had given him the day he agreed to the wedding.

Meredith seemed to consider this and finally she nodded slowly. "As you say Knight-Captain. Give me a few days to consider your request and we will speak again."

Cullen got up, knowing a dismissal when he heard it, and bid the Knight-Commander a good day.


	4. Chapter 4

"How did it go?" Isabela asked as Marian walked into the Hanged Man later that day.

"How did what go, Isabela?" Merrill asked from her perch next to the pirate.

"Not...as planned." Marian said, sitting down across the table from the two women.

"What didn't go as planned?" Aveline said, walking up to the table and sitting down next to Marian.

Marian smiled at the guard captain. "It's been awhile, hasn't it?"

"Don't avoid the question. I came here looking for you, Marian. I had a long talk with your brother today." Aveline gave her a hard look and she knew she couldn't wiggle out of this one.

"Well, man-pants can wait. I want to hear the details of what happened when you went to the Gallows today." Isabela toned in, smirking at Marian.

"You went to the Gallows?!" Aveline and Merrill exclaimed at the same time.

"What were you thinking, Marian?" Aveline asked sternly. She frowned at Marian and looked her over as if expecting to find some gaping wound in the mage.

"Both of you calm down." Marian said sighing. "I went to the Gallows to speak to Cullen."

"That does not calm me down," Aveline replied curtly.

Marian shook her head and smiled at the guard captain. "It's alright. Nothing happened." Isabela made a noise of disappointment. "Well...almost nothing." Marian smirked and her eyes glittered with mischief. "We kissed."

The table went in uproar. Isabela whooped and Merrill gasped. Aveline shouted something that Marian didn't hear. Then Isabela rounded on Aveline. "Just because you don't get any doesn't mean you get to ruin the rest of our fun."

"Fun? Don't you realize how dangerous this is?" Aveline shot back at the pirate. "I had to tell Hawke the same thing today. He thinks he can just buy people and that everyone he looks at will do what he wants. He's playing with his sister's life!" The table went quiet.

Marian's smile vanished. She turned to the guard captain and Aveline looked at her. Beneath the anger Marian saw the worry in her friend's eyes. She gave her a small smile. "My life's always been dangerous, Aveline."

"Marian, not like this."

"You were married to a templar, man-hands. Shouldn't you be the first one jumping on this boat?" Isabela inclined, calling over Norah to take their drink order.

"That was different. Templars aren't a danger to me. They are no more dangerous to me than any other idiot with a sword. But to Marian..."

"I know. Believe me, Aveline I know." Marian said, shaking her head. "And two days ago I would have been just as angry as you. Two days ago I wanted nothing to do with the man..."

"And then you kissed." Merrill said, smiling sweetly at the dark-haired mage.

Marian smiled shyly. "It was...incredible." She heard Aveline groan. "The way he looked at me and made me feel. It's like nothing I've ever--"

"One kiss does not make this a good idea!" Aveline growled.

"Mmmm...but if it was a good kiss. Oh, that could mean good things. Such good things, cupcake." Isabela purred.

Marian smiled and took one of the drinks Norah deposited on the table.

"To good things?" Isabela asked raising her tankard and grinning.

Marian laughed and heard Aveline grumble under her breath. "To many good things." She said and took a drink.

* * *

It was two weeks later that Meredith called him into her office. It had been a rough few weeks and he had only had time to write to Hawke and tell him that Meredith was thinking about his request. He wished he had been given time to visit the estate and talk to Marian. After that day in the Gallows courtyard, he had difficulty concentrating on his tasks for several days as his mind wandered back to her and her smile, and the redness of her lips, and the way the dress hung on her hips...

"Knight-Commander." He said walking into the office and going toward the chair she indicated.

"Tell me Knight-Captain..." Meredith began giving him an intense stare as he sat down, "this marriage with Miss Hawke, how does her brother feel about it?"

He started "Hawke? We...well Marian assures me he will be happy for her. I did not wish to speak to him about it until I knew." Cullen hoped she took his nervousness for the truth. Why was the Knight-Commander asking him about Garrett? The man should not factor into her decision at all.

"Hmmm. I see." Meredith rubbed her chin thoughtfully for a moment, eyeing Cullen. "When you marry the Hawke girl...where do you intend for her to reside? You know we do not allow wives to stay at the Gallows."

His heart stopped and then began beating wildly. She had said 'when you marry' not if, but when. He felt so elated he almost forgot to answer her question. When Meredith began to lift an eyebrow in expectance he hurried on. "I expect Marian will continue to live with her brother...at the estate. And that I will visit when I am given leave."

The Knight-Commander frowned. "No. That will not do." His face fell and she looked down at her desk. Meredith flipped through some of her papers and then through one of the drawers until she pulled out a piece of parchment. "I will not have the Knight-Captain marrying a woman who continues to live with her brother." Meredith took a quill and wrote something on the bottom of the parchment and then sanded it. "You remember the house by the docks? The one you cleaned out last week. With the blood mages." Cullen nodded, not seeing where she was going. "The Chantry has taken possession of the house with the intention of selling it." She looked up at him sharply. He stared at her blankly.

"Consider this your wedding gift, Knight-Captain." Meredith finally said handing him the paper. "I suspect your bride-to-be will be more willing to take a man of the Order who has property to his name."

Cullen stared at the signed paper transferring ownership of the house to him. He looked up at Meredith. She wasn't smiling, only watching him.

"T-Thank you Knight-Commander." Cullen said breathlessly, his hands sweating as they held the paper. Him? A house owner? She nodded, watching him.

* * *

Marian sat by the fire, reading. It was one of those odd days were she felt the desire to stay indoors and not do anything. Garrett was off doing errands and her mother had gone to visit with some nobles. Leandra had invited her, but she had declined. Today was not a day she wanted to be dressed up and sit on awkward chairs and listen to pointless chatter. Today she wanted to immerse herself in a book and travel to another land to have adventures.

She smiled as she flipped through the pages, engrossed in the story.

A small cough startled her and she looked up to see Cullen standing in the doorway to the sitting room. Her eyes drank in the sight of him. He gave her a small smile and shifted, not wearing his heavy templar armor. He was clothed in a simple tunic and pants. At first she wondered if she had fallen asleep while reading. This wouldn't be the first dream the Knight-Captain had invaded in the last couple weeks. She had been slightly cross that he hadn't wrote to her, but she heard the templars had been busy taking down a group of blood mages by the docks. She didn't feel sorry for the mages that used the Maker's talent to hurt others. She could never do that.

"Knight-Captain?" She asked, putting down her book and rising from her chair to face him.

"For the moment, I am not." He said stepping into the room and smiling warmly at her. He glanced around. "I was hoping to speak with your brother. Is he here?"

Marian frowned and shook her head. "He went out. But he should be back shortly."

Cullen nodded and looked at her. His smile making her feel light-headed. She stepped closer to him unconsciously and looked up at him, grinning wide. "So...?"

His finger came up to brush her cheek and she jumped back. He frowned and straightened. "I apologize." He said stiffly, his cheeks red and his eyes darting everywhere, but at her.

She tried to calm her racing heart as she called herself an idiot in her head. She hadn't meant to react in such a way, he had merely surprised her.

Biting her lip and looking down she tried to think of something they could talk about in the ever growing awkward silence. "Um...so did the Knight-Commander ever get back to you? Garrett said that she was giving you a hard time."

"Ah...yes she did. She approved the...marriage." His eyes glanced at hers before darting away.

"Oh...that's...good." She said as she fidgeted with her red dress.

"Yes."

Silence stretched between them.

Finally, Cullen turned to her. "Listen Marian." He wet his lips and her eyes flickered to his soft lips. "I just want you to know that...this marriage..." He blushed and glanced toward the fireplace. "I hope you know that I don't...expect...anything. I know that this isn't ideal for you and I don't want you to think that I would ever...ask something of you that you didn't want to give." He didn't look at her as his face flushed.

She swallowed and nodded, then realized he likely hadn't seen it. "I-I know." She whispered. She looked up at him. By the Maker he looked adorable. He was clearly flustered about this and she hadn't made it easy, had she? But the last few weeks had left her wanting. She wondered what he was like as a man, as a husband. The longer she thought about it the more she was curious as to how her life would change with him in it. She smiled softly and closed the distance between them. She reached up and put her hand on his cheek.

He started and turned to stare down at her. His eyes were wary and she stroked his jaw softly. They warmed under her gaze and a small smile tugged at his mouth. His head tilted toward her and she tipped her head back wanting him to close the distance.

"Marian." He whispered. His voice was warm and his breath swirled against her lips making her shiver. Her eyes hooded closed. She waited and felt his hand reach around her and pull her hips toward him. As his lips brushed hers softly she pushed up against them, wanting more. Wanting the fire he had caused last time. Cullen made a rumbling noise in his chest and pulled her closer. Her body pressed against his and the warmth of it overtook her senses. She could smell the leather and warm oil scent on him and her hand slipped behind his head and curled through the soft blonde hair on the nape of his neck.

His hand traveled up from her hip to her back and he stroked it softly. His lips opened and his tongue flicked against her lips. She gasped and he pulled her closer and gently nipped at her bottom lip. A soft moan escaped her as heat pulsed through her body.

"Marian." Garrett said sternly from the doorway. The two of them sprang apart as if hit with lightning and Marian stared at Cullen's shocked face. She turned to see Garrett regarding them both with dark eyes. She could see the fury in them, hidden beneath layers of self-control.

Garrett cleared his throat and turned to look at Cullen. "Knight-Captain."

Cullen's face was almost as red as her dress and he couldn't look her brother in the eye. Instead, he watched a small spot on the rug and nodded to Garrett. "H-Hawke." He said hoarsely.

"Will you join me in my study?" Garrett said coldly and walked out of the room.

Cullen nodded and glanced at Marian before following. 

* * *

Garrett settled himself in his chair angrily. He gave Cullen a hard stare as the templar shifted and sat in the chair opposite him.

Hawke had always prided himself on knowing what a man was thinking and he could tell Cullen was thinking he would be lucky to get out of here alive. It wasn't a far off guess either. Garrett leaned back in his chair and let the silence stretch. Silence was his weapon. It made men anxious. It made them say things they ought not to.

Malcolm Hawke had always told Garrett that his greatest weapon was his way with people. Of course, his father had said it while biting his cheek, but Garrett knew it was the truth. Since he had been a boy he had known how to get his way with people. It was his own sort of magic. He had always used his talent to protect his sisters and father from the templars. Now he used it to make his sister marry one. Maker, how his life had changed.

When the people of Lothering had started murmuring that the Hawke family was 'odd' Garrett had joined the templars. His father hadn't been happy, but Garrett assured him he would be able to change the town's mind.

And he had. He knew his father suspected he had ulterior motives for joining the templars. That had been true as well. Hawke had relished the training. He had enjoyed the discipline and strength he found. He had enjoyed the power he had as a templar. The feeling he had, knowing that he could protect his family not only from the templars, but from themselves as well.

But he had failed, hadn't he? His father had died, and then his sister. Then his brother was taken by the Blight and left with Wardens and now his twin was in danger of the templars. The Hawke family had long since been forsaken by the Maker.

He looked at the templar captain sitting across from him. The man couldn't meet his eyes and instead stared at the desk in front of Hawke. Garrett had heard months ago, from one of his contacts in the Gallows, that the Knight-Captain had his eye on Marian. At first he had been furious, thinking the man was waiting for Marian to step out of line so he could bring her into the Gallows in good conscience. As the months had worn on, Garrett suspected the man's feelings ran deeper than protecting citizens of Kirkwall from the menace of a rogue apostate. When the rumors of a Hawke apostate had started, Garrett knew he was going to need bigger allies than the back-alley lackeys he currently had.

"I assume, by your actions earlier, that the Knight-Commander has given you an answer?" Garrett finally asked.

Cullen started and glanced up at Hawke before returning his gaze to the desk. "Yes. The Knight-Commander has approved my request...and..." He glanced up again and Garrett raised an eyebrow, "she has also given me a house. By the docks. So that I may take Marian with me and live there...once we are married." The Knight-Captain swallowed.

Garrett kept his face calm. A house? Why would the Knight-Commander give Cullen a house? "There is a reason Marian cannot stay here?" Garrett asked softly, his voice cold.

The Knight-Captain picked his head up and looked up at Garrett with curiosity. "She will be my wife, Hawke. Surely you realize she cannot stay here forever?"

"Your wife? How interestingly you say such a word, Knight-Captain. And tell me, what do you think of my sister? As a woman."

Cullen blushed. "I...apologize for the scene that you saw, Hawke. It was not my intention. I...you should know Hawke, that I have the highest regard for your sister."

He nodded slowly. "I can see that." Cullen blushed deeper and Garrett fixed him with a stare. "You are to marry my sister. I know that a _lesser_ man might use that to his advantage.” Cullen opened his mouth to speak, but Garrett cut him off, “I expect that what I saw will not happen again.”

“H-Hawke, we will be married. You can't possibly tell me your sister can not decide for herself...”

He glared at the man, daring to press this matter. “Should my sister decide you are the right man for her...that will happen when you are married. Not a day before it, understood?” Cullen nodded. “You should know...if you hurt my sister in any way the Maker himself will not be able to save you."

"I would never hurt Marian."

"Make sure that you don't...And don't tell her about this house you now have. Not until after the wedding." He didn't want to deal with another angry tirade from her.

When the Knight-Captain left, Garrett stared at the door in thought. He was always able to predict a man's actions. He had known the templar had feelings for his sister and that he could use those feelings to get his way. He had expected the man to jump at the chance to marry her. Everything had been going according to plan. Garrett frowned into the growing darkness. But things were getting complicated now. And he needed to control the situation. Garrett hadn't anticipated his sister reaction. He had expected her to be more angry. To stay angry. He had expected her marriage to the Knight-Captain to be purely 'political'. Now he knew it would be anything but. And he wasn't prepared for that. He wasn't prepared to let his sister go the way he had let everyone else go. His twin was the one person he didn't know how to predict.


	5. Chapter 5

It was two months before the wedding was planned and ready. When Leandra was finally able to drag Marian indoors long enough to begin planning the wedding, Marian had insisted it be small. Small, she had said with emphasis to her mother's deaf ears. Leandra had grudgingly been planning a smaller wedding, larger than Marian wanted, but small in comparison. Everything had been going smoothly until the Knight-Commander decided to ask Cullen about the wedding plans.

After that the wedding was pushed back. The Knight-Commander had then INSISTED that the wedding be worthy, **worthy** was the word that Maker forsaken, irritating, woman used! Worthy of the Knight-Captain of the templars of Kirkwall. The small wedding was forgotten and a larger, grander, and more humiliating wedding began preparation.

Marian had been so angry that she had stormed out of the house and gone to the Wounded Coast, spending five days wandering and killing bandits. She was furious that her wishes had been completely disregarded because of some templar! That the templar woman could still control even a fraction of her life made Marian's spells almost uncontrollable in anger. Garrett had gone after her a few days later with Fenris and Aveline to calm her down and bring her home. Still angry about the Knight-Commander's _proclamation_ _,_ Marian had then busied herself in Anders' clinic, helping him with patients so that she could stay as far away as possible from the wedding plans.

Anders was quiet most of the time she was in the clinic, always shooting her glances and attempting to convince her to call off the wedding when they did speak. Between him and her mother sighing every time she came home late and saying it was impossible to plan a wedding without the bride's involvement, Marian was ready to get the wedding over and done with.

There were a few brutal days where Garrett had to forcibly keep her inside so she could be measured and fitted for a dress. Then there was the incredibly awkward dinner with Cullen a few weeks before the wedding. Marian had come home late from working in the clinic and walked in on her family halfway through dinner with the templar. She had been forced to sit there and make pitiful small talk before rushing to her room to bathe. The few times she did made eye contact with the templar she hadn't been able to stop herself from smiling as she watched the corner of his lips twitch.

The man infuriated her. She didn't understand it. Some days she couldn't stop thinking about him and other days she wanted to punch him for making her feel this way. She barely knew him and yet most of her dreams involved him. The man drew her toward him like a magnet and she wished that they were given a few moments alone. But that was not proper and both her mother and brother made sure thatdidn't happen.

She was almost positive Garrett had told her mother about that day in the sitting room, and now there was no chance to speak to the man about it.

As for the dreams that included the templar. Most of them were not something she would talk to her mother about, or anyone for that matter. It didn't stop her mind from occasionally drifting back to them throughout the day. Whenever it happened, Marian would blush furiously and try to busy herself doing something while her body began to ache in response. Isabela always laughed knowingly, while if it happened in Anders' clinic he would ask her if she was getting a fever.

Marian sighed as she pushed open the estate door the night before her wedding. She had been feeling nervous all day and had gone to Anders' clinic earlier that morning. However, after the first few minutes there Anders had taken her aside and told her she couldn't marry Cullen the next day.

"You just can't, Marian. Don't you understand? It's not right. He's abusing his power, don't you see that?" Anders pleaded with her.

Marian sighed. "Anders, we've been over this a thousand times. I have to marry Cullen. It's the only way to make sure the templars don't come after me. How long do you think it would take before they suspected me of being a mage? Well, not long, I'll tell you that."

"You **are** a mage, Marian! Now is the time to come to terms with that, not become some pet to the templars!" Anders' eyes flashed blue for a second before he shook his head, "You could do so much to help the mages here. But instead you sit in your Hightown estate and pretend that the rules don't apply to you because you're special! Because you have a brother that will protect you! Well guess what? Most mages aren't so lucky!"

Marian stared at him, her mouth slightly agape. "Anders?" Her throat caught. Where was this coming from? She had been helping the Warden for months in his clinic. She helped get rid of cutpurses and bandits whenever they found out about a new gang. She had considered the man her friend. She was always trying to do the right thing. To do what her brother would never do without payment.

Anders glared at her. "I don't know why I even waste my breath. You're spoiled. You wouldn't last five minutes in the Circle." He turned from her and she felt as if he had struck her. She pushed the tears from her eyes and fled Darktown.

She had spent the rest of the day wandering around Lowtown, walking through the alienage and the markets and even past Gamlen's house. She thought on what Anders had said and wondered when he had started to resent her. Maybe the day he found out about the marriage. Maybe earlier.

When she finally returned to Hightown, she walked through the foyer and into the sitting room.

"Well there she is!" Marian looked up to see Isabela, Aveline, and Merrill standing in the sitting room.

"We've been waiting for you, Marian. We're supposed to take you out!" Merrill piped in excitedly.

Marian stared at all of them. "Not tonight." She said quietly and headed for the stairs. She didn't feel like drinking and playing cards tonight. Not with the wedding tomorrow and with what Anders had said weighing heavily on her mind.

"Not going to work this time." Aveline said taking her arm and turning her around towards the door to the estate. "It's the night before your wedding, and some traditions still stand."

Isabela laughed, "And to think, I almost didn't invite you, big girl."

"I would have found out anyway. You think I would let you be in charge of Marian's bachelorette party, whore?"

"Party?" Marian asked weakly, being ushered out the door by Aveline.

"Yes! Isn't it exciting? We don't have parties before weddings in the Dalish...I mean we have the wedding, which is kinda like a party...but we don't have pre-wedding parties...pre-party parties?"

"Shh, kitten." Isabela cooed, stroking Merrill's hair as they walked through dark Hightown.

"Where are we going?" Marian asked.

"Oh, right! Knew we were forgetting something." Isabela exclaimed and brought out a red scarf. "For your eyes, cupcake." She wrapped the scarf around Marian's head so she couldn't see anything.

* * *

"I... _hic_...have a confession to make." Marian said looking out at the water of the harbor from atop the Viscount's Keep.

Isabela laughed softly, scooting closer to Marian. "And what would that be, cupcake?"

Marian blushed and smiled shyly. "I...have never..." She took another drink and looked down at Hightown far below them and finished quietly, "been with a man."

She heard a small gasp and Isabela spit out her drink. She turned to see Aveline looking at her strangely and Merrill openly gaping at her. Isabela took a long drink before speaking. "How have I not heard this before? We have talked about men many, **many** times Marian and you are telling me you have never been with anyone?" Marian nodded.

“It's not that easy when you're an apostate with an overbearing brother. I never had the...opportunity.”

"Then...is Cullen going to be your first?" Merrill asked shyly.

Aveline groaned. "Marian. Had I known..."

Marian surprised herself by laughing. She laughed until she was crying, rolling into a ball on the top of the roof and laughing hysterically. As she calmed down she wiped tears out of her eyes and glanced at her friends. They were all looking at her and Isabela had a small smile that lit up her eyes.

"So...going to give me some advice?" Marian asked with a grin.

"Maker, will I!" Isabela exclaimed and scooted even closer to Marian putting her arm around the mage. "We have things to discuss about your new husband, cupcake."

* * *

Marian woke up with a groan. There was a loud knock on her door followed by it being pushed rudely opened.

"Wake up, sister. You'd be late to your own wedding if we let you." Carver came into the room with a huge grin on his face.

Marian smirked as she sat up and rolled out of bed. She stumbled over to her younger brother and threw her arms around the Grey Warden. He laughed and picked her up, setting her straight.

"When did you get here? You got my letter?" Marian was smiling and put her hands up to her head trying to concentrate on casting a healing spell. She managed to take the edge off the migraine, but her head still pounded.

"I got here early this morning. And no sister, I didn't get your letter. I just decided to come visit Kirkwall and arrived conveniently on your wedding day." He grinned down at her and she smacked his arm playfully.

"You look good, Carver." She said truthfully, smiling up at him and trying to push the pain in her head aside. Carver looked like he had gained several pounds of pure muscle, most likely from practicing combat with the Grey Wardens. He also looked happier than Marian had ever seen him. Her head pounded and she wondered if she would have time to visit Anders before the wedding, then her heart ached as she remembered his words from the day before.

Carver laughed and there was a small knock at the door. Marian turned as her mother entered the room. "Carver." Leandra said, smiling at her younger son. She hugged him warmly and turned to her daughter. "So. Are you ready?"

Marian's heart raced and she felt the smile slide from her face.

Carver chuckled at her expression. "Cheer up sister. It's not like you're marrying a templar...oh wait." He shook his head and his smile faltered. "Maker, what is Garrett thinking?"

"He is doing what is best, Carver," Leandra said calmly. She looked at her daughter. "Now come on. It is time to get you ready."

* * *

A hush filled the Chantry and Garrett turned just as his mother reached him, beaming for the first time in years. Her cheeks were tinged pink and she smiled at her sons as she came to stand beside them. He waited with baited breath. He didn't like when things didn't go the way they were planned. And this wedding was anything but simple. He glanced at the wall of templars on the other side of the aisle from him. Cullen's templars. He tightened his jaw in anger.

The doors to the Chantry opened and Marian and Cullen walked through them, her hand resting lightly on his arm. Marian wore a light colored dress, he wasn't an expert on color but assumed it would be called off-white, with a blue ribbon wrapped securely around her waist. Her dark hair had two small braids that ran across each side of her head and joined to flow down her back with the rest of her loose hair. The plaited hair had small white flowers delicately entwined throughout.

The Knight-Captain wore a tunic of Chantry red with gold inlay. The symbol of the templars wasembroidered on his chest, just in case his bride forgot who she was marrying. His trousers were black with gold trim up the side. Meredith appeared to have deeper pockets than Garrett would have suspected. Interesting that the woman in question wouldn't even show up to her Knight-Captain's wedding. His contacts told him she suspected an assassination attempt if she came out of the Gallows. He sighed internally. That would only get worse. He had that feeling in his pit that told him one day he and the Knight-Commander were going to come to heads. It was the same feeling he had when he first heard about the Blight while training to become a templar. He had known the Blight was serious and knew he couldn't sit in Lothering while it raged only days away from their home. So he had left and joined the army. He would have taken the punishment for desertion had he prevailed. Most likely, it would have been a slap on the wrist. He had been far too valuable to the Chantry and had been their most promising recruit. They wouldn't have let him go so easily.

Garrett mentally shook himself out of his reverie and watched his sister and her groom ascend the steps to the Chantry and kneel in front of the Grand Cleric. The Grand Cleric thanked the people for assembling to witness the joining of Marian Hawke and the Knight-Captain. Garrett almost smiled. By the Maker, the Knight-Commander was doing an excellent job of reminding everyone that the Hawke family was marrying into the templar order. If the Grand Cleric didn't even use the man's name in the ceremony it would only be because Meredith told her not to. And Meredith arranging for Cullen to take Marian away from him, he ground his teeth. The woman was doing everything in her power to curb the rising power of the Hawkes...and he wouldn't have it.

He had spent all his time in Kirkwall building a base for himself. Knowing that the only way to keep himself in this city of scoundrels was to beat them at their own game. From the moment they got off the boat, he had spoken to guards, let them know he was capable, but none of them were hiring recruits. Then he had helped save the guard from other refugees and they had found Gamlen. Only to learn he had to indenture himself to get his family through the city. That year he had done everything to keep Marian and Carver safe. To make sure she kept her head low and did the job even if it wasn't agreeable. Mercenaries were better than smugglers. At least their work was sometimes legal. A year later he heard about Bartrand's trip and knew it would get him riches. Knew it was the only hope he had of reclaiming his family's lost title and buying safety for Marian. For the past year since he had been out of the Deep Roads,  Garrett had made deals, bought spies, worked closely with Varric and his work with the Merchant's Guild. Even if he couldn't actually join because he wasn't a dwarf, Garrett was in the know. He had contacts. He had people in Hightown. He bought everyone to keep Marian safe. And that had all blown up in his face. He watched the two kneeling in front of Elthina. Marian had her head bent, but glanced at Cullen. She was worried. Garrett was growing influence by the buckets. He had helped the Viscount. He had helped the Chantry. He had half of Kirkwall owing him favors. And it seemed the Knight Commander had finally caught on. She would take his sister from him. And by putting her in a templar house she would think she had him. But she didn't know that her Knight-Captain was _his_ man, not hers.

The Grand Cleric began with the story of Andraste and her wedding to the Maker and how marriage was important to the Maker and his bride. She explained that the joining of two people in marriage was them affirming their belief in the Maker's guidance in their life. Garrett shifted from foot to foot,waiting for the ceremony to be over. Finally, the Grand Cleric blessed them and bid them rise with rings. Cullen took the rings from around his neck where they hung on a chain and gave them to Elthina. The woman smiled at him and blessed the rings and bid the Maker to watch as these two people gave themselves to each other. Then she gave Cullen one ring.

The Knight-Captain took Marian's hand. Garrett saw her wet her lips in nervousness and could almost see her slight form shaking. He slipped the ring on her finger and bent to kiss her knuckles. When he rose there was a small smile on the blasted man's face. Garrett dearly wished he could wipe it off for him. Marian's lips twitched and the Grand Cleric handed her the second ring. Marian took Cullen's hand and...did she just rub his palm? Garrett ground his teeth as his sister slipped the ring on the templar's finger and bent to kiss his knuckles. When she rose, the Grand Cleric announced them married in the eyes of the Maker and they turned to walk down the aisle. There was an exclamation of noise and Garrett heard a wolf-whistle, likely Isabela. He watched with hard eyes as the templar walked past them with his twin. _At least she's safe,_ he thought... _for now._

* * *

They were ushered into a small room in the corridor of the Chantry to wait for their guests to file outside into the courtyard for the light reception. Marian's hands were white and she could barely breathe. How she had managed to walk down that aisle without tripping was a miracle performed by the Maker himself. Perhaps that alone was reason to believe he had graced their wedding. She glanced at Cullen. He was looking at the ground, his face still.

He glanced up at her, and his eyes looked uncertain. Like if he moved she might bolt. Worried, but beneath it was a warmth she had seen when he had put on her ring. Her ring. She stared down at the silver band as if it might explain what had just happened. She looked up when she heard a movement and Cullen was beside her. She just stared, dazed at this man, this...templar, who was now her husband.

Cullen gently took her ring hand and put it up to his lips. They were soft and she watched as he kissed each knuckle slowly. His fingers made soothing motions on her palm and his other hand came up to wrap around her waist. She felt blank. Surely she should have some response to this? Something witty to say to put herself at ease? Instead, she just felt her mind stay blank while her body warmed under his palm.

He pulled her closer to him and dipped his head, his face a bare inch from hers. He seemed to hesitate and then spoke quietly, his breath teasing her lips. "Tell me to stop, Marian. Tell me you do not want me the way I want you and I will never ask this of you." His husky voice sent shivers down her spin.

"Don't stop." She whimpered.

She saw a small smile and then his lips were on hers. The restraint he might have had at the Gallows and in the sitting room was gone. His hands wound around her, pulling her against him. One hand grasped her firmly while the other snaked into her hair to tilt her head, giving him better access to her lips. She made a small noise at the heat rushing through her body and he made a low growl in the back of his throat, the sound making his lips hum against hers. He deepened the kiss and pushed open her mouth with his lips. She gasped when she felt his tongue sweep into her mouth and he held her tighter as if expecting her to resist or try to push him off. He kissed her like a man starved for months or without water, as if she was the only thing in that room or his world.

The door opened and Cullen broke the kiss, pulling slightly away from her, but not jumping away as he had at the estate. _Because you're his wife now_ a small voice in her head whispered and her heart raced at the thought.

"Your guests are ready for you." A Chantry sister said politely from the door.

Cullen nodded and looked down at Marian. He smiled, the warmth in his amber eyes taking her breath away. He bent to give her a light kiss and stepped back taking her hand and leading her out the door toward their reception.


	6. Chapter 6

"Now really, brother. Be serious. What are the Wardens really like?" Marian asked, smiling at her younger brother seated next to her. They had finished dinner and she was now trying to get her brother to talk about his adventures in Ferelden with the great Hero of Ferelden. He was so far avoiding answering any of her questions. Deflecting all with humor she hadn't seen before. Maybe life with the Grey Wardens had given her brother a new sense of humor. Maker knows he could use it.

He laughed. "I'm telling you sister. The Warden Commander is ten-feet tall with a beard going down to his knees. And they say he has lovers across all of Thedas. He's a hard man, but always has a joke to tell. Truthfully, Varric would love him."

Marian smacked her brother lightly, "That's not even slightly what I've heard considering **she** is a dwarf by all accounts."

“All the more reason for Varric to love her.” Carver winked and took a drink.

Marian chuckled and glanced around to see Varric and Isabela playing cards with a group of templars, Isabela looked like she was winning. Garrett was talking to a group of nobles that had shown up and her mother was standing there nodding and smiling. The wedding hadn't been a complete disaster then.

Her eyes turned to the dancers on the floor, they looked to be enjoying themselves. She smiled and swayed with the music.

"Marian." She turned to see Cullen looking at her, the edges of his mouth tilted slightly and his amber eyes filled with warmth. She wondered how long he had been watching her and she felt warmed by the thought. He held out his hand to her and rose from his chair. "Would you care to dance with me?"

She heard Carver laugh and gave him a scolding look before smiling up at her new husband and taking his hand. "Of course." While they had spoken only a little during dinner, mostly over what kind of foods they preferred, Marian hadn't been able to wipe the smile off her face when they did. Cullen, like her, preferred hearty Ferelden meals and was occasionally tired of the same old Kirkwall food served in the Gallows. She wondered if perhaps she could get a few recipes for old Ferelden classics to make. Maybe he would enjoy them.

They made their way to the small dance floor and fell into an easy step. Cullen put one arm around her waist while the other held her hand. She couldn't keep from grinning at him. As they began to move Marian tried desperately to remember all the dancing lessons her mother had given her and Bethany. They had seemed silly, really when they were a pair of farm girls living in Lothering, but perhaps Leandra had always hoped her daughters might marry well. It would have been pure fantasy given that they were both mages, but Marian felt her heart pinch at the thought of how happy Bethany would have been to see her get married.

Cullen leaned in and whispered next to her ear, "I have a surprise for you."

Marian's heart raced and all thoughts of her sister left as she grinned and felt heat swell in her body. "A surprise?" She managed, trying to keep her voice light though knowing it came out more strangled.

Cullen laughed. It was a glorious thing, a rumble in his chest that reverberated through her as they danced and made her giddy with happiness. "Yes, a surprise. Though, I have to show you. And I had to promise your brother it wouldn't be until after the reception." His eyes twinkled down at her. "Perhaps we could put that blue ribbon to use while we are at it."

Her face flushed and Marian's eyes grew twice as large. Cullen chuckled and gave her a light kiss on the lips. "But that's for later." He whispered and her dress was far too tight. And when had the air gotten so thick and hard to breathe in?

Cullen's hand was moving slowly from her waist around her back when the world fell apart.

There was a loud explosion past the Chantry courtyard. Cullen's hands reacted. Pulling her to him and putting his body between hers and the explosion. Shock ran through Marian. The magic from the explosion ran through her veins making her well aware that someone had performed a powerful spell and not very far away. Cullen was tense as he held her and she could feel him on high alert as his eyes scanned the courtyard quickly. Every templar that had been in the area would be searching for the culprit. And there had been plenty of templars at her wedding.

Marian's ears rang in the aftermath and she watched as people were getting up and running. Cullen moved, pulling back from her, his eyes scanning.

"Are you hurt?" He asked. His voice was curt and authoritative. She shook her head, still dazed.

"Knight-Captain?" Two templars were beside them.

"Sweep the courtyard. Don't go far. If you see suspects don't pursue. Get me two men to escort Hawke and their guests home safely." Cullen let her go reluctantly, his eyes still looking worriedly at her. But then Garrett and Carver were there as well as several others. Her mother was asking in a small voice about what had happened.

"Are you hurt?" Carver asked, touching his sister's arm gently.

Marian turned to him and shook her head. "What happened?" She asked, quietly looking around the courtyard and watching as her guests were ushered out by the many templars that had been there.

Carver shook his head. "I don't know. But something tells me it involves magic." Marian looked into her younger brother's eyes and nodded very slightly. She saw him look around worriedly.

Cullen was giving his men orders in a low voice. One of them handed him a sword which he strapped on.

The Knight-Captain turned back to them and she noticed several of her other companions were standing around her, including Varric and Isabela, both looking far more serious than they had just moments before. Cullen nodded to Garrett. "There is trouble. My men will take you home." Garrett stared at the templar and Marian could almost see the invisible battle of wills. Garrett would never allow men to escort him home. He would fight through armies himself, bare-handed if he had to.

Cullen's eyes darted to Marian and Garrett finally shrugged. The templar nodded to his men and with one final glance at Marian left the courtyard.

"Come on." Garrett growled leading the large group out of the Chantry courtyard. Marian gave one final glance at what had been her wedding reception and vaguely wondered who had decided it was a good time to make explosions.

* * *

Marian stared at her glass. _Glass_. Her mother had tried to make the wedding such a big occasion. She never drank alcohol out of a glass. There had indeed been a few nobles there if Marian remembered correctly. She also remembered her mother saying that morning while drawing a comb through her hair that this wedding would finally put the Hawke family on the map. That perhaps nobles would start taking them seriously now.

Marian snorted into her glass as she drank from it. Was this her fifth, sixth, twelfth glass? She had lost count. Varric and Isabela had been able to sneak back to the courtyard, past the templars standing guard, and somehow managed to bring back the liquor and some of the food, including her wedding cake. Marian looked over at the mass of red and gold that was half eaten, half destroyed by the rowdygroup.

She doubted any noble would be taking the Hawke family serious any day soon. Her wedding had been _disrupted_. That was the nice word. She had others that weren't so nice for the people that had done the disrupting.

Her mind wandered to the news they had heard briefly. That there had been apostates. That they had made some commotion and the templars were pursuing. It was a rich joke that an apostate's wedding to the Knight-Captain was interrupted by those of her kind. She wondered vaguely if Anders had planned this or if he was involved. Perhaps to get back at her for marrying a templar. She sighed and prayed that he was safe, even if his words had been harsh.

"What's up, cupcake?" Isabela asked plopping into the chair next to her.

Marian looked up at the pirate and shrugged. "Not what I expected, I suppose."

Isabela laughed. "It never does work out that way, sweet thing."

The dark-haired mage shook her head. "No. I mean." She gestured around wildly, "I'm an apostate, Isabela."

The pirate smirked, "You are? Well, I wish you had told me earlier. Probably wasn't the best idea to let you marry that dashing templar now was it?"

"That's the point! I'm an apostate...and right now, Cullen...the Knight-Captain. He's out there hunting apostates. He's out there hunting people...just like me!" Her eyes were wide and for the first time she realized just how bad of an idea this had been.

For a second Isabela's eyes held sadness in them before she put on a wider smile. "You'll be fine, cupcake. He's _your_ templar remember? Besides, they probably won't catch the apostates anyway. From everything we know about the templars in Kirkwall, they aren't very good at their job."

Marian sighed and nodded and went back to drinking.

* * *

Marian was into her umpteenth glass by the time Aveline walked in. The guard captain had left after the explosion to evacuate the area and do damage control. Her reports were the only thing they had on the situation.

The guard captain came in and took Garrett aside to speak to him in a low whisper. Marian watched her brother's face darken and he nodded curtly as Aveline finished.

Marian got up and walked over to them, unsteadily. She was tired of always being left in the dark by her brother. "What happened?" She asked, louder than anticipated.

Garrett looked at her. His dark eyes void of any expression, but she could see the burning anger beneath them. She was always able to see the emotions her twin hid from the rest of the world.

"Nothing," Garrett said coldly. Aveline glanced at him.

"She has a right to know." The guard captain frowned at the warrior.

"Tell me." Marian heard footsteps behind her as she spoke and Carver came to stand by her side.

Her twin shook his head, but Aveline spoke. "The templars caught the apostates that caused the disturbance in the market..."

"Stop." Garrett growled.

"I want to know!" Marian shouted at her brother. She looked at Aveline, pleading with her eyes. The guard captain paused and Marian asked in a mere whisper, “Was Anders there?”

The guard captain shook her head. "We can thank the Maker for small miracles, I guess. There were four of them. We believe they were part of some underground mage resistance. Maybe the explosion was meant to be in the Chantry, or to scare the templars at your wedding. The templars caught up to them in Darktown and they refused to go with them to the Gallows...and the templars attacked...None survived."

The room felt very cold and Marian hadn't realized she swayed until Carver's hands steadied her. Her throat was dry and the room was spinning. Her brother's hands tightened on her to keep her up.

"Marian?" Aveline asked concerned.

"And you wondered why I might keep this from her." Garrett growled savagely at the guard captain. He took a step toward the woman. "Next time don't question my judgment." He turned and Marian watched his hard face. Her mind was blank for the second time that day. She felt cold and sick. She thought she might throw up. Her mind kept going over everything that had happened that day. All the smiles between her and Cullen. The kisses. The dancing.

She had forgotten that beneath all of that he was a templar. And a templar's job was to eliminate mages when they were a threat. And what was to stop him from thinking she was a threat?

Garrett's arms were around her before she could process what was happening and she was being carried up the stairs.

* * *

It was well into the night by the time Cullen reached the Hawke estate. He stood outside the door wondering whether he should go inside or just go home...to the empty house by the docks. He sighed and felt his stomach drop a little. Of all days, why did the mages decided to do something so...stupid? What had they hoped to gain? It had been shabbily planned. And somehow he didn't believe the four apostates from Darktown had been behind the whole thing. If only they hadn't fought...

He pushed open the door to the estate and heard voices coming from the back. He headed toward them. The door to the dining room was open and Cullen hesitated in the frame.

Garrett was sitting at the table, drinking quietly. Several of his companions were at one end playing a card game while some were speaking in a group on the far side of the room. Marian was not in the room. Cullen wondered whether to leave the group or ask where Marian is. Maybe he would be lucky and they wouldn't have heard the news. Unlikely.

Garrett's head came up and he glared at Cullen. He stood slowly and Cullen saw the others turn in his direction.

"Hawke," Cullen said nodding at the warrior. Garrett was striding toward him, cold fury kept barely in check.

"Knight-Captain." Hawke growled out. "I think we need to speak about the events of today." Hawke was gesturing toward his study when there was a commotion at the back of the room. Cullen turned to see the younger Hawke striding toward them.

"That's it, brother. You're just going to let him off, aren't you? Don't dare question your _allies_ , right?" Carver came to stand a few feet from Cullen and he took a step back. While Garrett's anger was always cold and distant, the younger Hawke's was practically palpable. Cullen could feel the heat coming off the Grey Warden and he glanced from one brother to the other.

"Carver. Leave it be. This is none of your concern." Garrett said tensely.

Carver barked a laugh. "None of my concern? She's my sister too, you git. If you think I'm going to stand here and let you get away..."

"I'm doing what is best!" Garrett growled, shoving Carver back.

"You've never done what was best! Marian always did that, and then you took the credit! Don't think I don't know what's really happening here, Garrett. I'm not some naïve boy in your shadow anymore!" Carver and Garrett were nose to nose, the tension thick in the room.

Cullen cleared his throat hoping to get Garrett away from his younger brother. He had no doubt Carver would put up a good fight, but his brother could seriously hurt him if they came to blows. "I need to speak to Hawke. Everything else can wait."

Carver rounded on Cullen and before the templar had time to react the Grey Warden had taken two steps and punched him in the nose. Cullen was forced back by the blow, his hand coming up to where his nose was now bleeding.

"That's for my sister you nug humping bastard!" Carver shouted. Cullen looked up to see Garrett and the elf wrestling Carver away. He gingerly moved his nose with his finger and winced. It was broken.

Carver was taken into another room and Garrett came back. He looked down at Cullen.

"You should go." Garrett said curtly.

Cullen felt anger course through him. He had no idea where that animosity had come from. He glared at the older Hawke. "I want to see Marian." He barely contained his anger as he spoke.

“I do not think that is a good idea.”

“I don't care what you think.” Cullen growled.

The warrior watched him for a few minutes. Cullen imagined the blood on his face made for a ghastly sight. Finally, he nodded. "Fine. But she might be asleep."

Cullen nodded and followed him up the stairs and to one of the rooms on the landing. Outside the door Garrett turned to him. "My brother is...spirited. And he cares deeply for my sister. I may not agree with your methods, but from the reports I can tell you did what you had to. You will, however, remember that my sister is not some apostate on the street. Should you ever feel the need to treat her as one...well you remember my threat well enough, Knight-Captain." He gave Cullen a hard look that made Cullen wonder for the second time since meeting Garrett if he would leave this house alive. Garrett nodded as if some understanding had been reached and left Cullen outside his sister's door.

* * *

Marian stared down at the ring in her hand. It was a simple silver band. There was a small etching on it that she hadn't noticed earlier. On the inside of the band it read _May the Maker's Light guide you_.

She found it confusing, but supposed it was to be expected that Chantry sentiments would end up on a ring given to her by a templar. She sighed and turned the ring in her hand. After sitting alone for some time her mind had started to clear. Perhaps she shouldn't have drank so much after getting back to the estate. Maybe she would have taken the news that her new husband had just killed four apostates a little better.

But she hadn't. When she had finally been carried to her room she had been consumed by rage. She didn't remember ever being so furious. She had yelled, growled, hit, cursed and even in one instant her magic had reared up before being stripped quickly by Garrett who told her she was acting like a child. Well she could still throw things. At least until she had thrown up and Garrett had left her to wallow in her thoughts and own self-pity. Now she was just exhausted and confused.

There was a small knock on the door and it was pushed open. Marian glanced up and her insides dropped to the floor. Cullen stood in the doorway looking uncomfortably around the room. He glanced at her and then away.

She just stared at him. There was blood on his face that he had clearly smeared everywhere while trying to wipe it away and she briefly wondered what had happened. Had one of the apostates gotten an upper hand for a moment? Marian knew she wasn't ready to speak to him. She had still been trying to collect her scattered thoughts. Anger welled up in her again, but she pushed it down. It would be much worse if she took her anger out on her new templar husband and not her ex-templar brother.

He cleared his throat and avoided looking at her. "I wanted to make sure you were safe." Cullen said quietly into the room while he stood in the doorway.

Marian had no desire to say anything so she nodded dimly and returned her gaze to the ring. Did the Maker's light guide templars? Did the Maker guide the templars to the apostates earlier? Was he trying to tell her what could have been her? Or was this all some sick joke of his?

"Marian," Cullen's voice was strangled. "Please. I-I had no choice. They attacked us." She glanced at him and saw he was looking at the floor in front of him.

"So you killed them?" Her voice was cold. She was surprised. Perhaps she had learned too much from her brother.

He closed his eyes briefly. "I had no choice."

Marian shook her head in disgust. "So that's it. They resist your _prison_ so you kill them? How is it I am still alive then? I have been resisting templars my whole life."

Cullen looked at her, confused. "You have never attacked me, or any templar."

She snorted, her eyes hard. "And if I did? If I did attack you? You would put me down like some rabid dog!?" She got up and stormed toward him. He looked uncertainly at her, but stood his ground.

"Marian. Be reasonable. They were attacking my men. I could not stand by while they put innocent lives in danger."

"Innocent lives! They put templars in danger, no one else! And only because you likely _cornered_ them!" She yelled at him, now only a foot away. Somewhere during the day he had put on his templar armor again.

He stared down at her, not moving. Finally, with a tight jaw he spoke. "How quickly you forget that they used magic just outside the Chantry courtyard. It was likely some attempt to harm the templars at our wedding. What if they had succeeded? What if they had managed that explosion in the courtyard? What if...what if you had been hurt?...They were putting plenty of people's lives in danger then. And when we pursued, they went into Darktown hoping the poor would shield them. We gave them a choice. They chose to attack us. There were people around, not just my templars." His eyes hardened. "I protect the people of Kirkwall, Marian, from mages, and any threat."

Marian looked down, she felt sick and angry. Her whole body was hot with anger and she knew better than to let it unleash. Then **she** would be the threat. "Get out," She said hotly.

He hesitated only a moment before turning on his heel and leaving her alone again.


	7. Chapter 7

“Letter for you, Messere.” Bodahn put the letter on Hawke's desk and scurried out of the study.

He sighed and picked it up, ripping through the wax seal.

            _Serah,_

_There have been some interesting whispers of late..._

He groaned and leaned back in his chair when he finished the letter. Maker, Marian wasn't going to like this. He prayed that she saw reason and that he didn't have to resort to anything too brutal. She might not forgive him if he did. Then again...it was his sister. He never could predict how she would handle things.

* * *

"But Mother...this isn't fair." Marian growled while her mother pulled the brush through her newly cleansed tresses. She had been unceremoniously thrown in the tub earlier that morning while her mother washed her hair.

"Shhh. It's time you went outside. If I have to drag you out myself," Leandra said to her struggling daughter.

"I don't care what you want. Leave me in peace." She huffed folding her arms and pouting slightly.

"You are acting a child. And you have done enough moping for a lifetime."

Marian ground her teeth. She was tired of people calling her a child. "May I remind you that I was married off to a templar who immediately went off and killed--"

"Killed four apostates. Yes, we have all heard the story daughter. And frankly, I am bored of it."

"How can you--!"

"Because," Leandra spun her daughter to look her in the eye. "Because your brother goes to a lot of trouble to keep you safe. And tell me daughter, what do you think people have been saying about your odd behavior since your wedding? Hmm? About the fact that you have holed yourself up in this estate for two weeks and haven't even spoken to the man you married? Well I shall tell you." She spun her daughter back around and began brushing through her hair again. "They say it is so very strange that you would avoid your new husband so adamantly. They think it odd that you continue to live here when he has a house of his own. They are beginning to wonder if this wasn't the marriage of love they were told. And that...is not something we want."

Marian's stomach dropped. "What do you expect me to do, Mother? He killed mages, apostates, people just like me. That's his _job_. How am I supposed to trust him, or forgive him for the countless crimes he has done against mages? You want me to forgive him and forget it ever happened?!"

Leandra sighed. "First of all, I believe the Knight-Captain's _job_ is to protect people from dangerous mages. Like the mages who decided your wedding was a convenient time to make explosions. And people could have been injur--”

“Mother, I'm a dangerous mage!”

Leandra spun her daughter around again. “Marian, stop this! You are not those apostates. In fact, you don't even know those apostates names nor have you ever met them.”

“I would know their names if Garrett hadn't burned the report Aveline sent over!”

“Because it is high time you put the whole thing behind you.” She looked her daughter in the eye. The Amell chin coming up which told Marian she wouldn't be getting anywhere with her mother today. “From everything your brother has told me, he trusts Cullen. That should be enough for you. And I think it is time I gave you some advice my mother once parted on me.” Leandra gently turned Marian back around. She squeezed her shoulders. “You know that I was once engaged to marry a man I did not love. It was arranged, like your marriage was. I wasn't happy about it. My mother told me that it did not matter whether I loved the man I married, only that I tried to understand him. She said that if I could do that, love would follow."

Marian sat silent and let her mother finish her hair. When it was put up in a bow on the top of her head she finally spoke, trying to keep the annoyance out of her voice and failing. "I don't think I can understand a templar. And I don't care if I come to love him."

"You may be very thankful one day that you have a man so willing to protect you."

"I can protect myself," Marian said defensively.

"For how long, daughter? Everyone needs people they can count on come hard times, even your brother."

Marian watched as her mother went to her wardrobe and pulled out a light green dress. She came back and helped Marian into it.

She looked at herself in the looking glass. "Where are we going, Mother?" She asked quietly at last. A walk around the market wouldn't be too stressful. And it was true she hadn't been outside in days.

"I am not going anywhere, daughter. You are going to your new house."

Marian turned and gaped at her mother. "You can't be serious?"

"I am. Garrett told me I was to try to convince you and if I couldn't...then he will throw your things out tonight." Leandra looked unsettled for a moment before looking at her daughter with an impatient expression. Like she was supposed to just accept the way things had turned out and never argue. She obviously didn't know her daughter very well.

"What!? I thought he was furious about this 'templar house' thing." Her brother had told her about Cullen's house a few days after the disaster wedding. Marian had been furious that the two of them had kept it from her. Garrett had told her he wasn't keen on the idea of her living alone with a templar and that he thought it some plot of Meredith's though he did not yet know why. Marian suspected her brother didn't want her living with _another_ templar.

"He was at first. Now he believes it is for the best."

"Best?" Marian spat the word out. How long would her brother continue to say he did what was best?

Leandra nodded. She walked up to her daughter and looked her in the eye. "I suggest you make your peace with your husband before you move in, Marian. It will be better for you in the long run."

Marian stared at her mother as Leandra turned and left her daughter's room.

* * *

Cullen walked up to the front of his house and paused. Sitting slumped against the door was a dark-haired mage he would recognize anywhere. "Marian?" He asked, walking up to her.

She opened her eyes and looked up at him, making him stop his approach. Her eyes were red rimmed and from this close he could smell the alcohol on her.

"What happened?" He asked with concern. He hadn't seen her since the wedding. Hawke's note a week ago had told him not to worry and that his sister would calm down soon.

Cullen had been angry the night of the wedding. He had wanted her to understand, to see why templars were needed. He had wanted her to see that he had only been protecting her. But he should have expected her to react in such a way and he should have handled it better. Not seeing her the last two weeks had been torture for him, but he had decided after leaving the Hawke estate the night of the wedding to wait for her to make the first move this time. It appeared her first move was to arrive thoroughly drunk on his doorstep.

"Garrett kicked me out." Marian pouted and pulled herself up, swaying on her feet.

He sighed. His last note from the warrior had said he would resort to drastic measures soon. Though he supposed it was too much to ask for a head's up from the man.

"Do you--" Cullen gestured toward the door, "want to come in?" Maker this was not at all what he had expected when she came to his house for the first time. He had at least thought she would be sober.

Marian looked at him skeptically and finally sighed and nodded.

He walked up to the door and slid his key in, turning it and swinging the door open for her. She glanced at him and lumbered through it.

He came in behind her and locked the door. Turning, he saw that she was looking around the sitting room. "It's small," She said, frowning.

His stomach dropped a little but he tried not to show his hurt expression. He should have realized she had gotten used to living in a large estate and might not want to live in his small house. To him it was huge, larger than any living quarters he had ever stayed in.

"It has three bedrooms, I've converted one to a study, a dining room through there and a kitchen in the back. I guess...it is smaller than your brother's estate."

Marian nodded and glanced to the stairs. “Bedrooms upstairs?”

He nodded.

"I j-just want to put this miserable day behind me." Her words were slurred slightly and she walked to the stairs. He watched her, not knowing what he should do or say. They were married and yet had barely spoken to each other. He had thought at the wedding that they might finally be able to get to know each other, but the day's events had ruined that. And now he found her completely drunk and attempting to climb the stairs of his house. He sighed. This is not what he imagined when he agreed to marry the wild apostate. And he suspected, somewhere in this, it was Hawke's fault.

She was on the fifth step when she tripped. Cullen watched her crash against the stairs and ran to her. "Marian!" He shouted reaching the step she was on and bending down. She rolled onto her back and just stared at the ceiling. A small trickle of blood ran down her forehead. "Are you alright?" He asked gently.

She looked at him, dazed, then shook her head and tears started to well in her eyes.

"Marian," He said gently. She turned her head from him. Not knowing what to do, but wanting desperately to comfort her, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her towards him. "Shh." He whispered as her body wracked with sobs. He wasn't sure what to do with a crying woman or for that matter why she was crying. Was she that injured? Or was it merely self-pity? Maker, help him. Finally, he decided the best thing would be to get her somewhere more comfortable than the stairs.

Cullen lifted her easily and carried her up the rest of the steps.

"Y-you're cold. And h-hard." Marian sputtered out in his arms her hand pressing slightly against his breastplate as she tried to stay her distance from him even while she was in his arms. "Just like your armor."

He closed his eyes; his heart felt like it had been stabbed. He wondered briefly if he would find blood when he took his armor off. That perhaps she had somehow performed magic to rip his heart out even while he still felt it beating. He walked down the corridor with leaden feet and reached the master bedroom. The door pushed open easily and he gently put her down on the bed.

"Should I get someone to look at your head?" He asked quietly. He didn't know what else to say, or do.

"No." Marian turned her back on him in the bed. "I won't ever understand.”

“Understand what?”

She shook her head. “I don't want to understand." She barely whispered.

Cullen stared down at her. At his wife. At the woman he...cared for so greatly. It hurt more than he could possibly have imagined to be so rejected by her. He felt physically in pain. His heart was in pain and his eyes were hot. When he realized she would say no more he nodded dimly and turned to leave the room.

* * *

There were few times in her life that Marian actually hated herself. This was one. She had never felt more despicable than she did waking up the next morning. When her memories of the previous night finally came back she cried. Not because she pitied herself, but because she had never been more terrible to another person. And no one, not even a blasted templar, deserved to be treated the way she had treated Cullen.

She didn't know what had come over her. After her mother had told her she would have to leave the estate she had gone to Garrett. That had been one of her worst ideas. He had raged at her and told her if she didn't go live with Cullen he would personally see that the templar came to 'fetch her' off his hands. He had said other things as well. Things about how she wouldn't be a burden to him any longer. She had felt so sick she had fled the estate before realizing she had nowhere to go.

Everyone she would have turned to was her brother's ally. Isabela, Fenris, Varric, even Sebastian would likely tell her that she needed to make amends with her templar husband. She would have gone to Aveline, but the guard captain was always busy and she knew the woman would have only gone off at Garrett and made things worse. Feeling more alone than she had ever felt, Marian had sat in a bar by the docks and drank until she couldn't see straight. Thoughts of Bethany and her father and everyone she had lost in Lothering had gone through her head while she drank. She had even thought about how she lost Anders. How he had been the one thing in Kirkwall she thought was hers and not her brother's. They had even flirted. Maker knows she had thought there might be something between them. But he had hated her all along. He had proved that the day before her wedding. What he would think of her now? He had called her selfish, hadn't he? Well she had only proved him right. Marian groaned.

Once night had started to fall she had finally scrambled out of the bar and walked to where she knew Cullen's house was by the accounts her brother had given her. And she had only made a mess of that decision as well. She felt utterly horrible.

After finally healing her massive migraine with a lot of concentration and small doses of healing magic, Marian looked around the room she had woken up in. The room he had put her in. His room. She wondered where he had slept. That made her feel worse. She had kicked the man out of his own room. She felt sick with herself. The room was large. Larger than her room had been back at the estate. Her brother had taken the largest room, of course. Cullen's room had windows on two sides and a small balcony on one side of the room. It had a fireplace against one wall and a door leading to the latrine on another. She got up and wandered toward the balcony. Opening the windowed door to it she walked outside. It looked out over the harbor and bay. She could see a clear view of the water and the Gallows. She stared at the prison and shivered. Not exactly a sight she would enjoy waking up to everyday.

_Everyday_. That was not a word she wanted to think of. She looked around the room. There were two large wardrobes and beside one was an armor stand. _For his templar armor_ , she thought. The armor stand was empty now. He had likely left for the Gallows ages ago.

She went to the wardrobe beside the armor stand and opened it. Inside were tunics and trousers. All neatly hung or folded. There were several pairs of black boots of varying fanciness at the bottom of the wardrobe. She leaned toward the clothes and breathed in the scent of the templar. It was the same leather and oil scent she had smelled before. It was distinctly, him.

She closed the doors and looked down at herself. Her green dress was ruined. She sighed and tried to smooth out the wrinkles but knew it wouldn't help.

Marian walked out of the master bedroom and looked at the hallway leading to the stairs. There were two doors on her left. She opened the first to see a small study, she remembered him mentioning that the night before. She tried to squash the feeling of pain she felt when remembering the previous night. He had been so kind to her. It was not something she was used to. And she had lashed out. Had been unable not to; she had been so angry and felt so helpless. She sighed and ran her hand across the books on the shelf. There were quite a few religious texts, but also a few stories she recognized. She walked to the old wooden desk under the window. Glancing out the window she saw it was the same view of the harbor and Gallows. She looked down at the desk. There were quills and parchment neatly piled on it. Each thing seemed to have a proper place.

She left the room and walked down the hall to the next room. She pushed it open to see a small bedroom with a small bed and wardrobe. Seeing neatly piled clothes on the bed she realized Cullen had slept in here the night before. She sighed and walked into the room. She sat on the small bed and played with the clothes next to her.

_Cullen_. She had hurt him last night. She knew that. She had been hurting him every day since their wedding. And she hadn't cared to see it. And even after showing up, drunk, on his door step. The man had been polite to her, he had helped her, had only been kind to her. She put her head in her hands. _Kind_. Not a word she knew much of. Garrett was rarely kind to her. Carver was joking and rough, but he loved her. Though rarely would she say either of her brothers were kind. Her mother...Leandra had been far away since they arrived in Kirkwall. Bethany had been her favorite. Everyone had known that. And Leandra blamed them all for Bethany's death. But she especially blamed Garrett and her. Because they should have protected Bethany. Because Maker knows she should have protected her baby sister better. Her mother would always blame them for losing her favorite child.

But Cullen, he had only wanted to help her. He had only cared for her. He hadn't gone through with the wedding because of her brother. She knew that. She knew it because she remembered the smiles he gave her, the heated kiss in the Chantry, the way he had put himself between her and the explosion. Cullen only ever wanted to be kind to her. And she hadn't been able to see it. She hadn't been able to accept that until the truth slapped her across the face this morning with a note. A blasted note set gently on the nightstand. The first thing she saw when she woke up.

_I hope you are well this morning and your head feels better. I will speak to your brother about getting you back to your estate. He should not have done what he did. I will help you in whatever way I can. I promise._

_-Cullen_

She pulled the note out and clutched it in her hand. Even after everything. After all the horrible things she had said and done, he still wanted to help her.

Tears welled up in her eyes, but she pushed them down. She made up her mind then. Getting up from the bed she looked down at the letter. She would make it up to him. She wasn't sure if she could forgive what he was. But maybe her mother was right. Perhaps she could come to understand that beneath the burning sword he was a kind man. And maybe that was enough.

Marian made her way downstairs and found herself in the small sitting room. It was pleasant. There were several chairs around the fire place with a small table in front of them. She walked into the dining room and saw a long table that could seat eight with chairs around it. She smiled and walked past it into the kitchen. She would make it up to Cullen if it was the last thing she did.


	8. Chapter 8

Cullen stood in the Gallows Courtyard watching the shadows. When he had first arrived in Kirkwall he had spent the first several weeks just watching the sun cast shadows on the courtyard. He had learned what the shadows told him about time. In Ferelden they didn't have sun or shadows. There were only dark corridors and bad memories. He had been surprised when he first arrived by the amount of time he got to spend outside, in the sun. He even found his skin had tanned slightly and dark freckles had formed in various places across his skin.

He watched the shadow in the courtyard and knew he would soon have his break. After his break, he would go to his office and prepare reports on the men for the Knight-Commander and then he would drill a few of the younger recruits that needed extra training. Then...then he supposed he would go home. He frowned at the shadows. He wasn't sure really what to do. He had sent Garrett a message earlier that day, but hadn't heard back from the warrior. He supposed if he didn't hear back he would have to go home and tell Marian...if she was even still there. Maybe she just left? She could leave the city after all. He tried to wipe away the pain that caused him.

"Good afternoon, Knight-Captain." Cullen looked up quickly and stared at the image in front of him.

Marian Hawke stood before him, smiling up at him and holding a small basket in her hand. He blinked several times wondering when the illusion would disappear. But it stayed and he swallowed before speaking. "Marian. What are you doing here?"

She grinned. "I was in the area and thought I would see how you were doing."

"You...were in the area?" He realized this was a repeat of a conversation they had once had and wondered if he had fallen asleep on duty. Meredith wouldn't be happy.

Marian laughed. "Yes. Ok fine. You caught me. I came to see you." She brought up the basket to her eye level. "I brought you this."

He glanced warily at the basket. "It isn't poisoned, is it?" He asked before he could stop himself.

A flash of anger crossed her eyes. "Yes. I decided to poison my templar husband in broad daylight with a basket of freshly baked biscuits. Happy? Now you've ruined my plot."

His lips twitched. "I am afraid your devious plots need working on, my wife."

Her eyes widened and he blushed and looked away. Where by holy Andraste had that come from? Sure, he sometimes referred to Marian by that title in his head, but he never would have thought to let it slip. After a moment he felt her cross the distance and turned.

She looked up at him, basket in one hand and her other coming to rest on his breastplate. Her blue eyes so stunning he wanted to swim in them and be lost. "Husband." She whispered.

A shiver ran through him. She reached up on her toes and he stiffened.

"No." He barely breathed and she blinked at him, surprised, before blushing and taking a quick step back.

"Oh," She said quietly, her hand brushing aside hair that had fallen in her face.

He stepped closer and leaned down. Not wanting anyone to hear him. "Marian, I don't want you to think...to think that you need to do _that_." She glanced at him before looking down again. He sighed and continued, "I thought I made it clear at our wedding that I would never ask you to...do what you didn't want to. I won't have you think that about me." He straightened and looked down at her. He tried to calm his racing heart. Maker give him strength to stay strong for if she tried again he wasn't sure he would stop her.

She refused to meet his gaze and only looked at the ground, playing idly with the basket.

"May I have the basket?" He asked softly. "If you still want to give it to me, that is?"

She nodded and handed it to him without looking. He sighed and as she turned to go he caught her arm gently. "You know how I feel about you." Her quick glance told him she did. "I-I can't in good conscience do anything while I know you don't feel the same." He had decided this the previous night. He couldn't live with himself if he thought Marian was only showing him affection because she thought she needed to.

Marian nodded and he let her go. She paused, clearly deciding whether to speak. Finally, she looked up at him. "I-I know...that it may be difficult or-or impossible for me to understand what a templar does and why, but...just know I will try." She looked at him. Her blue eyes taking his breath away. "I know you are a good man, Cullen." She smiled shyly. "I will see you tonight when you get home." And with that she walked away.

As he watched her swaying hips he groaned and knew she would be the death of him.

* * *

Isabela had given Marian great advice on how to placate an angry husband.

"I don't think he's really angry," Marian said uncertainly.

Isabela waved her off. "Doesn't really matter. It'll work for anything upsetting him. Just ask him about his day. Pretend you care. Pretend to listen. Smile. Just simper all over him. Believe me. It'll placate him alright." The pirate said slightly annoyed.

"Isabela?" Marian asked. "Is something wrong?"

Isabela shook her head and gave Marian a large smile. "Of course not, cupcake."

Marian sat in the empty house and watched the sun go down through the windows. Cullen would be home soon. She was nervous. She didn't really know why. It wasn't like they were going to _do_ anything. He had made that very clear today at the Gallows. She hadn't told Isabela about that. Mostly because Marian hadn't wanted to deal with the pirate's shock and because she knew why he had done it.

It just confused her more though. She knew Cullen liked her. Maybe even more than liked her. And the one time she tried to kiss him, he rejected her. She had wanted to see if the same feelings came back. If he could make her feel the same as he had on their wedding day. She wished she could believe he had done it to spite her, but she knew he was too good of a man for that.

No, Cullen wanted her to want him too. It was an odd thought. And not one she heard of often. From everything she had learned from Isabela and both her brother's exploitations, men usually had one thing on their mind and didn't care how they got it. But...but Cullen did care.

She sighed and cursed herself for having the one man in Thedas who seemed to care about her feelings.

Marian heard the lock click and she jumped up. Nervousness rushed through her and she began to shake slightly.

Cullen walked through the door and saw her. He stopped and looked around before closing the door and locking it. He walked in sheepishly and glanced at her.

Marian beamed at him. "I'm glad you're home." She said truthfully.

He nodded and cleared his throat. "The biscuits were much appreciated."

She chuckled. "I'm glad you liked them. I'm not much of a cook, but my mother attempted to impart some semblance of cooking skills to her children."

Cullen nodded and shifted his feet. "I-uh sent your brother a letter today...he hasn't gotten back to me." He looked at the ground and she could see his nervousness.

She smiled. "No worry. I had Isabela pick up some of my clothes earlier today. I moved them into the wardrobe upstairs. I hope that is ok?"

He looked up at her, startled. "Y-yes. Of course that's ok." He blushed and she saw his lips curve slightly upward before he controlled his features.

"So...um are you hungry?" She asked, not really knowing what happened next.

"I am afraid I am not." He said glancing at her, he must have seen her disappointment because he spoke quickly. "But I would eat if you like. Or you could eat and I...I'll um..." He blushed deeper and ran his hand across the back of his neck.

"It's fine." She said. She had hoped she could cook them dinner. She truly wasn't a terrible cook, but she did need practice if she was going to get any better at it. Now she would have to think of something else. Looking around she remembered Isabela's advice. "How was your day?" She asked smiling at him again.

Cullen glanced at her and she noticed he moved slightly again, clearly in discomfort. "Perhaps I could change first?" He asked shyly.

Marian blinked and noticing his heavy plate armor covering him she rushed out. "Oh...yes. Yes, you should change. Obviously you would want to do that." She almost hit herself for being so callous.

He nodded and walked up the stairs, glancing back at her uncertainly.

She blew her breath out when he was out of sight. By the Maker how was she going to get through the night?

* * *

“Marian?” Cullen called when he walked into an empty downstairs.

His heart skipped a small beat before he heard, “In here,” come from the kitchen.

He felt a rush of relief and headed to the back of the house. He had only been in the kitchen twice. Once, when he first explored the new place Meredith had given him. The second was the night before the wedding. He had come home that night in terror. All the sudden realizations hitting him the second he had walked through the door. He had done a thorough inspection; praying to the Maker that everything in his house was in order. When he had come into the kitchen he had realized he had no food since he always ate at the Gallows and had panicked, thinking that Marian would be angry at him for not having food. Then he had feared that she would demand he get a cook, which he would have, but he hadn't had time the night before the wedding. Nervousness had made him barely able to sleep that night.

When he walked in to the kitchen he saw Marian cutting up some bread and making a platter of cheese and dried meat. “You didn't have any food, so I bought a little today when I was getting ingredients for the biscuits.” She smiled at him and offered him a piece of cheese. “I didn't get a lot, but figured it was enough for a night, maybe two.”

Cullen took the cheese and nodded. “I-uh don't eat here.”

Marian's face fell slightly. “Oh. I guess that's fine. I'll just...”

“No, th-that's not what I meant.” He said quickly, realizing she thought he didn't ever want to eat here...with her. “I mean...I **normally** eat at the Gallows...but if you want to...um...eat together I will be more than happy to wait...I can definitely wait until I get home...uh here to eat.” 

He tried to smile reassuringly. She gave him a small smile back. “Ok. We can try that. But if it becomes...too much--”

“It won't.”

She smiled down at the bread and finished cutting it. A real smile this time. He couldn't stop a smile from playing across his face even as he tried to fight it down. He didn't want to scare her. But he couldn't stop from being elated at her being here. In his kitchen. Smiling.

When she arranged the bread on the platter he carried it into the dining room. As they were sitting down Marian suddenly groaned. “I forgot to get something to drink. I didn't think about it.”

He was about to sit down when he stopped. She was frowning and looking at him. “Uh...” He quickly scoured his brain. Did he have anything? Then he smiled. “I'll be right back.” He got up and went back upstairs quickly.

He came back with a bottle of Orlesian wine. “Ser Alrik gave this to me.” He smiled and handed it to her. “Wedding present.” She looked at him curiously and he blushed slightly.

“Glasses?”

He thought quickly and nodded. He headed into the kitchen and grabbed two.

He set them on the table and she poured them both a glass. After she took a sip she put her glass back on the table and frowned.

“Is it bad?”

She shook her head. “No...it's not about the wine.”

He felt a stab of fear. But things had been going so well.

She looked at him nervously. Guilt written across her face. Oh Maker, that look could sink a ship.

“I'm sorry.” She said quietly.

“Marian--”

“No.” She stopped him with her hand. “I need to tell you that I'm sorry. I was an ass. Last night...”

“You don't need to apologize.”

“Yes, I do.” She fiddled with her wine glass. “I was so horrible to you and--”

“You were not.” She looked at him. Her eyes shined slightly and she looked miserable. What he would give to comfort her. “Marian, you did nothing wrong. You are not at fault and you were hardly horrible last night. Merely a victim of a bad situation. Of which, I am pretty confident is your brother's fault.”

She gave her bread a sad half-smile. “Why can't you just accept my apology?”

He chuckled. “I will accept an apology when you need to give me one.”

She looked at him, her smile widening and her usual glint returning to her eyes. “You make it sound like one day I might.”

“Oh, I have no doubt that you will think of something to do that warrants an apology.”

She laughed and settled down to eat some food. He watched her for a time, drinking his glass of wine. In the light of the fire her eyes shined so bright and beautifully. He wondered if she knew that. Or that when she ate she smiled to herself as if sharing a small joke in her head. Or that when her tongue flicked out to catch a drop of wine from her lips the temperature in the room increased by ten degrees.

He shook his head and cleared his throat to stop all the distracting thoughts in his head. “So, um...if you don't mind me asking, what happened last night?”

Marian chewed slowly as if thinking and finally gave him what he could only assume was an abridged version of the day. That Garrett had thrown her out. That she had foolishly gone to a tavern where she spent most of the day and her money on drink. That she had then found her way to his house and taken her temper out on him. After reminding her that she had not taken her temper out on him, and that for the second time she did not need to apologize for her actions he finally said, “Hawke can't kick you out of your family home, Marian."

She smiled and shook her head. "As much as I hate to say this, he is probably right. I can see the nobles thinking it strange that I live in a different house than my husband." Cullen blushed and looked away. "I think for now it's best I stay here...as long as you have no objections?" She looked nervously at the table as if expecting him to say he did.

“Of course you can stay here. For as long as you like.” The blush increased a few shades when she looked at him questioningly.

“Don't be so quick to say that, Knight Captain. You have not lived with me yet.” She grinned at him.

“I'm-uh sure I can handle y-um anything you do.” His face was afire and she laughed and shook her head.

After finishing her dinner, Marian stretched and finished her glass of wine. “It's been a long day, for both of us I believe. I'll sleep in the guest room tonight.”

"No."

"Why no?" She asked surprised.

"I will sleep in the guest room. You can have the master," He said matter-of-factly. He grabbed the platter from her and walked into the kitchen to clean it. She followed him, her hands on her hips and an adorable wrinkle in her nose.

"Don't be ridiculous. This is still your house, Cullen. You, therefore, sleep in the master room.” She folded her arms and finally smiled as if she had the winning argument. “Besides your armor stand is in there and it wouldn't make sense for you to sleep in a room that didn't have your armor."

"I moved it to the guest room earlier." He said, trying to hide his smile. He had figured she might be staying and had decided she would continue to sleep in the larger room.

"You did that on purpose." She pouted slightly.

Cullen smiled at her as he finished washing the dish. "Marian. If you attempt to sleep in the guest room I will be forced to sleep on the floor. If that is what you wish to happen then by all means take the guest room."

She frowned at him and was quiet for a moment as she thought her options through. Finally, she chuckled and gave him a small smile. "Your Ferelden is showing, Knight-Captain. Perhaps I should make you sleep on the floor like a dog.” She grinned and shook her head at him. “Fine. I'll sleep in the master...tonight. But I'm not backing down from this so easily."

He chuckled and as he went to pass her in the door, he leaned down slightly, his face inches from hers. "I wouldn't expect you to." Her eyes widen slightly. “Good night, my wife.”


	9. Chapter 9

Over the next two months, Marian found that living with Cullen wasn't so difficult. He was a respectful house mate and since he was only there in the evenings and left early in the morning, she generally had the house to herself. They spoke when he got home and every night she retired to the master room and him to the guest room. As the days turned to weeks and then to months Marian looked forward to his return in the evenings. She even stopped hunting cutpurses at night so she could spend more time with him. Well, that was one reason, the other was Varric reminding her that she should keep a low profile since the apostate incident at her wedding.

She learned a lot about Cullen during those two months. His last name for one.

“You mean it's not templar?” She jested, chuckling to herself.

“No, unfortunately not.” He said, smiling at her.

“Rutherford. Hmm.” She felt the word in her mouth. _Cullen Stanton Rutherford_. She supposed by Chantry vows that was part of her name now. Cullen told her she did not need to worry about that. He made it clear she could keep any name she wanted. Marian had told him not to worry about it.  

She learned that he was from Honneleath, which wasn't all that far from Lothering, well it was in the mountains, but only about a week's ride. That he had two sisters and a younger brother. They shared many stories about their siblings when she learned that. Cullen knew what it was like to grow up with a house full of siblings. That he had always wanted to be a templar, something she found odd.

“I wanted to protect people, is that so hard to imagine?” Cullen had asked her when she expressed surprise over him _wanting_ to be a templar.

“I guess not, but...hunting mages...” She trailed off, staring at her wine glass.

“I didn't become a templar to hunt mages. That was never why I joined the Order.”

“Then why?”

“Because templars are not about hunting mages.” Marian made a noise in her throat, but Cullen continued. “They are about protecting people, yes from magic, but they also protect mages from people. They keep order and keep everyone secure.”

Marian rolled her eyes, but decided not to argue. Cullen told her he left home when he was still a boy, that he hadn't been back home since then. That she was shocked about. He said he hadn't had the opportunity and that he hadn't written home since being transferred to Kirkwall.

“But your family?” Marian stared at him. “You don't know...the Blight?”

Cullen looked down. “I have...I am not sure...I am a different man.”

“You are their family. Cullen...” She reached out to touch his hand. Cullen looked at her and she saw the sadness and something...else. Fear. “Write to them.” She grinned. “At the very least I imagine they would want to know you're married.” She laughed and Cullen's lips quirked up and he nodded.

She had learned many things about Cullen since she had moved into his house by the docks, but still she wasn't sure why she felt so...strange. She looked forward to him coming home, but shouldn't it be...shouldn't there be...more.

"It's odd." She said to Isabela one afternoon in the Hanged Man. It was getting later in the day and she would be leaving soon to meet Cullen. She often left the tavern early to wait for Cullen instead of staying out with the gang. Something Isabela found hilarious most evenings.

"What is, cupcake?" She was eyeing a group of sailors across the room.

"Well, I mean it's been two months since I moved into Cullen's house and...he hasn't tried anything.” She frowned into her drink as she thought about Cullen. Maker the man hadn't even tried to hug her since she moved in. And they spent almost every night together talking. “Isn't there some sort of guy code that says when a woman is living in your house you're supposed to make a move." She turned to see Isabela suddenly giving Marian her full attention.

"You're telling me that you have been living with that delicious Knight-Captain for two months and haven't had your warden grey'd?"

Marian blinked at the pirate. "What?"

Isabela frowned. "Don't play coy. You haven't had your peach plundered. I can't let that stand, especially when the one who should be plundering needs it desperately. If I've ever seen a man in need—but let's focus on you." Isabela gave her a wide grin and settled herself more thoroughly in the chair and called Norah over for drinks.

Marian shook her head. It was useless to argue now so she listened to the well-versed pirate's advice on how to get Cullen to show his true feelings for her. Of which Isabela assured her the man was mad for her. “Anyone with eyes can see that, cupcake.” And perhaps he would do more than show.

* * *

That evening she went home with a plan. She was nervous. Marian knew that over the last few months she had begun to have feelings for the templar...again. Every night when he came home and told her about his day in the Gallows, she listened, which shocked even her at times. She heard about the training of his men. She knew which men needed more training and which were excelling. He told her his worries about Meredith's strict measures, but that he wasn't sure what he could do.

"I'm her Knight-Captain. I train recruits and see that the regular templars can still wield a blade. I don't usually deal directly with the mages in the Gallows. I can't do anything without Meredith's consent. If I did, I would be written up. And that would be the least of my worries." He had told her one evening when she asked why he didn't try to make the mage's lives better.

Marian had told him about her life growing up: about Lothering, her father, and even about Bethany.

"She sounds like a wonderful girl. I wish I could have met her." He had said wistfully the evening she told him about her family's flight from Lothering.

"Have a thing for Hawkes now, do you?" She had said jokingly and watched him blush.

They had spoken every night. After the first week, Cullen had asked her about her magic.

“Why? Wondering when I'm going to become an abomination?” She had shot at him angrily.

Rubbing the back of his neck he told her he worried. “It's my job. It's not something I can ever get away from. I've seen you do magic. I am confident that you have control...but...just work with me here, Marian.”

Rolling her eyes, she had gone through several spells with the templar's close watch. Finally, she raised her eyebrows. “Did I pass your **test**?”

“No test. You are remarkable, you know that?” She had blushed and the evening had gone on amiably afterwards.

Now she paced nervously. She had come home and bathed and then put on her short red dress with the Amell sigil on the back and breast. She parted the front so some of her cleavage showed and put on small slippers to accentuate her long legs.

Isabela's number one rule was that men could be turned on by what they couldn't see just as much as by what they could see. In accordance, the red dress was tightened around the waist with a small belt that hinted at her curves.

Marian heard the door click open and stopped, her heart racing.

Cullen walked through the door and smiled when he first saw her, then his eyes widened and his mouth opened in slight shock as he took in the entire sight of her.

She tried to remain calm and confident and put on a wide smile. "By the shock on your face I would think you were expecting someone else, Knight-Captain."

He blushed and looked away. "N-no, just surprised to--" He cleared his throat and pointed towards the stairs. "I'm going to change...if you don't--"

"Yes. Go ahead. I'll just be...down here." She gave him a flirtatious smile and leaned against the chair. "Go change into something more...comfortable."

Cullen blushed deeper and headed up the stairs.

When he returned Marian had moved into the dining room. Cullen had hired an elf named Olivia to clean the house twice a week since Marian had scrunched up her nose the second day and told him about her horrible experiences cleaning up after her two brothers at Gamlen's. While she hated cleaning, she had enjoyed cooking for him. She had found that her cooking skills weren't as bad as she thought. And Cullen appreciated her Ferelden cooking, even her stew.

Over the past months they had developed a regular schedule where she would wait for him to come home and they would eat together. It was odd to be home so early. When she had lived at the Amell estate she had always stayed in Anders' clinic until dark and then only trudged home when the Warden had told her to get rest. She hadn't seen Anders since the night before her wedding. Marian enjoyed these dinners with Cullen. She loved when he would relax after dinner and his smile would come more easily. He always sent her a note if he was going to be late or held up at the Gallows. Those nights she usually spent reading by the fire and then going to bed early.

Cullen sat down at the table in his usual spot, at the corner of the end closest to the kitchen. Usually, Marian would sit across from him. Tonight, she took the chair directly to his right and sat down smiling at him. He started slightly and looked nervously at her.

"How was your day?" She asked as she set food on her plate.

"Um...fine." He glanced at her, licking his lips slightly. She saw his eyes dart down her neckline before he blushed and turned back to his food, shoving it into his mouth to distract himself.

She smiled coyly while she ate and let the silence follow.

He finished his meal quickly, glancing at her occasionally before quickly turning back to his food. As he finished Marian put down her fork and turned to him, a large smile on her face. She rested her head in her hand and bounced her foot up and down under the table.

"So, apostate got your tongue?"

Cullen turned to her, blinking slightly, his eyes darting before he could stop them. Then he physically looked away. "No. I just...today wasn't very exciting is all." He said between closed teeth, his eyes closed as his head was turned slightly away from her.

"I'm sure we could find something...exciting to do."

He made a small strangled noise in the back of his throat and she saw the blush creeping across the back of his neck.

Marian reached up with her hand and lightly trailed it across the back of his neck and up through the soft curls where his hair line began. She had been itching to do that for a very long time. He started and jumped out of his chair staring down at her. She put on an expression of surprise but it was ruined by the small smile she wore at his reaction.

"Is something wrong?" She purred getting up. She had been practicing her seductive voice all day. She stepped toward him and he took a step back. She frowned. "Cullen?" This isn't what was supposed to happen. Isabela had told her he would practically jump on her. Why wasn't he?

He put his hand up and looked at her. She saw the anguish in his eyes and her heart stopped and contracted. "Marian. Stop."

She sucked in air and stared at him. The silence stretched on for minutes. She felt hot pins over her body and she looked down at the table. He didn't move. Finally, she asked in a small voice. "D-don't you...I thought you liked me?" Her eyes were hot and she forced the tears back.

"Marian." His voice caught and she glanced up to see the torn expression he wore and the pleading look in his eyes. "Please. I...you know I...this isn't you." He gestured to her outfit and the table.

She looked confused and glanced down at what she was wearing and back at him. "What do you mean it isn't me? Of course it is. I'm standing right here."

"No. It isn't. This...thing...this act...you are trying to put on. It's not you. It's not the woman I-- it's just not you, Marian."

"I don't understand." She said confusedly. "I thought you...you don't want this?" _You don't want me?_ She thought desperately.

Cullen reached her before she could react. His hand cupped her face and brought it up to look at him. His amber eyes were clouded and she could see the fight he was trying not to show her.

"I-Maker Marian you have no idea. I just...I can't. Not like this. It has to be you. The real you. Not some..." He sighed and dropped his hand, not looking directly at her. "I need you to feel the same way about me that I feel about you. I want you to _want_ me. As silly as that sounds. And if this is what you think I want...then I don't think you're ready...I need to know you're ready." He glanced at her and then away.

"I...think it's best if--" He cleared his throat. "Good night, Marian." He walked past her quickly and before she could respond he was out the door.

"But I do want you." She whispered after him.

* * *

The week after Marian's failed attempt to seduce Cullen was filled with awkward silences. The first few days Marian didn't even show up for dinner. Cullen had to scrounge around and find something edible for himself. When she finally did come to dinner she ate very quickly and practically ran up to her room. He would then go to his study and work on countless boring reports with his door open. Hoping she might come out and talk to him before finally giving up and going to bed. A week after, when she was scarfing down her dinner, he finally got up the courage to ask her about her day. She stared at him like a wild animal caught in a trap before swallowing and telling him quietly. Before he knew it he had her talking and laughing again. It had felt good to talk to her without blushes and pauses. He had known he had to give her time. He needed time as well.

It had been the hardest thing he had ever done, stepping away from her that night and going upstairs, alone. Seeing her in that robe, the same one she had worn the day he and Garrett agreed on the marriage, it had driven him mad with want. But he saw what she was doing and he saw how nervous she was, even as she tried to play it off with smiles and breathless speaking, he knew he couldn't do anything. Not then. Not until she was ready. Because he knew that she wasn't ready that night. Not until she could tell him how she felt. And he could tell her what she already knew. That she was the only woman he would ever want.

Cullen walked into the house that night and felt an odd sense of quiet. He stopped just inside the door and looked around, listening. Normally, Marian would be curled up by the fire waiting for him, or in the dining room setting the table. Today, he heard nothing. Quickly moving to the dining room he saw she wasn't there and bounded up the stairs. Perhaps she was in her room? Or had gone out and left him a message? Even during the few days after the incident she had left him a note so that he wouldn't worry. He knew she had mentioned going to see her mother soon. He knocked on her door and opened it a crack, but saw nothing. He pushed it open fully and saw that she wasn't in the room. He went into his study, hoping she had left him a note, but there was none on his desk.

He grasped around in his head, wondering if she had mentioned something, trying to control the bit of fear entering his heart. Last night she had seemed a bit quiet. She had picked at her food and glanced at him, but he had simply imagined she was in one of her 'spells' where she needed space. Running a gauntleted hand through his hair Cullen realized he had to decide what to do. He could change and stay in the house hoping she came back. Or he could go look for her.

Staring at his desk hoping a message would magically appear he groaned and walked out of his study. He wasn't about to sit around not knowing if she was safe or not. It was his job to make sure she was.

* * *

Cullen's first stop was the one place in Kirkwall he knew someone would have seen or heard from Marian that day...the Hanged Man. As he entered the dingy tavern he scrunched up his nose. _Maker, why would she come here?_ The place smelled horrible and by the look of it half the men there had some criminal record. He internally groaned and knew he stuck out like a sore thumb with his gleaming templar armor. He could see some of the patrons glancing uneasily at him and even the barkeeper was giving him an appraising look.

He knew that both Varric, the dwarf her brother employed occasionally, and the pirate Isabela, who Cullen disapproved of greatly but never told Marian, knowing she enjoyed the woman's company far too much to listen to him, would be in the Hanged Man somewhere. They were likely to have seen or know of someone that had seen Marian that day. He would start there and find out where she was.

He approached the bar. "Have you seen a dwarf, Varric or a woman by the name of Isabela?" He asked the barman.

The barman glanced around uneasily while he cleaned a pitcher with the filthiest rag Cullen had ever seen. After a few moments, he shook his head. "N'ver 'eard of 'em." He said loudly.

"Well now Corff, that's no way to treat an esteemed guest at the Hanged Man." Cullen turned around to see the dwarf in question descending from the stairs. "I thought I heard some self-righteousness, but I thought it was Choir Boy."

Cullen stared at the dwarf. He was eccentric looking, and Cullen vaguely remembered him from his wedding day. He and the pirate had both been there. Varric approached him with a grin on his face, clearly sizing Cullen up as well.

"What do you need Knight-Captain? Or perhaps I should call you Hawkette's husband. Has a bit of a ring to it, doesn't it?"

Cullen glared at him, he already distrusted the flamboyant dwarf. "Do you know where Marian is?" He asked curtly.

"Know where Marian is? Well. That is a prize bit of information, isn't it?" Varric leaned slightly against one of the tables, his eyes running over Cullen. Then, examining the table for dust the dwarf continued. "I wonder what the going price for that is?"

Cullen quickly crossed the distance between them and stood over the smaller dwarf. "Is your life worth it, dwarf?" He growled, his eyes glinting dangerously. This place made him uneasy and he wasn't about to be led on by a dwarf.

"Oh, so protective. How adorable." Varric wasn't intimidated in the slightest and instead his smile grew a little larger.

Cullen's hand instinctively went towards his sword pommel.

"Tsk. Please. Can we not be civilized?" Varric looked up at him.

He ground his teeth in frustration. "Just tell me where she is. I only want to make sure she is safe."

"Safe? Well in that case you need not worry. I know she is safe. That should be enough for you."

Cullen grabbed the dwarf before he could control his anger, pushing him against the table. "Tell me where she is!" He was seeing red and a small part of him was terrified. What if she had left? What if she was dead and the dwarf was trying to cover his tracks? He would kill him if that was the case. He felt the tavern grow silent and still. Not a good sign for him.

He felt something cold against his neck and glared at the quick dwarf. "I would control that temper of yours, templar. Might get you in trouble one of these days."

"I suggest you tell me where she is." He said, his voice shaking in anger.

"Is it worth _your_ life?" The dagger pressed a little when Cullen didn't let go of him.

"What do you think Hawke will do to you?" Cullen asked and instantly the knife was gone. He dropped the dwarf on the ground and straightened. Funny that his brother-in-law's name would have such an effect on Varric. He had said it on a whim. He glared at the dwarf. "Now where is she?"

Varric looked cross and glared slightly at the ground. "Her and Rivaini went to a tavern. Happy? They're safe."

"What tavern?" Cullen growled. He would check on her to make sure the dwarf was telling the truth. If she was he would leave her be. If she wasn't...

Varric seemed to contemplate and glanced at Cullen. Finally, he threw up his hands and muttered, "I warned her." Before continuing louder, "They went to the Blooming Rose."


	10. Chapter 10

"Isabela." Marian whined slightly, glancing around nervously. "I don't know if I...can't we just go back to the Hanged Man."

"Oh, don't be a spoil-sport, cupcake. This will be fun. Besides, if you had told me sooner that our plan with your stubborn, exasperating husband didn't work I wouldn't have to resort to these drastic measures." Isabela cooed from next to Marian.

"I'm fine, Isabela, really."

"Shh. No you're not. You're wound tighter than a man just down the plank for shore leave. You can't wait around forever for him, and this will take the edge off, trust me."

"Isab--"

"Just stay here. I'll go find you someone nice and...gentle." The pirate winked and left Marian standing in the middle of the Blooming Rose.

She wished she had never opened her stupid mouth earlier that day. If she had just let Isabela think everything had worked out she wouldn't be here. But she had been frustrated. Frustrated that Cullen still did nothing and for all the talking they did he never let on that he wanted more. She was also frustrated with herself for not being able to tell him how she felt, how she thought she felt anyway. Sighing, she waited for the pirate to return. She wouldn't actually go through with it, she decided. She would just pretend and pay the man off to say they had. That would stop Isabela and then she could go home.

"Hey, there." A man walked up to her, alarmingly close. He had dark brown, dingy long hair and a crooked smile, a nose that looked like it had been broken one too many times, and dark green eyes that glinted dangerously at her. Marian backed up a few steps, trying to put more distance between them. "Aren't you a pretty thing?" He purred coming still closer. Marian's back hit the wall and her heart raced.

"I'm not--not...I don't work here, serah." She tried to say sternly. She attempted to look past him and find Isabela. Her heart was thundering in her chest and she wished desperately for the man to turn and leave her alone immediately. She tried to keep her face calm and not let the panic she was feeling creep into it. 

"Such a shame." His hand came up and Marian could do nothing but stare openmouthed as he brushed aside her hair. "But everyone has a price. How much?"

“Leave me alone,” she whispered. Maker, why couldn't she say something stronger and more threatening. She quickly thought over her options. She could shove him off...or try to. The man was twice her size and she bet it would be as easy to move him as a wall. Her other option...was not an option. Fear leaked in her veins. Fear and shock. That this would be happening. 

She couldn't do anything. Marian had no knowledge of hand-to-hand, no weapons. All she had was magic. And she was powerless with that. If she cast a spell, in this crowded place, there would be templars in minutes, and she would be hauled off to the Gallows. And even through her fear she knew this. This had been trained in her brain since the second her magic manifested. This was the lesson her father had ingrained in her. Never do magic in public. Not where people could see. Not where people could report you. And if she didn't have magic...then she didn't have anything.

The man smiled darkly at her silence and his hand drifted down to cup her face. "Don't worry, baby. I'll make it worth your while."

"N-no." She whispered as his head descended. Suddenly, strong arms yanked him off her. He stumbled back and Marian saw the most glorious sight in her life. Cullen stood in front of her, his templar armor shining in the dull light of the Blooming Rose and the look on his face was murderous.

The man glared at Cullen and straightened. "I saw her first, jackass. You think just because you're some big shot templar you can push people around. Stand in line." He tried to move past Cullen and Cullen grabbed the man around the throat with one hand and with the other smashed his face in. Marian heard the crunch of bones breaking as face made contact with the steel gauntlet and she let out a small gasp. Cullen dropped the man, where he writhed on the floor in agony and turned to her.

His face was dark with fury. She shook slightly, a new fear lacing her veins, fear of angry templars and what they could do to people in their way. People like her. But as his eyes focused on her they were suddenly filled with concern. Warm, concerned, beautiful amber eyes. He took two strides and reached her, his hands gently pulling her off the wall and towards him. "Marian. Are you alright? Are you hurt?" He asked. She could hear the fear in his voice and looked into his concerned eyes so glad that they no longer held that fury.

Her vision blurred as relief spread through her and his arms tightened and he pulled her against his breastplate. "Shh. He can't hurt you. Don't worry, Marian. I'm here." He whispered in her ear.

She pulled back slightly and just looked up at him. He looked down at her. A strangled laugh of relief escaped Marian's lips and she threw her arms around the templar. Around her husband. Around the one blasted man in Kirkwall she could count on.

_You may be very thankful one day that you have a man so willing to protect you._ Her mother's words came back to her in his embrace and she thanked the Maker he had been there. Though she realized quickly that she wasn't likely in any real danger. Perhaps she would have eventually shouted and alerted others who would have pulled him off her. But she was too full of relief and happiness at seeing Cullen to care.

She disentangled herself from his arms and gave him a small smile. Cullen's lips twitched and he put his hand on her lower back. "Can we go home now?" Marian asked quietly. He nodded and led her out of the brothel.

On her way out Marian looked around and saw Isabela. She was surprised to see a small coy smile on the pirate's lips and she could swear the woman winked at her as she left.

* * *

The walk home was silent. Cullen was on high alert and Marian could feel ever muscle in his body on the ready for an attack. There wasn't one. They reached their small house by the docks without incident and Cullen locked the door behind them.

He turned and looked at her. The silence stretched between them. Marian watched the emotions flick across Cullen's face, she watched him school his face back to calm before a twitch in his forehead brought the anger out again. He ran his hand over his face and closed his eyes. When he opened them he was still angry. Finally, he blurted out, "What were you thinking, Marian?"

She felt her cheeks redden in embarrassment and looked at the floor.  "I-I wasn't. I mean...it wasn't my idea. It was Isabela's and...well I thought 'what's the worst that could happen?'"

"'What's the worst that could happen?!'" Cullen exclaimed. He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head. "Maker, Marian you have no idea...I was so worried. I thought you had been killed or...worse." His look was agonizing.

She glanced at him guiltily. "I didn't mean to worry you. I didn't realize you would... _notice_." She whispered the last word.

"Notice? Andraste's flaming sword. You didn't think I would come home and notice you were gone? Marian, what do you take me for?" He said the last part harshly and she flinched.

She looked down at the floor, refusing to meet his eyes. She didn't know what she had been thinking. She should have left the Blooming Rose long before the man even approached her. She should never have gone with Isabela in the first place. It had been a bad idea. Cullen crossed the distance and she glanced up as he neared. His amber eyes held hers and she saw the relief in them, but also the worry.

"Marian." He whispered, his hand coming up to cup her chin. He held her gaze and her heart fluttered.

"T-thank you for...being there." She said quietly. She meant it. She wanted to thank him for getting her out of her own bad decision, but decided that wouldn't sound right. Besides it was probably better he didn't get too full of himself.

"I'm always here for you." She could feel his breath against her face. She wanted so badly to lean in. To close the distance. Cullen let his hand go and took a step back.

Irritated, she muttered. "Well, yea, when I need someone to talk to, sure."

His brow furrowed at her. "What's that supposed to mean?" He asked a little hotly.

She sighed. "Nothing Cullen. It's just...you're all talk." She took a step away and turned slightly towards the fire. She bent down and sent a small fire spell into the hearth setting it ablaze.

"All talk?" He asked, staring at her, his eyebrows furrowing irritably.

Marian stood up and turned to him, a hand on her hip. If he wanted it out. Fine, it would be out. "Yes. Gah. Can't you see? Even now. Even after what _just_ happened. You just want to smooth it out and let everything go back to the way it was before. Can't you see? Don't you realize why I was there?"

His voice darkened. "Maybe you should have told me the truth the first time I asked. Why were you there?"

"Because...because you don't do anything Cullen. Because I...I need companionship!" She blushed deeply and turned to look away from him. Her face felt as hot as the fire she just made.

"Companionship?" He looked at her for several minutes incredulously; staring at her back trying to sort out his own thoughts. Maker, why was this woman so complicated? Just when he thought things were going well she turned around and...did something like this. He sighed and said quietly, "Marian I thought we were taking things slow."

"Slow! Any slower and we'd not know each other's names!" She growled out, her eyes flashing angrily.

"I think that's a bit of an exaggeration." He crossed his arms defensively. They had known each other's names since the first time they met. Surely she remembered that.

She threw up her hands. "Cullen we've been married three months and you haven't even kissed me since our wedding day!"

"You want me to kiss you?" Cullen froze and stared at her, a curious expression on his face.

"It'd be a nice gesture, yes. Is that so much to ask? Or is that taking things too quickly for you, oh delicate templar?"

Cullen crossed the distance between them so quickly her head spun. His lips descended on hers; hot, wanting, needy. His arms quickly found her waist and pulled her against his breastplate. She gasped into him. A low growl escaped his throat, his hands running up from her hips, wanting ever inch of her against him. Marian quickly got over her shock and ran her hands up his armor and into his hair. She pulled him down and deepened the kiss.

Her teeth scraped against his bottom lip as she moved on her toes to reach him better. His hand tightened around her waist, pushing her against his armor. His mouth pushed hers open and his tongue flicked in. Marian moaned low in her throat as she felt a pulse of heat between her legs. His grip tightened on her waist and she squeaked in pain against his armor.

Suddenly, Cullen pulled back and stared at her wide-eyed. "We can't do this, Marian." He tried to take a step away from her, but she grabbed his armor and forced him to stay where he was.

"Andraste's knickers. Why not? What are you so afraid of, Cullen?" She asked pleadingly. He couldn't stop now.

He looked into her vibrant blue eyes and she saw the indecision and want. He took a deep breath and taking her hand gently off his armor he held it in his gauntlet and stared at it. His fingers gently rolled the ring on her hand. "I don't want you to wake up tomorrow and have any regrets." He said quietly, not looking at her.

Marian stared at him a moment before smiling and putting her hand on his cheek. He turned to look at her. She reached up and kissed him gently. "That's not going to happen. I promise."

He sighed and shook his head. "It's just...I was so eager before, but after the...after our wedding I just...I couldn't believe I had moved so quickly or thought about...it was like I was...possessed before the wedding and after what happened I realized that I couldn't...be with you until it was real."

She looked at him, confused for a moment. "Real?" She asked and saw the look of utter hopelessness in his eyes. "By the Maker, Cullen what do you want me to say? That I love you? Well...I do." She surprised herself with the words and took a step away from him. Blinking, she looked at the ground, a blush covering her face.

Cullen was silent for a moment before he strangled out, "What?"

Staring up at him she made the decision. It almost felt freeing to finally put her emotions into words. To finally say it out loud. "I do. I love you, you stubborn, impossible man." She took a step toward him, but he stepped back.

"Marian...you don't know what you're saying."

Growling, she launched herself at him, grabbing his armor to keep him from moving back and kissed him thoroughly on the mouth. He hesitated a moment before kissing her back. When she pulled away she said in a low warning. "Cullen don't insult my intelligence when I'm trying to seduce you...again." Then she smiled and kissed his jaw lightly. "I told you I love you and I mean it. Do you love me?"

He stared down at her. His mouth opening and closing a few times before he could speak. "What? Yes. Yes, of course I do! By the Maker, Marian I've been in love with you for...so long." He was suddenly smiling and kissing her again. His lips trailed down her neck and she smiled and arched her back to push into him.

"Then I see no problem...My love." She felt a warmth in her chest at saying that. At finally knowing Cullen felt the same way.

He stiffened and rose his head to stare into her eyes. His amber eyes were so warm she could melt in them. He gave her a small smile. "I love you, Marian." He whispered, leaning in to kiss her.

His kiss was gentle. Testing the waters. As he asked for more she opened for him. His tongue stroked hers slowly and she felt fire going through her veins. Felt a pulse of something more primal surging through her. A want. A craving like nothing she had ever experienced.

As his gauntleted hand came up to cup her face, he stopped and glanced at his hand. "Perhaps I...should get out of this armor."

Marian looked at the plate covering his body and chuckled. "I think that would be best."

Smiling, she grabbed his hand and headed up to the stairs. She glanced back, meeting his eyes and her grin broadened.

When they reached the landing Cullen tried to pull away gently to go to his room. Marian just laughed and pulled him closer, placing a kiss on his jaw.

He chuckled softly. "Marian, my armor."

"Let me help you." She asked, pulling lightly on his gauntlet.

He smiled and kissed her, drawing it out, teasing her with more before pulling back. "If you insist. But I must know...” His expression grew serious and Marian stopped to look at him, suddenly the corner of his mouth quirked up, “Is this some devious plot to learn how to take off templar armor?"

She laughed and turned back to leading him into the master room. When he pushed the door shut with his boot she turned and ran her hands up his armor. "That seems a bit too devious for me. Don't you think, my love?"

He grabbed her close, his mouth found hers and he kissed her thoroughly. When she pushed lightly on his armor and he let her go they were both breathless. With Cullen's careful instruction, Marian learned where the clasps were and how to get them undone.

"They don't make this easy, do they?" She asked, frustrated when one clasp was particularly tricky to undo.

Cullen's rumbling laugh made her smile and he turned slightly to help her. "I'm sure there is some reason for it." His eyes twinkled at her.

Once the breastplate and greaves were off, the rest of the small pieces came off easily. As she slid them to the floor she saw Cullen give a slightly worried look at his gleaming armor.

"It'll still be there." She whispered, pulling his chin to look at her.

He smiled down at her and she reveled in the warmth of him. It was such a contrast to the cold armor she had previously been thrown against.

His hand wrapped around her and she ran her hands through his hair. The warmth in her body spread as she looked at the face of the man she loved.

"Marian." He breathed against her lips. She closed her eyes as his head dipped and he placed small kisses against her jaw, slowly making his way down her neck.

"Cullen." She moaned when his chin brushed against the sensitive skin of her neck. It sent spikes of pleasure down her spine to the growing heat between her legs.

He roughly pulled her closer to his warm hard body, her own melding against his so effortlessly. A small growl escaped his throat as his kisses became more demanding. His mouth trailed down her neck to her collarbone. He nipped it gently and she arched against him wanting to bring him closer. Wanting him to never stop.

His hand came up and slowly worked at the button of her dress. When the first one came undone his mouth moved from her neck down to the tops of her breasts. As he began undoing the next button he guided them back towards the bed. Marian thoughts were scattered and all that matter was the feel of his lips against her skin, the warmth and softness, the ever growing need in her body for him. She ran her hands through his hair as he made his way ever downward, towards his goal and hers. Every bit of skin he touched felt on fire. The skin was more sensitive after his touch, craving it again. She wanted his hands all over her, to touch every bit of her and make her body feel alight. Never had she felt this before. Not even after the most lascivious of dreams.

When the back of her knees hit the bed she sat down quickly and her button popped off in Cullen's hand. He stared at it for a moment and a bubbled laugh escaped her lips. He looked down at her and his lips quirked into a smile as he followed her down onto the bed. Pushing her against the sheets his hands resumed their work and she moved her hands down his shoulders feeling the hard muscles underneath his shirt.

She plucked at it. "I think you should take this off." She murmured.

He chuckled and sat up. He tore the shirt off over his head and threw it back towards the pile of his armor. Marian sucked in breath and stared at the glorious man in front of her. As he bent to kiss her she sat up and pushed him up so she could see him better. Her eyes ran over his chest and his cheeks reddened. The sun-kissed skin of his torso told her he practiced with his recruits shirtless occasionally. She imagined the women recruits enjoyed that. She ran her hands over his shoulders and down his stomach. He clenched slightly when her hand trailed through the light brush of hair on his stomach and she felt his muscles ripple. Maker, he was gorgeous. She looked up at him with hungry eyes and he chuckled. "Had I known I would get this reaction, I might have done that sooner." He said lightly.

She pushed him down and kissed him thoroughly. His hands ran up her back and then rolled her over. "And now that you've seen me..." He whispered and his head lowered to her neck. Button after button came undone as his head moved lower. He never moved the edges of the dress aside, only kissing the exposed skin of her navel. Marian closed her eyes, letting his breath and kisses drive her mad. The heat of her sex clenching with want for him as his kisses lowered. As the last button on her stomach was undone, Cullen gently kissed her belly button. She tilted her head to see him and his eyes locked with hers. A shiver ran through her.

Moving to the end of the bed, Cullen stood up. He looked down at her and she smiled at the sight of him, all golden glory. Her eyes reached the edge of his pants and saw a slight bulge. She blushed and looked away.

He smiled and held his hand out to her. She looked at him confused, but he simply beckoned her to him. She took his hand and he pulled her off the bed. As she was straightening, the shoulder of her dress fell and she quickly snatched it back, blushing furiously and suddenly realizing how exposed she was to him. She glanced at him and saw concern in his eyes.

He gently put his hand on her shoulder, tugging the dress into place. "Marian. If you don't want to..."

She looked up at him. His eyes were understanding. She knew she could say no. She could tell him she wasn't ready. Marian bit her lip and tried to gather her thoughts, but they were too scattered. What she did know was that she didn't just want Cullen. She needed him. Looking him in the eye she gently moved his hand from her shoulder, his ring glinted in the light and she kissed the knuckle above it. Then she grasped the edges of her dress and slid them off her shoulders. She heard the wisp of the cloth hit the floor and saw Cullen's eyes go wide as he took her all in.

He stood for a moment, gazing at her in wonder before bringing his hand up. He glanced at her and she gave him a reassuring smile, or an attempted reassuring smile, before his hand came down and trailed down her side. He was watching it slide against her soft pale skin. She stepped toward him and his eyes found hers. She was still nervous.

"Cullen. It's...I've never...been with anyone," She said shyly. A part of her hadn't wanted to tell him, but she knew he had a right to know. She should have told him before this, but as they say; better late than never.

He froze, staring at her. "Sweet Andraste. Marian...I-I don't know...what to say." He went to pull his hand away but she caught it.

"Don't stop. Can you...just...be gentle. Please." She pleaded with her eyes.

He nodded and cupping her chin to tilt it up, placed the gentlest kiss on her lips. "I would never be anything but, my love."

She smiled and wound her hands around his neck, pulling his head down to kiss him. His hands went around her, running up her back and making her shiver. The feeling of his skin against hers was incredible. The smoothness of her stomach against the soft hairs of his made a spike of heat warm her. She ran her hands through his hair, the warmth of his body pulsing through hers. He pulled her back to the bed, never stopping the kiss.

When he rolled over her, his kisses swept down her neck and she felt him against her, hard and wanting. Her breath caught and she tried to remember what Isabela had told her months ago about laying with a man. Running her hands down his back she reached his trousers and tugged gently. She hooked a finger in them and Cullen hissed. She froze, wondering if she had done something wrong.

He lifted his head to look at her, his eyes dark with desire. Her finger slowly ran around his back and towards his sensitive hip. He closed his eyes briefly and this time she knew he enjoyed it. She came around to where the light hairs on his stomach ran darker, and then to the ties of his pants. She looked nervously at him and he kissed her gently. Then, she slowly began untying the laces. She was nervous, but the desire running through her veins made her not care. She wanted this. Wanted him.

Cullen kissed her again and his hand traced circles on her stomach. He ran it slowly up her side to the curve of her breast. He glanced at her before dipping his head and flicking his tongue across her erect nipple. She gasped and clung to him, his ties forgotten. She felt the twitch of him against her leg almost in time with the pounding in her own body.

He smiled at her reaction and, returning to her nipple, he took it in his mouth and sucked gently. Marian's back arched and she pulled his hard body against hers. His hand traced back down her side to her hip. Then, moving his body to the side of hers, he worked at the ties of her underclothes, removing them easily. He continued to kiss and lick at her, the sharp desire rushing to her sex with every flick of his tongue. When her underclothes slid down her body she froze slightly, knowing that her most feminine parts were now on display for him. He didn't seem to notice and his hand slid across her dark curls, moist with want.

He made a satisfied growl in his throat and she felt warm all over. Her skin felt tight and she wanted him to touch all of her. His fingers slid over her sex, gently caressing her and she gasped. Her entire body tingled and she ached. He lifted his head to look at her. Her head was thrown back, her eyes hooded. Moving up, he whispered, "Is this ok?"

She nodded frantically. "D-don't stop." She pleaded. He smiled, a bit smug and kissed her neck, a small nip that made her whimper and move.

His large finger slid into her folds, pulling them back slightly. She arched and her legs opened unconsciously granting him greater access. Her breathing was heavy. He slid his finger down and across her entrance, teasing the sensitive skin. She moaned, unable to do anything, but grasp at his strong shoulders. The desire in her pulsed. He continued in a circle and then up, brushing lightly against her clit. She moaned again and his mouth came down heavy on hers. All tongue and want. He brushed her clit again, this time harder, and she moaned into his mouth. The want ached. She felt him hard against her thigh. With every moan he twitched and pushed his hips into her side. With every thrust of his tongue her hips jerked. They were dancing to the rhythm each set.

She was wet and aching. Clenching for something she knew so little about. But it was a desire she needed. Remembering the ties on his pants, she ran her hand down his stomach until she found them, half undone. He clenched his teeth and moved his head to flick his tongue across her other nipple causing her to arch into him. Pulling roughly on the ties she felt them come loose.

"Cullen." She moaned when he pushed harder against her. He tore himself away from her to slide his pants over his hips. She opened her eyes and watched as he freed himself. Her eyes widened at the sight. As his pants slid down it jumped up. Erect, the tip glistening beneath the hood of skin around it. As she watched he ran his hand down his stomach, it twitched when he neared the darker hairs surrounding it. Marian licked her lips unconsciously. She briefly wondered what it would feel like. Was it as hard as it felt against her body? When she met his eyes, she knew she would find out soon.

He bent down, his magnificent body over hers. His hand slid between her legs and she opened, giving him more. He growled in appreciation. His tongue lazily moved across her nipple at the same time his hand found her clit again. She moaned, feeling herself open more. When he pushed a finger against her entrance though she froze in nervousness.

"Shh." He whispered against her breast, the vibration sending shivers down her. "Relax." She tried to. He pushed his finger slowly into her. It slid in easily and she held her breath until she felt him stop moving. She slowly began to adjust to the intrusion of his finger and wondered frantically how she would be able to fit him in. His thumb brushed her clit and her thoughts scattered. The combined feeling of his thumb and finger was causing a fire to burn hot inside her. She felt a tight feeling in her stomach, like a coil tightening.

He moved slowly in and out of her, matching the rhythm with his thumb and she was soon whimpering and moaning. She moaned his name. The sensations overrunning her were more than she had ever experienced. The coil turned tighter and her hips moved to drive him deeper. He slipped his finger out and she whined. He smiled and kissed her deeply. Then she felt two push inside her. She gasped against his mouth, but quickly adjusted to the new size. The pleasure only intensifying.

His tongue began following the movements of his hand. She arched against him. When he pushed his thumb roughly against her sensitive clit and rubbed, her body shook and she felt the coil snap, taking the world down with it. Dazed, she could only keep moving her hips in time with his hand and ride out the sensations of pure bliss. Her mind was so wonderfully blank and when it was done he slipped his hand out.

Positioning himself easily between her legs, Cullen slid himself against her sensitive parts. She gasped. He kissed her gently, moving slightly off to adjust himself. "Wrap your legs around me." He whispered and she did as he asked. She felt him push against her entrance and she sucked in air. What if it still hurt? Isabela had told her it might hurt.

She bit her lip. "Relax." He said and kissed her. His tongue tracing her lips until she opened for him. As he slowly stroked her tongue with his, he slid himself ever slowly into her. She gasped against his lips at the intense hot feeling. It wasn't a sharp pain, like she had expected. Instead it was a low pain, a burn that slowed as he seated himself inside her. He stopped and she could feel her body adjusting to accommodate him. She was almost amazed that she could take him in.

When he gently rocked his hips against her, her head fell back and she made noises of pure pleasure. He smiled as he kissed her neck, arching his back slightly to kiss her beautiful breasts. He moved slowly, letting her adjust, showing her the pace. As badly as he wanted to go faster, as badly as he wanted to slam his hips against hers and feel the delicious friction, he knew he couldn't. And he wouldn't. When her hips rocked with his, he picked up the speed a bit, for his own sanity. She moaned against him, kissing every part she could reach with her lips: his shoulder and neck, his lips if she caught them. His ear and chest.

He was tightening, building the pressure, knowing he would release too soon. That was why he had made sure she finished first. He had known he would never last. She was too tight. The heat and friction causing him to bite his cheek to keep from going right then and there. Too much pleasure. Too much want and need. But it felt so good. Maker, how long had he wanted this? How long had he dreamed of this? He couldn't believe he would ever have to stop.

Capturing her mouth. "Marian." He moaned against it as he sped up a fraction. Feeling the edge so close.

"Cullen. Oh, Cullen." Her head fell back against the bed and her hands grabbed at his back feebly. He felt her tense and then the most glorious tightening around his cock. He fell over the edge, thrusting deeply one last time as he spent himself, before collapsing onto his wife.

They lay there breathing for some time, he was still twitching in aftershock, before he was able to lift his head. He looked at her, the most beautiful woman to ever grace his presence, and she was his. He kissed her softly until she smiled and opened her eyes to him. The stunning blues always took his breath away. She reached up and stroked his hair soothingly.

Cullen was softening insider her and he slowly pulled himself out. Looking down, he froze. The tip of him was covered in blood.

"What's wrong?" Marian asked and glanced down. She stopped, her eyes widening at the sight of him. Her breathing became uneven and her face whitened. "I'm bleeding." She whispered, fear lacing her words.

He turned to her and kissed her, but she didn't respond. Her eyes were frozen on him. He tilted her chin gently with his hand until she looked at him. "Marian. Breathe." She took in a shaky breath. He got up and walked quickly to the wash basin grabbing a rag and returning. Forgetting about himself he knelt between her legs. "It's just a little blood. It can happen...when it's a woman's first." He looked at her, she slowly nodded. "I'm sorry," He said, not able to meet her gaze anymore. He was an idiot. He should have known...he should have been more gentle. He should have...Cullen shook his head and ever so gently ran the cloth along her, washing away the bit of blood and his seed.

When he was done he returned to the basin and quickly washed himself. He went back to the bed and saw that she had not moved. Lying down next to her, he gathered her in his arms.

"I can feel my pulse." She whispered, as she drew closer to him.

He closed his eyes. "I'm sorry." She hadn't been ready. Why had he pushed her? He should have stopped this.

Pushing on his chest she pulled herself away. He let her go and felt his stomach drop. She hated him. It was his fault. "Cullen." She whispered. He opened his eyes expecting to see the hate and anger in hers. Instead, she smiled shyly and kissed him on the jaw. "I love you." She said quietly.

He looked at her startled. "Y-you don't hate me?"

Marian giggled. "Why would you think that?" Then giving him a mock-stern look she asked, "What kind of woman do you think I am, Knight-Captain? To go sleeping around with men I hate."

He shook his head. "But...you were so shocked with...the blood. I thought you would--"

"Oh." She blushed and looked away from him briefly, embarrassed. "Isabela told me it could happen. I just...forgot. I feel silly." She gave him a small smile, her cheeks still tinged pink and ran her hand down his jaw, snuggling closer and entwining her legs with his. When he only stared past her she prompted, "What?"

"You don't regr--"

"No." He glanced at her surprised. "And don't ever think I do...or...or I'll have to zap you."

Feeling relieved he pulled her back into his arms. He smiled and kissed the top of her head. "That's a serious threat, Miss Hawke."

She giggled and kissed him soundly. "Then I guess you'll have to keep an eye on me, won't you...Knight-Captain."

"I guess I will." His warm amber eyes gazed into her blue ones. Smiling, he pulled her close, finally able to sleep in his own bed.


	11. Chapter 11

A small bit of light streamed through the curtained windows of the master bedroom. Cullen sighed quietly and turned onto his side. He should be getting up, getting ready to depart for the Gallows, but he was having trouble leaving the bed. He smiled down at the beautiful sight lying next to him. Marian Hawke was possibly the most exquisite woman he had ever seen. In the morning light her fair skin glowed faintly, such a contrast to the dark hair tumbling down her back. He lightly ran a hand down her side, loving the soft feel of her skin against his. What he would give to stay curled up next to her for the rest of his days and never have to think about templars or mages again.

She stirred and turned, her eyes blinking at him. He saw a blink of confusion, then remembrance, and then a small soft smile. He kissed her shoulder.

"I have to go," he whispered, hating himself for having to.

She glanced toward the window and back at him. "So early?"

"Yes." He supposed she had never been up before to see him leave. He wondered when she normally woke up. Long after he left, he was sure. The trouble with living on this side of the water was that Meredith expected him in his office at the time he would normally if he was sleeping at the Gallows. Which was earlier than mages were expected to be awake, and before templars broke their morning fast.

Her hand traced his jaw and he turned to kiss the palm. He had been worried that she would wake to regret the night before, even if she had assured him she would not. He was glad she still wanted to touch him, for he dearly enjoyed touching her.

"Can't you take a sick day?"

He laughed. "Templars don't get sick days, my dear."

"Not even if I write you a note?"

He pulled her close and kissed her, his hands running down her body, loving the feeling, wanting to memorize her form in his mind. She squirmed against him and he felt the tightening in his groin. He needed to leave this bed before he couldn't anymore.

Rolling on top of her, he deepened the kiss. When he broke it they were both short of breath.

He stared into her blue eyes, so clear and bright in the morning light. He frowned as his thoughts drifted to the previous night. To when her eyes had held shock and fear. Growling he rolled off her.

"What's wrong?" She rolled on her side, but he was already up and reaching the door of the bedroom.

"Stay here."

She chuckled lightly after him. "I'm not going anywhere."

He walked to his room quickly. When he reached it he knelt down and reached up under the bed. The knife was securely attached to the underside of the bed's rails. If he had need of it quickly. He ripped it off and glanced at the knife safely tucked in its sheath. It would do, for now. It wasn't fancy, but it was sharp. He walked back. When he opened the door to her room, their room now he supposed, though he would have to ask her about that before presuming to move into it, Marian glanced at him and her eyes lit up in the smile she gave him.

"Here." He handed her the sheath with the knife.

She reached out tentatively and took it from him. She glanced at him curiously. "What am I supposed to do with this?" Her brows furrowed and she looked at the knife again. "Was it that bad?"

"What? N-no. Marian, this is for you. So you can protect yourself...without magic." He glanced toward the window, his jaw tightening at the remembrance of the previous night at the Blooming Rose. He had been so scared, when he had walked in and looked around frantically for her. He had prayed that the dwarf had been lying, that Marian hadn't gone there. When he saw the man reaching for her, he lost it. He didn't remember the last time he was so angry. So filled with blind rage. He didn't remember the last time he hit someone so hard either. And yet, even now he felt no remorse for that action. But when he had turned to her, the look of fear, her eyes shining. No. He never wanted to see that look again. Never.

"Cullen." He turned when her hands went around him. He buried his hands in her hair and brought her close, kissing her, relishing the feeling of her safe in his arms. He rested his chin on her head and closed his eyes. "I don't know how to use a knife. I mean...other than you know...cutting things."

He smiled and pulled back to look at her. "I'll teach you." A little practice every night and she would be able to wield it in no time.

She grinned and shook her head lightly. "I'm a pretty terrible student."

"I doubt that. And besides my dear, I train templars. I am sure teaching you will be a piece of cake." She had no idea the brutes and uncouth men he had trained in the past two years since arriving in Kirkwall. Every one of them was now a trained templar, for good or ill.

"Oh don't be so sure, Knight-Captain." Her eyes sparkled mischievously and warmth spread through him.

He pulled her back to him and kissed her.

"I will see you tonight." He whispered, kissing her on the forehead and letting her go.

She chuckled softly and grabbed him to kiss him again. Drawing it out and testing his resolve dearly. "All of me, my love,” she said when he finally pulled her off.

He blushed as he hurried to don on his armor.

* * *

"What are you doing here, my dear?" Cullen asked Marian as she walked up to him that day in the Gallows.

"Aveline asked me to talk to your Ser Emeric about the missing women. She said I might have better luck. I do have a way with templars, I'm told." She grinned at him and winked.

Cullen smiled slightly and shook his head at her. Under any other Knight-Commander Ser Emeric would have been retired at a peaceful country Chantry by now. However, Knight-Commander Meredith was keeping templars later and recruiting them earlier. Normally, Cullen would have worried about this. But considering the number of blood mages and apostates running around Kirkwall, he wasn't about to tell her they needed less templars. Although there was now one apostate he wanted desperately to keep away from other templars. “Be on your best behavior, Miss. I can't have you coercing my templars into straying from their duties.”

Marian laughed. “Oh, we can't have that, can we?” She chuckled as she walked away from him towards Ser Emeric.

He watched from across the courtyard as Marian spoke to Ser Emeric. The missing women were interesting, though technically it was the guard's duty and not a templar's to track them down, or their murderer. He remembered Marian mentioning a severed hand that she and Hawke had found the last time they tried to track down the women. It didn't bode well.

He saw her nod and say something to his templar and then she was walking back towards him.

"I have to go to Gascard DuPuis' estate tonight." Her eyebrows were furrowed and he could tell she was thinking about what Ser Emeric had told her.

Cullen shook his head. "The guard already checked out his estate on Emeric's suggestion and found nothing. Then Meredith had to apologize. It wasn't exactly comfortable around here after that." He hated to think of what Meredith would say if she found out her Knight-Captain's wife had gone to investigate the man. She had given the templars strict orders to leave DuPuis alone.

"It can't hurt if I double check. He seems convinced something is happening there. If I check it out and find nothing, maybe he'll calm down."

Cullen frowned. He doubted the old man would ever calm down, or stop sticking his nose in non-templar business. "Ok. But do so quietly. I don't want your affiliation with the templar order to cause more strife.”

She raised her eyebrow and Maker, how had he never noticed she could do that almost exactly like her brother? “My affiliation?”

He knew better than to say anything. “Just be safe and please bring someone with you."

Marian shook her head, but gave him a small smile. She reached up and quickly kissed him. "I'm always safe. And I was planning on asking Garrett for help." Her fingers lingered on his neck. “And perhaps later...you can explain what this affiliation I have with the templars is.” She winked and he cursed his stupidity.

He looked at her surprised, both for the kiss and for what she had said. She hadn't spoken to her brother since the day she moved in. But before he could ask her about it she was leaving the Gallows and he was worrying about her, though it didn't stop a small smile from forming at the feeling of her lips against his.

* * *

“Don't be stupid, Garrett! You know, as well as I do, that those women are actually missing and that they didn't all get up and walk away.” Marian growled at her brother from across his desk.

“I don't see how pissing off a noble will help those families get closure.” Garrett leaned back, she could tell he was thoroughly enjoying toying with her.

Marian stood up. They had been arguing for a half hour and she was annoyed. They needed to gather everyone and head to the estate soon. She didn't want to be out all night. “Fine.” She crossed her arms. “If you don't believe me, I'll go by myself.” She felt a rush of guilt as she had told Cullen she would take someone with her, but if her brother wasn't going to cooperate, she wasn't going to spend until the next Blight arguing with him.

She turned and stalked out the door of his study.

“Don't be so blasted stubborn!” Garrett yelled, as he came storming out right after her. She repressed her smile as she turned to him.

“If DuPuis is clean, I'll owe you one.” Marian grinned.

“You owe me a lot already.” He shook his head, clearly still irritated. “Give me a minute to get ready. Go get Aveline, I'll grab Fenris and meet you outside his estate. Don't go in without me! Clear?”

“I won't.” Garrett was turning to head up the stairs. “Garrett?” He turned. Marian smiled at him. “Thanks.”

He rolled his eyes. “As if I'd let that templar tear me to pieces for letting you go off on your own. Don't promise to be safe if you don't mean it.” He stalked off towards his room. Marian wasn't even slightly surprised he knew.

“I didn't promise anything,” she muttered as she walked towards the door to Hightown.

* * *

When Cullen got home there was a note in the study reminding him that Marian had gone out and where she was going. It also mentioned that her brother and a few of their friends were with them. He recognized the Guard Captain's name and he was pretty sure Fenris was the white-haired elf with the strange tattoos. It made him feel a little better, but he still worried about her.

He ate dinner and worked on some of the reports Meredith wanted. He glanced out the window numerous times, and his mind drifted to all the things that could be going wrong. What if Gascard was the killer? What if the templars had apologized to him, and he had secretly been killing women for years?

Hours went by and Cullen's worry grew. He paced the study and attempted doing more work, but gave up as night went on.

The small sound of the door closing had him rushing out of the study and down the stairs. Marian smiled tiredly at him as she walked through the sitting room towards the stairs he was descending. He reached the bottom and pulled her close; smelling sweat, blood, and something burnt. She sank into his embrace.

"Maker, what happened?" He could tell she had fought, and from her exhaustion he could tell she had used quite a bit of her mana. He pulled back to get a better look at her, inspecting with his eyes for injuries. He saw that her robe was torn in a few locations, but each had whole skin under them. He noticed a blood stain around one and his eyes tightened in worry as he realized she had healed herself. He was counting the rips when her hands pulled his chin up to look at her.

"I'm fine, my love. Really." She smiled and kissed him. Not convinced with her prognosis he let his hands wander over her body, looking for bruises, he knew mages found those difficult to heal and many simply allowed them to heal naturally. Sure enough as his hand wandered over her right side she hissed. He pulled back and frowned at her. She tsked. "I'm fine. I'm still alive, after all."

"Still alive does not mean fine." He would know. "What happened? You were attacked. Was it DuPuis? I knew there was something wrong with him."

"Oh you knew?" She smiled coyly at him. "Of course you knew." She kissed his tightened jaw.

"Marian, this isn't funny. What happened?" He pulled back to give her a stern look. It only made her smile larger.

She shrugged. "DuPuis was a blood mage. We chased him around his estate, as he summoned waves of demons for us to happily dispatch. Nothing like a blood mage battle to get the joys out of life.” Cullen was not amused. She smiled and kissed his jaw again. “We cornered him, finally, and killed him."

He stared at her, his blood pounding through his ears. "Blood mage." He needed to report this. Now. He tried to pull away, but she caught him.

"Where are you going?" Her grin gone.

"I have to report this." He would wake up the ferry man. In a few hours they could have men at the estate.

She pulled away and pouted. "But...don't you want to check me for any more injuries." She grinned and kissed him on the neck, slowly winding her hands under his shirt. He hissed.

"Maker, Marian. Really? I need to--" Her hands were very distracting. They danced across his stomach and around to his back. Maker her hands lit fires in him. He grabbed her and pulled her head back so he could kiss her.

There was pulling and kisses until she could coax him up the stairs. Until for a second he could forget that he had a duty to the templars. When the door to the bedroom closed, blood mages were miles away from his brain.

He found three large bruises, or what would form bruises come morning. One on her side, one on her hip and another on her leg. He tried asking her about them, but she kissed him until he was breathless each time.

She enjoyed taking his shirt off by herself. Teasing across his skin. Kissing him everywhere. It wasn't long before he was painfully hard against his trousers. He was gentle with her. Slowly taking off her dress and kissing all the places where there had been a rip. She smiled when he finally found her mouth. Her hands fumbled at his trousers until he reached down to help her. "You aren't too tired?" He asked. She was so pliable in his arms that he suspected some of it was due to exhaustion.

She chuckled and pulled him back down to her. When his hand slid between her thighs she was wet for him, making him rumble in appreciation. The idea that this woman, this beautiful, wonderful, powerful, woman, desired him made his head spin. Surely there must be some mistake.

"Can I...see...you?" She asked as he made her want soar.

He paused and glanced at her. "What do you mean?"

She gestured toward his cock and blushed. He chuckled, understanding her meaning, and rolled over onto his back. He was hard and he saw her eyes dart down to him and then away in embarrassment.

"Can I...touch it?"

He groaned. "Yes. Please."

She looked surprised by his response, but turned on her side and ran her hand down his stomach. She reached the darker hairs at the base and paused. Clearly unsure, she looked at him and he kissed the top of her head encouragingly. He wanted her to be comfortable. Maker knows she should never have to be nervous around that part of him.

Her hand wrapped around him and squeezed. He jerked. "Gentle, my dear." He said through gritted teeth.

"Oh Maker, I'm sorry." She blushed and he kissed her to show her there was no harm done and this time she slid her hand over him with utmost care.

"It's so...soft," She whispered and he twitched just at the thought. "I never thought it would be soft. Hard...sure, but not soft."

Her hand reached the tip of him and she gently rolled over his slit. He groaned, his eyes closing with the pleasure of it.

"It's wet?"

He opened his eyes to see her blue eyes looking curiously at the wetness on her finger. He growled and kissed her fiercely. "Maker, Marian you are going to do me in if you keep talking."

She chuckled and kissed him. She explored him a bit more. He tried not to interfere. Tried to let her touch him without grabbing her and seating himself. The pleasure of it was so extreme and her touches so light and teasing that he desperately needed to relieve himself.

She slid up over him again, her thumb brushing his slit and his hips jerked. She chuckled and kissed his chest. "This is fun. You are trying so hard to not move."

He opened his eyes. She was smiling brightly at him, her blue eyes mischievous. "It is fun to see me so undone?"

"Only when I am the one doing the undoing." She rolled on top of him and kissed him. "It is nice to know the stern Knight-Captain has to give in to his desires every once in a while."

He growled and, grabbing her, rolled them both over so he was on top. "You are my only desire, my wife," he whispered in her ear. He grabbed her leg and pulled it around him, giving himself access to her. She sucked in breath when he pushed his head against her. "And you are the only one who can do this to me." He kissed her, pushing her mouth open and sinking into her slowly. She moaned against him. He groaned. Maker she was so tight.

He rolled his hips against her. Starting out slow and building the rhythm as she adjusted to him. She wrapped both legs around his hips, giving him better access and when he thrust into her again she jerked and gasped. He was so deep now.

He built the speed back up. Tightening and getting closer to the edge. Marian moved with him and he realized he had all, but neglected her. Resting on his elbow he snaked his hand between them until he reached the beginning of her curls. When he brushed against her, she took a sharp intake of breath and he kissed her deeply. He couldn't control the pressure, but with each thrust of his hips he moved against it. Her head rolled back and he watched as she built her pleasure. Memorizing the way her breathing hitched and the way her back arched slightly. He loved her like this.

He picked up the speed, but kept a steady pace. Ramming into her and pushing his fingers against her clit. He was so close, but he tried to hold off, to wait for her to finish. Suddenly, Marian choked out a moan, her body stiffening and tightening around him. He growled and kissed her neck as he filled her. After a few last thrusts he lay on top of her while his heart raced.

She opened her eyes and he brushed a soft kiss against her lips. "I love you." He whispered.

"I love you too."

He rolled off her carefully and she curled up next to him. Her head over his heart as she listened to it beat.

Cullen sighed against the pillows. "I still need to report this."

"You can report it in the morning," She mumbled sleepily against his chest.

He ran a hand over his face. Maker what was happening to him?

"He's dead. Can't hurt anyone, anymore." He heard her breathing soften and he leaned back. Maybe she was right. At least for tonight. If the man was dead, it could wait until the morning.


	12. Chapter 12

Mother?" Marian was surprised when she opened the door that morning to Leandra Hawke.

Her mother had never come to visit her. Normally, they met in Hightown for a few hours. At least,when she hadn't been speaking to Garrett that's what they had been doing. Now that they were back on speaking terms she figured she could visit her mother at home. So she was especially surprised to see her there that morning.

"Good morning, Sweetheart." Leandra came in and looked around. Marian suddenly felt self-consciousabout her small home with Cullen. It was nothing as grand as the estate Garrett had. But she liked it. Over the months living here Marian had felt completely at home, something she had never experienced before. It was one of the reasons she didn't stay out late with the gang anymore. She liked coming home to the small house by the docks, where Cullen waited for her and smiled when he greeted her. "I thought I would come by this morning and see how you were doing. I heard Garrett and you made up yesterday?"

"Um...we did." She had needed his help and as much as the man hated to admit it, Marian knew he had missed her. But her brother would never apologize, and neither would she. The Hawkes were stubborn that way.

"That's good. I'm so glad you two are finally speaking to each other again." Leandra looked around and Marian saw the slight grimace at the bookshelf in disarray. She turned back to her daughter with a stale smile. "I hear you and Cullen are doing well."

"We are happy, yes."

"That is great. I knew he was a fine man."

"You did, did you?" Marian bit back the angrier comment she had for her mother's lack of interest in who her daughter was carted off to.

"I trust your brother to take care of you. Garrett can be difficult at times, but he cares about you. I knew he would never put you with someone that would hurt you."

Marian shook her head. She knew it was futile to argue with her mother, but couldn't stop from saying. "Garrett can be more than difficult, mother."

"He has always protected _you_."

"He has protected all of us, mother."

Leandra sighed and looked away. "Some better than others." She muttered. Marian closed her eyes and pinched her nose. She didn't want to argue. Not today.

She opened her eyes and smiled widely at her mother. "I'm glad you came by."

Leandra smiled back at her daughter. Marian briefly wondered whether her mother was as oblivious as she appeared, or if Garrett got his conniving ways from her. "Me too. It's nice here. I can see you've made it your home. I'm glad I get to see one of my children make a home for themselves."

"Garrett's made a home," She said a bit defensively. Maker, what did they go down into the blighted Deep Roads for if not to make a home for their mother?

"I suppose he has." Leandra said with a slight frown.

When Marian had finally ushered her mother out of her house, she leaned against the door and sighed. Why must her mother be so difficult? Why must she always point out what was wrong and not what was right? Why couldn't she just come by and be happy that for once Marian was happy?

She shook her head. Her mother would never change.

* * *

Cullen stared at Moira. "Ser Emeric is dead?"

Moira nodded her head. "Yes, Ser. Serah Hawke was there, um...your wife, Ser. She says that there were shades when she arrived and that she found Ser Emeric dead. She says it's connected to the missing women."

He ran a hand through his hair. Marian had once again come to the Gallows to talk to Ser Emeric. When she had found out he had already left to find her she had gone running after him. Cullen had quickly dispatched Moira to go after both of them, though he had desperately wanted to do it himself. But Meredith's orders were that he was not to run around Kirkwall if it could be helped. Now he found out that one of his templars was dead and the murderer his wife thought she had caught the night before had gotten away. He ground his teeth. This couldn't get any worse.

He had dispatched several templars to the DuPuis estate that morning as soon as he got in. Meredith had asked him why he had not come in the previous night. He had made up an excuse that Marian had been hurt and had stayed at her brother's estate until that morning. He doubted the Knight-Commander bought his lie, but for the time it didn't matter. All that mattered now was that his wife had once again put herself in danger, with fade creatures attacking her, and he had been nowhere to protect her. And that one of his most senior templars was dead, and there was a murderer, who could summon fade creatures, which automatically made them mage, running around Kirkwall. He had to get to the bottom of this, quickly.

* * *

"Marian!" Garrett stormed into the house while they were eating. Cullen was up and at the door before she could stand.

"Hawke." He glared at the man. This was his house. He wasn't about to be yelled at, or let Marian be yelled at, by her troublesome brother. It had been long day and Marian had sent him a note earlier telling him they should talk about the murderer since she was positive it was a mage and wanted his help. They had just sat down to eat and she was telling him about what she had found out from DuPuis mansion and the death of Ser Emeric when the door had burst open.

"Where's mother?" Garrett asked, completely disregarding Cullen's glare.

"I...haven't seen her since this morning," Marian said. Her face was slowly losing blood as she looked at her brother.

"Shit." Garrett turned back towards the door. He glanced back at his sister. "Mother's missing. I thought I'd check here first. We need to go look for her."

Marian was nodding. Cullen caught her arm before she walked by him. "Surely she's just late getting home." He saw the worry in his wife's eyes.

"She was given white lilies." Hawke said quietly. The last of the blood left Marian's face.

"I'm going," Cullen said suddenly.

She shook her head. "No. Stay here...just in case. Just in case mother comes here."

He tried to argue, but she would have none of it. So he watched her leave with her brother and felt his heart sink. If she was hurt...

* * *

Cullen paced across the hearth. It had been a few hours and he had heard nothing of Marian or Garrett. After Marian had left, Cullen had gone down to the docks, woken the ferry man and told him to bring a message to the Gallows. He hoped for templar reinforcements. If this was a mage, Marian and Garrett were ill-prepared for the battle. They needed a templar, they needed lots of templars and him. After an hour no returning message came from the Gallows and Cullen ground his teeth in frustration. Either no one understood the urgency of the message or Meredith disregarded it completely. Either way, he suspected no templars were coming. He tried to leave the house several times, but no one he questioned knew where the Hawkes had gone. His worry only increased.

He was wearing out the carpet in front of the fire when the door shut quietly. Cullen turned quickly. His eyes fell on Marian. She stood in the doorway, not moving, simply staring at him. Her blue eyes shining brightly and she was barely keeping it together. He was racing across the room for her before thoughts were forming. As his arms went around Marian, her knees gave out and he held her up. He slowly sank to the ground with her, careful not to hurt her. Her body wracking with sobs.

Cullen didn't need to hear what happened. He knew. He held her and let her cry, let her mumble incoherently against his shoulder. The only words he understood were, "Too late. Always too late." He didn't need to hear the story. He only knew he needed to be there for her. He stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head. Holding her tightly against him as he had once wished someone would hold him. He knew about horrors. He knew about feeling too late, about being the only one left alive. But he wouldn't let Marian be alone. He would never let her feel that way, not while he was alive. Perhaps he had been kept alive for something.

"She's dead." Marian's voice broke through the sobs. "My mother is dead. And it's all my fault."

"Shh. No it isn't, my love. It isn't your fault." She cried against him, her fingers twisting through his shirt to hold him closer. To hold on to him for dear life. Realizing they couldn't stay on the ground all night, Cullen wrapped his arms around her legs and her and lifted. He brought her up the stairs. She was silent for a time, listening to his heartbeat. When they reached the bedroom, he laid her down and curled himself around her protectively, holding her tight. He should have been there. Even as the thoughts formed his heart hurt with the realization. He should never have let her leave this house without him.

When Marian finally fell into an uneasy sleep, he held her in his arms. He would send word tomorrow to the Gallows. Unless Meredith herself showed up on his doorstep, he was staying here for the next few days. He wasn't going to leave Marian alone. Not after this. Not after losing her mother.

* * *

"A-Anders? What in the blazes are you doing here?" Marian stared speechless at the Grey Warden apostate standing in her doorway. It was the middle of the afternoon and she was positive she had never seen him out of the clinic at this hour unless she dragged him away. In fact, she hadn't seen him since the night before the wedding. That was...Maker that was months ago.

He looked terrible. Thinner than the last time she had seen him. The hair on his face was longer too. She wondered when the last time was he had a full night's sleep. His eyes were downcast and he looked very uncomfortable.

"I heard about your mother...I wanted to...I should have come by..."

"You didn't go to the funeral," she mumbled looking awkwardly down at the ground. Not that she had expected him to. But he had been the one person she thought was her friend before this whole mess of marriage.

"Your...husband was there."

She nodded. She had never told Cullen about Anders. She had decided it was better if he didn't know. She also didn't tell him about Merrill: that would be a disaster.

"Do you want to come in?" She gestured inside. Anders hesitated a moment before nodding and entering the house she shared with Cullen.

"Never thought I would be invited into a templar's house. Especially not one that belonged to a Knight-Captain."

"Well it's my house too." She closed the door when he came in. Cullen wouldn't be home for hours, and she would make sure Anders left far before that.

They both stood awkwardly in the entry. The silence stretched on for minutes and Marian adjusted her blue dress, smoothing out the non-existent wrinkles. She wasn't sure how she felt about Anders being there. He had hurt her the last time they spoke. And she worried his opinion of her hadn't changed.

"I'm sorry." He finally blurted out. He shifted and looked at her. His brown eyes like the biggest puppy dog she had ever seen. "I should never have said what I did the night before your wedding. It was...stupid and...And I didn't mean any of it. I was just...angry. I didn't want you to marry Cullen. I didn't want you to marry anyone!"

Marian stared at Anders. She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it, unsure of what to say.

"The thing is...I've been beating myself up for months because of it. Because I should never have said that. And I should never have hurt you." Anders took a step towards her. His eyes so earnest and sad. He opened his mouth to say something.

"Did you have anything to do with the explosion at my wedding?" She asked quietly.

His eyes went wide and he took a step back. Anders opened his mouth several times, his brow furrowing. Finally, he spurted out, "Ho-how could you...think that? How could you think I was capable of that?!" He took another step back, shaking his head. His voice rising. "Your _husband_ is the one who slaughtered those responsible! You think if I had anything to do with it I would still be here, that I'd still be alive?!"

"I'm sorry." She hadn't expected him to get so angry. She hadn't even meant to ask it. It had just slipped out.

"Sorry? You think I would be _here_ if I had anywhere else to go?"

She felt sick and closed her eyes against the pain. "I'm sorry I am your last resort. And I don't even know why you are here."

Anders turned away from her so he wouldn't see the pain he caused, again, and ran a hand through his hair. She watched as he visibly collected himself before turning back to her. "Marian...let me start over."

"This I have to hear." She shot at him, angry that he would come into her house, seek her out, only to hurt her again. She didn't want to deal with any more pain in her life, she had enough as it was.

He ground his teeth. "You don't have to make this so difficult. I am trying to ask for your help. I need your help." She simply looked at him curiously. He threw up his hands. "But you know what? I don't even know why I am here. I would be better off asking your brother. For all the good that would do me."

He tried to push past her, but she put her hands up and stepped in his way. "J-just tell me what you want, Anders. I'll try to help if I can." She was worried about him. Even if she did feel the world slip out from under her whenever he spoke harshly. He had been a friend. If she hadn't married Cullen they might have been more. If he had ever decided to let her get that close. Her failed attempts at flirting with him resurfaced and she felt hot with embarrassment just thinking about his rebuffs. If he needed help she would try to help him.

* * *

"What's wrong?" Cullen asked, halfway through dinner that night. He put down his food and turned to Marian.

"N-nothing." She gulped and looked down at her food. She had barely been picking at the food still piled on her plate.

"You've been quiet. Nothing bothering you?"

"No. No, nothing bothering me."

He looked at her curiously. Marian Hawke wasn't a very good liar. But as much as he wanted to pry out of her what was wrong, he knew he had to give her space. She would tell him in time, he hoped.

She had been having a hard time since her mother died. While he occasionally saw Hawke at the Gallows shopping for new weapons or arguing with the merchants, Marian rarely went out. She stayed indoors, or if the pirate was very persuasive she would go to the Hanged Man for a few hours. She was very...closed off, even with him, despite all his best attempts. Since that night Leandra died, Marian had distanced herself from everyone, even him.

Cullen sighed and finished his meal in silence. He didn't think tonight would be the night he got her to open up. He simply hoped time would make it better, would heal her wounds.

When she was done picking at her meal she took a deep breath. "I'm...uh...going out tomorrow."

He perked up. "Oh. That's good." He smiled at her, but she didn't return it.

She nodded absently. "Yea...so if I'm not home...when you get back...I-uh I went out."

His brows furrowed. "Went out where?" He didn't like the sound of this.

"Out."

"Marian."

"Out! Maker, Cullen I don't need to tell you everything I do! This isn't the Circle and I am not one of your mages that has to jump when you tell me to!" He flinched and she stormed out of the dining room. He heard the thud of a door being slammed.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. She was hiding something. And he would be sleeping in the guest room again.

* * *

Marian stared down at the corpses of men dressed in shining armor; the flaming sword etched on their breastplates. "Maker...what have we done?"

"We killed templars. It's what we do, Marian," Anders growled at her. His blue eyes burning as he looked over the pile of dead templars.

"N-no." She shook her head, disbelieving. She felt sickened. She didn't kill templars. Killing templars was a horrible thing to do. It was a sure way to bring more templars down on apostates. It was a sure way to be caught and hauled off to the Gallows.

"Yes. You did." He turned to her. The blue showing through his robe, where cracks in his skin must be. He grabbed her chin to lift it up. She saw the burning Fade in his eyes. "And you would do it again."

"Cupcake." Isabela walked up and gently pulled Marian away from Anders. "We should get out of here before more of them show up." She was looking at the templars. Marian thanked the Maker that she had enough sense to bring someone else along with her.

She was about to leave with Isabela when she stopped. "The girl," she whispered. Looking over at where the Circle mage was huddled on the ground crying. The Circle mage who had been being abused by Ser Alrik and caused their precious plan to fall apart in battle.

Anders stalked over to the mage. "Are you with them?" Marian saw the flash of blue across his body and pulled away from Isabela.

She felt Anders pulling on his power. She saw the girl cry something.

"Anders! NO!" She reached him. Grabbing his arm and pulling him away from the girl. "She's not a templar! Don't do this." He stumbled and then went down on his knees. She felt the power draining from him and the blue across his body fade.

"Maker..." He looked up at her. His face aghast. His brown eyes anguished "Wha-what have I done?" He looked from her to the girl and then shook his head and fled.

Marian stared after the retreating back of the Warden.


	13. Chapter 13

Cullen dragged his feet as he entered the house and shut the door behind him. It was well past dark and he was exhausted. Beyond exhaustion, really. Ser Alrik had gone missing that morning. Then he was found. Everyone at the Gallows had been tense after that, and he suddenly had a load of paperwork to go through. Not to mention Meredith going mental that someone could kill five templars under the Gallows. And then there was the matter of the escaped mage. Security had been increased, mages had been confined to their rooms, templars and mages interrogated, the whole day had been a mess. And Meredith had almost not let him go home at all. Insisting that they get to the bottom of it. Then at the last moment she told him he needed his rest and that perhaps he should ask his wife's brother about news. That gave Cullen a bad feeling in his stomach. Could Meredith suspect? Maker, he prayed it was not so.

He groaned. Ser Alrik hadn't even been a **good** templar. Cullen had heard the rumors about him. Not that he could do anything without evidence, but he knew they were likely true. It grated him that every time he tried to talk to the Knight-Commander about his suspicions, she wrote him off like his opinion on the men didn't matter. Well it did matter. He sighed. Well, it had mattered. Not that it did anymore. The man was dead. But still. The matter was he had been a templar. And he had been murdered under the Gallows. And there was a missing mage. The day couldn't have gone worse.

All he wanted to do was see Marian, hold her, and eat a good solid meal. Perhaps he would even get to see her smile if he was lucky. As he trudged through the living room he heard voices coming from the dining room and stopped.

"Anders. You have to leave." Marian's voice spoke. She sounded worried and a little frightened.

"Marian...I can't. If it hadn't been for you...that girl would have died." A man's voice, he sounded desperate and scared.

"Please." Marian pleaded with the male voice.

Cullen crossed the living room quickly. His eyes widened as approached the entrance of the dining room and took in the scene.

Marian was pressed against another man. His lips on hers. His arms around her; holding her to him.

"Tell me you feel the same," The blonde-haired ruffian said when he broke the kiss, resting his head against hers.

The floor was no longer under Cullen's feet. He was sure if he looked down he would see only sky and he would be falling. He couldn't be seeing what he was. It was a Fade dream, a nightmare surely. Maker tell him it wasn't real. It was just an illusion...like everything else.

Marian turned and saw Cullen standing in the doorway to the dining room. Her eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly. Her mouth...which he could see was still wet from the kiss. Shock gave way to rage. Hot anger flooding his veins. Red shrouding the corners of his vision.

The man turned to see Cullen standing there. The only thing Cullen could think was that the man looked incredibly familiar, like he should know him. The man's jaw tightened and his eyes narrowed at Cullen.

"Cullen!" Marian shouted in surprise.

He watched as the man backed away a few steps. His eyes turning a strange shade of blue. Cullen felt the Fade rolling off him. A mage of all things.

"You don't deserve her!" The mage shouted at Cullen, his voice incredibly deep.

Cullen felt a shiver roll through him. That was not a natural voice. An abomination. He gathered the energies around him and concentrated. Pulling out his sword and stepping forward. His mind set on one thing only: the only way to handle an abomination.

"No! Cullen, no! Please!" Marian was walking toward him, pleading. He never took his eyes off the abomination. When Marian had reached him with her pleas, he quickly grabbed her arm and pulled her behind him. He wouldn't let the abomination harm her.

He wondered if it had been trying to tempt her. Trying to turn her into an abomination too. It wouldn't have her. Not while he still breathed. Cullen felt the once-mage gathering his power and he stuck. His smite severing the abominations ties to the Fade. It wasn't over yet. Abominations were incredibly strong.

The abomination's man-like eyes started wide. The blue gone. He looked smaller. Almost human. "Marian..." The abomination pleaded at her. Cullen advanced; ready to strike when he was within distance.

"Don't you dare address her, abomination," he growled as he stalked forward.

He felt the stirring of power behind him and was suddenly struck with electricity. The blow stunning him momentarily. Before he could move the abomination ran past him and out of the living room.

Cullen spun on instinct. Lashing out with a smite and bringing his sword around on whomever had struck him with lightning.

He stopped dead, his anger falling away to shock as soon as he saw her. Marian stared at him, her blue eyes large as saucers. He knew where the electricity had come from, but he was having a hard time believing it.

Cullen stared at Marian and then darted for the door. When he reached the front door it was open. He scanned the street, but the abomination was gone. He needed to get to the Gallows. To collect a contingent and hunt for the abomination. His mind was fast ahead. He would bring them here, hunters could track used magics...Cullen stopped. He stared down the street. Used magics...he couldn't bring them here...Maker, what could he tell the templars? He turned slowly around and walked back into the dining room in a daze. What could he say? That his wife had been seen with an abomination? That he had witnessed them...kissing in his house?

He looked up when he reached the dining room. Marian was still standing in the same spot. Her eyes large and staring at him. She looked on the verge of tears. Cullen swallowed and shook his head. He needed to...needed to tell the templars...needed to understand what had happened...she had used electricity on him...Marian had used _magic_ on him.

“Why?” He asked quietly.

Marian shook her head. He walked closer, still wanting to understand, needing to understand.

“Why Marian?” He felt his voice catch and he walked closer.

She took a step back and a small noise escaped her lips. 

Cullen felt the heat of anger rise. How could she? She used **magic** on him. “What were you thinking, Marian?!” He shouted at her, halving the distance between them. “You let an abomination get away!”

She took two steps back. Shaking her head. Her eyes filled with fear. She put her hands up. "Don't hurt me, Cullen."

He stopped and stared at her. He had thought her fear was of the abomination. But...he realized that it was...of him. He looked down at the silverite sword with the blazing symbol of the templars in his hands. The sword he used to kill mages, apostates, abominations...people. He dropped it on the ground.

He closed his eyes and took a breath to calm himself. When he opened his eyes he saw that she had taken another step away from him. "I would never hurt you," he whispered. He knew he could never hurt her. Never hurt the woman he loved so dearly. Even as she had hurt him. He tried to push that thought down and focus on the more important task ahead of him. He had to find the abomination. If she knew where it had gone he could run to the Gallows, gather some men, and track it down. He would tell them...something. That he had run into someone who said they heard of an abomination. Had it on good evidence. Perhaps that would be enough.

Marian stayed very still where she was standing. Watching him. She looked from the sword to him. He waited. The silence stretched between them.

"What were you thinking?" He finally asked, exasperated.

"It's not what you think."

Hotness ran through him. "Not what I think! ARE YOU MENTAL? That was an abomination, Marian! And you let him GET AWAY!" He needed to know, to understand. Maybe he had charmed her somehow. Or she had really poor aim and the spell had been meant for the abomination and not to stop him from silencing it forever. But he knew deep down that was not true. He knew her aim was good, he had been saved by in now on several occasions.

"He's not an abomination, he's a man, Cullen," she said calmly.

"That was no man," he growled, taking a step towards her. Maker, didn't she know what abominations looked like? But he hadn't either, until he met his first one in Ferelden. Until Uldred. He glanced down at her dress and noticed splatters of blood he hadn't seen before. Marian tried to cover them with her hands when she saw him looking and she took a step back. He pointed at them with his gauntleted hand. "What's that? What happened?" Had she been hurt? Had the abomination hurt her? He felt anger course through him at the thought. He would find and murder it.

"N-nothing." He took another step towards her, but this time she moved around the table so she was closer to the door. She glanced back at the door quickly, as if seeing how fast she could run to it.

He didn't understand her reaction. "Did the abomination do this?"

She shook her head and fidgeted with her dress. Clearly uncomfortable. "N-no. It's nothing. Nothing happened."

He ground his teeth, frustrated with her not telling him anything. Of all the times for her to be obstinate. "I know you're lying." After everything, why wouldn't she just tell him?

She glanced at him frightened. "I...was healing...someone...earlier."

"STOP LYING TO ME!" He took a step towards her. Worry making him panic. What if she was in league with the abomination? No. Impossible. But...what if? He would have only one course of action...he would have to...

Marian took another step towards the door. She was shaking slightly. "It's nothing. Really."

"There is blood on your dress, and I come home to see you making out with abominations. You think I will buy that nothing happened?!" His voice rose in anger.

"He's not an abomination. He is...was my friend."

He decided her attempting to run away from him was useless. He wasn't going to let her get away. He quickly moved around the other side of the table and Marian sensing it tried to turn and leave, but he grabbed her arms and pulled her back around. " **Was** is right, because he isn't human anymore," he growled. He needed her to see that.

"Don't say that." She fought against him. Her face white.

He held on tighter and she flinched. "Accept the truth of it then. And tell me why you have blood on your dress. Whose is it?" He demanded.

She struggled vainly. "Stop. Cullen, please. I didn't mean to. It wasn't supposed to happen that way." He saw tears in her eyes even as he watched her try to push them down.

"What? Maker, Marian what happened?" Panic rising in his throat. Fear lacing his veins. What had happened? What had the abomination done? What had she done?

"Anders...he asked me to help him. I-we were friends. But I didn't know. I didn't know what he planned. And they attacked us. And...Cullen they attacked us. There was nothing I could do. I couldn't stop him. I had to protect myself." Her voice was rising in hysteria. She was pleading with him and he felt dread in his stomach. Fear lacing his veins.

"Who attacked you?" He demanded. They wouldn't live when he found them.

She shook her head and tried to pull away from him.

Cullen shook her. "Who?!"

Tears fell down her face and he heard her choke out, "Alrik."

He released her and she fell. His body was cold. As if he had been dropped into the sea to drown. He stared down at a woman he didn't recognize. He opened his mouth several times, but no words would come out. Marian had killed his templars. She had killed five templars and let a Circle mage escape. He couldn't feel his body. He grabbed the closest thing, a chair back, to remind him that the world was still real, that it was only spinning in his mind. He closed his eyes. Maker, let him awake from these nightmares. Let this be a test from the demons. Perhaps he had already failed and this was his punishment.

"He attacked us, Cullen." She begged from the ground, her voice bringing him back. He looked at her, huddled in a ball on the ground, shaking.

"You killed templars, Marian." His voice held no emotion and she flinched. He glanced at his sword on the ground. She killed templars. And consorted with an abomination. Who was she? Perhaps she had already fallen to temptation, or was a blood mage herself.

"He...he was hurting that mage. He was going...to do horrible things to her. He was evil!" Tears leaked down the sides of her face as she stared up at him. He felt...nothing as he looked down at her.

"That does not mean you take justice into your own hands." He felt a blush of anger. A feeling amidst the cold.

"That's what templars do!" She cried back at him.

"You are not a templar!" He growled. Warmth hitting his stomach as he grew angry.

She pulled her legs to her and put her head on them. He sat there watching her for several minutes, the anger boiling through his blood. He wanted to yell at her, shout, do something to make her understand what she had done and the repercussions of it. Instead, she just sat huddled, the fight gone. He sighed and turned away. He needed to think about this. Marian had just killed five templars. His templars. Cullen breathed. He was warm with anger, at least the cold was gone. His mind was reeling and he closed his eyes to think. He had to find the abomination. That was the greater danger. Marian was...she was an apostate. And an apostate was dangerous. But the abomination was the real threat. Marian had killed his templars. But the abomination had been there. The abomination had caused it.

Cullen took a deep breath. He needed to find the abomination. And Marian would know where the abomination was. He could bring her to the Gallows. His stomach dropped and his heart felt as if it had been stabbed. He blinked. No, he realized that had never been an option. Maker, what had he done? Marian...he could never turn her in. Could never take her to the Circle. He...could not lose her...perhaps he already had, the image of her with the abomination turned in his head and he pushed it down. Nevertheless, he knew his limits, and he knew he could never hand over the woman he loved to the Gallows. She would be put to the death...or worse. He breathed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Cullen turned back around. Alrik had been a case...but did that excuse his murderer going unpunished? He looked at Marian. She was huddled on the ground, her head on her knees, shaking lightly with tears. She wasn't even trying to leave as she had earlier. Even as he stood there deciding her judgment. He ran a hand through his hair. Most days he was fine with being a templar. Today was one of those days he wished he wasn't. He looked back at the woman he loved sitting on the floor, terrified of him and his decision. If he had been asked a year ago what he would do in such a situation the answer would have been clear; justice would have been served. But his emotions clouded his judgement and he knew that he could do nothing to harm her. A part of him hated himself for not being able to do the right thing, another part was glad he couldn't. Cullen walked over to her and knelt down. She flinched, but didn't try to move away.

"Marian," he said softly. Maker, even know the sight of her filled his heart. He couldn't believe he had so much love in him, after everything that had happened. He steeled himself.

She sniffed and turned her head, though he wasn't able to see her through the mess of hair covering her face.

He blew out his breath and decided. "Ser Alrik died today under the Gallows." He rested his hand on her back. "The templars suspect the runaway mage had something to do with his death. Though it is unlikely one mage could escape five templars, it is also possible the mage underground helped." He put his other hand under her legs and lifted, picking her up easily. "As far as anyone is concerned my _wife_ has nothing to do with the mage underground. Understood?"

Marian picked up her head and stared at him. Her blue eyes so wide and stunned. A few tears ran down her face. Maker she had been so frightened. Frightened of him. His heart constricted at the thought. He allowed himself a moment of weakness and kissed her head, leaning his forehead briefly against hers.

"You're not angry?" She whispered, her throat still raw from crying.

"I'm beyond furious, my dear. I cannot even begin to forgive you for what you have done. But that doesn't mean I am going to turn you over to the templars." Not yet anyway. His heart sank at that. But he had to know for sure she wasn't consorting with abominations. If she was...

She nodded as he walked out of the dining room and up to the stairs. A hot bath would calm her down. Then he would find out everything he could about the abomination and go hunt him.

"I need you to promise me something."

She nodded and sniffed.

"First, you will tell me everything you know about that abomination. Second, you are never to see him again. Third, no more lies. Understood?" He would protect Marian from everything, even herself if he had to.

She stiffened. He reached the room and set her on the bed while he ran the water. When he helped her into it she rested her hand on his cheek and looked at him. Her eyes were red. "I promise," she whispered.


	14. Chapter 14

The few months after the disaster with Anders were tense between Marian and Cullen. She knew he was still furious at her. Marian understood that what she had done was wrong; that she shouldn't have gone with Anders that day, knowingly following him into the Gallows in secret, and that she certainly shouldn't have allowed him to kill those templars. But Ser Alrik had been a raving lunatic and from what she had learned later he had been one of the templars that found pleasure in terrorizing mages. After examining her actions and speaking with Isabela, blast it, even Aveline had agreed with her, Marian knew that she had done the right thing. She had saved that girl. She had probably saved countless other mages from Ser Alrik's tyranny.

But Cullen didn't agree with her and every time she tried to open the conversation up again he got cross and snapped at her. So Cullen didn't agree with her. Fine. She didn't need his approval on everything she did. She had told him enough about Anders so that he could look for him. Mostly, she had told him that she knew Anders spent some time in Darktown, but that he was always moving and that she never knew where he would be next. With her dodgy information, the templars never found him. She knew Cullen knew she was keeping things back, but luckily neither of them cared enough to open that issue again.

She started going out with Isabela again. To the Hanged Man and out to hunt gangs come nightfall. Cullen slept in the guest room. She often didn't get home until late anyway. They hadn't spoken much since that night and every time they did she ended up storming out of the house. Garrett suspected, but she had begged Isabela not to tell him and the pirate had kept her word. As far as Marian was concerned, no one needed to know that there was trouble between her and Cullen. Hopefully, with time it would become water under the bridge, at least that's what she kept telling herself.

The fact was that Marian didn't know how to fix it. She had screwed up. She should never have let Anders into their house that night. She should never have told Cullen about the templars. After she had calmed down and Cullen had left that night she had realized how stupid she had been. She had been so terrified that Cullen would hurt her that she had just rambled out everything! She should have kept her mouth shut and everything would have been fine. But now she didn't know how to get his forgiveness. How to make this all go away. And she was far too stubborn to apologize. She shouldn't need to apologize for the Maker's sake. She had done something good!

She grumbled as she headed up the steps of the Viscount's Keep to visit Aveline. The guard captain had sent her a note asking if they could speak privately and that she had something to ask her.

"Marian, it's good to see you. I hear you've been keeping busy. About time you got out of the house." When Marian walked into her office Aveline smiled up at her from behind her large desk that was littered with papers, likely reports on the guard's activities in the city. She felt at ease in her friend's company. It was about time she felt that way somewhere.

"Believe me, the fresh air feels great. Even if it is covered in dust and dirt and smells like dwarven ale."

Aveline laughed. Then frowned. "Listen...I need your help with something. Just a small thing."

She held up a coin. Marian grinned. "I'm afraid you need more than that to take me out, old friend."

The guard captain scowled. "Don't be an ass. I need you to just take this and give it to guardsman Donnic. No questions." She said when Marian opened her mouth to speak.

She grabbed the coin and flipped it in the air before grabbing it. "Easy enough." She turned and left the guard captain's office.

* * *

“So, Donnic...” The guard looked up from his ale at Marian. She felt her face grow hot and looked back down into her mug. She was going to set Aveline on fire the next time she saw her.

“Uh...listen Serah Hawke...” He rubbed the back of his neck. Finally, he sighed. “I really can't do this. I mean...you're married and I only came because I assumed there would be other people here. I didn't take you for this sort of woman and your husband's a good man, from what I've seen of him, and well...” He stood up. “I'm a little ashamed.” Then he walked towards the door.

Her face was crimson and she could only stare openmouthed at the guardsman's retreating back. She was going to kill Aveline.

* * *

"Can't she just ask him to bend her over her desk already? She's really bad at this." Isabela complained as they walked along the Wounded Coast slightly ahead of Aveline and Donnic.

"Not everyone can just ask those things," Marian said quietly, watching the waves in the distance. Last night had been mortifying. She had been so humiliated by Donnic's words that she had run home, her face still aflame. When she had hurried into her house, Cullen had been sitting in the chair by the fireplace. He had looked up and saw her bright red face and that she was slightly out of breath and had looked deeply confused and concerned. She had ran upstairs to escape any questions. She was afraid he would somehow have heard of her shameless behavior at the tavern. While sitting on her bed and trying to calm down she had heard a small knock on the door followed by Cullen's concerned voice.

“Is everything alright, Marian?”

She had wanted so badly to open the door to him and run into his arms, to feel the comforting embrace that only he could provide. But she knew that behind it would be questions and that he hadn't truly forgiven her yet. She wasn't ready to open that door. So she had shouted for him to leave her alone and when his footsteps had retreated back down the hall, she had cried.

She had been so angry at Aveline that morning that she had demanded she either tell the man her true feelings, to clear the book of Marian's name, or she would march over and do it for her. After a few minutes of Aveline grumbling and Marian's stony face, the guard captain had agreed and now they were making sure the two of them had 'alone time'.

Isabela glanced at her, seeing the mage's stormy thoughts behind her calm face. "And speaking of being bent over, you haven't either in a while."

Marian gave the pirate a sharp glance. She didn't need another reminder of the fact that her and Cullen hadn't made up yet and that she might have ruined her chance last night.

"Oh come on, I'm not dense. He's still angry at you for defending yourself?" She shook her head. "Can't you just tell him you're even now? After all, he went out and slaughtered four mages right after your wedding. Far as I'm concerned that makes you two square."

Marian rolled her eyes. "It's not that easy."

"Sure it is. If he really wants to take out his frustration...you could always let him. A good smiting never hurt anyone."

Marian stared openmouthed at the pirate, then blushed furiously and looked away.

Isabela laughed. "Just think on it, cupcake. Or maybe we'll take a trip to the Blooming Rose." She winked and Marian smacked her lightly on the shoulder.

* * *

Cullen was sitting in his study, finishing a letter to his older sister, Mia. After he had spoken to Marian about his family months ago he had reached out to his contacts in Ferelden, trying to find out where his family had ended up after the Blight. A part of him had been so fearful, that part that had never wanted to think about them again because he had worried they had died. He wasn't sure he could have dealt with that knowledge after what happened at the tower. It had been better for him to get out of Ferelden; to leave and have a fresh start in Kirkwall. As interesting as this fresh start has been. Cullen sighed as his mind wandered to Marian. After only a few short months, Cullen had received a letter from his older sister telling him that his siblings all still lived and had moved. Their home in Honnleath had been destroyed and they had left, surviving the darkspawn attacks, and started a new life further north. Mia's first letter had been for all intents and purposes her yelling at him via her writing. She had been furious at him. Not that he had found them, but that he had married without inviting them, without even the decency of informing them period, as Mia had pointed out. It had taken two more letters to convince her and the rest of his siblings not to come to Kirkwall to meet his new bride. That was the last thing he needed. He had explained that the situation was complicated, not how complicated of course, his siblings didn't need to know that, and that he had told them he would ensure they met Marian in time. The way current things were going that didn't mean much. He doubted Marian wanted anything to do with his family at the moment. Considering she wanted nothing to do with him either.

He heard the front door close and frowned. It was awfully early for Marian to be home, considering she had been avoiding him for months. It wasn't even past midnight yet. Though perhaps after whatever happened to her last night she had decided staying out past all Maker forsaken hours wasn't entirely a good thing. He shook his head and thought, _Either that or someone is breaking in._ He sighed. _Maybe the abomination came back and I can make short work of him and hide his body before she returns._ He doubted he would be so lucky.

The door to Cullen's study opened and he paused his writing. He listened as footsteps came up behind him and felt the corners of his lips tug. He knew those footsteps, though his smile faltered. He wondered what those footsteps were doing in his study after they hadn't spoken to him in such a long time.

Small hands went around his shoulders from behind and he leaned back into her embrace. She hugged him tightly around the shoulders, her head resting lightly on his shoulder. She moved along his shoulder and kissed his neck softly. She kissed up his neck to his ear which she gently nipped. He shivered. It had been months since she had touched him, and his body responded all too eagerly with a familiar tightening and heat lowering to his groin.

"Marian," he said huskily.

"Mmm." She kissed down his neck again. Her kisses lighting his body afire

"What are you doing?"

He felt her smile against his neck. Her hands were untying the laces of his shirt. "Apologizing."

The corners of his mouth lifted. "This is how you apologize, my dear?" She was pulling his shirt out of his trousers and he leaned forward so she could yank it over his head and off him. Then she turned his chair around so he could look at her. He stopped breathing. She stood naked in his study.

His blood began pumping faster. As he stared, her nipples hardened under his gaze and she rubbed her legs together, telling him she was as affected by him as he was by her.

She smiled at him. "Seems as good as any apology." Marian stepped closer and he reached out for her. "Unless you'd like me to stop?" She took a step back and his hand grasped air. "We could always go back to not speaking to each other."

Cullen tried to think clearly. His eyes roamed over her body. She still haunted his dreams at night and left him so wanting in the morning. And there she was, waiting for him, if he just grabbed it. He closed his eyes. "Sex isn't going to solve the problem," He said, though he hated himself for saying it.

Marian surprised him by laughing softly. With his eyes still closed she came closer. He could feel the heat of her body and restrained from opening his eyes. "Nothing will, Cullen." She moved the chair back and threw her legs around it, straddling him. He groaned. "I'm a mage and you're a templar. We aren't going to agree on everything. But if we can get past that...then we have a chance." She kissed his tightened jaw. Instinctually, he put his arms around her, the feel of her skin driving him mad.

"Where is this coming from?" He needed to know if she was genuine. That this wasn't some trick of his tired mind.

Her hands ran along his chest and she kissed it slowly. “Today I helped Aveline with a...small problem. When we got back to Kirkwall she reminded me that sometimes we just need to move past our differences. That sometimes love is more important than the petty things.”

She briefly remembered her conversation with Aveline earlier.

_“Marian.” She paused at the door to the guard captain's office as she was leaving. Aveline was smiling brighter than she had ever seen her. “Thank you.”_

_Marian smiled in what she hoped was a genuine way. “I am just glad you are happy.”_

_Aveline saw right through her. “You both need to stop being so stubborn. Tell Cullen how you feel. Or show him. Either way it's time to move past this.” She walked up to her friend who was hesitating by the door. “He loves you, anyone with eyes can see it. You just need to remind him that you love him too.” She squeezed Marian's shoulder._

“And that has led to this?”

She chuckled against his chest. “Well, and Isabela reminded me just how much I missed you.”

He opened his eyes. Her blue eyes smiled at him, twinkling mischievously. He loved her so much. He ran his hand up her back and pulled her closer to him, kissing her deeply. She scooted closer to him, rubbing against him and he made an appreciative noise.

She pulled back from the kiss and grinned at him. "Do you accept my apology?"

He looked at her, her grin genuine, her body flushed with desire. He chuckled. "I don't think you are quite done apologizing to me, my wife." She looked curiously at him. He grabbed her quickly and raised her off the chair in his arms. She squeaked, but he had already landed her on the desk, her legs hanging off. His ruined reports under her, but he didn't care.

He kissed her back until she was resting against the wood. She twined her legs around him and grabbed his trousers, undoing them while he kissed up her neck and shoulder to her lips again in a frenzy, needing to kiss every part of her within reach. His hand found her breast and he enjoyed grabbing it for the first time in months.

The ties on his trousers were quickly undone and her legs pulled them down. He rubbed against her and she grabbed him. There was a frenzy to both their movements. They needed this. He growled against her neck and when her finger rubbed his head he kissed her and moaned deeply into her mouth. His other hand quickly joined hers between them and found her opening. He teased it and she rubbed his cock against her, teasing himself with her heat.

They were both ready for each other in moments. The need so much more intense because of their time apart. He seated himself in her and grabbed her legs to pull her closer. Marian moaned and threw her head back, arching off the desk. He smiled and kissed her shoulder. He moved fast, not able to slow down or be gentle. He needed her.

As he thrust into her the tightening continued. The pure pleasure of being with her, being inside her, knowing that she wanted him as much as he wanted her, was too much. He rolled his tongue over her nipple and she moaned. He enjoyed making her moan, finding every part of her body that he could elicit a groan from. Marian's legs wrapped around him tighter, pulling him closer.

"So...close," she moaned and he picked up the speed, wanting to drive her over and watch the beautiful ecstasy. He moved up from her breast and bit her neck.

She gasped and he thrust fast and felt her tighten around him. He moaned as he spent himself inside her, his eyes closing in pleasure.

They stayed on the desk for several minutes, catching their breath. When he finally lifted his head to look at her, she was smiling at him. She gently ran her hand through his hair and stroked it.

"I love you. It might not always be easy, but I do." She pulled him up and kissed him gently.

"I love you too, my wife." He moved off her and pulled her up and into his arms. "If you want to try to make this work despite everything, then so do I." She smiled in his arms. Things would never be easy. He knew that. But she was right; they could always work through it if they loved each other.

* * *

The pounding on the front door woke them both up. Cullen was out of bed in an instant, years of soldier training kicking in as he quickly grabbed his sword and stood at the ready. Marian blinked her eyes several times to make sure she wasn't still dreaming and shook her head to clear her mind. Then she heard the incessant pounding and what was possibly muffled shouting coming from the front door. Her heart began racing as she thought of what could have happened, of who would be pounding on their door at night.

"Stay here." Cullen commanded. He grabbed his shirt and threw it over his head, already halfway out the bedroom door.

"To the Void with that." Marian growled, moving to the side of the bed and grabbing her dress from the floor. Cullen was already halfway down the stairs by the time she got to the door of their bedroom.

He kept the sword bared as he approached the door, the banging on it continuing.

"Knight-Captain, we have a situation!" Someone shouted, their voice muffled through the thick wooden door.

He grabbed the handles and opened the door. Three templars stood there, in full armor, one carrying a torch. "What happened?" He scanned the templars and saw that two of them were men who served at the Chantry full time and the third was from the Gallows night-shift.

"A situation at the Chantry, Ser. We need you to come immediately." The templar who had been banging on the door said. He was one of the templars from the Chantry.

Cullen heard bare feet padding against the floor as Marian walked up behind him.

"What's going on?" She asked.

He turned to her. Her eyes were wide as she stared past him at the templars standing in their doorway. She wore a light night dress and Cullen moved to block her view from the men. "I have to go to the Chantry. Stay here."

She rolled her eyes at him. "Stop telling me that." She surprised him by then turning to address his templars, pushing him aside. "What happened?" She asked them in a demanding voice. Sometimes he forgot that she was Hawke's sister. He didn't doubt for a second that if Hawke wasn't as domineering as he was that she would be the head of their household.

The men shifted, clearly uncertain what to say and the night shift guard from the Gallows put his head down. Cullen didn't like the way the man who had previously spoken was looking at Marian.

"Perhaps the lady should come. Her brother was involved." The templar from night-shift said in the back. The one who had been speaking previously gave him a dark look and the templar looked down again.

"Garrett?" Marian looked worried.

His unease grew as he and Marian exchanged a look. What had Hawke gotten himself into now?

* * *

"Why didn't you come get me?" Marian asked, glaring at her brother's back as he walked angrily ahead of her towards his study. Together, she and Cullen had been able to pull Garrett out of the Chantry and get him back to the estate. The templars had wanted to keep him for more questioning. Cullen had to  stay at the Chantry to finish getting all the details of what exactly had happened for his report for Meredith. Marian had been surprised to see the Viscount there with his envoy of people milling about and she was even more surprised to find out that the Viscount had asked for her brother's help specifically.

"There wasn't time." Garrett shuffled through his papers on his desk, trying to look busy. As soon as they had arrived back at the estate he had said he had paperwork to do and tried to retreat back into his study despite the early hour of the morning. Marian would have none of that and had followed him, wanting the full story and to know why he hadn't involved her with this.

She shook her head, knowing he was evading her. "The Viscount told you about this yesterday morning. You then went to the Hanged Man. How was there no time to get me? You could have had Isabela run to catch me or Fenris or Aveline for that matter, since she was with you when you went to confront Varnell. In fact, I saw her a few hours earlier." She was frustrated that Garrett would take on the Chantry fanatics without her. She was even more worried that he had killed a templar and did not seem fazed by it at all. She had watched Cullen's jaw tighten when he found out. She doubted he would be angry at her, but he would also be angry at Garrett for not telling him either. After all, all Garrett would have had to do was tell Cullen that one of his men was suspected of kidnapping Qunari and the whole thing could have been cleared up without bloodshed. Maybe.

He shrugged and continued organizing his desk, not looking at her as he did. "It's nothing I couldn't handle on my own, Marian. Besides, you were safer at home...with Cullen."

"I don't care about what's safer!" She yelled at him. He looked up at her, his eyebrows knitting in surprise. She had been keeping her anger reigned in since she found out about Garrett's little escapade, but she wouldn't any longer. "I should have been there. You shouldn't have gone alone, Garrett."

He frowned. "I don't see why you are making this a big deal. And I wasn't alone."

"Oh, right. I almost forgot that everyone went with you. Everyone, except me!"

"Marian, you are blowing this out of pro--"

"NO, I'M NOT! How am I supposed to watch your back if you won't let me, Garrett! You're my brother and you expect me to just be content that you are going off and doing dangerous things without me. This isn't the first time either. Remember the Qunari powder? You didn't tell me about that either, and I could have helped. You were sick for weeks because of that blasted stuff."

"I'm fine now, aren't I?" Garrett said a bit defensively.

"Stop it! We've lost enough family as it is. I can't lose you too!" She felt herself close to tears now and she sat down in the chair across from his desk. Looking up at him she felt lost. She felt as if she had lost him already. "Please. Please don't leave me out of this anymore."

Garrett closed his eyes and sighed. When he opened them he came around the desk and kneeled down in front of her. "Marian...I can't...lose you either. Y-you know that. I...Maker, you really make things difficult." He looked into her blue eyes and she saw what he wanted to say. He had never been one for words. Their father always used to jest with him about it. Used to say Garrett was only eloquent when he wanted people to believe something that wasn't true, but that he couldn't express his own feelings to save his life.

She got off the chair and hugged her brother tightly. For everything that had happened, he was still her brother and the only family she cared about in Kirkwall, the only family she could still watch over and keep safe. He hugged her tightly, showing her exactly what he could never say.

* * *

By the time Marian got home from her brother's estate the sun was well up. There was a note on the mantle telling her that Cullen had gone straight to the Gallows from the Chantry and that he would likely be home late as the Knight-Commander would expect a debriefing. She sighed and crawled upstairs to go back to sleep, missing the few hours she could have been curled up next to him.

She spent the day listening to Isabela and Varric give her their elaborate retelling of her brother's adventures the night before. It didn't help. She didn't understand why nobody else but her worried about him. The way Varric and Isabela spoke, people would think that her brother was invincible, but she knew better. He could bleed, just like anyone else.

She went home in a melancholy and remembered that Cullen wouldn't be home for hours more, so she made dinner and tried to pass the time by reading one of Cullen's novels that he kept on his bookshelf in the study. She took it downstairs and curled up on the sofa near the fire. He had told her that when he watched over the mages at the tower in Ferelden he would sometimes read over their shoulders.

"You wouldn't believe some of the things apprentices read." He had said, his ears growing red. She imagined they weren't as bad as some of Isabela's stories. Those could make the most experienced men blush. The story she was reading now was about a wizard who was trying to cure a sick princess.

Night fell while she was curled up by the fire. She didn't realize she had fallen asleep until she felt whiskers tickle her forehead. She giggled and opened her eyes to see Cullen smiling down at her.

"You didn't have to stay down here, love." His amber eyes stared down at her with such warmth she felt her whole body tingle.

"I wanted to wait for you." She pulled him down to kiss him, his hands running under her and lifting her onto her feet. When they broke apart, he rested his forehead against hers. "How were the Gallows today?"

He sighed, his hands ran over her softly as he spoke, soothing her and himself. "Meredith was in an uproar. She wouldn't listen to reason. Despite all the evidence that Ser Varnell was going behind the Chantry's back she...she..." He sighed again. "It's been a long day and your brother definitely hasn't helped much."

"I know. I'm sorry. I wasn't very happy with him either. He should have taken me along."

Cullen pulled back and stared at her. "What?"

She smiled at him and ran her hand slowly through his hair. "I should have been there with him. When he went to face Varnell."

"No, you should not have been there.” Cullen said matter-of-factly, “You were exactly where you were supposed to be and the last thing you should have been doing is off with your brother in the middle of the night hunting templars."

The last part came out harshly and her smile slide off her face. "I...I should have been there. Watching his back, protecting him, Cullen. He shouldn't have been alone."

He watched her for a moment before asking quietly. “And what about me? You would have left me alone?”

Her eyebrows knitted. “I...Cullen...he's my brother. I need to protect him.”

He understood, but he needed her to understand what he was saying. What he meant. He kissed her slowly, pulling her close and running his hands down her back. He kissed down her jaw and up to her forehead. Then he took her face gently between his hands and looked into her eyes. "Who will protect you if you are off trying to protect your brother?" There was pain in his eyes and she stayed silent. He kissed her forehead again. “You're the only person I have. But I can't protect you if you don't let me." His eyes were so sad that she felt her heart ache for him.

She couldn't form the words for him so she swallowed them and nodded. Then grabbed him and kissed him passionately. Perhaps the Hawkes couldn't always say what they felt, but they could certainly show it.


	15. Chapter 15

"Aw, good, you're both here." Garrett came up to her and Isabela's table at the Hanged Man. Isabela winked at him and Marian pretended not to notice.

She was about halfway done with her ale and not nearly drunk enough to deal with the two of them in a room together, but as she looked up she saw the Fenris and Aveline were with him and their expressions were stony. "What's wrong?"

"The Viscount's son is missing." Aveline replied curtly. Garrett nodded and took a drink from Isabela's cup.

"The Arishok told me that Seamus is supposed to meet his father at the Chantry. Only problem is that I just came from speaking to his father and he made no mention of such a meeting." Garrett was clearly annoyed with this. "So we are all going to go to the Chantry and make sure little Dumar is safe." He finished Isabela's drink and raised his eyebrow at them. "You two coming?"

Isabela got up. "Wouldn't miss it. Seamus is turning into such a man, might be worth another look." Garrett's expression darkened a tad and Isabela smiled a bit wider.

She got up. "I'll come." A little trip to the Chantry wouldn't hurt anyone. She grabbed her staff that was leaning against the wall. It had been Cullen's idea that she carry it around with her more. He was always worried about her and he said that the blade Garrett had put on the end during their first year in Kirkwall would detract cutthroats from stopping her in the street. So far it had worked. Together, the five of them headed towards Hightown and the Chantry.

* * *

Cullen walked quickly up the steps and into the Chantry. By the Maker, could anything more go wrong? When he came through the giant gilded doors, two of his templars saluted him. He turned to one.

"Debrief."

The templar seemed a little shocked, at first, to be addressed by the Knight-Captain, but he wanted an on-site report of what had happened.

"Uh...well, Ser...you see." He stopped him with his hand and turned to the other.

"You."

This templar was quicker than the first. "Seamus Dumar is dead, Ser. So is Sister Petrice, who the Grand Cleric has said was involved in the death of Seamus Dumar. The Hawkes are here as well, Ser. And the Viscount. The Grand Cleric and the sisters are taking care of the body now, Ser."

Cullen nodded and felt the worry lines on his forehead increase. The Hawkes were there. Why were the Hawkes always there? He walked deeper into the Chantry until he came upon the Hawkes' ragtag group. The guard captain was missing, his initial report said that she was keeping order as the news of the Viscount's son's death spread. Garrett watched him as he approached and Marian was staring blankly at the ground. She had spoken highly of Seamus, she had said he would make a fine ruler one day. He guessed she was taking his death badly. Sure enough, when she looked up at him, he saw the lines of tears on her face and her eyes were red.

He pulled her into a quick embrace and whispered, "It's not your fault," into her ear. She wouldn't believe him. Not the first time. It would take him saying it about fifteen times before she started to believe him. He felt her head shake against his shoulder and knew his work was cut out for him.

When he let her go, he turned to Garrett. "Alright, tell me what happened." He wondered if this had been Garrett's plan all along; not to keep Marian safe from the templars, but to use Cullen whenever he found himself in templar territory. He wondered how many times he would be required to go to the scene of a crime because his brother-in-law was involved, or how many times Garrett would pull Marian into it as well. And yet he knew he would. He would always help Hawke because they were family, because the man had made sure they were and because he knew Marian couldn't lose him any more than he could lose her.

* * *

Marian sat on the edge of the bed staring at her entwined hands. She shook her head slowly. This couldn't be happening. She wasn't ready for this; she could never be ready for this. She sat on the bed for a long time wondering who she could talk to about it. She needed to talk to someone, at least to get it off her chest. Cullen was the obvious choice, but he was so busy at the Gallows and...she wasn't sure she was ready to talk to him.

Her brother would be no help. In fact, he might just make it worse. Aveline would be shocked and probably tell Marian all the bad things that could happen. Sebastian would say it was the Maker's will and that she should accept his guidance in her life. Isabela would put her at ease with a joke, but wouldn't really give her any good advice. Marian sighed. Varric...perhaps she could speak to him. But then again, he might just tell all of Kirkwall by the time dark fell. Fenris rarely spoke to her and she wasn't on speaking terms with Anders. Merrill would gush and then end up telling everyone incidentally.

Perhaps she should try Varric. Kirkwall would hear about it eventually. Maybe it would make it easier if they all found out through him. Maybe he could even throw in a dragon or two if she asked. She got up and walked out of the room, deciding to see if Varric was at the Hanged Man. She was almost at the stairs when she doubled back to get her staff. Better to be cautious than dead.

She was walking towards the Hanged Man when she heard screaming from up ahead. She stopped and looked around to see if anyone was in immediate danger, but the street was empty. Marian ran towards the screaming. When she reached the end of the road she heard a shout to her left and spun quickly to run towards it; knowing her brother's voice above everything. She heard screaming and saw flames and as she rounded the corner she saw Garrett, Aveline, and Varric fighting Qunari. She immediately grabbed her mana and cast a frost spell at the giant closest to Garrett. He swung his long sword and slashed the Qunari to pieces. He worked effortlessly with his blade, from years of practice and honing his skill, and Marian's skill with her spells slowed their opponents enough to allow the others to dispatch them quickly.

When the battle was over, she turned to Garrett. "What in the Maker's name is happening?"

"The Qunari are trying to take over the city." Aveline stated, catching her breath after the battle.

"What?!"

"We have to reach the Viscount's Keep." Garrett turned to her. "Go back home, lock your doors, and don't let anyone in."

"To the Void with that!" She shouted at him, clutching her staff in her hands as fear set in. "I'm going with you."

"No! It's not safe." Garrett's eyes were red and she wondered if he had slept at all last night.

"Don't tell me what is and isn't safe! We are sticking together, Garrett. I won't lose anyone else!" She saw the flicker of pain in his eyes.

He stared at her, she could tell he was trying to find a reason for her to go home, but eventually he conceded and nodded. "Fine. Then we better get going."

They made their way to Hightown, fighting Qunari, elves, and scavengers on the way. Varric explained what had happened to make the Qunari suddenly bent on destroying the city.

"Wait. Isabela stole some sacred Qunari text and...left?" She felt her heart fall to the ground and when she glanced at Garrett his shoulders stiffened at the mention of Isabela.

"Believe me, Hawkette, nobody saw that coming."

She stayed silent as they continued their path of destruction towards the Viscount's Keep. They rounded the corner into Hightown and heard the sounds of fighting. Marian saw Fenris in the middle of three Qunari, blade flashing and tattoos glowing. Garrett jumped in and she quickly cast a spell to freeze one solid. Varric shot another and Aveline went racing in, not be outdone by everyone else. When the last went down, Garrett turned to Fenris. "What are you doing here? Fighting Qunari alone. Are you mad?" He grabbed the elf, who had been hunched over taking a breather and looked him over for injuries.

"I was looking for you." As if that explained everything. Fenris stood up and shook Garrett off. Marian could see he only had one small scratch and since he generally didn't let her heal him unless it was a serious injury, she didn't even ask.

"Looking for me?" Garrett stared at Fenris in the most curious way and shook his head. "You'll get yourself killed, idiot." Then he turned and walked towards the Viscount's Keep.

They turned another corner and suddenly they were set upon by more Qunari, with a Saarebas. Garrett shouted and rolled behind a pillar, but the rest were too slow and Marian and her companions were thrown back by the blast of the Qunari's magic. The wind was knocked out of her, but she tried to scramble up. She felt Garrett gathering his templar abilities. He rounded behind the pillar and sent a powerful smite at the Saarebas. He stopped casting midflow and before Garrett could run toward the Qunari, a sword pierced his middle and he fell.

Marian stared as a woman stepped out from behind the fallen Qunari. Marian didn't need to be told who it was. She felt as if a bucket of ice had been washed over her. Knight-Commander Meredith was eyeing their party as she stood next to the fallen Qunari. She stopped when she saw Marian and her breath left her as her heart started beating wildly. Garrett stepped to the side gaining the Knight-Commander's attention and as those cold eyes left her, she felt the ability to move set in again.

"What can I do for you, Knight-Commander?" Garrett asked angrily, his whole body rigid and prepared for battle. He did not like the surprise of Meredith showing up out of nowhere and seeing them battle. For a second, Marian was happy she had not been able to use her own magic to stop the Saarebas. But what if the Knight-Commander could sense it in her?

"You are a templar." Meredith was staring hard at Garrett, her eyes cold as death.

Garrett relaxed slightly and the corner of his mouth quirked. "I've picked up a few tricks."

"Do not play coy with me, boy. That was a trained smite and only a templar trained by the Chantry could have performed it."

Garrett waved her off. "I believe we have better things to do. Or would you rather debate my background while the Qunari rip our city apart?"

"We will have the conversation eventually, Hawke," Meredith said coldly.

Garrett shook his head and walked past the Knight-Commander. "I have a city to save, templar."

Aveline came to stand by Marian and together they walked past Meredith. She could feel the woman's eyes on her.

"Hawke." Garrett barely turned to acknowledge the Commander. Meredith had her eyebrows knitted and her hand played with her sword, Marian didn't like the idea of the woman thinking. "Head to the Viscount's Keep. I will gather my templars. Together we can take down these heathens."

Garrett nodded and turned away from her.

* * *

They turned the corner into the heart of Hightown, where the Amell Estate was located, and Marian felt magic being cast. What in the blasted void was happening? If they continued to run into Saarebas, Garrett would run out of the energy needed to cast smites. Since the Qunari only used their mages for battle, they were incredibly powerful and she doubted the rest of them would survive without her brother's help. Marian's worry ended when she saw that it was not the Qunari mages fighting, but Circle mages instead. They were battling the Qunari in the middle of the courtyard, bodies littered everywhere. Without thinking, she quickly cast a freeze on one of the Qunari and threw a lightning bolt at a second. Arrows fell down on the Qunari from Bianca and soon the battle was over. She looked around. Most of the bodies weren't moving and her heart constricted. She heard a groan and ran over to the sound. There was an older elven mage groaning on the ground and she bent over to help him, but Garrett grabbed her and pulled her back.

"Don't be stupid." He growled under his breath, glancing from her to the mage on the ground.

The mage groaned as he pulled himself up and glanced at their party.

His eyes widened slightly as he looked at her and Marian realized what Garrett had been trying to avoid. The mage could feel the magic in her, just as she could in him. He knew she was a mage. Her heart quickened as she realized her fatal mistake. She couldn't believe she had been so stupid, but she hadn't interacted with any mages that didn't know who she was in a long time. She had forgotten that rule of her fathers: avoid any mage that will use your secret to their advantage. What was stopping this Circle mage from turning her in to the templars when he had nothing to lose?

Garrett stiffened and turned to the mage. It seemed all their secrets would get out today. She wondered if she ran for the city gate if she could get out of Kirkwall before the Qunari mess was dealt with and the templars turned their attention to her. But the idea of leaving Cullen cut too deep for her to consider it.

"Do we have a problem, mage?" He growled, his eyes dark as he glared at the elf. He knew mages could sense each other and sourly wished his sister had just gone home when he told her to.

The elf glanced from the two of them, his brow furrowing in frustration. He shook his head and turned around, looking around the courtyard at the bodies of his comrades. "No." The sound came out strangled and he ran to the closest body. "Not all of them." He dropped to his knees beside the body of a male mage. "Why didn't they just run?"

"First Enchanter Orsino." Marian looked up to see Meredith walking into the courtyard with a contingent of templars, coldly looking around at the dead mages with no feeling on her face. She quickly scanned the templars, but didn't see Cullen in their number and her heart dropped. Orsino looked up at Meredith from the ground, watching her approach with blank eyes. Marian felt her heart break for the man who had just lost so many close to him. "You are alive."

First Enchanter and Knight-Commander. Two people Marian could have happily gone her whole life without ever meeting. Orsino would turn her in. He had to, but perhaps she could have him stay quiet long enough for her to leave the city. As she watched the pain on his face, she made a split second decision. Perhaps if she showed this Orsino that she meant him no harm he wouldn't turn her in, at least not yet. She knew it was a long shot, but it was worth a try. She walked over to him and helped him to his feet. Then, gave him a sympathetic look and a squeeze of the shoulder as he stood. He looked into her eyes and she saw the decision he was reaching. Sometimes all it took was showing someone kindness. He gave her a small nod and turned to the Knight-Commander, his face hard. "Don't sound so relieved, Knight-Commander."

"Cut the niceties." Garrett interrupted as Meredith was about to speak. She glared at him. "The Qunari are in the Viscount's Keep. We need to head there." He pushed past the two powerful people and headed towards the Keep. Marian could feel the tension of power in the group. Meredith and Orsino exchanged a chilly glance and followed him.

* * *

"I believe I can answer that." Isabela walked through the doors of the Keep, a giant tome tucked under her arm.

"Isabela!" Marian grinned at the pirate from behind her brother. Thank the Maker! If Isabela gave the Qunari back the tome, they would leave and this whole disaster could be put behind them.

"Hi, Cupcake." She winked at her and turned to the Arishok. Garrett glared at her, crossing his arms as she came to stand beside him. She handed the tome to the giant. "Here. It's mostly undamaged, and still whole."

The Arishok held the tome gingerly in his hands. He touched the cover in reverence. "The Tome of Koslun." He turned and handed the tome off to one of the Qunari next to him.

Isabela turned to Garrett. She had a small smile on her lips as she looked at his angry demeanor. "At least I came back, right? Would have been here sooner if it wasn't for all the fighting."

He glared at her. "I don't know why you bothered. I was taking care of this."

She laughed. "Don't worry, sweet thing. I won't take the glory light away from you."

He turned to her. "This would all have been prevented if you had given me the book!"

"But I know how much you like a good fight." Her grin widening. "Gets you all...hot and worked up." Marian rolled her eyes and she saw Varric give a silent chuckle. "Besides, I had already left Kirkwall before I realized I had to turn around." She turned back to the Qunari and said out the side of her mouth, "It's your bad influence on me."

Garrett was still glaring at her when the Arishok came back from speaking to his soldiers.

"We have reclaimed the relic. Now we will return to Par Vollen...with the thief."

"What?!" Marian and Isabela both said. Garrett remained silent, watching the Arishok.

"Did you truly think you would get away with this unscathed?" Fenris growled.

"No. If anyone is kicking her ass, it's me. Not some Qunari bastard." Aveline said from beside him.

Garrett stood silently for a few moments, his eyes moving over Isabela.

"Don't be a bastard, Hawke. We both know you aren't going to hand me over to them."

He nodded slightly. "She's right. I am not going to hand her over to you, Arishok. You can leave with your relic peacefully, or...not peacefully."

The Arishok stared down at Garrett. "Then I will duel you for her, basalit-an."

"What?! No! If anyone duels you, it will be me." Isabela shouted at the giant.

“He will not duel you, he does not consider you worthy.” Fenris growled.

"Fine. A duel." Garrett said; his hand clenching his blade.

"No. Hawke, no." He put his hand up to stop Isabela from protesting any more.

"Garrett." Marian came up on his other side. He couldn't be serious about this. The Arishok was over twice his size and his weapons looked like skewers that could cook a full grown cow.

He looked at her, then nodded to Fenris and Aveline who took Marian by the arm and pulled her away from her brother.

"You too." He said, turning to Isabela.

She stared at him, searching his eyes for the reason he would do this. "I can't let you do this. Let me fight him."

"If he won't agree to the duel, it does us little good." Hawke looked down at her, a slight frown on his face. Then he grabbed her and kissed her deeply. Marian had never seen Garrett kiss her in public before, especially not in front of all the assembled nobles of Kirkwall. "Cheer me from the sidelines this time." She looked like she wanted to protest but didn't.

"Don't you die." She growled and stalked to the side of the room with the rest of them.

* * *

Marian watched her brother from the side of the room. She grabbed Aveline's hand when the first strike by the Arishok came close to Garrett's head. She felt the other woman tense her entire body, but she gave a comforting squeeze of her hand. Garrett couldn't die. He couldn't. He was her brother. He was one of the last of her family. She needed him.

He moved quickly to the side, she wouldn't have expected such speed from him, but compared to the giant he was dueling he moved far quicker. The Arishok tried turning, but Garrett had already sliced a wound in his back. He roared and swung around, Garrett ducked as the giant sword sailed over his head.

He kept moving, never stopping, never letting the Arishok get close. The battle went on. She could see that he was tiring; he had just fought his way from the docks through Hightown and the Viscount's Keep. Now he was fighting the most difficult opponent of his life. She wanted to do something, but if she interrupted the duel the Arishok's men would attack, and there were too many of them and too few of her companions. She wished she was fighting the Arishok. She would have frozen him solid, but what if her spell hadn't been strong enough, or what if the Qunari considered that cheating and attacked anyway?

Garrett's foot slipped and he fell to his knees. The Arishok's sword rose.

"No!" She shouted and tried to run to him, but Aveline and Fenris grabbed her between them so she couldn't effect the duel.

As the sword came down, he rolled and popped back up. The Arishok's sword hit the tiles and for a second he was dazed. A second was all it took. With the last of her brother's energy he sank his greatsword into the giant, right through the ribs. The Arishok sputtered, blood rising to his mouth. He turned and spoke a few words to Garrett, before slumping to the ground.

Marian wretched herself away from the stunned Aveline and Fenris and ran across the room and into Garrett's arms. She fought back the tears of relief and hung on. He hugged her tightly back and watched as the giants glanced at each other and headed out of the room.

"It's ok, Marian. I'm ok." She didn't believe him and looked. He had several cuts and abrasions from his various battles, but nothing serious. The Maker himself must have guided him through that battle to come out unscathed.


	16. Chapter 16

Marian walked into the clinic. She was already exhausted after helping Garrett fight off the Qunari, but she couldn't just go home when there were people throughout the city who might not have a home to go back to. She had seen the injured and dead as she walked out from Hightown. She had seen them limping, crying out for help. And she knew there was only one place in Kirkwall she could openly use her magic to help them. Garrett had told her to go home, ordered her was more accurate. She shook her head. She hadn't thought his head could get any larger, but now that he was Champion he would be a disaster. Not that she could be angry with him...yet. He had almost died today and she had sat there and been unable to do anything. She vowed never to watch from the sidelines again.

As she entered the clinic, she saw that Anders was helping someone and the clinic was overrun with people. She took a deep breath preparing for the work cut out for her and started calling out to people to form a line, and to please let more severely injured people go before them.

The warden's head whipped around when she started rearranging the jumble of people in the crowded clinic. She rolled up her sleeves and was about to start healing a woman with a head trauma when he stalked over to her.

"What are you doing here? I don't remember inviting the templar's pet down here to help me."

She turned around and put her hands on her hips. "Shut up and heal these people, Anders. I'm not here for you, I'm here for them. And believe me, if there was anywhere else to go, I wouldn't be here." She turned back around and gathered her mana, sending out streams of healing magic towards the injured woman. She felt Anders turn and stalk to the other side of the clinic, as far as he could get from her. That was fine by her. She meant it, if there was anywhere else where she could heal people without templars finding her, she would be there.

She worked for hours. Her dress, which had already been stained with blood, was now covered in it. She stopped wiping the blood off her hands as there were no clean towels after a few hours. And the patients kept coming. Countless men, women, and children who had been injured. The fires had burned so many people, some had limbs torn off them by the Qunari invaders, some she suspected had been victims of those taking advantage of the crisis.

"Here." A lyrium bottle was shoved under her nose. She looked up to see Anders glaring at her.

"I'm fine." She turned back towards her new patient. A boy of about sixteen who she was stitching up instead of healing. She had long since drained her mana and was waiting for it to come back.

"Don't be thick. You're practically falling down with exhaustion. I've heard the stories. News travels fast in Kirkwall; you were with Hawke when he took down the Qunari. Which means you've overextended your magic enough for one day. And since I know you won't leave if I tell you to, this is the best I can do."

She looked back up at the healer. His eyes were no longer angry. The warmth in the brown she remembered was there. The sides of his mouth tilted at her.

"Come on, Marian. Hawke will skin me if I don't take care of you."

She took the lyrium potion and just stared at it. Normally she wouldn't take the stuff because she didn't like the feeling mages got when they took it. She looked up at him again. Anders knelt down concerned.

"Marian, what's wrong?" Anders reached out and held her hand.

She shook her head. Everything was threatening to come to the surface. Everything that had happened, all the dead, Garrett almost dying, her not being able to do anything, the fear of seeing Meredith and then being discovered by Orsino and worrying that he would tell Meredith, and the biggest thing of all, the thing she had told no one. She looked at Anders, her eyes shining as she fought desperately to keep the tears back. He hesitated only a moment before pulling her into his arms and she cried against the feathers on his coat. Her body wracking with sobs. She hadn't wanted to think about everything, that's why she came to the clinic instead of going home. She knew helping people would give her time to ignore everything that had happened; for a few minutes of peace.

"Shh, it's ok, Marian. Everything's going to be ok. We're going to get through this. You're going to get through this, I know it." Anders soothed her back and let her cry for a few minutes. She could hear the cries of those around her who still needed to be healed.

Marian stiffened and pulled back. Anders was looking at her with such sadness in his eyes. "Better?"

She nodded. He took her hand with the lyrium potion and helped her hold it up to her lips.

"Thank you." He said as he got up.

She looked at him curiously.

Anders smiled for the first time in years. He looked years younger. "You've reminded me why I do this. Why I keep fighting." He turned and left Marian more confused than before.

With the lyrium pumping through her veins she worked tirelessly. Patient after patient. Rubs, stitches, healing, setting broken legs, cleaning wounds, wrapping cuts, consoling people for lost limbs. She did it all. Marian had no idea how many hours had gone by. She had no idea the time in Darktown.

Finally, there were only a few stragglers in the clinic. She couldn't believe they were finally done. That they had healed everyone. Anders had gotten some of the people of Darktown to help those that didn't need direct healing, after that things had gone more smoothly. The two of them had saved their mana for only the worst cases.

She got up from where she was kneeling next to a cot and swayed. Anders caught her and held her up.

"You should rest."

She smiled tiredly at him. "I have to get home." The sudden thought that Cullen could be home, waiting for her, crossed her mind and she frowned. He would be worried sick, but then she wasn't sure he would have even left the Gallows yet. He would probably still be getting the city in order.

"You're not walking home alone. And not in this condition. Rest. I'll get someone to take you home when you wake up."

"I'm perfectly capable--"

"No arguing." Anders smiled at her. "What is with you Hawkes always having to be so stubborn?"

She smiled and rested her head against his shoulder. He had taken off the coat earlier, when some blood had gotten on it. She suspected he had a sentimental value towards it. As it was, it would probably always have a few blood stains on it. She was vaguely aware that Anders hands were around her, stroking her back. She was sure she should be more concerned about this, after all she was a married woman, but she found it soothing and sighed contentedly against his shoulder.

"Sometimes I wonder what could have been," he whispered against her ear, a shiver traveling up her spine. "Had you not married, had I not been an ass. Do you ever wonder?"

She tilted her head to look at him. Anders was looking down at her, her eyes flickered over his lips. She remembered that night. That horrible, disastrous night. She didn't remember what he felt like when he kissed her. She had been in too much shock, and he had been rough, demanding, and desperate. He had kissed her out of desperation. And had Cullen not walked in she would have told him that she wasn't interested in him that way and sent him home. But Cullen had walked in and the whole thing had been disastrous.

But now her tired mind did wonder. What **if** she hadn't married Cullen? Would she have ended up with Anders? Probably. She had always fancied him and enjoyed flirting with him, even with his overdramatic rebuttals. She smiled as she thought about that year she practically lived in his clinic. It had annoyed Garrett so much.

Marian lifted her head and looked at him. He had aged so much in the last few years, the once laugh lines around his eyes were now worry lines. There was a few grey strands sprinkled in with his blonde hair. His cheeks were more hollow and his eyes had dark shadows around them. Did he sleep? Did he eat? Did anyone take care of the healer that took care of everyone?

Anders was looking at her intently. She couldn't read the expression. He tilted his head towards her and descended.

"I'mwithchild." She frantically said, her heart beating a thousand beats at a time. Anders took a step back, his mouth open in surprise.

"What?" He stared at her incredulously.

Marian took a deep breath and tried again. "I'm...I'm with child." She gazed at the ground. She could only assume Anders would turn from her in disgust. What else would he do? He had already told her how much he hated Cullen and the idea that his child was now growing inside of her... She had tried not to think of it. To think of what bringing a child into this world would mean. That Cullen was a templar and she a mage, that she wasn't ready for a child and she wasn't sure he was either. She worried that something could go wrong or that she would be a horrible mother. She worried what Garrett would say, especially now that he was a supposed "Champion".

She felt hands on her stomach and she looked up. Anders was staring down at her. "Does he know?" Marian shook her head, her head falling to look at his hands. She felt him pull mana and glanced fearfully at him.

He stopped and looked at her. "I-I was just going to check and make sure everything was...Marian, for Maker's sake you know I would never hurt you!"

She swallowed. "I...I know."

He moved his hands back on her stomach and pulled on his magic. The pulse of healing going through her skin. "Have you done this? Checked to make sure there are no complications?" He asked gently, keeping his voice soft and soothing.

Marian shook her head.

"Do you want to learn how? It's a simple spell and you can check yourself regularly."

She nodded and he guided her hands down to her stomach, showing her which energies to weave and where to push and where to pull.

Anders smiled sadly at her. "See? Everything's healthy. You have a healthy little child growing in there."

She stared astounded at her stomach. She could feel the small pulse of life, like a beacon against her magic. It felt so different from an injury which felt more dark and black. This was so bright she felt tears come to her eyes.

"Not too much. Too much magic could hurt it or maybe turn the little thing into a mage." Anders shook his head sadly.

Marian looked worriedly at him. "Is he going to be ok?"

"He? It's a little early to tell that. Give it a few month's to grow and we can check. But yes, he or she is going to be fine."

Tears welled up in her eyes again and this time she didn't fight them down. She let them flow, let the relief and weight fall off her. Her baby was going to be alright. He or she would be healthy and happy and she would be the best mother she could. And Cullen...Marian frowned. She still didn't know how to tell him.

Anders wiped away her tears. "Will you please rest now? I can only imagine what Hawke will say when I get you back and you're pregnant. I can feel a lecture already."

"Please don't tell him."

"What? Marian, people are going to find out eventually. It's not exactly easy to hide."

"I-I know. I just need time. I need..." She felt panic rising.

He put his hands on her shoulders to calm her. "Alright. I won't tell him. Consider my lips sealed. Not like he would listen to me anyway."

Marian nodded and the healer was finally able to get her to lie down and rest. She said she would only close her eyes and rest, but when he checked back up on her a few minutes later she was fast asleep.

* * *

Cullen moved quickly through the streets of Hightown. His heart was beating rapidly and try as hard as he could, he couldn't keep the gruesome images of what could have happened from flashing through his mind. Where was Marian? She hadn't been home when he sent someone to check on her. When the Qunari had been ripping the city apart he had only worried about her. Feared for her. But Meredith's orders had been clear. Stay at the Gallows and make sure the mages didn't use this uprising as an excuse to make their own. The mages hadn't, most of them had wanted to go help. Orsino had been allowed a small contingent of Harrowed mages to go out and try to help. But so many other mages could have helped. Cullen had risked sending one man, Keran, into the city to check on Marian. He had come back and told him that no one was home. That is when Cullen had really started to worry. He had paced his office, demanding news from anyone that came back from the city.

Finally, Meredith and Orsino had entered the Gallows, bickering as usual. Meredith had debriefed him about what happened. About Hawke stopping the Qunari and how she had reluctantly given him the title of Champion, despite her anger. She told Cullen that Hawke was a templar.

He stared at her shocked.

"Did you not know Knight-Captain?"

"I had no idea." Hawke, a templar? How did he not see that? How had Marian never told him?

"I saw your wife as well. She was with her brother, though I dare say it would have been safer for her to remain at home. Orsino says she is well equipped to deal with dangers, but the girl only had a staff with her. Tell me Knight-Captain, is she capable with a staff?"

Cullen stared at her, the room becoming increasingly hot. Did she know? Maker, she must know? "I-I have seen her practice with it on occasion. Her father's weapon of choice, I believe." Maker don't let her see through the lies.

"Interesting. Not many people use staves these days, they were in fashion when I was a child. But I suppose she can't hurt herself too much with one. We will have to keep a closer eye on Hawke, the Champion. I don't want him thinking he rules this city. I also want templars posted at the Viscount's Keep. They can bring any of the people's concerns to me."

Meredith went on about her plans to remedy the city and protect it from itself. Cullen was only half listening; he wanted to go home and make sure Marian was safe.

By the time he walked through the door to his house it was the early hours of the morning. He expected to find Marian curled up asleep, maybe even waiting for him in her favorite chair by the fire. He had imagined waking her up with light kisses and carrying her upstairs. When he walked in to a cold house his heart stopped. He ran upstairs and found the bed empty and dark. He called, fear rising in his throat, his head pounding as blood and adrenaline rushed through his veins.

He quickly thought that she might be in Hightown with her brother and he ran out the door. Anything to keep moving, to keep reminding himself that she had to be safe.

He banged on the door to the estate. His heart was hammering, he had practically ran from the docks to the Hawke estate. When no one immediately answered he continued to bang his hand on the door with all his might and considered breaking it down.

He was about to throw his whole weight against the door when it opened. Bodahn stood with a knife in one hand, his son Sandal behind him, staring excitedly at Cullen.

"Oh, messere Cullen. What are you doing here at this hour?" The knife quickly disappeared and Cullen walked in the house.

"Is Marian here?" He asked desperately.

Bodahn stared at him and frowned. "Um...no messere. I have not seen her since the early afternoon, after the Qunari were stopped."

The world spun and he just barely managed to find a seat. He sat down heavily.

"What's going on?" Hawke came striding in, sword in hand. He looked around the room and saw Cullen, Bodahn, and Sandal. He walked over to Cullen. "What's happened? Why the blazes are you banging on my--" Cullen looked up at him, helplessness written on his face. "Marian." He turned around to address the dwarves. "Bodahn, go quickly to Fenris' mansion. Tell him I need him immediately, Marian is missing." The dwarf bowed and left.

"She's not here?" Cullen begged. He knew the answer, but he hoped it was a lie.

Hawke frowned at him. "I sent her home after the battle with the Arishok. That was...many hours ago."

He shook his head. "Why didn't she go home?" Coldness crept through his veins. He had heard some reports of certain citizens taking advantage of the chaos. He stood up. "You sent her home...alone? You didn't send someone with her to make sure she got there safely? What is wrong with you, Hawke?!"

"Don't get in my face, Knight-Captain. My sister is perfectly capable of taking care of herself. I'm sure she just--" He frowned.

"What? Do you know where she is?"

Hawke scratched his black beard. "I have a few leads. We should split up. You go to the Viscount's Keep, wake Aveline, the guard captain. Tell her Marian is missing. Then check the Hanged Man."

Cullen looked incredulously. "You think Marian went to a tavern? Are you mental?!" He knew Marian enjoyed the tavern atmosphere, but surely after a day like the one she had had she would have gone somewhere to rest, not to drink herself into a stupor.

"It is possible and I'm not ruling anything out." Hawke was examining his blade, clenching and unclenching his grip on the pommel.

Cullen growled and stalked toward him. "Cut the act, Hawke. You know where she is and you are sending me in the opposite direction."

Hawke actually smiled, more of a grimace actually. "I am going to speak to my contacts, Knight-Captain. I have a feeling one of them will have seen her or know where she is. But it is still a possibility she went to the Hanged Man to drown her sorrows. You should check there."

"Why can't you send Fenris and Aveline to check the Hanged Man? I should come with you if you think your sources will have seen her." He needed to be there when she was found, he needed to know immediately that she was safe. Maker, she had to be safe.

Hawke raised his eyebrow and looked at Cullen as if he was speaking Qunari. "Because you are the Knight-Captain of the templars and my contacts won't talk with you standing next to me."

Cullen cursed, but then remembered. "But you're a templar! Why did you never tell me?"

Hawke laughed. "So Meredith told you? It was easier if you didn't know. Now, do you want to sit around talking or go find Marian?"

His jaw felt like it would snap from the pressure on it. "Fine. But you had better bring her back, Hawke, or I swear, Champion or not..."

"No need to threaten me, Knight-Captain."

He pushed past Cullen and out the door.


	17. Chapter 17

Marian woke to the swaying feeling. For a second she thought she was on the boat from Ferelden, packed in tight with the other refugees. The swaying of the boat had always made her feel sick. She grumbled.

"Is the princess alive?" Marian eyes opened and she saw Garrett's brown eyes staring down at her. She struggled and suddenly she was flipped onto her feet, his hands steadying her. "Figured it was best to let you sleep."

She blinked and looked around. They had just ascended the steps from the basement into the Hawke estate. She was standing in the kitchen and Garrett was watching her. She saw Fenris leaning coldly against the wall opposite him.

"What happened?" She had fallen asleep in the clinic, why was she suddenly at her brother's?

"You didn't go home." Garrett growled. "And then your delightful husband came by demanding to know where you were. I had to get rid of him since I figured you had done something stupid."

"Hanging around abominations being one." Fenris muttered.

Marian shook her head, trying to clear the last of dreaming fog from her mind. Then what her brother had said started to sink in. "Cullen?" Her heart hit her stomach. What time was it? How long had he been looking for her, no doubt worried sick?

"Yes, Cullen. Damnit Marian. Why the blazes did you think it was a good idea to go down to that bastard's clinic?"

"I wanted to help," she said meekly. Now in the light of sleep she realized that going down to Darktown without telling anyone wasn't one of her better ideas.

Garrett sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "You know that what you did was incredibly stupid, right? And now you're going to have to deal with Cullen. And believe me, I'm happy to not be in your shoes right now. I may barely understand you, but he sure blasted won't." Marian felt cold and sick.

"He might." Her voice sounded uncertain, even to her.

Garrett shook his head. "Come on. You can heat up some of last night's dinner. He's sure to be by soon."

Marian nodded and followed Garrett into the dining room. He grumbled about getting a few letters done and left, Fenris following behind. Half an hour later she was eating some leftover stew and trying to think of what to say when Cullen came back.

The door to the estate opened and closed roughly. Her heart stopped. She heard talking in the hallway, Cullen's voice mingled with Garrett's, then the door to the dining room opened and Cullen strode through it. He saw her and his face broke. She saw the lines of worry she had caused, the pain in his eyes, the relief and frustration. She stood up and he met her halfway across the room. Pulling her into his arms and nearly crushing her against his armor.

He held her silently. Her heart was beating wildly against her chest. He would be angry. He would yell and rant and storm about how stupid she had been. And she deserved it, she should have sent word to him, sent one of the urchins in Darktown to inform him that she was safe. She only wished her brain had been working, but she had been running off lyrium and no sleep.

Minutes passed in his arms, his head rested against hers, his arms holding her as if she was his lifeline. Her heart beat steadily went back to normal and she rested her head against his breastplate.

"Why?"

She frowned and closed her eyes, not wanting the peace in his arms to stop so suddenly.

"Please Marian..." His voice broke. She moved her head to look up at him, saw that his eyes were red-rimmed and he was barely hanging on.

She reached up with her hand and ran it along his jaw, he leaned into her touch, his eyes closing. Standing on her toes, she kissed him softly and his arms pulled her closer. When they broke, his head rested against hers. "I thought I lost you." He whispered, his deepest fear revealed to her.

She saw the tear roll down his cheek and wiped it away. "I'm sorry. You won't lose me, I promise."

He shook his head. "You can't make that promise. How am I supposed to...to protect you? I need..."

She quieted him with another kiss. He crushed his lips against hers, demanding everything she gave him, his body needing to know she was there, that she was safe.

He kissed her until they both needed to breathe.

"Where were you?"

She sighed. "Please...just know that I am here now." She didn't know how to explain where she had been. What could she tell him? That she had been in Darktown, he would yell at her for it not being safe. That she had been with Anders, he would be furious because she promised she would never see him again. That she was using her magic to heal people, he would be livid that she would risk being discovered and condemning all of them to imprisonment.

He stared at her, watching her inner turmoil. "Marian, tell me."

She shook her head.

"Why not?" He stepped back, she let him go reluctantly. Fear laced with anger flooded his veins.

"Don't." She begged, hoping he would leave it alone.

"Marian, tell me where you were!" He yelled, his anger growing with each second.

She looked at him a moment before squaring her shoulders. "No."

He stared at her. "No?"

"Cullen, you can either accept that I am here and no longer there and that I am safe and unharmed or you can continue to be angry at me. Either way I will not tell you where I was."

His jaw tightened. "You were in Darktown."

Her eyes widened in shock. How could he know?

"I'm a templar, my dear.” His anger was barely contained and his voice shook slightly. “My job is to know what whispers occur in Kirkwall about apostates. I know all about a certain mage clinic in Darktown. In fact, I have been tailing this abomination for quite some time." He glared at her and her breath left her.

"How?"

"You gave me enough information to start, not everything of course. I heard rumors of an apostate in Darktown, I assumed it was a refugee. Then the more I dug the more I discovered. A clinic. I kept it a secret, I wanted to bring him in, after all, to answer for his crimes." Marian was shaking her head, she felt cold. "Yes, Marian. I know all about your abomination friend. It's not easy to find information on him, someone is spending a lot of gold trying to keep it all quiet, but I found some people willing to talk. But, of course, you wouldn't need to know any of this if you had kept your promise of never seeing him again. Instead, you risk everything to go down there today.” Cullen's voice continued to rise in anger, “Meredith saw you with staff today. And your brother, let's not forget that your brother is a templar, something else you never told me. Might have been nice to know that! What other lies and secrets are you keeping from me?!"

"I'm with child." Marian rushed out.

Cullen grabbed the back of the nearest chair and sat down, his feet no longer supporting him. The silence that followed stretched on for minutes. Cullen stared at her. Marian just stood there. She couldn't believe she had said that.

"H-ho--" He swallowed and tried again. "How long?"

"I've been waking up sick for about a week, but I didn't know for sure until today."

He stared at the table disbelievingly. His brows furrowed and he ran a hand through his hair. "W-why didn't you tell me sooner?"

She fidgeted with her dress, trying to breathe to calm herself down. "I wasn't sure how you would take the news."

He gave a strangled laugh and looked up from the table at her. She just stared worriedly at him. He ran his hands through his hair again and over his eyes before standing up slowly. He walked over to her and pulled her into his arms. Hugging her tightly against him.

"Are you angry?" She asked, her voice muffled against his breastplate.

"What?" He pulled her back to look at her. She looked so sad his heart constricted. "Of course not...” He paused and then shook his head, “Well not about this. Definitely not about this." He pulled her back against him and kissed her head. "Never about this, my dear." He couldn't keep a small smile from forming on his lips as he thought about this news. Marian was pregnant; she was going to have a baby. They were going to have a child.

She felt the smile against her head and smiled back. "D-do you think we can go home now?"

He let out a strangled laugh and kissed her. "Yes. I have a few hours before I have to be at the Gallows. Let's go home."

* * *

Garrett moved away from the dining room door when he heard Marian and Cullen walking towards it. He walked quickly down the hall and into his study; half closing the door until he heard the sound of the front door shutting as his sister and the Knight-Captain left his estate. He walked around to his desk and slumped into the chair, rubbing his face with his hands and sighing. That was something he had not seen coming. Marian...pregnant. Maker, why hadn't he considered that? Obviously, Cullen and her were...close, but he had never thought that she might...end up with a child. Besides, he had always assumed she took certain precautions to make sure something like this didn't happen. Isabela did and he knew there were simple spells to ensure babies didn't come into the picture. He puffed air out of his cheeks and grabbed some parchment. Putting aside the news of his sister, he decided first things first.

He wrote a quick note to Varric. The dwarf would be interested to know that his gold wasn't doing the job he intended. If the Knight-Captain could find the Warden then Varric needed to work harder. As much as Garrett didn't like the apostate, the man had helped him in the Deep Roads and he had been the one to find the Grey Wardens. Without him...Carver would never have made it. As far as Garrett was concerned, keeping the apostate out of the Gallows was his reward. That and he knew Marian was close to Anders and she needed people she could rely on.

He finished writing the note and rang the bell behind his desk. A few minutes later Orana appeared. She looked tired and her clothes looked hurriedly put on. He had forgotten it was still early morning.

“Find someone to deliver this to Varric.” He handed her the note and a sovereign to pay the urchin.

“Yes, Master.” She took the note meekly and left him alone in his study again.

He needed more sleep. He needed less things to worry about and more sleep. But now his twin had given him another large concern.

A baby. More importantly, a baby related to not only the Champion of Kirkwall, but also the child of the Knight-Captain. Even before his new title, Garrett had been one of the most influential people in Kirkwall. Now it would only get worse. And people would look for a way to make him listen to them. And there she was: his sister, the perfect target. He had worried about her before, had Fenris watch her, paid Aveline to keep extra guards on her street, made sure Isabela was at the Hanged Man so Marian had somewhere to go. But now? Now she added an **incredibly** vulnerable child and Kirkwall would only be more unstable without a political leader. 

Garrett groaned and put his head down on the desk. This was the worst news he had heard. He would rather handle another Qunari invasion over the worry he would have over the child's safety, and his sister's.

Getting up from his desk, Garrett put the issue from his mind. He needed a few hours of sleep. And he knew he had at least a few months before the rest of Kirkwall heard the news. He supposed for now he would let Cullen take care of her. He only hoped the man **would** take care of her. He had sounded angry, but then again, he had every reason to be. Marian had put herself in danger, in fact, Garrett shook his head, she had put them all in danger. If Meredith found out that her Knight-Captain was harboring an apostate...Garrett sighed. Another worry, another headache. But Marian had put herself in danger and now she would have a child to think about. He needed to make sure she was safe; her and the child. He would have to redouble his efforts. And with Isabela leaving again...Garrett felt his stomach and heart sink.

Becoming Champion was the worst news he had heard.

* * *

Things weren't perfect and Cullen knew they never would be. Not when a mage and templar were involved. After they had gotten home, Cullen had shrugged out of his armor and Marian had prepared a bath, needing to wash off the dirt of Darktown. He watched her strip down, looking to see if he had missed the sign that there was a life growing inside her belly. She looked the same as always, no small bumps or hidden signs, not yet at least. He thought about how that would change, how soon her body would show the world what he now knew: that he would be a father. He felt a smile tug at the corner of his lips and he walked towards her. Everything else that had happened today be damned; he would enjoy this feeling for a few minutes, before worrying thoughts of the consequences came to him.

As he walked up to her she turned and smiled at him. “Will you join me?” She slipped into the tub and he needed little encouragement.

They sat in the warm water for awhile, just enjoying the feeling of the warmth and each other's bodies close to each other. She rested her head against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. He ran the wash cloth over her body, cleaning the dirt and dried blood off her.

Marian kissed him and when she broke it she looked into his eyes. “I'm sorry. About today. About not telling you that Garrett was a templar. It was his secret and I didn't think he wanted you to know.”

Cullen sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. He would have rather avoided this conversation tonight, but perhaps it was better to get it out of the way. “You put yourself and everyone around you in harm's way today, Marian. Have you ever thought of the consequences of you being discovered? Your brother, me, all your friends, we would be taken into questioning. I would be stripped of my standing in the order. Your brother would be arrested and likely me as well...” His voice darkened, “Not to mention you promised me you would never see that abomination again.” Hot anger settled into his stomach. The news of his child had made that disappear for a bit, but it was back, the knowledge of just what she had done that day.

“He is helping people, Cullen. He isn't an abomination. It isn't a demon inside him. It's a spirit.”

He looked down at her, her blue eyes so wide and innocent. She truly still didn't see the danger the abomination presented. He sighed. “Spirit or demon makes no difference. He is possessed. That makes him an abomination.”

“There is a difference. And I was in no danger of being caught while I was down in his clinic. I was healing people, helping them.”

He shook his head. “You think that makes a difference to templars? You think a few coins in the right hand wouldn't have one of your _patients_ confessing to who you are?”

Her mouth fell open. “No. They wouldn't. I helped them...they would never sell me out to the templars.”

“How do you think we find most of our apostates? By people who have seen them do magic, and many are by the people they healed or helped.”

She stared at him, appalled by the idea. “How can people do that?”

He ran his hand along her cheek; Marian had never seen the horrors magic could wrought. He prayed to the Maker that she never did. “People are afraid of magic. It is not so shocking, my love, considering the destruction and terror mages are capable of. There are those who feel mages should have their freedom, but there are far more out there that sleep easier at night knowing mages are kept separate from them. Andraste herself knew the dangers of magic and it is in her name that we keep mages together, both for their own safety and the safety of others.”

She turned from him, staring down into the water. He gently put his arms around her and pulled her back against him. They were quiet for a time and eventually the water cooled. She climbed out of the tub first and brought back the towels. When they were wrapped up she sat on the bed while he drained the tub into the pipes that led to the alley behind them.

“I need to tell you something.”

He turned back quickly, seeing her playing with her hand while she sat on the bed. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear anything else that night. He walked back towards her and she looked up at him. He saw fear in her eyes and he swallowed.

“I-today while Garrett...when we were going to the Viscount's Keep...I ran into the First Enchanter.”

His stomach dropped.

Her eyes looked back down at her hands, which she held clasped in her lap. “He...he knows what I am Cullen. He...felt my magic.”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them again her eyes were shining up at him.

“I'm scared.” She whispered.

He bent down, taking her hands in his. Maker, give him strength. The First Enchanter knew she was a mage, he knew who she was married to, he knew who her brother was; the man would surely tell the Knight-Commander, there was nothing stopping him. Cullen went through a list of what he could do. He could get Marian out of the city...that was the first choice, tell Hawke to take her out of Kirkwall, get her somewhere safe, away from the templars...away from him.

“I'm not leaving.” She said, pulling her hands out from his.

“I--”

“That's what you were thinking. I'm not leaving...not without you.”

She touched his cheek and he closed his eyes. He couldn't leave. He was a templar, his first duty was to the templars and the Maker. He opened his eyes and looked back up at her. Her eyes were still shining, but he saw the stubbornness behind them. She wouldn't leave and he didn't have the resolve to force her. “Then what can we do?” He wouldn't see her in the Gallows. He couldn't. Meredith would surely arrest him and Hawke if Marian's abilities were ever revealed. Not only that, but Marian would be made an example of, he was sure of it.

“I don't think he will tell Meredith. He had the opportunity today and he didn't take it. I wanted you to be aware that he knows. In case he tries to...use it against you.”

Great, the man would be insufferable. Cullen could already see the First Enchanter using such knowledge to his advantage. He was far too cunning for his own good. But what else could he do? If Marian wouldn't leave the city, he would just have to pray that Orsino kept his silence. He would do whatever the man wanted, within reason, to keep his mouth shut.

He saw that Marian was still scared and he glanced out the window. He still had a few hours before he had to be at the Gallows. He got up and crawled into the bed, pulling her close against him. She rested her head against his chest, listening to his heart beat. “Go to sleep, love.” He whispered, kissing the top of her head. “Let me worry about Orsino.” A small smile tugged at his lips and he ran his hand lightly over her stomach. “You have more important things to think about.”

She smiled against his chest and a few minutes later her breathing became regular and she was asleep. He looked up at the ceiling, feeling the sinking in his stomach. Orsino knew, the abomination in Darktown, Hawke becoming Champion, the Viscount dead, Meredith's new power. He rubbed his face. He wasn't happy about the idea of what all of this would mean. He looked back down at his sleeping wife. His sleeping, pregnant, wife. The Maker did have a sense of humor.


	18. Chapter 18

It had been three days since she last saw Cullen. He wrote everyday telling her he would try to get home, but every night the house remained dark and lonely. Marian sighed as she watched the dying fire. She shifted in her chair and stretched her aching back, her hand running soothing circles over her extended stomach. The months after the Qunari attack had been stressful for the templars and for Cullen. First, Marian had thought they would choose a new ruler quickly, but as months wore on and Meredith continued to rule the city from the Gallows, the realization that the Knight-Commander had no intention of giving up command set in. The city was slowly beginning to realize it too.

The mages were the next to realize that the templar's new power was not in their favor. Three days ago there had been an attempted break out. At least, that's what she assumed from Cullen's cryptic messages. And Meredith had forbade all her templars from leaving. Anders had also gone quiet and that had Marian just as worried.

Since the day Garrett had been made Champion and the power in the city had shifted, Marian had gone back to being tentative friends with Anders. Except Anders had forbidden her from visiting him in Darktown. The week after the Qunari attack she had walked into his clinic while Cullen was at the Gallows, figuring she would help him out for a few hours to stave off boredom. He had been less than pleased.

“Andraste's flaming knickers, what are you doing down here, Marian?!” Anders had walked up to her agitated and immediately began checking her over for injuries.

“What do you mean? I came to visit you obviously.” She shook him off.

“Are you mental? Wait, I forgot that you are.” He sighed and looked around. “Cynthia, can you watch the clinic while I bring my friend back home?”

The blonde woman in the corner of the clinic rolling bandages nodded and Anders grabbed Marian's arm and wielded her around, leading her back the way she had come in.

“Anders, let go. Why are you taking me home?” She had a sinking feeling in her stomach. She had hoped that after helping him in the clinic and with him being so nice after she revealed that she was pregnant that perhaps they could begin patching their relationship. Apparently she was wrong.

He shook his head as they walked out into Darktown. “Marian. You are mental. You can not come striding down into Darktown. Not anymore.”

“What? Why?” She pouted.

“Because you're pregnant.” He hissed.

“So? I can still walk.” She saw no reason why her pregnancy should prevent her from seeing Anders. Or from doing anything for that matter.

“And what if something happened to you on your way to visit me? Who do you think would get blamed? More importantly...” He stopped himself and sighed, rubbing his face with his hand before continuing, “Marian you can't get injured. Understand? Not on my watch. Not on anyone else's. Darktown is too dangerous for you to be walking around in your state.”

They walked out to the sunlight of Lowtown and headed toward the Docks and Marian's home. She was silent until they reached her street, then she stopped and turned to him. “Are you saying this because you want to keep me safe or because you don't want to see me? Tell me the truth.”

He looked anguished and opened his mouth several times before shutting it again. Finally, he looked at her. “I-I couldn't live with myself if you got hurt trying to see me.” He looked down and took her hand, rubbing the palm with his thumb. “This isn't about not wanting to see you.” He continued quietly. “This is about not wanting to see you get hurt.”

Marian released the breath she had been holding. She had been prepared for him to say he didn't want to see her anymore. It would have hurt, but she would have respected his request. She hadn't been prepared to see the emotions he tried to keep hidden from her rushing to the surface in his brown eyes. He still had feelings for her. And she couldn't keep hurting him. She wouldn't hurt him this way.

“Ok. I-I understand.” She took her hand from his. “I'll be more careful. I promise.” She looked around the street wondering if anyone would recognize her and tell Cullen she had been talking to a long haired blonde man with feathers. Anders wasn't exactly discrete. “I better get home and...and you should go back to the clinic. Be safe, Anders.” She turned and walked towards her house, not looking back.

Marian had been prepared to leave Anders alone. It would be better for him and even though she would be lonely, she would do it to save him. She didn't go back to Darktown and she didn't send him any messages, hoping that distance would help him. But merely a week later, Anders showed up on her doorstep, smiling widely and holding basket of torn bandages.

“I have to get these stitched back up for me and I thought I'd see if you wanted to come along.”

She could hardly argue and an excuse to leave the house was always welcome so she went with him and afterwards they spent some time at the Hanged Man catching up. After that day, the apostate made several excuses a week to come see Marian. She tried to keep her distance, but with Isabela gone and Aveline busy with her wedding and then leaving for her honeymoon, she had no one else to turn to. Cullen became busier and busier with the Gallows over the months and soon all she had were her afternoons with Anders.

It was nice to have someone to talk to and she greatly enjoyed his company. They debated the news and templars and mages and even though they didn't see eye-to-eye on everything she enjoyed their discussions. Anders seemed happier too. He would joke and laugh with her and Varric at the Hanged Man and his eyes seemed brighter.

But Anders had to go down to Darktown eventually. And these last few days left her feeling more alone when he did. Even Garrett had been quiet, and he had been visiting her more often as well. Almost around the same time Cullen had to stay at the Gallows, her brother had disappeared as well. Watching the last of the embers burn down, Marian decided to sleep. Perhaps tomorrow Cullen would come home and she would feel less lonely. She could make them dinner and then curl herself around him so he would keep her warm while she slept. She smiled at the thought and then sighed as she crawled into bed and pulled the thick covers up to her chin. As winter came closer she found she was often cold, her feet especially got cold. And her back ached and her knees and her head. Of course, for all her pain, the baby growing had a blast of making her miserable. She settled down, hoping she would get a full night sleep without having to wake up and pee every hour. As she closed her eyes, she heard the crack of the bedroom door opening. Her heart beat wildly and she sat up.

“Cullen?” She whispered into the dark, her eyes searching.

A movement at the door and a whispered word, not Cullen's voice, was all she heard before darkness surrounded her.

* * *

“What is it you want, First Enchanter?” Garrett growled. He could feel the elf watching him, examining him like he was a puzzle to be worked out. He hated coming to the Gallows, hated even more knowing that this blasted elf could at any moment decide to turn Marian over to the templars. The only thing stopping him was that as long as he held it over Garrett's head, he could get the Champion to help the mages. He growled. Not that he cared about the mages plight in the Gallows. They were weak and he had fought far too many blood mages in Kirkwall to believe they would be anything other than weak.

A few days ago, there had been a break out at the Gallows. Most of the mages had been rounded up, except the three Meredith had sent Garrett on a quest to find. He had wanted to rip the smug smile off the Knight-Commander's face when she asked him to find the mages. But she had been quick to remind him that he was a templar and that at any moment she could make it her business to put him back in the order.

So he had found her runaway mages for her. Killed two and brought back the third. Then he had gotten a message from the blasted First Enchanter _requesting_ his presence.

“The Knight-Commander is going to try and pin this on blood magic. She always does. All I'm asking is that you find out the true story, Champion. Find out why they are meeting and what they are planning. That's it. Bring me the information and you can consider the job done.”

He growled again. “Fine. Where are they meeting?”

* * *

Cullen watched Hawke storm across the courtyard and out of the Gallows. The Champion had been to see the First Enchanter. Hawke was one of the few people from outside the Gallows that Meredith allowed to visit Orsino. Meredith believed Hawke was on the templar's side. Not that Cullen knew what that meant anymore, but the Knight-Commander had made it very clear to Cullen that his brother-in-law was either with the templars or she would drag him back to be a templar. Hawke was too head-strong to allow that. He didn't like the idea of what would happen if the Knight-Commander ever tried such a trick.

He shook his head. Meredith had gotten more paranoid since the Viscount's death and the Qunari invasion. She rarely spoke to him and after the fiasco with the escaped mages, she had ordered that all templars were to stay in the Gallows to ensure the rest of the mages didn't try anything rash. The first night had been fine, but as he spent more nights away from Marian he started to worry. She shouldn't be in the house by herself. Not at night. The dock district was safe, safer than most parts of the city surprisingly, but he worried about her.

“Knight-Captain, Ser.” His templar saluted him as he walked up. He gave Cullen the keys to his house. “Your wife wasn't at home, Ser. I left the note on the mantle downstairs, as instructed.”

Cullen sighed and nodded, dismissing the templar. His note would once again tell her not to expect him at home. He had once again asked Meredith if he could leave and this time her answer had not been as polite.

“No, Knight-Captain. How many times will you ask me? I will tell you when you can leave here, and not a second sooner.” Meredith had dark circles under her eyes and he wondered when she had last had a full night sleep. He hadn't since the break out. Not since he had gone back to sleeping alone.

“Knight-Commander. I understand you are worried about the need for tighter security, but my wife--”

She pierced him with her icy blue eyes, “The sister of the Champion. You worry about her?” She almost sneered the last bit and his jaw tightened.

“She is home alone and with child. Yes, I worry about her, no matter who her brother may be.” Hawke couldn't protect her when she was all the way in the dock district. Perhaps he should have asked her to stay with her brother while he was holed up in the Gallows.

Meredith examined her papers. He wondered if she had dismissed him without him knowing, until she spoke quietly. “Perhaps you should bring her here.”

Coldness penetrated his heart. He was silent for a moment. “I-I don't think she would be comfortable here, Knight-Commander.” No one was comfortable at the Gallows.

“But she would be **safe** _._ Isn't that what you want?”

“Yes, Knight-Commander.” He panicked at the thought of seeing Marian set foot in the Gallows. The last free step she would ever make. “But...this is not a decision I can make. Not without consulting her.”

Meredith examined him over her paper. Her eyes stared through him, to all the secrets he kept, to all the small things he kept from her, to his biggest fear. Finally, she blinked and waved her arm, dismissing him. “I expect you'll talk with her then. Now, I don't want to hear any more about you leaving the Gallows.”

Cullen sighed and played with the keys in his hand. He knew why Meredith wanted Marian in the Gallows. It wasn't because she suspected the truth, the First Enchanter had not breathed a word of that as far as Cullen knew. No, it was because it would be another thing to hold over Hawke's head. And Hawke would skin Cullen alive if he allowed Marian to stay at the Gallows. Even in the templar's quarters she was bound to be discovered. He tucked the keys into his belt. He would just have to wait for Meredith to allow him to leave and return home.

* * *

“Where's my sister, Keran?!” Garrett grabbed the templar by his armor, bringing him close enough to smell the fear off the younger man. He would kill him, rip his throat out with his bare hands, he would kill them all, set the Gallows ablaze, no one would live if Marian was hurt.

“T-the Wounded Coast, S-serah. An-an alcove right outside of Kirkwall. P-please. Please, Serah. Don't hurt me. I had no idea. I didn't know it was your sister...the Knight-Captain's wife. I didn't know, I'm so sorry.”

Garrett threw the templar on the ground, disgusted. “Go to the Gallows. Tell the Knight-Captain what you told me and tell him to get his sorry ass to the Wounded Coast! Understand?!” The templar nodded and scrambled up, running out of the tunnels. He turned back to his companions. “We're going, now.”

“Hawke.” Varric started and Garrett cut him off with his hand.

“Now, Varric. We aren't leaving my sister's rescue to the templars. Not when we don't know who is involved in this.” Not that he would ever leave his sister's rescue to templars.

“I get that. Problem is, we are in no condition to fight a bunch of mages and templars. And we are hopelessly outnumbered already.”

Garrett looked from Varric, who had scratches and a gash across his cheek, to Fenris, who was nursing his left side where a mage had hit him with a ball of fire. They had barely survived the last encounter and he himself was littered with cuts and bruises, and two large sword slashes under his ribs. He growled. What a perfect time for Aveline to be on her honeymoon and Isabela to go running off. His heart constricted, he wouldn't think about that. But Varric was right, they needed back up.

“You know, there happens to be a quite dashing apostate a few minutes away. He could heal us up, and you know...go with us.” Varric smiled up at him.

Garrett rolled his eyes, but knew the dwarf was right. “We will go see him to get healed, but I'm not taking him with us.” Varric was right though, he needed more help. “We will stop at the Chantry and bring Sebastian. He's decent with a bow.”  
“And what if Marian needs a healer? We don't know what the mages could have done to her.”

Garrett spun around on the dwarf, his hands clenching and unclenching in anger. “Then I will kill all of them!”

“That won't heal her.” The dwarf stated calmly, unflinching at his anger.

He growled and turned away. “Convince him then.”

Varric grinned. “Oh, I don't think Blondie will take much convincing.”

* * *

“Blood magic was used to bind her, Champion.” Alain was bending over Marian, examining her with his hands. “The only way to release her is to use blood magic again.”

“Don't touch her!” Garrett ripped the mage away from his sister, throwing him back on the ground. Battle fury still raged in his veins. He wondered how this mage had survived it.

“He's right, Hawke.” Anders said quietly, bending down next to Marian. Blue light shined under his hands as he moved them over his sister's body. “I don't know a spell to unbind her. Unless you don't want her to wake...” He looked up at Garrett. “Let the mage help.” Garrett saw the corners of the warden's eyes crease with worry. Finally, the light faded and Anders sighed. He met Garrett's eyes. “She's fine. Her and the baby. Neither are harmed.”

Garrett didn't realize he had been holding his breath until he let it go. The heaviness he had felt was gone. He glanced at the mage, who was still on the ground, staying as still as possible. “Unbind her.” He demanded, grabbing his sword in case the mage tried anything.

Alain nodded and took a dagger out from his belt. He held it against his arm and sliced. The blood didn't trickle down like a normal cut, instead it swirled around the mage. Garrett readied a smite, he heard Fenris shift and knew if he didn't take down the blood mage, the elf would.

Then, Marian stirred and the magic faded. Alain stepped back and taking a look at Garrett, took three more steps away from his sister.

As she opened her eyes she saw her brother and Anders looking down at her; Anders was smiling, but Garrett looked as if he was seeing a spirit, his face white and his eyes dark.

She sat up slowly and Anders steadied her with his hands. The sunlight was so strong that all she could do for the moment was sit on the ground, blinking as her eyes adjusted to it. She was outside, sitting on sand. She could hear the roar of the waves which told her she was close to the ocean.

“W-what happened?” She asked and was surprised that her voice sounded so weak. Her throat was raw and her mouth dry.

“You were kidnapped.” Anders said quietly, helping her stand up.

She was relieved to see Anders, she recalled she had been worried about him, but couldn't quite remember why. Then as her head cleared she remembered she hadn't heard from him for a few days. Then she remembered the whisper in the night and looked around. Her mouth dropped. The cove was littered with bodies; mages and templars. Some had entire limbs torn off, others were burned to a crisp, There was one body that was literally cut clean in half. She turned away, her face becoming white and then the smell of death hit her and she was bending over, releasing any contents her stomach still had. Anders held her hair back.

“They're just over here, Knight-Captain.” Marian lifted her head at the voice. Cullen? She turned to see Anders' face go white. She looked from the warden to the direction the sound had come. He had only a few moments before the templars were upon them. Seeing a group of bushes a few steps away, Marian shoved Anders towards them.

“Hide.” She hissed and before the templars rounded the corner Anders had dived into the bush.

Garrett looked from the bush to her. He seemed to consider for a moment and then shrugged. Garrett gave Varric a look and the dwarf stepped in front of the bush. Marian was surprised to see Sebastian move to the dwarf's other side to keep the bush out of the templar's view.

Cullen and a band of twenty templars rounded the corner, led by Samson. When Cullen saw her, his face broke with relief and he quickened his step until he was in front of her. He touched her shoulder and scanned her with his eyes. “Are you hurt?”

She shook her head, but he still moved his hands over her, as if she would lie to him about her health. With Cullen there, the realization of what had happened hit her. She had been kidnapped. Her heart raced and fear and relief flooded her at once. Her eyes felt hot and she was pulled into Cullen's arms. “You're safe now.” He whispered in her ear.

“No thanks to you.” Garrett growled, standing next to Marian and glaring at the Knight-Captain. Cullen looked at him over her head.

“I got here as quickly as possible. From the Gallows, it is not a quick trip, Champion. Perhaps if you had waited...”

“You think there was time to wait!” Garrett shouted. “What do you think they would have done to her if I waited?!” Marian stiffened in Cullen's arms and he glared at the Champion.

“Then you'll just have to make do with when I arrived.”

Garrett scoffed. “You got here with enough time to clean up what I finished.”

Cullen looked around at the bodies and noticed the mage, the only one left alive, standing a few feet from Hawke. “Is he responsible for what happened?”

Hawke looked at the mage for a long time, as if weighing his answer. Finally, he shook his head. “He didn't have anything to do with the conspirators, but he did help me so I expect him to be taken care of.”

Cullen looked at the mage. The only one left alive and with far too much information. Meredith would want answers. “I will see that he lives.” It was the only thing he could promise. And it bothered him that the mage's life was the only thing he could save with certainty. Marian was still huddled against him, her head resting against his chest. Maker, what would he do if Meredith continued to deny him the ability to go home to her? How could he ask her to go home after this? How could he ask her to be alone when she carried his child?

Hawke nodded. “Then take your mage back to the Circle, templar.” He was glaring at Cullen as if the whole ordeal was his fault. He wondered if some part of that was true. If he had been home, Marian would never have been in harm's way.

Cullen sighed. As much as he wanted to sit there and hold Marian for the rest of the day, he had to do his job; had to be a templar. He looked at Hawke. “I will need a full report of what happened here. I will come pick it up tonight.”

Hawke nodded. “Good. You can visit your _wife_ when you get your report. She'll be at my estate if you need her.”

Marian looked from her brother to her husband. Cullen just nodded, knowing it was futile to argue with Hawke. He looked down into Marian's eyes; they were bright, but no tears fell. He kissed her forehead and let his hand rest gently on her swollen belly. He had promised to protect her; he had failed.

She reached up and kissed his cheek, resting her head against him for a second. “Come home.” She whispered.

He looked down at her. He couldn't promise anything, but he would try. He motioned for two of his templars to take the mage and he stepped away from his wife. “I'll try.” He whispered back before moving to join his men and take the mage back to the Gallows.

Cullen looked back once to see Marian looking miserable and about to cry. He looked away before his resolve crumbled.


	19. Chapter 19

Garrett told Marian that they were going back to his estate. She wasn't sure why, but she certainly wasn't going to argue. She wasn't sure she was ready to go home, not just yet, and definitely not alone. Garrett had Anders check her again to make sure she was safe and healthy before they headed back and he grumbled about lousy templars that couldn't even do their job.

Anders helped her walk along the treacherous terrain, holding her arm gently.

“You know, a little fresh air is probably good for you.” Anders said, he was smiling down at her and she could see he was in a good mood. Garrett glared back at him.

Marian chuckled weakly. Her mind kept wanting to return to what had just happened, but she forced herself to look ahead to the city growing closer. If she closed her eyes and pretended, she could think that she had merely fallen asleep in her bed and woke up on the coast. Not surrounded by bodies of mages and templars. Definitely not surrounded by bodies she could tell had been torn apart by her brother's blade. She sighed and looked down where she was walking.

Sebastian came up on her other side and she saw Anders' face flicker in annoyance. “Have you thought of a name for the baby?”

She smiled and put a hand on her stomach. “Oh, I don't know. I mean...I've been meaning to...” She frowned. She had been meaning to talk about it with Cullen. The first few months they had decided against coming up with names. They had both agreed that they had plenty of time and that maybe a name would just come to them. But what if Meredith continued to make him stay at the Gallows? What if he didn't come home tonight? Could she stay alone in a house that she had so easily been abducted from?

“I am sure you will think of something. The Maker often guides us in these situations.”

“I'm sure you're right, I'll just have to be patient. And if the Maker doesn't give me a name by the time the baby is born, we'll just make something up. Varric will come up with something, won't you?”

Varric chuckled. “Oh, Hawkette I have plenty of names for that baby. I'm just waiting for you to pop it out so I can use them.”

They laughed and she felt a little better as they walked through the gates of Kirkwall. 

* * *

Cullen told Meredith he was going to check up on Marian and get the report of what happened from Hawke. A small part of him couldn't shake the idea that this was Meredith's fault. He knew it was irrational; the Knight-Commander could never have seen the treachery coming, but still, he needed to blame someone. When Meredith had learned of what happened she was furious. She ranted and raged while Cullen stood calmly in her office. She exclaimed that they had to be careful to root out the evil corrupting the Gallows and that he was going to personally examine every templar to make sure they were loyal to the Order. Cullen had agreed and told her that they should have stricter policy for who was allowed into the templars.

“I won't go that far, Knight-Captain. We need men, now more than ever. We need loyal men and we will have them!”

He had internally groaned. How could he trust men that had been thugs and cutthroats the day before? How could Meredith? Surely she had to know that such men were only loyal to the highest bidder.

Eventually, Cullen had told Meredith he needed to get Hawke's report and she had reluctantly agreed to let him go.

“But I want you back here before nightfall, Knight-Captain. We need to keep a closer eye on our men. I need you here.”

He ground his teeth as he walked up the street to the Hawke Estate. It was late afternoon and he guessed he had a few hours before dark. The door to the estate opened when he pushed on it and he walked through the foyer and into the main hall.

“Knight-Captain.” Hawke called from his study. Cullen looked towards the stairs before deciding to get his conversation with the Champion over with before he went to see Marian.

He walked into the dark study and closed the door behind him. The window was open partly and Hawke had a small fire going in the hearth. He motioned for Cullen to sit and Hawke leaned back in the chair behind his large desk.

“Do you have the report ready? I only have a short amount of time before I have to be back at the Gallows and I would rather spend it with Marian.” Cullen said irritably, knowing he wasn't going to enjoy this conversation.

Hawke raised his eyebrow and shrugged. “She's resting. It's been a trying day for her and the walk back from the coast tired her out. Hopefully it will help her have a dreamless sleep.” Cullen sighed and nodded. Garrett rubbed his growing beard with his fingers and fixed Cullen with an angry look. “I have your report, but perhaps you wouldn't mind explaining how my sister ended up abducted by **your** templars?” The Champion's voice was barely controlled.

Cullen rested his head in his hands and tried to reason with the man. “I don't know, Hawke. Meredith is practically beside herself with this new revelation. Before she barely trusted the city, but now the idea that there are people within the Gallows that plot against her...” He looked up at the Champion. “I need your support, Hawke. Meredith needs your support. Perhaps, with it, she will calm down, become less...paranoid.”

Hawke leaned back in his chair. “So you admit that the woman is paranoid. She is barely fit for her role any longer, Knight-Captain.”

“Don't say that.” Cullen hissed, looking behind him to make sure the door was closed. “Those are dangerous words, Hawke. Especially now.”

“Do you deny them?”

Cullen was silent. “Yes.” He said softly.

“Then you are a fool.”

Cullen stood up, deciding he could stay in the study no longer. “I'll not listen to this, Hawke. Say whatever you like about me, but don't talk about the Knight-Commander, and for Marian's sake, don't let anyone else hear you.”

“Marian's sake?” Hawke growled and stood up, leaning over his desk towards Cullen. “What does she have to do with any of this?”

He looked at the Hawke, surprised the man hadn't guessed. “She's in the middle; you have to see that. With you as her brother and me as her husband...if anything were to happen...if this mess were to boil over she'll be the one caught in the crossfire...mark my words, Hawke.”

Hawke sat back down and ran a hand through his hair while sighing. “Then it's a good thing she will be staying here from now on. She'll be safer this way.”

“Staying here? As in...at the estate?”

Hawke glared at him from his seat. “Yes. Since I clearly can't rely on you to watch over her, Marian will stay here until further notice or this mess blows over.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but then shut it. The man was right, as infuriating as it was. It would be safer for Marian here with Hawke than back at the house by the docks. At least here she would have her brother, and Hightown was safe. He just wasn't sure how happy he was about the idea that he wouldn't be able to see her as easily, although with this new development with the templars he doubted Meredith would be letting him out any time soon.

Cullen nodded and bowed his head to Hawke, who appeared satisfied with the acknowledgment and allowed Cullen to leave the study, saying he would leave the report by the door. He took the steps up the stairs two at a time and was in front of Marian's old room in seconds. He knocked quietly, but didn't hear a response and pushed open the door softly.

Marian was sleeping on her bed, her face towards him, her hand resting lightly on her extended stomach. He paused in the doorway and watched her. She looked so peaceful. Her black hair tousled and falling down her back, her chest lightly rising with each breath. At least she was sleeping. The idea that someone had tried to hurt her...it sent fire through his veins. He hadn't been surprised to come across the coast and see the massacre Hawke caused. Had he gotten there earlier, had he not been held up in the Gallows, he would have killed them all as well. But it had been his fault, as Hawke had said; if he had been home, if he had protected her like he promised, then she would never have been in harm's way, she would have been sleeping happily at their home. He felt his stomach clench with the weight of guilt. If anything had happened to her, it would have been his fault alone.

He walked over to the side of the bed and she stirred, her eyes opening lazily.

“Cullen?” She mumbled, one hand running across her face.

He bent and kissed her forehead. “Yes, love. I'm here.” _for now_ , he added to himself.

Her hand came off her stomach and took his, she brought his palm to her lips and kissed it. “I've missed you.” Her blue eyes looked up at him and he cursed Meredith for demanding he go back to the Gallows. He bent down on his knees and brought her hand up to his lips, kissing it lightly, kissing each finger and lingering slightly on her ring finger.

“I've missed you too, my love.”

Marian looked into his eyes and sighed. “You have to go back. To the Gallows.”

He swallowed the pain. “Yes.”

“Garrett said I was going to stay here for awhile.” She looked sad and he didn't know what he could say to make her happy again.

“It's probably safer for now.” She nodded, but she was clearly unhappy about it. He kissed the back of her hand and leaned down to kiss her stomach. She sighed and shifted so she was on her back and he let his hand roam over her stomach. Before Meredith's proclamation, he had done this every night. Come home and let his hand move over the growing child inside her. At first, she had said he was being ridiculous.

“There isn't even anything there yet!” She had giggled when he first kissed her stomach, his beard tickling the sensitive skin as his hand roamed over her stomach and sides, enjoying the feeling of her soft skin.

“But one day soon there will be, my love.” He has whispered, smiling brightly up at her and giving her stomach another kiss for good measure. “One day soon there will be a healthy little child in there. Our child.” She had pulled him back up to her and kissed him soundly.

“Then you should check every night. Just to see when our child appears.”

Now he kissed her stomach gently, his hand moving in circles.

“Oh.” She gasped and he felt the soft kick against his hand. He smiled and she chuckled. “I guess it's safe to say he knows who his father is.”

He looked up at her. “He?”

She looked sheepishly down at her stomach, placing her hand on top of his. “Yes. It's a boy.”

Cullen blinked and looked curiously at her. “H-how do you know?”

She chuckled softly. “A wizard told me.”

He was about to ask what she meant when a soft kick hit his hand again, a little harder than the first.

“I think he is demanding your attention, papa.” He kissed her hand, a swell of warmth in his heart. His son. He would be a father...he would have a son. He kissed her stomach and slowly kissed up her naval to her neck and collarbone. She sighed and tilted her head back.

He kissed her neck softly, enjoying the feeling of her soft skin against his lips, then up her jaw and down to her mouth, teasing her lips with light kisses. Marian's mouth opened slightly. “Cullen.”

He kissed her deeply, letting his hands run down her body, picking at her dress, finding the buttons down the front. The pressure of desire tickled his groin. The familiar tightening only her body could bring him. He needed to feel her, to know she was there, safe beneath him.

She picked at his shirt and he pulled it over his head, moving onto the bed beside her. Her hands ran along his chest down to his trousers as he finished the last button on her dress. His breathing increased slightly at the feeling of her hands so close to him. He twitched in want. They were both moving fast, both needed to know the other was there.

He helped her sit up so he could push the dress over her shoulder and down her body, exposing his beautiful wife's pregnant body to him. The bump that was his son, the swollen breasts and faint lines across her stomach. She was so beautiful, so utterly irresistible.

She pulled him back down over her, kissing him, her hands finishing the ties on his trousers and pushing them over his hips. He rolled over, pulling her on top of him. The feeling of skin on skin making his heart beat faster, his body's need grow. He enjoyed watching her move while he was beneath her and he knew it was safer for her and the baby. Her hand went between their bodies as she wrapped it around him. Cullen groaned, his eyes closing in pleasure. The tension in his groin increased. Her fingers slid over the top of him and a deep moan came out of his throat.

“Love.” He growled, his hands running up her body, gently massaging her breasts. Flicking over her sensitive nipples which hardened at his touch. Her breath caught and she rolled her hips over him.

She leaned down to kiss him, careful not to put too much pressure on her stomach. Sitting back up, she positioned herself over him and sank down. Marian's eyes closed as she seated herself, her breathing heavy, her body flushed with desire. He twitched inside of her and his hands gripped her legs to keep from moving.

Marian opened her eyes and smiled down at him, rolling her hips in a steady motion. He groaned and his fingers tightened on her legs.

 She set a steady rhythm and when he could take the build of pressure no longer, he thrust his hips up, bringing himself deeper and her to climax. Her breath stopped as her body went still. He continued to move and when she slumped down against him, he finished with a groan, his hips twitching in aftershock.

He kissed her forehead and she slowly rolled to the side. “How long do you have?” She asked, her eyes closing as she relaxed against the bed.

“Until nightfall.”

She sighed and scooted closer to him. “At least stay until I fall back asleep.”

He nodded and put his arms around her, pulling her closer. He watched her body slip into sleep, her breathing become regular and her face relax. When the room became dark, he kissed her softly and pulled himself away. He quietly put on his clothes and left her room, closing the door behind him. He grabbed Hawke's report by the door and made his way through the dark streets of Kirkwall knowing the only thing awaiting him at the Gallows was an empty, cold bed.


	20. Chapter 20

"So, Guard Captain, will you come over tonight?" Marian asked from the chair across Aveline's desk.

"I would, Marian, but I just got back and..." She motioned the desk full of paperwork. "I have a lot of work to do before I can relax again." Aveline had returned from Orlais the previous afternoon. As soon as Marian had heard, she had rushed over to the Viscount's Keep to convince her friend to come over and catch up.

She pouted and rubbed her stomach. "Oh, please Aveline. Garrett is killing me. He won't leave me alone! I am not allowed to leave the house without an escort and he is constantly checking up on me. All I want is one evening with my friends, but he won't even let me go to the Hanged Man anymore. He says it's, 'too dangerous'. Please, please come over. Just for dinner...and you can bring Donnic...please." She would get on her knees if she had to. She couldn't stand another evening with Garrett staring glumly at paperwork from the other end of the table while she ate silently. She was sure she would go out of her mind.

Aveline sighed and rubbed her nose. "Ok...maybe." Marian smiled triumphantly and stood up, taking more time than she would normally need to straighten with her swelled belly. "I said maybe, Marian. That's not a yes, don't get too excited."

But Marian was beaming. "I'll see you when you get off. Orana and I will prepare a feast so bring your appetite." And before the Guard Captain could argue any more Marian was walking out of her office to where Fenris was lounging against the wall, glaring at every guard that passed by. She nodded to him and the elf followed her out of the Keep and back to the estate.

* * *

"Are you still not seeing Cullen very often?" Aveline asked as she helped Marian carry a plate of food to the table.

Marian sighed and shifted some of the plates on the table, straightening them before answering. "He's just...Meredith keeps him very busy is all."

Aveline put her hand on Marian's shoulder. "I understand. You don't need to make excuses. The life of a templar is not easy."

Marian gave her friend a weak smile.

"This looks delicious." Donnic said from the other side of the table. He had a large smile, but Marian could see he was nervous. They hadn't spoken much since that disaster meeting at the Hanged Man. She knew he meant nothing by his words that night and Aveline had straightened him out about her loyalty to Cullen. Still, they had never been close.

She gave the guard a smile and spread her arms. "Well, let's eat before it gets cold then."

Aveline sat and looked up towards the other room. "Is Garrett joining us?"

"He said he had another engagement."

"More for us then." Donnic said, helping himself to Orana's famous meat pies.

Aveline gave him a bemused look. "I thought you said you ate enough in Orlais to last a lifetime."

He chuckled and Marian smiled. "So are you going to tell me about your trip?" She was curious about what Orlais was like; having grown up with horror stories about Orlesians and Chevaliers.

Aveline smiled and Donnic gave a small blush. Marian shook her head and chuckled, piling more food onto her plate.

She was reaching for a dish of roasted chicken when the door to the dining room opened. She expected to see Orana coming in to ask them about the food. She didn't expect to see Cullen standing in the door, a small smile on his face and his eyes lighting up as he saw her.

"Cullen!" She was getting up to go greet him, or attempting to, but her brother's chairs were so difficult to maneuver nowadays.

Cullen chuckled and shook his head. "Don't get up, love." He said, walking up to her and kissing her forehead. He smiled at Aveline and Donnic and grabbed a chair to sit beside her.

"I wasn't expecting you." She grinned at him. He put his hand on hers and squeezed gently.

"I'm sorry. It was short notice. Meredith gave me the whole night off."

He had gone to the Knight-Commander's office that night expecting to give her the usual reports and had been surprised when she asked about Marian.

"How is your wife holding up? After the...unfortunate incident on the coast."

"Uh...well I...she is holding up..." He thought anyway, but it was not as if he had much time to speak with her since the incident. Not with Meredith breathing down his throat to train templars. He spent almost every waking minute training new templars. Most of them weren't fit to hold a blade, and many he would never expect to uphold the values of the Order. But when he had pointed this out to the Knight-Commander she had told him to do his duty and train the men and that they wouldn't be turning anyone away.

That hadn't always been the case, and as the days increased he realized why: being a templar used to mean something, it was an honor to be accepted into the Order, to learn the gifts of the Maker. But Meredith allowed anyone in, and most of the riffraff were looking for money and would work for anyone that could buy their loyalty. But he trained them...because that was his duty.

"And her brother? Do you see much of him when you visit your wife?" Meredith was watching him with her cold eyes, he could almost see a faint gleam to them, but perhaps it was the light.

"Y-yes. I do see the Champion when I visit her." He didn't like that every time he talked with the Commander about Marian, Hawke somehow ended up in the conversation.

"Do you speak with him?"

"Sometimes." He generally tried to avoid the man as much as possible. Hawke was still angry about Marian being taken by his own templars. He doubted the man would ever get over that.

Meredith sat back and thought for a moment. She fixed him with a stare before leaning forward again. "I think the Gallows are under control again, Knight-Captain. Now might be a good time to visit your wife. You may go for the evening."

He had been a bit shocked, but wasn't going to question her so he took his leave and left, switching out of his armor before getting on the ferry.

Cullen turned to the two guests and smiled, feeling more relaxed than he had in weeks. "I hear you came back from Orlais. How was it? I've personally never been there, but I hear the White Spire is beautiful and the Grand Cathedral is supposed to be something out of a dream. Did you visit them?"

Aveline ate slowly and shook her head. "No...no we didn't get a chance to see the White Spire. I mean...we saw it from a distance. And we didn't go to the Grand Cathedral."

Cullen frowned slightly. If one was in Orlais, why would they not visit the Grand Cathedral and see the Divine? Was that not the only reason to go to Val Royeaux? Marian chuckled and Aveline had a faint smile on her face as she looked at her friend.

"What did you do then?" He asked, shaking his head in confusion.

Marian laughed and gave him a look. Cullen didn't understand it.

"How have the templars been holding up?" Donnic asked quickly, smiling broadly at the Knight-Captain.

Cullen was perplexed, but allowed the conversation to change and they spent the rest of the evening talking about Kirkwall and other menial things. Marian told a few stories she had heard from Varric, some about Hawke which she swore couldn't be true and some that made Aveline snort with laughter.

"Hawke against twenty Qunari. No one is stupid enough to believe that."

"I think he said that next time he was going to add in a trained dragon for the Qunari." Marian shook her head while laughing. "I don't know how people believe a word out of his mouth."

Eventually, Aveline and Donnic left and Orana cleared the dishes away, leaving Cullen and Marian to wander upstairs.

"So what made Meredith change her mind? I thought she was going to keep you locked away in the Gallows forever." Marian walked over to her wardrobe to get ready for bed. She reached behind to undo the straps of her dress, but Cullen's hands found them first. She looked over her shoulder to smile at him and he kissed her neck softly.

"I'm not sure. She mentioned your brother and then that she thought the Gallows were secured." He moved her hair and kissed the other side of her neck, letting the dress fall to the floor. "I wasn't going to question her." His hand wrapped around her, resting the palm against her stomach.

"He's getting big isn't he?"

Cullen chuckled softly and rubbed his palm across her stomach in a soothing circle. "Has he been letting you sleep?"

She laughed and leaned against him. "Not through the whole night. He's going to be trouble, I just know it."

He kissed her neck, his heart swelling with warmth. "Have you thought of a name yet?"

"Difficult."

Cullen chuckled. "Under our breath I'm sure we will call him that." He held her close, letting his warmth calm her. The light cast shadows across the room. She was so beautiful, his wife, the mother of his child, his love. "What about Malcolm?"

She turned around to face him in his arms, her eyes widening. Her mouth opened a bit and then she watched him. Finally, she quietly asked, "After my father?"

He smiled down at her, kissing her slowly; hearing the sigh of contentment as she relaxed against him. "You loved him. And you miss him."

"He was a mage." Marian was watching him curiously, her body stiffening slightly. "You would name your son after a mage?"

"He was also a good man." He smiled and pulled her closer. "And he named his son after a templar, remember?"

She relaxed again in his embrace. "He was also trouble. Do we need to give our son more encouragement? He already torments me." She smiled. "Are you sure?"

"I would not have suggested it if I wasn't." He kissed her.

She buried her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. "I will think about it, but I like the idea. My father would have loved to be a grandpa." She sighed.

"MARIAN!"

She jumped and Cullen turned towards the door. He didn't recognize the voice. It was fairly deep and definitely not Hawke's.

Marian grabbed her robe and slung it around her, heading for the door quickly, Cullen right behind her.

"GET DOWN HERE, NOW!"

He looked over the banner and saw the white-haired elf holding up Hawke, the other bleeding out of wounds across his stomach and coughing.

Marian gasped and ran down the steps, reaching her brother as the elf rested him on the floor. Hawke was groaning and clutching his stomach. Marian batted his arms away to see clearer.

"Heal him. He needs healing, now!"

Cullen felt her draw her magic even before her hands were touching her brother's wounds. He hurried to Hawke's other side and helped Fenris hold him up.

"What happened?" He asked, as Marian set about assessing the damage with her magic.

The elf's eyebrows knitted and he glared at Cullen as if he was to blame. "Perhaps you should ask your Commander, templar."

He was silent, his eyes running over Hawke's wounds even as the blue light of Marian's magic shined on them. Blades had cut his stomach, the wounds looked pretty deep and there was a lot of blood loss. But Hawke didn't walk around Kirkwall without armor. Cullen could see the thick metal armor around the wounds. It would be thick enough to stop almost any blade, given that it wasn't enchanted...or silverite. He felt cold seep through his bones as the wounds began stitching together. There was only one group of warriors in Kirkwall that carried silverite blades. Silverite blades emblazoned with Andraste's holy symbol. The same blade he carried.

"It's not possible." He growled at the elf, not allowing himself to believe what was right in front of him.

"Do you think they only wanted to talk? If I had not been there..." Fenris swallowed and Marian glanced at him before looking back at the work she was doing.

"Fenris." Hawke groaned, then sighed as the blue magic ran through his wounds.

"I'm right here, Hawke." Fenris growled, his green eyes staring at the man's face.

Hawke gave a sigh that sounded less harried and his body relaxed. Marian let her magic go and stared at her twin as he slumped against the two men, passing out.

"Is he going to make it?" Cullen asked, the elf gave Marian a searching look as well.

"I think so. The worst of the wounds healed nicely. He needs rest. I think he has a few health salves stashed away, they wouldn't hurt either." She looked from Cullen to Fenris. "You two bring him upstairs and wash his wounds, I'll grab the health salve." She gave her brother a last worried look before getting up and heading towards his study.

Cullen had worried that they would have trouble carrying Hawke between the two of them, but the elf surprised him with his strength and together they easily got Hawke up the stairs and to his room. He helped strip him of his armor and Fenris filled a bowl with water and grabbed a rag, dabbing carefully at Hawke's chest. When Cullen asked if he needed help, Fenris shook his head and told him he had cleaned up worse. He nodded and left him to it.

Marian walked up the stairs with the poultice in one hand, her other hand using the banister for support. Cullen frowned. He hadn't noticed how close she was. Her stomach was swelled out and he saw that she was even walking differently due to the weight. She smiled tiredly at him.

"Fenris kick you out?" She chuckled.

Cullen smiled. "No. But he was doing a better job of cleaning the wounds than I could have."

She nodded and walked into her brother's room. Cullen stayed outside, listening to the rustle of the bed moving as the elf and her applied the salve. Marian came out a few minutes later.

"He's sending me to bed. Says I look worse than my brother." She pouted.

Cullen brushed her hair back. "You look beautiful, my love. Though you do look tired."

She smiled. "I am." She sighed and looked at him, her expression serious. "What does this mean?"

Cullen ran a hand over his face. "I don't know."

Marian walked forward and hugged him. "Cullen, templars attacked my brother. They could have killed him. What are we going to do?"

He looked down at her. He had no idea what to do. "I will speak to Meredith. It is possible they were...rogue." He could tell from her expression that she didn't believe that. Her eyes were almost as dark as his. "You need sleep, love. Let me worry about it for tonight. If anything happens, Fenris will wake us."

She nodded. He was almost surprised at how easy it had been to convince her. Perhaps the baby had made her less stubborn. Or maybe she was finally learning her limits. 

* * *

"How was your evening, Knight-Captain?" Meredith asked as Cullen walked into her office the next morning. "Any...problems?"

Cullen had been opening his mouth to tell her about Hawke being attacked by templars when he stopped. Meredith was watching him closely, examining him for any sign of disturbance. Like she knew.

"N-no. Nothing. The Guard-Captain was over visiting Marian, but a quiet night nonetheless." He didn't know what made him hold back, but something told him he needed to be more careful. If Hawke had incurred Meredith's wrath, if she had sent templars after him, then Cullen needed to make sure he and Marian were well separated from him in Meredith's eyes. He couldn't afford to worry that the Knight-Commander would turn to Marian for vengeance.

Meredith's eyes widened slightly, then narrowed. "Did you see the Champion?"

"No. But that is not surprising. The man spends many nights out."

"And...you did not see him this morning?"

"No, Knight-Commander...Is there a reason I should be looking for him?"

She eyed him and he worried she knew he was lying. "No. But an eye should be kept on him. The Champion has too much power in this city and his alliance is unknown."

Cullen thought for a moment. "Perhaps I should visit Marian more? She would know more about her brother's whereabouts than anyone else."

Meredith leaned back in her chair. "Yes...that might not be a bad idea, Knight-Captain. I will think about it. Perhaps a few times a week you could go to the estate and...look in on them."

He wondered if he could be so lucky.

* * *

“Good to see you on your feet and still fighting after those templars the other night. How many were there, just for the record? Ten? Twenty?” Varric asked as the three of them exited his brother's ex-estate.

The evening had been quite adventurous though Garrett would prefer to never see another part of that blasted idol ever again. That such a small piece could have haunted an entire mansion made him nervous. He carried the small piece in his pocket and when he got home he would ask Sandal if there was a way to destroy it. The idol had been made of lyrium and the way he understood it the boy was gifted in weaving lyrium into enchantments. Perhaps he would know what to do with the idol piece they had found at the estate.

“Seven, Varric. There were seven templars and I was walking home alone. Hardly a fair fight.”

“There were not looking for a fair fight, Hawke.” Fenris growled from behind him.

If the elf had not shown up when he had, Garrett would have been sliced in half. He had killed three when one charged through his defenses and landed the first wound across his chest. He was able to kill the templar that injured him before Fenris appeared by his side. He didn't know how the elf continued to show up when he needed him, but he certainly wasn't going to turn him away. As it was Fenris was angry at him for some reason. Likely because he refused to hire bodyguards. That was the argument they had been having when Varric asked for help with his brother's mansion. Garrett had jumped at the excuse to stop arguing over his safety.

“Seven.” Varric seemed disappointed. The dwarf shrugged and smiled back at Garrett. “Any idea why the templars want to kill you?”

“Meredith is afraid of the influence I have. She is also afraid that because the First-Enchanter has spoken to me so often in the last couple months, I am somehow on the mages' side.” Garrett frowned. “I am not.”

“Then you should tell her so.” Fenris said, still walking behind Varric and Garrett.

“You might be right. I doubt she will try to kill me again so soon. I have at least a few weeks before she can coerce more of her men into going up against the Champion of Kirkwall.”

“But they almost beat you.” Varric said with a quirk of his eyebrow.

“Almost. But there isn't anyone alive who could tell Meredith that. As far as she knows, she sent seven men after me and they all died. Enough to give her pause.”

“What will you do about Hawkette and her husband?”

“Marian is already on edge with her pregnancy. She doesn't need any more worries, but hopefully Meredith will leave her alone because of her marriage. And Cullen...the man will stand with me no matter what happens. And the other night gave him reason to re-think his loyalty to Meredith.”

Varric looked surprised. “You really think so?”

“Yes.” Garrett said. "So what are you going to do now?"

Varric snorted. "About Bartrand's estate? Get Daisy to make sure the house remains un-haunted and then sell it, I suppose."

"Master!" Orana was running towards Garrett from the other side of the courtyard they had just walked into. She stumbled on the cobbles when she was halfway to him. Fenris shot Hawke a vicious look and ran over to help her to her feet.

"What is in Orana?" He looked behind her to make sure she wasn't being chased, his hand resting on his sword.

"M-mistress Hawke. She-she has gone into labor, Master."

Garrett went perfectly still.

"Hawke?" Varric prompted.

He shook his head and nodded. "Right." He cleared his throat. "Is she home? Did you help her into her bed?"

Orana nodded vigorously. "Yes, Master. But...but I have never delivered a baby before."

Varric was watching Hawke. "There is a midwife in Lowtown. Clarett. I could run down and get her."

Garrett's face was losing some of its color. "Yes. Yes, do that."

"Alright. Come with me Broody, I'm not walking these streets alone at night. Too many cutthroats that know my name."

Fenris shot Hawke another angry glance and followed Varric.


	21. Chapter 21

"Curly, glad I caught you."

Cullen glanced around the training courtyard. He had just finished training for the evening and was watching the recruits clean their equipment to make sure it was done properly and put away. Some of the recent recruits enjoyed neglecting their duty. He saw Varric walking towards him. He frowned. "What do you want?"

"I am but a humble messenger today. Your wife is in labor."

His heart started racing. "Labor?"

"Yes, you know. That stage women go through before birth. Generally a stage the husband should go see his wife."

Cullen was staring at the dwarf in disbelief.

"Are all humans this startled by the idea of a pregnant woman giving birth? This shouldn't come as a surprise, Curly."

He started to breathe again and shook his head. "No...no not a surpr--Yes. A surprise. I-I have to ask the Knight-Commander for leave." Cullen raced away from the training ground, praying to the Maker that the Knight-Commander was still in her office.

He reached the door in record time. He thought he heard her having an argument with someone on the other side, but he was too scattered to think. He knocked and heard silence on the other end. Finally, a bark telling him to come in.

The office was empty except for the Knight-Commander sitting behind her desk. The room was dark, no fire lit.

"Uh...Knight-Commander?"

"Yes, Knight-Captain. You knocked on my office, did you not, who were you expecting?" She snapped at him.

"N-no one. I mean...you, Knight-Commander. Uh...my wife, Marian sh-she is in labor. The baby is coming. I came to request leave to go to her."

Silence greeted his request. He could barely make Meredith out in the dying light of evening, only a faint glow of her piercing blue eyes. The silence stretched on for minutes and he wondered whether he had said something wrong. Had he not requested leave from the Gallows? Had coherent words come out of his mouth? The Knight-Commander might think he had gone mad.

"No."

He started. "N-no?"

"It is a simple word, Knight-Captian. I hear they use it, even in Ferelden. No, you may not leave the Gallows."

"But...Knight-Commander...my wi--"

"Women have been giving birth for many ages, Knight-Captain. She will be fine without you. I need you here should the mages decide to uprise."

"The Gallows have been calm for weeks, Knight-Commander."

"AND WE SHOULD BE EVER VIGILANT!"

Cullen was silent at her outburst. "Of course, Knight-Commander." He said, respectfully bowing his head as his mind raced and his heart shattered.

Meredith stared at him. "Good. We can never be too careful. You are not to leave the Gallows tonight. I forbid it. You are dismissed."

Cullen walked out of the Knight-Commander's office in a daze. How could she say no? How? The Gallows would be fine without him for a night and it was his wife and his child. And birth was not so simple. What if...? No. He wouldn't allow himself to think of that. His brows furrowed as he walked along, not looking where he was going, his mind filled with worry.

"Well, are we leaving?"

Cullen looked up, startled by the voice. Varric stood down the hall from him, his arms crossed and looking at the Knight-Captain expectantly.

"I-I cannot leave. The...the Knight-Commander has forbidden it." His heart fell to the ground, the crushing defeat, the utter desperation. He needed to be with her. She needed him.

He hadn't heard the dwarf move, but suddenly he was in front of him, looking up at him with eyes that spoke more than even the dwarf was capable. He patted Cullen on the arm a little awkwardly and shook his head. "I will go back and tell her."

Cullen closed his eyes, hoping to open them to the light of morning. That this was all a horrible dream, a nightmare the demons plagued him with. When he opened them the Gallows still stood strong around him and Varric was already at the end of the hall. Cullen watched him round the bend and go out of sight. Free to go to Marian. Free to leave. No Commander enforcing his actions. Cullen did not remember ever having such freedom.

He ended up in his room with a bottle of wine. He lit the candle next to his bed and sat down, taking a long drink from the bottle. Marian was giving birth. He couldn't sleep until he knew that she was safe. He settled down against the wall and stared at the dancing flame. Marian used to light the candles in the house. She said she enjoyed the small flick of flame against her fingers. Said when she was younger she used to burn herself learning flame spells.

"My father always said I should stick to lightning. It came naturally. Bethany was good with fire. She never almost set the house on fire." Marian had laughed, her eyes tinged with sadness. Those had been the early days, when her magic still frightened him. He had married her to keep her out of the Gallows, but it hadn't been until after their wedding that he realized what marrying a mage would mean. To Marian, magic was something used every day. To light the fire, to warm the water of her bath, to cook food. Those first few days of living together, constantly feeling her pull on magic, it had taken every ounce of his self-control not to smite her, to cut her off from the Fade.

He had told her as much, later, much later into their marriage. She had been so surprised.

"You should have told me." She had said, "I wouldn't have wanted you to be anxious in your own home."

Cullen had laughed. "We were barely on speaking terms, if you remember, my love."

But he had loved those first months, getting to know her, seeing her smile at him for the first time, hearing her laugh, listening to the stories of her childhood. Telling her his own childhood stories. She had enjoyed learning about the boy he used to be. About the mischief him and his sister used to get into, it was always Mia's idea and he just went along with it. He didn't remember ever being so happy as those first months with Marian.

Then the qunari attacked the city.

And everything changed.

There was a knock on his door and Cullen started, not sure if he had fallen asleep. He jumped off the bed and raced to the door, knocking over his armor stand in his rush.

"Knight-Captain?" Keran looked at Cullen worriedly when he opened the door in a rush.

"What is it?" He asked, his voice thick with concern.

Keran glanced up and down the hallway before continuing in a lower tone. "The Knight-Commander has retired to her room, Knight-Captain."

"...And?"

The younger man blinked several times. "Uh...Ser now would be a good time to...uh..."

Cullen sighed. "I can't leave the Gallows, Keran. The Knight-Commander...I must stay here."

"But Ser...your wife."

Cullen gripped the door tighter to keep himself upright.

"Ser..." Keran looked up and down the hall again. "What if I told you that the Knight-Commander would never know you left?"

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "The ferryman is on the other side of the water, recruit, and Meredith would likely hear if I attempted to swim across the bay."

"There...there is another way into the city, Ser."

"Another way?" Cullen asked, hope beginning to burn in his chest.

* * *

Clarett was an older woman with grey hair and a severe face that always got her way. That was the first thing Garrett recognized when she walked into his estate. The second was that she knew what she was doing and he was in far over his head.

"Get me warm water, not hot, and towels, clean towels mind. I also need a chair, I'm not as young as I once was." She looked at Marian who was lying on the bed. "And for the Maker's sake, get her pillows! Prop her up so she has something to lean on! What is wrong with you?"

Garrett rushed around following the woman's orders. The truth was he was terrified. He didn't know what to do and when he had walked into the house and heard his sister scream in pain a part of him had wanted to walk out again. He was walking around blind; someone had robbed him of his sight, his limbs, his ears.

"Are you deaf?" Clarett shouted at him. "Go hold her hand. Or do you need to pay someone to comfort your own sister?"

Marian was whimpering against the bed as Garrett stood awkwardly in the doorway. He didn't want to walk into the room. He wanted to run. To run as far away as he could, to never hear her cries of pain, to never feel this fear.

He stepped next to his sister. Her face was flushed from the pain, but tinged white, like she was sick. Her eyes looked up at him and he saw his own fear reflected in them. He kneeled down and took her hand. "You can do this. You are going to be fine."

"Where is Cullen?"

The question he had been asking himself all night. "Varric went to bring him back. I'm sure he will be here soon."

She nodded then clenched her teeth. The screaming was worse when he was next to her. Her hand tightened around his painfully, but he squeezed right back.

"Breathe girl! Don't be stupid. Breathe!"

Marian was panting, trying to pull in air as fast as she could.

"Shit."

Garrett's entire body went cold when he met Clarett's eyes.

"Wh-what?" Marian asked weakly, fear lacing her voice.

"Nothing, dear. You're fine. Just relax." But the woman's grey eyes told Garrett a different story.

He patted his sister's hand as she collapsed back onto the pile of pillows, waiting for another episode to hit her. He walked towards her legs, something he had avoided all night. Clarett lifted her hand slightly. Blood covered it and he could see more seeping into the bed. The woman didn't say anything. She put her hand back down and patted his sister's leg reassuringly.

Garrett stumbled out of the room. His mind white.

"What is wrong?" He hadn't even noticed that Fenris was in his house. The elf touched Garrett on the shoulder, ever so briefly.

"M-Marian." He shook his head. His sister wasn't going to make it. "Blood." He looked at Fenris. His eyes haunted. He wouldn't live through another loss.

* * *

Cullen walked into the Hawke estate and the first thing he noticed was the quiet. The heavy silence over the estate, as if everyone was holding their breath, waiting. He hurried out of the basement and through the kitchen; Varric striding next to him. Halfway through the kitchen he heard the first noises of life. Muffled footsteps from the foyer. He walked into the large room to see Aveline striding back and forth in front of the fire. Varric nodded at Cullen and went to stand beside the Guard-Captain. The woman looked up as Varric approached and nodded at Cullen as he took the stairs to the bedrooms two at a time. On the landing, he saw Fenris lounging against the wall next to Marian's bedroom, his body stiff. He stared at Cullen as he approached, but didn't make any sign of welcome. Cullen's hand rested on the knob when he heard the cry of pain, the sound of people talking, shouting; his heart raced and he opened the door.

Marian was lying against a pile of pillows; a woman sat between her legs, her eyes concentrating on his wife. Hawke was holding Marian's hand, talking to her, soothing back her hair. But Cullen's eyes went immediately to the man standing next to Hawke. Blonde hair, black feathers, blue light streaming from his hands that pricked the lyrium in Cullen's veins.

The abomination.

His hand reached for his sword as cold steel touched his throat.

"You kill the mage, you kill your wife." Fenris growled from behind him, his sword digging into Cullen's skin.

Hawke looked up from Marian's side and she turned her head to see Cullen standing in the doorway, Fenris' blade at his throat. Both of their eyes looked dark and hollow, Marian's were tinged red, her hair stuck to her forehead. He saw her lips move, forming his name. A soundless call for him.

"There are no blades in this room! You want to come in, you leave your steel at the door!" The stern woman sitting between his wife's legs yelled at him. Her face broke no argument.

The abomination looked at him, a glimmer of blue showing what he really was. What everyone in the room was trying to ignore. Something Cullen could never forget, would never forget.

Fenris moved Cullen's hand away from his sheath, his blade still against his throat. He felt the elf fiddling with the buckle keeping his blade in place.

Neither Hawke nor Marian spoke as they watched. He sat there, rage, fear, and humiliation sweeping through him. Marian tilted her head back and Hawke's eyes went to her. He saw her lips part and a groan that turned into a cry of pain.

"We're getting close." The woman said.

"Take the blasted thing off already!" Cullen growled, his hand grabbing the buckle and undoing it as he raced into the room. The sword fell to the ground when he was halfway to her. He could feel a small prick on his throat where Fenris' blade had pushed too deep, but it didn't bother him. He barely felt the pain as he reached Marian's side; his hand grabbing hers as her pain reached its peak.

She crushed his hand with hers as her whole body seized up, tensing for what was to come. He watched in fear until the pain subsided. When the episode was finished, Marian was panting and she turned to look at him, a small smile on her face. "You're here."

He pushed the hair out of her face and kissed her forehead. "Yes. I'm here, love. I'm here."

Hawke looked at him. His eyes so dark there were almost black. He looked exhausted and...terrified.

Cullen glanced at the abomination. The blue was still streaming from his hands. Healing magic. The mage looked at Cullen, anger showing in his brown eyes. He turned back to his spell, ignoring Cullen again.

Cullen looked back at Marian. Her eyes were closed, her breathing heavy. Just how close had he come to losing his wife?

* * *

"Cullen. The sun is coming up." Aveline said softly from the door to Marian's room.

He nodded, not taking his eyes off the sleeping baby. Malcolm slept peacefully in his crib, oblivious to the chaos he had caused with his birth. It had been one of the hardest nights of Cullen's life. He had watched as Marian struggled with the birth, watched as she cried out in pain, as blood seeped on Clarett's hands, as Anders fought desperately to keep her alive, taking lyrium potions to make sure he never ran out of energy to cast...and Cullen could do nothing. He had sat by while Marian lived through the most painful night of her life, while his child literally drained the life from her.

Clarett had told him that the baby had been positioned incorrectly. That there had been tearing inside Marian. They had needed Anders' constant healing to make sure she did not bleed to death.

It wasn't until after Malcolm was born and Marian was asleep that Cullen had learned of the full extent of the danger she had been in during the delivery. Clarett had only whispered it to him before she left, as the estate descended into quiet and Hawke had crawled into his room to sleep. Hawke had not spoken to Cullen the entire night, he had remained quiet next to Marian, his dark eyes watching her, his fingers clasped in hers. Not until the mage was gone did he learn that if he had not been there, Marian would have died before Cullen even arrived. That he would have walked into an estate in mourning. But the worst moment of the night; the moment Cullen will always remember as the moment he thought he would lose Marian was the moment after the delivery.

Malcolm had just been born, Cullen was smiling, staring at the baby crying in Clarett's arms. Suddenly, Anders grabbed Marian and shook her. Marian's eyes had closed. Cullen had watched as her chest stopped moving, his own heart stopping. He felt the mage channeling energy into her body, his hands shaking her as he yelled for her to wake up. A moment later Marian's eyes opened wide, her gasping breath the greatest relief Cullen had ever felt. The mage had slumped against her, his shoulders shaking slightly. Hawke had merely stared, his eyes showing no emotion. Cullen had held her hand and her exhausted eyes found his. He had squeezed her hand and received a small squeeze back.

Cullen touched his son's forehead. Malcolm's mouth opened, his baby lips looking for his mother.

"Knight-Captain."

He stared down at his son, engraving the image into his memory. His son, alive and healthy. Maker knows what would have happened otherwise. He kissed his forehead and turned to the bed behind him. Marian was asleep, her breathing regular and peaceful. Cullen kissed her forehead. "I love you," he whispered. He stood and left the room, refusing to look back on what he should never be forced to leave.

* * *

Marian heard a faint cooing as she opened her eyes. The soft rustle of cloth and a chuckle. "You are quite a big boy. Must take after your uncle."

She smiled and turned her head to see Isabela holding Malcolm in her arms, rocking him gently back and forth as he made noises of hunger.

"Oh look, your mother finally opens her eyes. And here I thought she would sleep all day." Isabela grinned at her and walked over to the bed.

"You're back," Marian said, taking care as she lifted herself into a sitting position. Her body was dreadfully sore. Isabela grabbed a pillow to put behind Marian's back and she smiled gratefully at the pirate.

"Just got back. The sun and fresh air was needed."

"And a break from Garrett?"

Isabela laughed and handed Malcolm to Marian. "Cookie here looks a little hungry to me. Though he is the size of a sack of potatoes. How you got him through must have been a miracle."

Marian's grin faded as she took her son. His mouth was opening and closing, looking for food. She glanced at Isabela.

"Believe me Cupcake, you don't have anything I haven't seen."

She sighed and pushed her nightgown down over her breast. She had watched her mother when she nursed the twins. She used to hold one while the other fed and then burp them while her mother fed the other. Bethany was always quiet and easy, while Carver would end up throwing up all over her and crying bloody murder.

Malcolm looked up at her, his baby blue eyes staring at her. She smiled down at him, her heart warming. He had a tuft of soft down black hair on his head, and the cutest chubby cheeks she had ever seen. In fact, Marian would wager he was the most adorable baby she had ever seen.

She pulled him up, cradling him gently in her arms. It took a moment to position him and then the initial discomfort. She had tried last night before passing out and Clarett said it would take a few days for her to get used to feeding him. Marian wished she could have spoken to the woman more. She wondered if Varric could bring her back.

"Look at you. Proper little mother now."

Marian started. She had been watching Malcolm and forgotten Isabela was still there, sitting on the edge of the bed. She smiled at her. "So why did you come back now?"

Isabela shrugged. "Well I was hoping to see you when you were all big and round. Can't believe I missed it by a day. Would have made it if not for the storm in the Waking Sea. Varric told me last night was...a little too exciting for everyone." She looked at Marian, worry briefly crossing her face, before smiling again. "Your brother is still asleep, thankfully."

Marian smiled. "He missed you."

"Oh I'm sure he had other things on his mind. More important...Champion duties."

Marian looked at Isabela, her face more serious. "He did miss you. A blind person could see it."

"Blind people see things most people miss, Cupcake." Isabela rubbed Malcolm's head gently. She shook her head, got off the bed and walked toward the door. "Anyway, I will be settling into the Hanged Man again. Come bring Cookie round. We'll put some hair on his chest."

"He's a day old, Isabela!"

"Never too early." The pirate grinned back at her from the doorway and then was gone.

Marian grinned after the pirate for a few moments. She looked back down at Malcolm. "I think you have quite a few years before I leave you alone with her...or I might just never allow that." His blue eyes were the only answer she got. Her grin faded and she frowned slightly. "I miss your father." She whispered into the empty room.


	22. Chapter 22

"What is it I can do for you...?"

"Delilah. Delilah Howe, Serah."

Garrett looked from the young woman to Anders, his brow raising slightly. He leaned back in his chair, examining the woman standing nervously in front of him. She had black hair, similar to his own, and brown eyes that were lighter than his. She was holding her dress in her hands, it was of fine make, not as fine as some of the Kirkwall nobles, but fine enough for a wealthy merchant or someone who didn't want to be accosted as they travelled. Anders had brought her to him, asking him to hear her out. He suspected this would require something from him.

Anders nudged her closer to Garrett's desk and whispered. "It's fine. Just tell him what you told me."

She fidgeted, a nervous habit, no doubt. "Well, Serah, my brother Nathaniel has gone missing. He's a Grey Warden and he was investigating a part of the Deep Roads. It was the same area you explored when you went on your expedition. He hasn't returned and I worry something may have happened to him."

"And this has to do with me how? I am not a Grey Warden. Contact his superiors to retrieve him."

"Hawke." Anders said, taking a step forward.

"You want me to run after a Grey Warden?" He growled at the mage, leaning forward threateningly. He had told himself he would never go into the Deep Roads again.

"I believe you owe me a favor." Anders crossed his arms.

_Blasted mage._ Garrett thought as he leaned back again, watching Anders. Finally, he pointed at the girl. "This is your favor? To go after her brother? And what if we don't find anything?"

"I'm asking us to look. Maybe we find him, maybe we don't..." Delilah made a distressed noise in her throat and Anders put a hand on her arm before continuing. "But I know Nathaniel and he is a good man. He's been through worse, I'm sure, but if we can save him, then we should."

Garrett was silent, watching the duo across his desk. That could have been Marian if he hadn't taken her with him into the Deep Roads. Would she have asked someone to look for him? He shook his head. No, his sister would have been stubborn enough to go after him herself. That's why he had taken her with him in the first place. She had said she would follow whether he included her in the plans or not. And he knew his sister enough to know she would have. He sighed and nodded. "Fine. We will go look for him."

Anders grinned and Delilah gave him a grateful smile.

"But we leave after we are well prepared. I won't go foolishly into the Deep Roads again. Anders, prepare a bag of health potions and salves. Bring lyrium and anything else that will be useful. I'll talk to the others and see who will come with us. We will plan on leaving the day after tomorrow."

"Thank you, Hawke." Anders beckoned Delilah to leave with him.

When they left his study, Garrett rubbed his forehead. He was going back into the Deep Roads. At just the thought, he could feel pressure against his temple; thousands of pounds of rocks above him, little air, barely any light. Cramped, sweat, darkspawn. He breathed deeply, reminding himself that he was not down there yet. He opened his eyes and looked around his desk until he found some parchment and a quill. He wrote down a list of supplies he would have Bodahn buy for the journey. He grabbed another piece of parchment and wrote a note that he would have Orana deliver to Aveline informing her of his immediate departure. He would have to visit Fenris, Varric, and Isabela to see if they would go with him. He suspected Fenris would and perhaps Isabela since she had not gone on the first trip. Varric would take some convincing, but eventually he would go with him as well. He considered even asking Merrill to come with them. Garrett knew Varric had contact with her, though Garrett himself only spoke to her if she happened to be at the Hanged Man with Isabela. He avoided the blood mage. Convinced himself that if he didn't think about her or see her that she was just what she appeared. A naïve elf living in the alienage. Not a blood mage of considerable talent that he should give to the templars or stop himself. Perhaps he wouldn't ask Merrill to come with them. That left only one problem he was unsure of how to handle... Marian. She would fight him on this. She couldn't go with him, not with Malcolm still so new, but he couldn't leave her alone in the estate either. What if his enemies took advantage of his absence to harm her?

He finished the list and got up to go find Bodahn. The dwarf was happy to go find the necessary supplies. Garrett went back into his study and sat back in his chair. He sighed and rubbed his face. He needed some way of knowing Marian and the baby would be safe. He knew Bodahn and Orana would take care of them while he was gone, but they could hardly be expected to keep them safe should something happen. If only he could get Cullen back. The man had only been allowed to visit Marian once since his child was born. Garrett wasn't sure if this was some ploy by the Knight-Commander, but it would back-fire if the woman wasn't careful. Cullen was loyal to his family. He didn't realize it yet, but when it came to mages or templars Cullen would side with whoever would protect Marian and his child. Garrett almost laughed at the thought of the stoic Knight-Captain that Cullen had once been.

Garrett sat up, an idea forming in his head. Perhaps he **could** convince the Knight-Commander to let Cullen back to his family. It would be in both of their benefits and he wouldn't have to worry about his sister while he was gone. Of course, nothing came without a cost, but he wasn't unwilling to help Meredith if the need arose. She was still a templar after all and he had fought enough blood mages in Kirkwall to know they needed templars now more than ever.

* * *

Garrett knocked on the Knight-Commander's door. A templar on watch had to escort him into the interior of the Gallows and stood next to him, unblinking eyes staring out the grey helmet. Apparently, the Knight-Commander no longer allowed visitors of any kind into the Gallows.

"Come in." Meredith's curt voice echoed from behind the door.

Garrett nodded to his templar guide and walked into the office.

Meredith looked surprised to see him. "Champion. What are you doing here?"

He took his time walking into her office. The curtains were thrown over her window and the whole room was darker than the hallway he had come from. A small fire was lit in the hearth, but he could feel no heat from it and it did little to lighten the room. He shook his head and sat down in the seat opposite her desk. Meredith looked annoyed at his dalliance, but sat in her desk before he spoke. "I am leaving Kirkwall for a little while."

The Knight-Commander's eyes widened slightly, then narrowed in suspicion. "Why?"

He smiled. "That is of none of your concern Knight-Commander. What is of your concern is that I have come to ask you for a favor."

"And what makes you think I will grant you of all people a favor."

"Because it is in your best interest."

She was silent, watching him. Her eyes were somewhat bloodshot and the dark lines beneath them told him she had not slept in days. "What is the favor, Champion?" She made the word sound like a curse.

"I want Cullen to stay at my estate while I am gone."

She sneered. "And how does that benefit me?"

Garrett smiled a bit wider. "Have you heard the expression, 'you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours'?"

Her eyebrows furrowed.

"Well it means, if you do this for me, I will do something for you. Tensions are rising in this city, Knight-Commander. It might help for you to have some...outside support."

"You have made your support clear, Champion."

"Let bygones be bygones, Knight-Commander. I certainly have, or why else would I be sitting here?"

She was silent for minutes. He noticed an odd twitch to her left eye and her lip curled slightly. The Knight-Commander wouldn't last long. She was close to mental in her paranoia, but he hoped she would hold steady while he was away. Finally, she spoke. "I let my Knight-Captain spend his nights at your estate while you are away and you promise me support against the mages."

"I was hoping he would stay the entire time: day and night."

Her eyes narrowed. "And you will support me against the mages."

"I will support the templars, yes."

They stared at each other, each testing the others' resolve.

Meredith nodded. "Fine. I will make the arrangements. When are you leaving?"

"The day after tomorrow. A pleasure as always, Knight-Commander." Garrett bowed and smiled at the woman. She was not amused. He turned and left her office.

* * *

"How long will you be gone? Where are you going? No, where _exactly_ are you going? I want it detailed on a map." Marian was pacing his study, her face whiter than it had been when he asked her to come talk to him. At least the yelling had stopped.

"Marian. Relax." Garrett sat at his desk, finishing a letter to Carver that Bodahn would send as soon as he left. Should something go wrong in the Deep Roads hopefully Carver's Grey Warden connection would help him. He was sure that, at the very least, Carver would search for him if the need arose.

"How can I relax when you are going back into the Deep Roads without me?" She smoothed her loose dress out over her hips. Malcolm had just been put down for a nap.

"I thought you would be happy to get rid of me. And Cullen is coming to stay here."

"Don't joke like that, Garrett. I am happy that I get to see Cullen, but not at the expense of losing my brother."

He got up from his chair and walked around the desk, leaning against it. "You haven't lost me, Sister. I will be gone a week, two at most."

"You don't know that."

He saw the worry in her eyes and pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. "I will be fine. You have to know that. I am taking Anders and everyone with me. I will be safer than you."

She shook her head, but he felt some of the tension leave her body. "Nobody is going to try and hurt me. And I'm not venturing into one of the most dangerous places."

"And I am very thankful for that."

She shook her head. "One of these days you're going to have to stop protecting me. I am a grown woman, Garrett, I can take care of myself."

He smiled. "I know."

There was a knock on the door. He stepped back from Marian. "Come in."

Varric appeared. "Hawke, you ready?"

He looked at Marian. She was frowning and shaking her head.

"Yes." He turned to his sister. "Take care of yourself and the little tyke."

She threw her arms around him before he could leave. "Please be careful." She whispered in his ear. He hugged her back tightly.

"I always am."

* * *

Marian was pacing the bedroom. Occasionally she would tsk and shake her head. Cullen held Malcolm in his arms as his son slept peacefully, unaware of his mother's unease.

"You worry too much, love. Hawke has been in worse spots and survived."

Malcolm's nose crinkled in agreement and Cullen smiled. He had barely been able to leave his son's side since arriving at the estate the same day Hawke left. That had been fine with Marian as she preferred to spend the days in worry. He was surprised she hadn't worn through the carpets with her pacing. It had only been a week since Hawke left for the Deep Roads and Cullen suspected he wouldn't be home for another week at least. Not that he minded. He was sure the man was fine and could take care of himself. Hawke had hired enough muscle in the two days beforehand to take care of fifty darkspawn at least. Not to mention the sooner the Champion returned the sooner Cullen would have to return to the Gallows. He was quite enjoying his small break. The only one he had ever received as a templar in Kirkwall. The last time he had taken a break from his duties was the week in Greenfell before being transferred to Kirkwall.

"But we wouldn't know if he was safe, would we?" Marian muttered for the billionth time since Hawke left.

Cullen shook his head and kissed the top of Malcolm's head. He yawned and stretched his little arms up over his head, shaking his head and scrunching his face as he awoke.

"He'll be hungry soon." Cullen said absently, not taking his eyes off the baby.

Marian stopped her pacing and came over to sit on the bed.

"Here, let me." She held out her arms for Malcolm.

Cullen reluctantly gave him to her. "He is growing so fast." Even in the week he had been there it seemed the boy had grown at least a pound.

"He will be big when he's grown." Marian smiled at him. "Just like his father."

He was smiling back at her when he heard the sound of the front door being thrown open. He frowned and Marian's smile vanished. He heard boots across the ground and the murmur of voices. One standing out. "FIND HER." Meredith's command rang out across the estate.

Cullen's blood turned to ice. He grabbed Marian and stood up. "Hide." He growled, his hand searching for his sword. He saw it across the room and bolted for it as he heard the loud echo of steel boots running up the stairs. How many templars had Meredith brought with her? He grabbed his sword and pushed against the door to their room, closing it and locking the latch with a click. He leaned against it and looked around the room for leverage. Marian was standing by the bed holding Malcolm, her face white.

"Marian, you need to hide." He said urgently, his eyes found the wardrobe, but it was across the room, he would never reach it before the templars--

The first bang against the door and an echo of a voice across the wood.

"Open up."

Cullen didn't recognize the voice.

"There is nowhere to run," Marian whispered.

He looked up at his love. Her eyes were wide and she still had not moved from the side of the bed. The first push against the door made Cullen's heart beat faster. He opened his mouth to tell her to move when the next push came. He bounced off the door and ran up against it. The frame was cracking. It wouldn't hold much longer.

"LAST CHANCE KNIGHT-CAPTAIN." Meredith's voice sounded as if it was next to him.

The final push broke the door down, Cullen fell against the floor as he heard the men move into the room.

"NO!" He shouted as he saw them grab Marian. Her eyes found his, the blues so stunning, so terrified.

"You should have known this would happen, Knight-Captain. We always find them." Meredith stood above him, her sword pointing down at his throat. "Bring them to the Gallows. Make the girl tranquil and give the baby to the Chantry." Meredith looked down at him, her smile crazed. "Where all little boys are raised, isn't that right, Knight-Captain?"

"No! You can't do this, Meredith. You can't take my son! Not my son!" He growled, trying to push himself up.

Meredith leaned down, her sword cutting into his throat. "That is where you are wrong, Cullen." The edge cut deeper, the flame of pain killing him.

"Cullen!" He looked up at hearing Marian's voice, her shouting. "Cullen, wake up!"

He sat bolt upright, sweat itching up his back.

"Cullen? Are you ok?"

He started and turned. Marian's face was illuminated by a hastily lit candle, her eyes searching his, worrying creasing her forehead.

"Love? What happened? Was it the demons again?"

Cullen gulped in the fresh air of night. The silence split by the cry of a child. He looked across the room to where Malcolm's crib sat, his son crying from the light waking him.

Marian looked at him and gathered the covers to go pick up Malcolm.

"No...No let me." Cullen got out of bed and walked over to Malcolm's crib. He looked down at the baby. His son's blue eyes stared up at him, crinkled from his cries. Cullen breathed and bent down to pick him up. He made soft noises of comfort, holding his son against his chest, his heart still beating rapidly. He breathed in the smell of Malcolm. The smell of their bedroom and Marian's soap. The smell of night. Everything was ok, everyone was safe.

He brought Malcolm back to bed and sat down, Marian's eyes had followed him.

"Love, are you ok?"

He nodded. "It was just a nightmare. Only a nightmare."

"You were shouting. You kept saying, 'My son. Not my son.'"

He looked at her. Between feeding Malcolm and worrying about her brother, Marian had not slept well the past week. Her eyes were dark and worry creased her forehead.

"It was...it was the demons." He said, turning back to Malcolm. He had calmed in his father's arms and now began opening his mouth, a sign he wanted food.

Marian scooted closer and wrapped her arms around Cullen. "They won't hurt him...or you. I won't let them."

He nodded, his heart was almost back to normal. Marian sighed against his back, resting her head on his shoulder.

Cullen looked down at his son, perfectly happy now that his father was there. "No. We won't let them have him." He held Malcolm closer.

* * *

The next week flew by, Cullen and Marian spent the days together with Malcolm. Cullen checked in at the Chantry when he could to make sure the templars stationed there and at the Keep were in working order. It was something Meredith had said he could do with his time off. He didn't find anything amiss. He spent the rest of his free time with Marian.

He put the nightmare at the back of his mind. Cullen had always considered what would happen if Meredith found out about Marian, but he hadn't truly realized what adding Malcolm to the picture would do. If Marian was discovered, if she was taken to the Gallows, Malcolm would be taken away too. Meredith would never allow Cullen to keep his child, he would be given to the Chantry, told he was an orphan, raised by the sisters instead of his mother and father. It was a nightmare just to think about and Cullen knew he could never survive it. If Meredith discovered his family, their lives would be over.

But he tried not to think about such thoughts too often. When he did Marian became suspicious and asked him what was bothering him. He did not want to worry her more than she already was so he told her he hadn't been sleeping well and attempted to distract himself with her company. They spent the days walking along the coast, through the market, outside of Kirkwall, they even went to their old home a few times. They decided that once Malcolm was a little older, Marian would move back there. Hopefully, by that time the templar and mage situation would settle down.

But as the week came to a close, Cullen knew he would be returning to the Gallows. He tried not to let it affect him, but he was more melancholy as the days passed. Marian noticed and tried to keep his spirits up despite her increasing worry for her brother. He spent every minute he could with Malcolm and her, not letting either out of his sight for long.

Finally, Hawke walked through the front door and Cullen knew his break was over.

"So, was it quiet while I was gone?" Hawke shuffled through the enormous pile of correspondence on his desk. Cullen stood opposite him, his templar armor back on as he prepared to leave for the Gallows. He couldn't stop the wave of disappointment that came with Hawke's arrival.

Marian had been beside herself with happiness when her brother walked in. She had hugged him for a good ten minutes before Malcolm started to cry and she had to go upstairs to feed him. Then Cullen had gone upstairs to pack his things while Marian chatted away with how happy she was that her brother was safe. It had been two and a half weeks since Hawke had left.

Cullen knew he should be happy that Hawke was safe; Kirkwall needed him.

"Yes, everything was quiet."

Hawke looked up at him, perhaps noticing the edge of sadness to his voice. "Back to the Gallows then?"

Cullen nodded.

Hawke shook his head while he started sorting his correspondence into different piles. "Well, I, for one, am happy to be home. No more darkspawn, no more rusty smell, no more cold meals, no more dark corridors that do not end, for that matter no more dark corridors that do end and make us have to back track." Hawke shook his head as he sorted his mail, clearly in a better mood than Cullen had seen before.

"Was it worth it?" Cullen never wanted to go into the Deep Roads. He had heard enough about the experience from Marian and thought it was a place no person should ever venture.

Hawke shrugged. "We found the Grey Warden. He is safe and back with his sister and my favor to Anders is done." He looked up at the Knight-Captain. "For that matter, don't you owe Anders a favor."

"He is not in the Gallows." His jaw tightened.

"I suppose. Though he will not think so. Stupid git. I swear after spending two weeks with him I have no desire to go near the man again. He never shuts up."

Cullen shook his head.

"Cullen?"

He turned to see Marian at the door to Hawke's study, holding Malcolm in her arms as she patted his back. She had finished feeding him.

"Oh, good you're still here. I had worried..." She looked from Cullen to Hawke who was watching her from behind his desk.

Hawke cleared his throat. "Well, I still have a lot to unpack. If you will excuse me Knight-Captain." He walked past Cullen and out of his study.

Marian walked farther into the study and Cullen turned to face her. He reached out and she handed him Malcolm. His son looked up at him with his blue eyes, Cullen smiled and he saw the corners of Malcolm's lips move up in response. Over the last two weeks he had made it his mission to make Malcolm smile as much as possible. He wanted to ingrain his son's smile in his memory, for the nights at the Gallows.

Marian patted Malcolm's back and Cullen tucked his son closer to him.

"I thought you had left." She whispered, frowning down at the floor of her brother's study.

"I would not leave without telling you." He bounced Malcolm against his armor gently.

She sighed. "I wish you didn't have to leave."

Cullen shifted Malcolm into one of his arms and wrapped his other around Marian. He rested his forehead against hers. "These past two weeks have been perfect, my love. I would change nothing."

"Then why--"

"I have a duty to the templars. I will always have a duty to the templars." He kissed her, knowing he was running out of time. "I will do everything to protect you and Malcolm. You know that."

She nodded, still not able to look at him.

He cupped her chin up. Her blue eyes were filled with sadness.

"I love you." He kissed her deeply, pulling her closer.

When the kiss broke, she ran her hands through his hair, her head resting against his shoulder. "When will you be back?"

"I do not know. Perhaps Meredith will be more reasonable now that I have been absent for two weeks."

Marian gave a half-hearted chuckle.

A man could hope. In the mean time he would make sure Meredith never found out about Marian and Malcolm. If that meant they left Kirkwall, he would see them safe. He would watch and wait. But he would need a plan should the inevitable happen.


	23. Chapter 23

Marian walked through the front door of the estate; Malcolm strapped to her back and fast asleep after their adventure at the Gallows. After Garrett had returned from the Deep Roads, Cullen had gone back to living at the Gallows and was only allowed small visits or the occasional over-night leave. Marian had noticed that he was becoming very distressed at not being able to see Malcolm and it seemed that every time she saw Cullen the dark circles under his eyes were worse.

He always shrugged off her concern, saying that he was having nightmares again, but nothing to worry about. It did worry her. When they had been living together, Cullen had only had nightmares occasionally. He would wake in a cold sweat, his body shaking and gasping for breath. She would wrap her body protectively around him, running her hands soothingly through his hair and telling him the demons would never have him. In the beginning of their marriage, Cullen had never spoken of what exactly happened in Ferelden. Of course, Marian eventually got the details from him, slowly, bit-by-bit.

The demons had tortured him in the tower, pulled his mind to the brink of madness; Marian was surprised he had survived such brutality. The scars of his mind would never heal. He would always have nightmares. The demons would always be there, in the Fade, waiting for him. The only thing she could do was comfort him when the dreams did come.

But the dreams shouldn't come this often. The demons who had originally tortured him were dead and only those in the Fade that could recognize a scarred mind would go after him. Even then, demons knew Cullen could not help them reach this plane, they would have their fun for a night and move on. If one demon had decided to attach itself to Cullen's mind permanently, then Marian definitely had something to worry about.

She sighed as she walked through the estate. She had recently begun bringing Malcolm to the Gallows to visit with Cullen. She always planned it at the time Meredith was on the far side of the Gallows inspecting the mages' quarters. It usually took the Knight-Commander a few hours of yelling about precautions to leave the area so Marian had time to see her husband and allow him to see their son. The first time she had gone to the Gallows, Cullen had been beside himself with worry, but over the weeks he started to relax. Just watching him hold Malcolm and tickle his son until he giggled with glee made the entire trip worth it. It was during those few stolen moments that Cullen smiled and Marian saw the young man he was, not the stern, tired Knight-Captain that was beginning to be etched into his features.

The entire Gallows courtyard seemed to light up when she brought Malcolm to visit Cullen. Over the weeks, as people got used to the idea of a baby coming to visit, the entire place became warmer when she walked through the arches into the courtyard. Shopkeepers would come talk to her, smile at Malcolm and Cullen and exclaim about how fast he was growing. Even the other templars on duty smiled indulgently and waved when she walked in. The recruits loved the visits; she suspected because they knew that during the time she was there Cullen was not paying them any attention.

Marian heard voices coming from the foyer and her heart raced as she recognized the second male voice. She picked up her step until she was in the other room.

"Carver!" She rushed over to give her younger brother a hug.

He had been speaking with Garrett, but when he saw her he smiled and hugged her back, careful not to jostle the sleeping baby on her back.

"Sister, how are you? Wow, look at him. He's huge."

Marian grinned and started undoing the straps. Orana had made her the bag Malcolm was now waking up in. She had said that the slaves in Tevinter used them so that they could continue to do their work even while taking care of their babies. Many heads turned in Hightown when she walked by with her sack of baby strapped to her back, but Marian didn't mind. It made the trip to the Gallows easier and she could even pick up objects from the market without her hands being full.

"You should have seen him when he was born. He's gained quite a few pounds since then."

Malcolm let out a cry as she swung the bag so she could take him out. His eyes were blinking and his hands rubbed them at the surprise of being woken. He squirmed around and she was sure he would be hungry as soon as he had fully woken. She kissed his forehead and let the bag drop to the ground as she held him. Carver rubbed the top of his head, the dark curls still soft.

Malcolm turned his head in her arms to look at the man touching him.

Carver chuckled. "He has your eyes. And the hair," he said tousling the baby's hair again. Malcolm's brow furrowed as he looked at Carver.

"He looks more like his father than most think. Look at that brow." She laughed at her son's confusion on who this new person was. "Do you want to hold him?"

"Uh..." Carver took a half a step back. "I don't know if..."

"Oh, come on. He's your nephew. And when will you see him next?" Bypassing Carver's protests she secured Malcolm in his arms, showing him how to support the head and keep the boy from slipping down. She smiled at the pair and Carver smiled down at the child in his arms. "So why are you in Kirkwall?"

"That is what I was trying to find out before you arrived," Garrett said. He had stayed quiet all through Marian's introduction of Malcolm to Carver and now he was watching Carver hold Malcolm. Even Garrett was in a better mood when Malcolm was around and loved to dote on his nephew. Some mornings she would wake up to find Malcolm gone and go out into the foyer to find her twin playing with him and laughing like they used to when they were kids.

Carver shook his head, keeping his hand carefully on Malcolm's so not to jostle him. "I told you, Garrett, I was attacked. I came because...it was under strange circumstances and I wanted to make sure you two were alright."

"And just what were these 'strange circumstances'?" Garrett crossed his arms, his jaw tightening and his eyes shifting from Malcolm to Carver.

Carver shifted. "They were Carta dwarves."

"Why would the Carta attack a Grey Warden?" Marian frowned.

"That's the thing. Grey Wardens avoid scuffles with gangs. We get in the occasional one, but even then they are normally random thugs that want our coin purses. These...these dwarves were not looking for our money." He looked at his siblings. "I-I think they attacked us because they were looking for...me."

"You?" Garrett tried to hide his grin. "Why would the Carta attack Grey Wardens for you, Carver? You're hardly special."

"Thanks, ass." Carver growled. "They kept shouting, 'Hawke. Grab the Hawke.' I don't know about you, but I'd say they were making their intent clear."

Marian looked from Garrett to Carver, each looking uneasy. "But...you killed them?"

Carver rocked back and forth. "Yes. We killed them, but then I started wondering if they might have been looking...for another Hawke." He glanced at Garrett.

"Oh, didn't you hear? They call me the Champion now." Now Garrett didn't try to hide his grin as Carver scowled. He always had tried to push his younger brother to the edge.

"Stop it, Garrett. What if Carver is right?"

"When has he ever been?"

"Shut up, you ass! I came here to war--"

The door to the estate burst open. Marian jumped and immediately grabbed Malcolm from Carver. Garrett stood in front of Carver and Marian, his eyes darting to his sword a few feet away. They heard the sound of steel and heavy boots. Carver unsheathed his sword. Garrett took the split second to grab his. Marian moved back, farther behind them when the first dwarf ran through the door.

"MARIAN, RUN," Garrett shouted, him and Carver standing side-by-side. He didn't look back, his eyes focused on the enemies streaming through the door.

"Brother," She whispered.

"RUN NOW!" Carver met the first dwarf, when his sword slid through the dwarf's armor he turned, staring at his sister for a split second. "NOW!"

She turned and ran, holding Malcolm close to her as she did, worried she might hurt him. He started to cry at the sound of battle behind her and the feeling of his mother's heartbeat racing. She ran back into the kitchen. Orana was standing in the middle of the kitchen, fear paralyzing her.

"Orana. Come on! We have to go." She grabbed the elf's hand and kept running out of the kitchen. Malcolm was screaming in her arms now, his hands flying wildly, but she held on to him tightly; she wouldn't lose him. The trio reached the door to the cellar and Marian let go of Orana's hand and sent a fire ball at the locked handle. It melted and she kicked the door open, hurrying down into the basement.

"What about Bodahn and Sandal?" Orana asked as they hurried through the cellar.

"They can take care of themselves." She had heard enough of Bodahn's stories about the Blight to know the two of them would be safe. Not to mention Sandal had survived the Deep Roads when he had been lost from the rest of the party.

They reached the end of the cellar. Malcolm was still crying, but had stopped screaming. His face was red. She ran her hand soothingly over his back. She didn't have the key to the cellar door so she melted the lock instead of the entire handle and opened the door. Her and Orana went out into Darktown, closing the door behind them and putting the board that hid the door back in place. Anders' clinic was close and she hoped he was home.

She knocked on the door to the clinic and let herself and Orana in. Anders rarely locked the doors. As soon as they were in, she turned and locked the doors behind her. She rubbed her hands on Malcolm's back, he was still crying, his breath shaking with each sob. Both her and Orana were breathing heavily from fear and the run through the cellar.

"Who's there?" Anders' rough voice came from the back of the clinic.

He walked toward them, rubbing his eyes, ink staining his chin and hands. He looked ruffled and tired. The second he saw them he stopped, his eyes widening. His eyes flickered to the door Marian had just locked.

"I'm sorry, Anders. I...I didn't know where else..." Her breath caught and she started taking shaking breaths, trying to calm Malcolm, his crying making her more nervous. What if the dwarves had followed her? What if they heard Malcolm crying and they tried to get in the clinic? She felt hot tears on the edge of her eyes.

She closed her eyes for a brief second and felt Anders wrap his arms around her. He ran one hand down her back while the other touched Malcolm's head. She felt him pull on his magic, calming her son down with spirit. "What happened, Marian?"

Malcolm stopped crying, though he was still fussing in her arms. She looked down at him, his blue eyes red from crying, dirty tear marks down his red face.

Anders looked at Orana when Marian didn't immediately answer him.

"I don't know, messere. There were men, dwarves, they attacked the estate."

Marian looked at the elf. Her face was so pale, her eyes wider than normal, she looked on the verge of tears as well. Marian took a deep breath. She couldn't fall apart. Not now. She stepped back from Anders and he let his hand fall. His brown eyes looked down at her concerned.

"Can we stay here? Until...until we know everyone is alright." They would be alright, she kept telling herself. Garrett and Carver could take care of themselves. They would be fine. She only wished...

"Of course." He put his hand on her back and guided her towards the small living quarters he had carved out of the clinic. There was a simple cot, some chairs, and a small table. He had come from the back where she knew he had his desk and crafting supplies.

Marian sat on one of the chairs. Anders beckoned for Orana and the elf sat next to Marian. Malcolm was still squirming in her arms, he made angry baby noises at her as if telling her angrily about his day. She sighed.

"What is it, Honey?" She cooed quietly, trying to make him rest quietly against her. She had no idea how long it would be before Garrett and Carver found her. Garrett would know there would only be two places she would go. Anders' clinic or Cullen's house. He would likely check the clinic first since Cullen was at the Gallows.

"Here. Let me." Anders held his arms out for Malcolm. She looked at him. "You're still agitated. He can feel it. I'll hold him so you can calm down and when you're ready, I'll give him right back."

She nodded and gave Malcolm to Anders. The healer rested Malcolm against his shoulder, making soothing sounds and running his hands expertly over her son's back. She heard her son sigh, but his hands were still moving around. He grunted several times at Anders. She shook her head. Her son would be a talker when he grew up. He wasn't even speaking words yet and he seemed so eager to start.

She sat back in the chair. Carver had said that the dwarves who attacked him had been shouting about Hawke. That means he was right to think this was about all of them. She glanced at Malcolm.

After a few minutes, Anders sighed and pulled Malcolm from his shoulder, rocking him in his arms. "He's still being fussy. When was the last time you fed him?"

Of course. She shook her head, how could she have forgotten. "I meant to do it when we got home. Here. Let me have him."

Anders handed over Malcolm then got up, saying something about checking on his work in the back. She nodded and unbuttoned the top of her dress. As soon as Malcolm realized he was to be fed, he latched on hungrily. She gasped. "Don't be so greedy, dear." Marian sighed and leaned against the chair. She looked at Orana who was staring at the same spot she had been since she sat down. "They are going to be fine, Orana."

The elf started. She glanced at Marian and back at the spot. "Of course they will, Mistress."

Marian looked at the door to the clinic. They would be fine.

When Marian had moved Malcolm from one breast to the other, Anders came back.

"I forgot to mention--" He stopped, his mouth staying open.

Marian moved Malcolm's head slightly.

Anders' eyes snapped to her face. His cheeks reddening. "I-I forgot to mention that there is a passage...to the coast. Just back there." He pointed back to a bunch of boxes thrown in front of a door in the back of the clinic. "If...well you know. Just go there." He turned on his heel and fled back to the end of the clinic.

Her own cheeks were burning, but she tried to stay calm. She hadn't been able to get the image of her brothers lying on the floor of the estate out of her head. Malcolm didn't feed well unless she was relaxed and he was agitated at her. She tried taking deep breaths, remembering that both her brothers had been through worse. That they had all survived the Deep Roads. That Garrett had survived the Arishok, Carver years in the Grey Wardens. They could take on a few dwarves. Maker, she prayed they were alright.

There were waiting another half an hour before there was banging on the clinic door. Anders was immediately in front of the door. He opened a small latch. "State your business."

"It's me, you ass."

"Oh. Carver. Charming as always." Anders opened the door and ushered Carver into the clinic before shutting the door quickly behind him.

"Carver!" Marian had been standing a few feet behind Anders. She threw her arms around her younger brother.

Carver gave her a warm hug back, smiling widely.

"What happened? Where's Garrett? Sandal? Bodahn?"

Carver laughed. "Everyone's fine, Marian. Calm down. Garrett went to meet Varric, he might have information on the Carta. Bodahn and Sandal are cleaning up the estate. We made...quite a mess."

She smacked her brother's arm. "Don't tell me to calm down. We were attacked."

She hadn't seen Carver in such a good mood since Lothering. "They didn't stand a chance, Sister. You're safe though." His eyes flickered from her to Orana, who was holding a sleeping Malcolm.

"Yes, we are safe. I am angry, but safe."

"Angry?"

"Yes, brother. Generally when someone's house is attacked they are not overly happy about it, like you are!"

Carver laughed again. "What can I say? I like a good fight." He grinned at his sister.

She hit him again for good measure.

They said their farewells to Anders and left his clinic. The trip back was much calmer. Malcolm slept after gorging himself. She had fed him with both breasts to keep him happy. It also kept Anders at the back of the clinic. When they reached the estate, Orana handed her Malcolm and went to go help Bodahn with the cleaning. Marian made her way upstairs to her room to put Malcolm to bed. He had definitely had an over-exciting day. Carver followed her and when she was done they sat down to talk.

"What do you think this means?" She asked, pouring herself a glass of water from the pitcher in Garrett's office. They had decided it best to speak in there while they waited for him to return.

"Andraste's arse if I know. But they were shouting about Hawke again. I think I heard something about, 'the blood of the Hawke'. Sounds like utter nonsense."

Marian shook her head. She was quiet for a moment, staring at her glass. "Do you think they will try again?"

Carver watched her out of the corner of his eye. "They might. We don't know how many of them there are."

She nodded. "Then we have to stop them."

She looked at her brother, but he was looking at the desk. The piles of papers neatly organized. The correspondences Garrett would be responding to when he returned. Finally, he nodded absently. "Yes, we do."

The door to the estate opened and Marian waited for Garrett to enter his study. He frowned when he saw them sitting in there. "What are you two doing in here?"

"Waiting for you," Marian said.

"What did you learn?" Carver asked, getting up.

Garrett walked into the room and closed the door. He walked to his desk and sat down, running his hand through his hair. "Varric has some ideas. He is going to run down some leads and get back to me."

"So we don't know anything?" Carver leaned back in his chair, watching his brother.

"I'm working on it." Garrett growled. "Better than abandoning my post."

"I came here to warn you!"

Marian stared at Carver. "The Wardens don't know you are here?"

He groaned. "They didn't listen to me. They didn't believe me when I said the dwarves were after me."

"Probably because you sounded mad." Garrett stood up.

"It was true! And you don't have to be a righteous prig about it. What if I hadn't come to warn you? What would have happened then?"

Garrett walked around the desk. "I would have handled it. Just like I did today. You shouldn't have left your post with the Wardens. That's where you belong, Carver." He crossed his arms, staring his younger brother down.

Carver's face turned a shade of red and Marian already knew what was coming. She took a step back.

"You want me in the Wardens so you don't have any competition! So you can boss everyone else around and think yourself as high as the Maker himself! So you can walk around Kirkwall with your head the size of a Bronto's backside! That's why you married Marian off to Cullen. To get rid of her! That's why you let me go off to the Wardens. You don't care about anyone. THE ONLY THING YOU CARE ABOUT IS POWER!"

Garrett laughed in Carver's face. "You're being dramatic, Carver."

"SHUT UP!" Carver lunged at Garrett, bringing him down to the ground.

Marian gasped as her brothers rolled around on the ground, getting shots in when they could. Garrett was the first on his feet, kicking Carver in the stomach. Carver bounced up, grabbing Garrett by the hair and punching him square in the jaw.

"Stop it!" Marian shouted at the oblivious men.

Garrett punched Carver in the stomach, his brother kneeling over in pain. Carver stomped on Garrett's foot and Garrett shoved Carver against the wall.

"I SAID STOP!" Marian blasted the two of them apart, each landing on the opposite side of the study. "ARE WE CHILDREN AGAIN?" She looked at them both, anger pulsing through her veins. "Someone is trying to kill us and you two are fighting like we are back in Lothering! We are not! Grow up. Both of you!" She grabbed Carver by the arm, hauling him up and shoving him out of the study. She turned back around to see Garrett wiping his mouth, blood on his hand. He looked at her, his eyes dark. "He is your family. You don't have enough to burn that bridge." Then she left her twin alone in his study, marching Carver up the stairs and to his room.

"You were never this motherly when we were children. If I remember, you used to cheer us on." Carver grumbled as she healed his wounds.

"If thought could get through your thick skull I would remind you that I AM a mother now."

Carver chuckled. "Poor Malcolm."

She smacked her brother on the arm.


	24. Chapter 24

After telling Carver to lay off Garrett, Marian went back to her room. She was surprised Malcolm was still asleep after all the yelling, but it had been a trying day for him. She smiled and went to her wardrobe, unbuttoning her dress and sliding it off. She grabbed her nightdress and the door to her room burst open. Marian started, a small scream coming out. Malcolm woke up and started crying. Cullen stood in the doorway, his full templar armor on. Upon seeing her, his face broke with relief.

"Thank the Maker." He gasped, striding into the room. He scooped her up, pulling her against his cold armor.

"Cullen, what are you doing here?" She managed, the cold steel biting her skin.

"I heard the Hawke estate was attacked. I was so worried. I got here as quickly as I could."

Malcolm crying turned to a scream. Cullen let her go and walked over to him, taking his gauntlets off. Marian threw her nightdress over her head.

He cooed as he picked up his son, careful not to let him touch the cold steel. Malcolm smiled at his father and made noises as if talking to him. "It's alright, recruit. I'm here. It's just me." Cullen kissed Malcolm's head and he calmed down.

Carver poked his head in. "Everything---ah. Cullen. Thought I heard something wrong."

Cullen looked around, his brow furrowing. "Why are you here?"

Marian hoped he hadn't meant to make the question sound so rough, but the last time the two of them had met...

"Well you know me. Always looking out for my sister's well-being, unlike some people."

Cullen opened his mouth to retort.

"No. I've had enough for tonight. Carver. Out." Marian fixed her brother with a glare. He knew better than to push her. Glaring at the Knight-Captain one more time he left, closing the door behind him.

She turned back to Cullen.

"Why is he here?" He asked again, softer this time.

Marian sighed and held her hands out for Malcolm. Cullen gave him up and she rubbed her son's back, hoping to help him fall asleep again. "He came to warn us. About the attack. He was attacked in the Wardens and the thugs that attacked him came after us."

Cullen's jaw tightened. "What did they want?"

"We don't know yet." She rocked Malcolm against her body and felt him give a sigh. She smiled and kissed his head.

Cullen watched her for a minute. "You could have been hurt. Both of you." He looked at her, his amber eyes filled with fear.

Marian swallowed, her hand patting Malcolm's back. "I ran." She felt the crushing feeling come over her. The same that had happened that day as she ran. Marian Hawke did not run. Marian Hawke fought.

Cullen cupped her chin, making her look at him. "Don't. You did what you had to. You protected yourself and your son. That is the most important thing for you to do."

She nodded, tears welling up, the ones she had kept under control since the attack. Cullen took Malcolm from her, setting him down in the crib and pulled her back into his arms. She let the tears fall, resting her head against his cold plate. "Garrett...told me to run...and I did. I didn't stay to fight. I didn't protect my brothers." She reiterated what had happened that day when the Carta attacked in more detail. As she told him, the tears stopped and she calmed a bit.

Cullen kissed the top of her head, lingering with his mouth before breaking. "Love, you did the right thing."

"What if they had died?" She whispered, her voice breaking with renewed tears.

"Then Malcolm would still have a mother.” He said flatly. Marian quickly glanced up at him, her eyes wider. Cullen kissed her again and continued. “I know it may be hard to think about, but your son needs his mother and I think your brothers would agree. They would lay down their lives for you, as would I." He kissed her again as if it was the only thing he knew he could do and Marian tucked herself against his neck, her eyes shut tightly as she tried to forget the terribly feeling of abandoning her brothers.

Marian worked her hands through his hair, missing when she could do such a thing every night. "Will you stay?" She asked on chance. She doubted he could as Meredith would skin him if she found out he had abandoned his post that night. No doubt Meredith would be upset the Hawkes had survived such an attack, even if her relationship with Garrett had improved since his visit down to the Deep Roads. She still wasn't sure what had happened between the two of them.

"You couldn't get rid of me if you tried." Cullen said, his hands holding her tightly.

She smiled against his neck and stepped back, wiping her eyes on the end of her nightdress. Cullen started undoing his straps and she helped him until he was in his breeches and his red templar shirt.

She pulled herself close to him, feeling the warmth of him near her. He smiled and kissed her, hands running down her back. He rubbed his hand over her ass, grabbing her thighs and lifting her into his arms.

Marian gasped. "Cullen!"

He chuckled against her neck, breathing in her scent. "My dear, you frightened me today. I broke at least ten templar regulations to be here and make sure you were safe. Now that I know you are, don't think I will let you go so easily."

He kissed her neck, carrying her over to the bed. She ran her hands through his hair, over the soft curls at his neck. When he laid her on the bed he found her mouth, reclaiming it with his own. His lips pushed hers open and his tongue flicked against hers, his hands running up and down her body. She warmed under his touch. Their lips parted for an instance before he was back to kissing her. She could feel him quickly hardening against her leg. She pushed lightly against him and he broke the kiss.

"You'll wake Malcolm."

His hands had drifted down to her nightdress and were pulling it up over her legs. "Then you will just have to be quiet, my love." His eyes twinkled mischievously as he moved down to her legs.

She chuckled and his head disappeared beneath her dress. The rasp of his growing beard against her thigh made her bite her lip to keep from moaning. He kissed up her thigh and she squirmed. He chuckled and kissed her between the legs.

"Cullen."

He moved her dress down until his eyes caught her, his wicked smile making heat shoot between her legs. Cullen hooked his hands beneath her underclothes and pulled them down slowly, kissing her in the process.

His tongue rolled over her, the heat of his mouth making her squirm already. His fingers traced around her, the light touch driving her crazy with want. When his tongue flicked against her clit she grabbed the sheets to keep from moaning. He chuckled again, thoroughly enjoying driving her crazy. His short beard rubbed against her skin as his finger dipped inside her. She squirmed, trying not to make any noise, hoping Malcolm was out for the night.

"Cullen." She panted, her body tight with want.

He laughed and moved up her body. "Yes, love." He whispered against her ear. She shivered, her hands clasping his back.

"I want you." She pulled his shirt over his head, finally able to feel the warmth of his skin on hers. He kissed her, his hands pulling on the laces of his trousers. She didn't want to wait and helping him, she freed him and pushed his trousers down. She guided him closer.

Cullen chuckled against her ear making her shiver, "Eager."

She moaned softly. "Don't make me beg."

She received a wicked grin. "Maybe one day." He pushed in slowly, the delicious friction making her head fall back.

Cullen kissed her neck, slowly rocking his hips against hers until she picked up the rhythm. She could feel the pressure building, the pull of desire and pleasure. She bit her lip to keep from moaning. Cullen covered her mouth with his and she moaned into it. She could feel him losing control. The thrusts became more varied, faster, the rhythm off. Marian grabbed his back, pulling him closer, the heat of her own desire climbing. He kissed her neck, his teeth scraping her collar and she fell apart, grabbing weakly at him. He grunted as he followed her over.

The lay quietly together, listening to each other's hearts slow. She loved these moments best. When she felt the distance of the Gallows disappear. When for a few moments Cullen was hers and there was no templar armor or mage plight. For a few moments when they had each other and that was enough.

He gathered her in his arms and kissed her forehead. "Tell me you will be careful."

She scooted close, resting her head against his chest. "I will. We will know soon who sent the attackers and then they will be dealt with."

His grip tightened. "If anything happens to you..."

"I will be safe. Don't worry."

"I will worry. I won't sleep until you are safe."

Marian was quiet, listening to the rhythm of his heart. Her body felt wonderful and light, but there was the dark worry looming over her. The worry that what happened that day was only the beginning. "You don't sleep now."

"Well, it would help if I knew you both were safe."

She sighed. "Sometimes I think Kirkwall doesn't want to be safe."

"The only thing we can do is try to make it a better place. For our son." Cullen kissed her again. "Now sleep."

She nodded. For her son. She knew there wasn't anything she wouldn't do for Malcolm. She looked at Cullen. For either of them.

* * *

Garrett ran the whetstone over his blade. "Marian, no." He said for the fourth time.

"I am not arguing with you about this. I am going. I've already made arrangements with Orana. She can watch Malcolm. The area isn't that far outside of Kirkwall. I am going, that's the end of this."

He growled and put the stone down. "No. I promised to look out for you and I'm not letting you throw yourself into needless danger just because you're bored."

"Excuse me?" She put her hands on her hips. "Those dwarves have attacked twice more since Varric has been 'investigating' them. I am going with you because they are a danger to us all and I want to stop them."

Garrett sighed. He looked at his sister, the hard line of her jaw told him she had dug her heels in. He frowned. "Does Cullen know about your plan?"

She glanced down.

"Well, in that case, I'll let you come with us if you tell him." Garrett smiled, feeling victory.

Marian snapped her head up. "I am a grown woman. I don't need my husband's permission to protect my family."

Garrett chuckled. "I only said you had to tell him, Sister."

She growled. "Fine. I will tell him. Today."

"Good. We are leaving in the morning." Garrett got up and walked around his sister, determined to get a few practice shots with Carver before lunch.

* * *

Marian got off the boat to the Gallows, adjusting the pack on her back. Cullen had been so worried the last few days...as had Garrett. She glanced behind her where Fenris and Isabela trailed behind, thepirate admiring one of the dock workers and Fenris scowling at her. Malcolm was looking around, his big eyes taking in the scenes of the Gallows, completely recovered from the dramatic flight a few days before.

The second attack had come the morning after the first. There had been less men and Marian had been downstairs. She had sent a fireball at the group and ran upstairs to get Malcolm. By the time she was ready to flee again, her brothers had finished off the rest of the dwarves. Garrett berated Varric to get the information faster and hired some guards for the house, as well as asking Fenris and Isabela to stay with them.

When Cullen heard about the second attack, he was furious, more so because Meredith would not let him leave the Gallows and he could not use his exit during the middle of the day. Marian had sent a message to him telling them that they were fine and getting extra protection. Cullen sent her a message saying if the attacks happened again the water wouldn't stop him.

They kept the third attack quiet. Garrett told her it was for the best and Cullen never heard about it. At night, they had guards watching the house, and the rest of them took turns staying up. Carver and Garrett had another fight the night before when Garrett told Carver to go back to the Wardens. Marian had broken it up again. She told Garrett that Carver wasn't leaving until this mess was done. She would rather have both of her brothers there where she knew they were safe, than worry about Carver while the attacks continued.

Marian walked into the courtyard of the Gallows and headed straight for Cullen's spot in the corner. He saw her and she saw his smile of relief and then worry.

"You shouldn't be walking around without guards. What if something happened?" He said when she had reached him.

Marian pointed back at Fenris and Isabela. The latter giving Cullen a lavish wink and a smile.

Cullen shook his head at the pirate. "They are hardly a guard."

"I will be fine, love. No one is going to attack me in broad daylight in the middle of the Gallows." She unstrapped the pack and took Malcolm out. The boy smiled widely at his father. Cullen relented, a small smile coming to his face when he saw Malcolm.

"Is Garrett any closer to finding out who is responsible?" He took Malcolm from Marian, bouncing him once and listening to his son laugh in joy. Cullen's smile widened a bit more.

"Uh. Yes, that is why I am here." Marian knew there wasn't any point in drawing this out. She would tell Cullen she was going and that would be that.

Cullen kissed Malcolm's head, the boy's smile infectious. "Good. This mess will be over soon. Who are they?"

"Carta dwarves. Their hideout is right outside of Kirkwall. Garrett is going tomorrow to deal with them."

"Good. I will rest easy tomorrow then. Will he be leaving guards with you? Perhaps I can get some off-duty men to look after the house."

Marian licked her lips. "I am...going with him."

Cullen's smile vanished, his attention snapping to her face. Even Malcolm's smile faltered when he saw his father no longer smiling back at him. "You are not."

She opened her mouth and closed it, her brow furrowing. "Yes. I am, Cullen. These dwarves are a threat to my family. I won't let Garrett go alone."

"No. Your brother is perfectly capable of taking care of himself. You need to stay here."

Marian's hands went to her hips. "The only thing I need to do is protect my family."

"And what about Malcolm?" The child in question moved his head to look back at his mother. "You will leave your child behind? Defenseless. While you are out having some adventure?"

"That is not what this is about. And Malcolm will have Orana and Bodahn and Garrett is leaving guards at the house--"

"But he won't have his mother!" Cullen stepped towards her and lowered his voice. "If I have to tie you up myself, Marian, you are not leaving Kirkwall. Understand?"

"I am not a child to be threatened, Knight-Captain." She growled.

Cullen flinched. "Would you truly abandon your child for this? What if something happens to you? Have you thought of that? Let Hawke take care of this. That is what he does."

Marian looked at Cullen. His jaw was set, his eyes piercing into hers. He would never let her leave. She sighed and shook her head. "Fine. I will stay."

Cullen visibly relaxed. "Good. I am glad you came to your senses." He kissed Malcolm again.

The rest of the visit was quick. Marian was still irritated and eventually she took Malcolm back and left without a kiss. She saw Cullen's irritation, but he did not push her.

When she got back to the estate, Garrett was packing up things in his study.

"You talked to Cullen?" He asked, grabbing some health poultices from his desk and stashing them in his bag.

"I did." She looked at the ground.

"Still coming, or did he convince you otherwise?"

She saw her brother's small smile. He knew how Cullen would react. That was why he had sent her to him. She frowned and made up her mind. "Yes, still coming. He fully supported my decision."

Her brother looked surprised. He watched her for a few moments, then shrugged. "That's interesting. We leave in the morning."

Marian bade her brother good night and went up to her own room to get ready.


	25. Chapter 25

They entered a canyon. The walls brown, dim, and not a living plant in sight. Marian covered her eyes with her arm as the dry wind brought up dust. She heard the others coughing and Varric pulled out a rag to cover his face. The group had been traveling for hours and finally arrived at the location Varric's contacts had said the dwarves' hideout would be. The area was remote and Varric had said no one should be there.  Garrett hadn't been able to find it on a map. Marian glanced back the path they had come. Every step away from Kirkwall hurt, like a stab to her heart. She closed her eyes and sighed before following the others.

"It's the Hawke!" A shadowy shape ran from the edge of the canyon wall.

"What was that?" Marian asked, her staff in hand as she scanned the upper walls of the canyon, looking for signs of life.

Varric put a bolt in Bianca, but the shadow was gone before he could fire it.

"It will have alerted the others." Carver looked around, surveying the walls for other lookouts.

"Good. I'd rather have this over with." Garrett unsheathed his greatsword, his eyes murderous as he led them further into the canyon.

"They're here!" They heard being shouted over and over again, just past the walls of the canyon. Marian saw that there were scaffolds put in place along the walls, some blending in with the brown sand of the canyon. The wind was constantly obscuring her view. She gripped her staff tighter, preparing for the upcoming battle.

"The children of Malcolm Hawke!"

Marian met Carver's eye. _The blood of the Hawke_.

At the end of their path stood a dwarf. His hands were up and he held no visible weapons. On the scaffolds behind him were other dwarves, many with weapons on their backs.

"Blood of the Hawke. Let us talk." He said, his hands gesturing them to put down their weapons.

"Talk." Garrett growled, his sword still in hand. He stopped several feet from the dwarf, fixing him with a glare.

"You are the blood of Hawke. Malcolm Hawke. Blood for blood. That is what we need." The other dwarves behind him came closer. Their faces holding smiles, but their eyes dead.

"They come to us. Make it easy. We get the blood" One of the dwarf's comrades said.

"Why are their eyes white?" Fenris asked, edging closer to Garrett, his sword ready in his hand.

"What does our father have to do with this?" Carver asked, his voice rising as his eyes scanned the dwarves standing in their path.

"I'll give you blood." Garrett growled, lunging first, his sword thrust through the first dwarf. He pulled it out and beheaded his two companions beside him in one swing. Other dwarves were upon them in seconds.

They dispatched the group easily, they were a large group and each knew the others' strengths. Fenris and Carver stayed close to Marian, allowing her to cast without interruption. Aveline and Garrett were out in front, taking the brute of the force. Isabela crept along the side, striking where the enemy was weakest, and Varric positioned himself to the side of Marian, catching anyone who tried to break their defenses. When the small battle was over, Marian looked over the scratches and applied health salves to them. Since they didn't know how big the base was, she wouldn't be healing unless serious.

"Did you hear them shouting about...Corypheus?" Isabela asked as she wiped her dagger on one of the dead dwarves. "'For Corypheus!' 'Corypheus will rise again'. Madness." The pirate shook her head and looked at Garrett.

"Whoever he is, he will be dealt with." Garrett looked over the dead bodies of the dwarves.

"Probably the one hiring these louts to kill you," Aveline said, coming to stand beside Garrett.

"They mentioned father." Carver was looking at his blade, a frown furrowing his brow.

"Father's dead." Garrett strode away from the pile of bodies, heading for the main entrance of the dwarves hideout.

Carver ground his teeth and followed him. Marian exchanged a look with Aveline. She felt a clench in her stomach. She wanted to finish this and go home. The second she had left Kirkwall she had wished she could change her mind. She had never been away from Malcolm for so long. She wondered if he would notice, would he behave for Orana, would he eat the broth they had prepared for him, would he sleep well? She berated herself with these questions on the walk to the Carta hideout. Now she wanted to find the person responsible and put a stop to them so she could get back to Malcolm.

They walked through the wooden structure that was the dwarves hideout. The walls were adorned with spikes; a similar color to the dense sand outside them. Most of the halls had no roofs and there was a pit that looked as if it was built for fighting matches. Isabela scaled one of the wooden towers and pointed towards a building. "Looks like a fortress, a tower. Bet that's where this Corypheus is." She climbed down.

"Then that's where we are going." Garrett beckoned for her to show the way.

They made their way towards the building in the distance. As they got closer, Marian noticed other buildings built into the walls of the canyon. Doors leading off. Probably where the dwarves actually stayed. The air was hot as the sun rose. They stopped once for water before continuing on. Garrett barely spoke, just walked in front with Aveline at his side and Fenris two steps behind. Carver walked next to Marian, occasionally grumbling about stubborn asses.

As they got closer, Marian couldn't help but notice that the structure they were approaching was huge. A tower. She saw statues on its' sides, towering over the other buildings in the canyon. Even the color was different, the stone white and red, versus the brown of the other buildings. It was beautiful, and frightening. She shivered despite the sun's warmth.

"Something is definitely off about this place," she whispered, looking up at the stone gargoyles as they got closer.

Carver glanced at her, worry on his face.

When they got in the fortress, Varric recognized one of the dwarves, his eyes as white as the others. He mentioned darkspawn blood and raising the master before attacking them.

"They're drinking darkspawn blood." Carver exclaimed after the battle, his face white. "They'll go mad."

"They are mad, Junior. In case you didn't notice. Anyone would have to be mad to attack Hawke."

Marian looked at Carver. "Are you going to be ok?"

He was pale, and she noticed he was sweating, just a bit. "Y-yes. I'm fine. Let's just keep going."

And on they went, through the lair, killing Carta dwarves as they met them. Deeper into the fortress. The air getting darker. With every step Marian knew she had made a mistake, with every step she wanted to be back home. The reached a lift to take them down into the earth. Garrett shrugged and got on it. Everyone else was a little less thrilled. When they got to the bottom it was darker. Aveline had a few torches and Marian lit the end of her staff. As they walked away from the lift a barrier appeared, a barrier of gold magic. Marian put her hand against it, but the magic was too strong. It was unlike anything she had ever seen, but there was a darkness to the gold she could not understand.

"That's just great. I guess we will have to find another way out." Carver grumbled

They were walking through the tunnels when Carver stopped. He pointed at some shields propped against the walls. "These are...Warden shields." He froze and looked down the hallway. "Darkspawn." He growled, unsheathing his sword.

The darkspawn appeared at the end of the tunnel. Marian sent a blast of lightning at them followed by Varric's arrows, cutting their number in half by the time they reached the warriors. Carver switched positions with Aveline since he was the only one immune to the taint. Marian worked as hard as she could to make sure none of the monsters reached them. When the group was finished she heard a voice booming through the halls.

"By the Maker, I will it so. I will have no one say my magic ever released a demon into this world."

Her heart stopped. "Father?" She looked from Garrett to Carver, both standing still. Carver's face was pale, his eyes searching hers.

"You...you both heard that?" He asked, fear in his eyes.

"That was your father?" Isabela asked, watching the three Hawkes. "But isn't he...dead?"

"Yes." Garrett stated, his voice more gruff than usual.

"What's father's voice doing down here?" Marian felt cold, chills echoing in her body.

"Let's...let's keep moving." Garrett wiped his blade off and moved away from the darkspawn.

They made their way down the halls until they reached a bridge. A man stood on the bridge, hunched over, his hair scraggly and eyes white like the others. He looked at them and stopped.

Garrett unsheathed his sword, but Carver put a hand on his arm.

"He's wearing Warden armor." Carver approached the man, his hands out in a calming gesture. "Hello?"

The man looked at Carver. "You have the key. Not you. But you have it. But you can not wield it. Only a Hawke can. Only a Hawke can break the seal."

"A key?" Marian looked at her brothers. "That only a Hawke can use."

"A dagger." The crazy Warden spouted, his white eyes resting on Isabela.

"Oh. Like this dagger." Isabela procured a golden dagger from her back, a cheeky smile on her face.

"Where did you get that?" Garrett asked, taking it from her and looking it over.

"It looked valuable. Got it off one of the dwarves we killed. Thought I would make sure this venture isn't a complete waste of time." She winked at him.

Garrett stared at the dagger. "This was father's." He held it up to the light, the gold visible as well as the writing 'Hawke' across the blade.

"The key." The Warden said, his white eyes watching the blade in Garrett's hand. "The key breaks the seals, only way out. I show you." And he turned around and hobbled off in the opposite direction.

"Oh great. Are we going to follow the mad man?" Isabela asked, watching the crazed Warden's retreating back.

"We don't have much choice." Garrett sheathed the dagger and followed the Warden across the bridge.

They followed the Warden up some stairs and to a large antechamber where a circle surrounded by pillars sat on the floor. The circle glowed purple. Marian could feel the pulse of magic, but something was wrong, there was a darkness, the same feeling she had felt with the golden barrier.

"Now. Break the seal." The mad Warden pointed at the purple circle, stepping far back from it, his eyes not leaving the dagger at Garrett's belt.

"Are you sure, Brother?" Marian asked, her hands gripping her staff. "There is a lot of magic here."

Garrett looked at her. "We need to get out of here." He pulled the dagger out of his belt and looked at the circle. He approached cautiously and touched the purple edge of the circle with the dagger's tip. The air around the circle crackled and the purple light disappeared.

A large fire demon appeared, his claws reaching for Garrett.

Marian reacted, her frost spell freezing the demon, his claws inches from Garrett. The rest moved, weapons ready. Garrett sliced the hand off, the demon mobilizing again with a growl. He lunged at Garrett, but Isabela was faster, slicing at the demon's shin. The group took shots at the demon, each getting out of the way before he lunged. Garrett delivered the final blow to its chest, jumping on it to push the demon to the ground and driving his sword through its would-be heart.

When Garrett was done he growled and lunged across the room, pushing the mad Warden against the wall.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT LITTLE DETAIL?" His blade at the man's throat.

"Garrett, calm down." Carver was standing beside. "We need him to show us the rest of the seals."

"I-I thought you knew...there has been no Hawke. The seals must be broken."

Garrett growled and shoved the mad Warden away. He fell to the ground, his body shaking. Carver glared at his brother and helped the man to his feet.

"What is your name, Warden?" He asked, his voice light as if he were talking to a small child.

"My...my name? It's been...so long." The white eyes stared past Carver. "Larius."

"Larius, can you show us to the other seals?" Carver asked, watching the man with sad eyes.

"Y-yes. Follow me, blood of Hawke." Larius was off down another hallway.

Garrett was seething, whether from rage or from the battle, Marian did not know. All she knew was that this was taking a lot longer than she had planned and her stomach hurt with every minute away from Malcolm.

* * *

"Mistress Hawke was not home, Knight-Captain." One of the recruits told him.

Cullen stared at the man, his brow furrowing. There must be some mistake. "Who told you that?"

"They didn't, Ser. But when I asked to speak to her they all had a different story for where she was. Suspicious enough for me to look into it. When I left, I listened in a bit and heard them speaking. They were saying that the Mistress was supposed to be home hours ago. They didn't know what to do." His recruit's brow furrowed to match his captain's. He hadn't been Cullen's first choice, but now he was reconsidering.

His name was Maren. He had joined two years ago, before the Qunari attacked. Cullen had never given him a second thought, now he saw that Maren had a shrewd mind. Something he could use these days.

Cullen ground his teeth. Marian had lied to him. He had to admit he had not anticipated that. He had sent the recruit on a whim, just to make sure there hadn't been any more attacks that day. Now it seems he should have done so sooner.

"Did you see my son?" He felt his heart constrict with worry.

"No, Ser."

Cullen closed his eyes. Marian wouldn't take Malcolm with her, but he had to make sure. He nodded at his recruit, dismissing him and walked towards Meredith's office.

* * *

"I may have left the circle, but I took a vow. My magic will serve that which is best in me, not that which is most base." The booming voice filled the tunnels again. Father's voice.

Marian closed her eyes. She had missed that voice. When he would sit her and Bethany down, when he would explain the importance of magic, the importance of helping people and always doing the right thing. That we must always use our magic for good, not for personal benefit. A hand squeezed her shoulder. He would have loved to meet his grandson. She looked up to see Carver watching her.

"I miss him too. And Bethany." His eyes were filled with pain. The pain of his family, his loss.

Marian squeezed his hand. "At least they are all together."

Carver nodded.

They had broken the third seal and were making their way toward the top of the tower. The dim green light was getting fainter with each climb and each broken seal. Marian did not know how many hours they had been gone. Much longer than she had thought. She hoped Malcolm was alright, hoped Orana and Bodahn were safe. Hoped this adventure would be over soon. The pain in her heart would not leave her and with every death and every seal broken it continued. It hurt, an ache magic could not heal.

Larius spoke to Garrett at the head of the group. "He is waking. He feels the seals weakening." Larius' body shook as his white eyes darted around. "He...calls. Mimics the cry of the old gods."

Carver stopped, his eyes watching Larius. "The archdemons?"

Larius nodded fervently. "He calls the dark children to free him. All with taint in their blood." He fixed Carver with a stare. "He calls you. I can see it."

"Carver?" Marian looked at her brother. He was much more pale than when they entered the tunnels and his brow was wet.

"I-It sounds like music." He looked at the ground, his hands clenching. "I thought..."

"Music." Larius smiled, it did not touch his eyes. "He calls us. He is more than darkspawn. He pierces the veil. When the seals break, he will wake. He must be killed."

Garrett watched Larius. "He is darkspawn. We will stop him." His eyes turned to Carver, examining his brother, seeing the paleness of his skin, his eyes darker than when they entered the canyon.

Larius stopped. "No. They are here. The Wardens. They...they want to free him. To give him the light!" He turned to Garrett and grabbed his armor frantically. "They obey Corypheus. You must stop them!" He was shaking his eyes looking toward the end of the hallway.

"He's right." Carver looked towards the side of the hallway, where the pillars had been broken and a gap appeared. "They are coming."

Suddenly, they heard a woman's voice coming from beyond the dark path ahead of them. "Something is happening. The prison is breaking down."

Four Wardens appeared from the dark, their blue grey armor glinting dully off their torches. As they appeared before their little party the woman stopped and watched them. The woman's eyes widened when she saw the golden dagger in Garrett's belt.

"Y-you have the key! And you are breaking the seals." Her eyes travelled over their group.

Garrett's stance stiffened, his hand ghosting towards his sword. "Who are you?"

The woman watched him. Marian could feel the magic coming off her. A Warden mage. The three men behind her had blades.

The woman's eyes narrowed on Garrett. "You are the child of Malcolm Hawke. The Carta did not lie." Her eyes travelled over Marian and Carver. "And you brought your siblings as well. Good." She smiled. "I am Janeka. I lead this unit of Grey Wardens." Her eyes settled on Carver for a brief moment. His Warden armor giving him away, then they slid to Larius and widened slightly.

"Do not listen to her." Larius hissed near Garrett, his eyes narrowing at the woman.

Carver stepped forward. "What do the Wardens have to do with our father?"

"You do not know?" Janeka looked surprised, her eyes leaving Larius to look at Carver. "Your father made sure this prison did not fall thirty years ago."

"How?" Marian stepped forward, standing next to Carver.

Janeka smiled. It made her green eyes look cold. "This prison was built by the Grey Wardens to house the most powerful darkspawn we ever encountered. But all magic fades. We had to reinforce the seals, requiring a mage who had not been...tainted by Warden training. Your father was the last to perform the ritual."

That explained father's voice. The echo of the last person to strengthen the seals. But...Marian couldn't shake the fact that something was wrong. With each seal broken there was a darkness lingering. Perhaps it was the darkspawn, but it felt more like... "Blood magic." Marian stared at the Grey Wardens. "My father used blood magic?" Her eyes were wide. She knew the answer, but she desperately hoped she was wrong.

There was silence, the clink of water from far ahead the only sound in the hallway, the stairs leading up, the light above. They were so close to the final seal.

"Wardens do what is necessary." It was Carver's voice, but Marian could hardly believe it. She stared at her brother, but his eyes would not meet hers.

Janeka smiled again and tilted her head at Marian, as if she were a puzzle that needed to be solved. "The binding of the demons was done in another era, before Chantry laws forbade such things."

Marian breathed easier, but still. If her father's blood was what was needed to break these seals...there was only one explanation for that. She closed her eyes and sent a silent prayer to the Maker, that her father be by his side and not tainted by this one act.

Janeka looked back at Garrett. "I need your help. The Wardens who first bound Corypheus were wrong. He is no threat to humanity." Her eyes shined. "He is an opportunity! He is not mindless, he is vastly intelligent and knows we are his greatest ally to stop the Blights."

"Why would a darkspawn want to stop the Blights?" Garrett asked, his brows furrowing.

"He can see what it costs his people. What the search for the archdemons does to the darkspawn. He does not want that."

Larius stepped in front of Janeka. "Corypheus cares nothing for Blights. He is using you! He calls, you answer. You sent the Carta."

Janeka's eyes narrowed at Larius. "Don't be fooled by this creature, Hawke. He is half darkspawn himself." She stepped around Larius, not breaking her eye contact with Garrett. "I know a spell to bind Corypheus--"

"Enough!" Garrett growled. He took a step towards Janeka, towering over her. "You speak of blood magic. More blood magic. I came here to stop the person targeting my family. Whether it be Corypheus...or you."

Janeka took a step back. "Then you are a fool. I will find a way without you!"

"Watch out!" Marian cried, grabbing her brother and pulling him back, just as Janecka erected a barrier of fire where he had been standing. The Wardens ran up the stairs, towards the final seal.

"There is another way!" Larius ran off down one of the side passages. "Watch out for traps!" He called behind himself.

"More mages." Fenris growled as the group made their way after Larius.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have been reading this story prior to 1/24/2015 you should know that I've updated the entire story (no major plot changes but I added a bit here and there). It's nothing to be really concerned about, but with Inquisition I added some of the things we learned about Cullen. Also, if you were reading the story you should read the previous chapter because I believe that is where I stopped. This is a totally new chapter. Thank you all for reading, I hope you enjoy it!

They ran down the hallway, towards more stairs, up farther and farther. Past rooms and doors and traps. The door to the roof came into sight, Garrett yanked it open and Marian breathed fresh air for the first time in hours. As she saw the sun on the horizon she felt her stomach clench. It was later than she had thought. Would they even reach Kirkwall before night? Would the Carta have sent others to claim the one Hawke not here? The most vulnerable one, the one she should never have left alone.

The group walked towards the final seal. The bridge from the roof led to a dome atop the tower. She saw the same golden light radiating from the final seal, brighter than the other three.

Janeka stepped out from behind one of the pillars.

"You thought you could beat me?" She sneered at Larius. "You are a fool Larius, one who should have died years ago."

"Do not listen to him." Larius said, his body shaking as they neared the seal.

Marian looked at Carver. His face was white, his eyes dark. She touched his hand and he started, turning to see her. He sighed and gave her a grimace.

"Tell me, Larius. Did you tell them how their father was not given a choice? Was not allowed to disagree? Perhaps his children would reconsider if they knew the truth of your actions."

Garrett turned to Larius, his eyes seething. "What does she mean, Larius?" His voice thick withwarning.

Larius shrank from Garrett, turning away, his eyes closing in pain. "Malcolm H-Hawke was...reluctant to help us. I had to...persuade him. It was my duty. I was Warden Commander." Larius took a deep breath, his body shaking and then stopping. "I delivered the ultimatum: help us, or you'll never see her again."

Garrett grabbed Larius, spinning him around and throwing him against the column. "You threatened our father." His voice a bare growl.

"I-I would...never have hurt her. I didn't have to...he came with us. We never told her."

Garrett threw Larius on the ground, unsheathing his sword.

"Scum." Carver growled, his hand on his sword.

Janeka laughed, her eyes dancing with undiluted glee. "How can you trust anything that creature says? Now you see. You must help us."

Garrett turned his sword from Larius to her. "I don't need to trust either of you." His voice threatening. "Corypheus dies here."

Janeka's smile died, her eyes turning menacing. "I don't need your cooperation, Hawke. I just need your blood!" She gripped her staff.

Whatever spell Janeka had prepared never left her throat before Garrett silenced her. Her eyes widened as the Fade slipped from her grasp. She turned to flee, knowing she was powerless. She made it three steps before Garrett cut her down. The rest of them took care of the three Wardens that had been with her.

Garrett stood over the body of the Warden. He shook his head and turned around. Larius was getting up from the ground, not daring to meet anyone's eyes. Marian walked over to Garrett, her eyes looking at the golden stream of magic that was the last seal.

"Are you sure about this? What if--"

Garrett put his hand on her arm. "He can influence people. He sent the Carta after us, these Grey Wardens. If we leave here today, it will not be long before he does it again."

Marian looked into her brother's dark eyes, flecks of blood in his dark hair and beard. She nodded. "I am ready." She gripped her staff and walked back to the wall.

Garrett walked to the center of the seal, gripping his father's golden dagger in his hand. He looked back at Marian and she nodded. He swiped the blade across his palm, his blood dropping onto the seal. The edges lit up, the gold striking against the dark room. Garrett stepped back as the light became blinding, shielding his eyes with his arm, the blood from the dagger still falling to the ground.

A voice amidst the golden spoke. "Be this a dream that I wake from? Am I in dwarven lands?" The golden light dimmed and Marian saw the darkspawn Corypheus. His face could almost be said to look human if it was not for the jagged scars and metal running across it. His body almost skeleton beneath his dark grey armor. Flesh grown over some of the plates in the metal.

He turned to look at their group. "Serve you at the temple of Dumat? I must speak to the First Acolyte." He waited as if expecting them to run to obey.

Larius crept closer, his eyes never leaving Corypheus. "He speaks of the old gods. The Imperium."

Garrett had unsheathed his sword, his hands gripping it.

Corypheus was angry they had not obeyed him. "Whoever you be, you owe fealty to any magister of Tevinter. On your knees, all of you!"

"Can we kill it?" Fenris growled, his sword in his hand.

Corypheus's eyes met Garrett's and her brother hesitated.

"You are what held me, I can smell the blood in you." Corypheus seemed to consider Garrett.

"And I'm what will kill you." Her brother growled before darting in, sword ready.

"I am an acolyte of Dumat!" Corypheus glided back from Garrett, her brother's sword missing him. Corypheus's voice darkened. "You cannot harm me!"

"Spread out!" Garrett commanded, running back from Corypheus's fire blast.

The group obeyed, Aveline darting to the left, Fenris and Varric to the right. Marian circled. She needed to stay still to cast, but she could move in between spells.

Isabela appeared behind Corypheus, gaining the first blow. He spun around, but she had already moved away. Suddenly the air cackled.

"Lighting!" Marian shouted, darting behind a pillar.

"We sought the light!" Corypheus was shouting over the cackle of his lightning storm raining down. Marian saw Isabela and Garrett hiding behind a pillar, Fenris was stunned, but still moving. Aveline was under her shield, her mouth moving in what Marian assumed were curses. Varric had gotten behind another pillar just in time.

"We sought the golden light! Dumat! You...you offered us...the power of the gods themselves!"

The lightning ended and the group was on their feet. Marian raced across the circular room, reaching Fenris. He was groaning. He tried to push her off, but she told him to shove it. Her healing spell was fast, revitalizing the skin which had been damaged. She helped Fenris to his feet and he grabbed his greatsword, thanking her briefly before going after Corypheus again.

Marian surveyed the battle. Varric was nursing a burn, Aveline was favoring her left side. Corypheus was strong. Very strong. He barely seemed to be waning and she had seen Garrett and Carver sink their blades in him. His armor was thick, she looked for a hole in his defenses and saw none.

The air around her heated. Oh Maker. She ran behind a pillar just as a rain of fire fell upon them. She prayed to the Maker that the others had found cover.

"It was black, corrupt, darkness! How long have I slumbered, Dumat? Why have you forsaken me?"

The fire stopped and Marian darted out from behind her column. Garrett was dragging a limp Isabela behind a column, her dress burned almost completely off. Varric and Aveline were huddled together. Fenris and Carver were running for Corypheus, their blades held high. Marian saw a glint of gold, she stared. The dagger. Malcolm Hawke's key. Garrett had dropped it and it lay a few feet from Corypheus.

Corypheus shouted and Marian watched Fenris and Carver be pushed back, falling to the grounds, their blades leaving their hands. Corypheus raised his hands, the spell readying.

She moved, running as fast as she could. She slid to the floor and grabbed the dagger.

"CORYPHEUS!" She shouted, the dagger in her hand.

He turned, his spell not cast, her brother alive.

"You dare challenge me, mage? I am a magister of Tevinter! You will bow before me!"

"I think not." Marian growled, the dagger sinking into Corypheus' skin, sliding between his ribs. She had seen the opening, but the blade itself wouldn't do. She jumped back. Corypheus moved to take the pesky dagger out and she cast. The bolt went to his core, through the dagger. Corypheus' eyes widened, his disbelief making him look almost human. Then his head was gone, Garrett's blade tearing it off. It rolled across the floor, coming to rest at Larius' feet.

Marian looked at Garrett, the magister's blood covering his armor. He was terrifying.

"The magisters have not changed." Fenris growled, walking over to Corypheus' corpse.

A dark shadow appeared over Corypheus. Marian froze. Then a booming voice sounded and she felt her heart clench.

"I've bought our freedom, Leandra." The dark image of her father stood where Corypheus had fallen, his blue eyes staring at her, a small smile on his face. "We can go home now. Us and the babies. We'll be together." She saw her father's eyes cloud with something like pain. His voice becoming more pained. "I hope they take after you, love." He shook his head. "I would wish this magic on no one." Her father looked out over the canyon, his eyes lost in memories long gone. "May they never learn what I've done here."

The dark image faded, leaving silence and coldness behind. Marian closed her eyes and felt a hand on her shoulder. She looked up to see Carver looking down at her. She turned to see Garrett watching her. She shook her head and moved away, not wanting to speak to either of them.

She saw Aveline sitting on the ground next to Isabela, applying salve to the burns on the pirate's body. Marian hurried over. She felt drained, the bolt had been more energy than she normally cast at one time. But it had worked. Stunned him long enough for her brother to make the final blow.

She reached into the pack Aveline had and pulled out a lyrium potion, drinking it in one swig. Then she put her hands over Isabela, the healing sealing the wounds and rejuvenating the burned skin. When she was done, Isabela opened her eyes, a faint smile coming over her as she saw Marian.

"Look at you two hens. Worrying over your clutch."

"Shut up, whore." Aveline growled, but the corners of her eyes creased.

Marian got up and moved around the room, healing the worst of the injuries. Varric had a few broken ribs, Fenris had a slash across his side. Aveline was covered in small burns. Garrett wouldn't let her heal him, but she saw he was limping. He drank a poultice and grimaced as the magic set his bone for him. Carver was littered with cuts and burns and a badly broken hand, she was surprised he was still able to stand. After she had healed everyone, she looked around to make sure and noticed Larius was gone. She hadn't heard him leave. She saw Garrett staring out over the canyon, his back to the group.

Varric pulled out some dried meat and cheeses.

"Better eat before we head back to Kirkwall." He said, sitting down to help himself.

"I'd rather eat on the way." Marian picked up some of the food and started walking out of the dome and across the bridge. She saw that there was an easier way down now that they were on top, a door leading to steps winding around the tower that the seal had been on. It would have been nice to know about them previously.

She heard a few grumbles behind her, but soon the rest of the group was following her. The only thing she wanted to do was get home. She worried about Malcolm.

On the way back to Kirkwall, Carver walked next to her.

"Father loved you." He said when the walls of Kirkwall were in sight.

She looked at him and then back down at the path she was walking.

"He knew what being a mage was, Sister. He knew the risks. But he loved you...and Bethany."

Marian squeezed her brother's hand. She sighed. "Cullen once remarked on how much control I had. How advanced I was for a mage." Marian looked up at her brother. "Father could do so much. I just never knew the extent."

Carver shook his head. "The attacks, the darkspawn, every bloody part of this, all because of something that happened years ago. Something father did because he had to." Carver looked anguished. "Because of the Wardens. He did all of this for...us."

"Father would be proud of you, Carver."

Carver continued walking, quiet.

Marian pulled him to a stop, turning him to face her. "Father would be proud of you. Bethany would be too."

He looked into her eyes. The pain he wore like armor beneath the bullheadedness showing for the first time in years. "I miss them." He whispered.

Marian threw her arms around him. "I miss them too." She whispered in his ear. "But we're all the family we have left. We need to look out for each other."

Her brother nodded. Marian reached on her toes to kiss him on the cheek and they turned to catch up to the others.

* * *

It was dark by the time they got back to the estate. Garrett went to his study and closed the door. Carver yawned and went to the kitchen to heat up some food. Marian climbed the stairs and headed to her bedroom to check on Malcolm. Orana would have put him to sleep. She hoped nothing had gone wrong, that he had ate well and not been fussy. She wanted to crawl into bed and sleep for a week, her body was exhausted from the trip and using so much of her magic in a day, plus she knew she would wake up with a lyrium headache in the morning.

She opened the door to her room and heard a soft voice humming. Marian stopped in her doorway, her eyes widening and her stomach dropping to the floor. Cullen sat on the bed, Malcolm in his arms, he swayed the child, humming a soft rhythm as Malcolm slept. He stopped when she opened the door, never taking his eyes off their son.

"You finally returned. Our son spends half the day screaming himself senseless while his mother finds some worthless adventure. Did you enjoy yourself?" He looked up at her, his jaw tightened, his amber eyes more furious than she had ever seen. He got up and put Malcolm in his crib.

Marian couldn't move. She felt hot with shame and lowered her eyes. "Cullen..."

"Don't apologize to me, Marian." He took a step towards her, towering over her. "Apologize to your son. He is the one who spent the day crying, so upset he made himself sick. Did you think he wouldn't know his mother's arms from another's? He wouldn't eat, he wouldn't sleep, he even turned blue, or so I am told. The elf girl practically threw herself on me when I came over this afternoon. I was the only one who could calm him down, make him eat. Meanwhile, you are off reliving your glory days! Did you even spare a thought for him?"

"I did!" Marian cried, tears in her eyes. "He is the reason I had to go today. He is all I thought about."

"Just not enough for you to come home." Cullen crossed his arms, his eyes hard.

"I-I couldn't." Marian shook her head. "There was...a cavern...and darkspawn. It was horrible. I only wanted to come home."

He shook his head, his face angry.

"Cullen, please." She pleaded with her eyes, his did not budge.

"No, I don't want to hear about it. It's clear you still haven't grown up, Marian. Do you need to be reminded of your responsibility? Well, he's right there!" Cullen pointed at the crib.

Marian could barely bring herself to look at Malcolm's crib. "I had to go." She whispered at the floor. "I didn't want you...to worry--"

"So you lied to me? I have never lied to you, Marian. It seems the only thing I get in return is more lies from you. That's not how a marriage works."

"I didn't want this!" The second the words were out of her mouth she wanted to take them back.

Cullen took a step back. She saw the brief disbelief. His eyes widened and in them the hurt he had been covering. Then he narrowed his eyes, his entire body hard with fury. "I see. Then I shouldn't bother you any further, Miss Hawke." He walked past her and out of her room.

Marian stood still for a moment before turning to run after him. He was almost at the stairs when she grabbed his arm, pulling him to face her. "Stop. Please, Cullen. That's not what I meant."

He glared at her.

"Please let me explain."

"I think you gave me a very clear explanation already, Miss Hawke." He didn't even look at her, his eyes slid past hers to the wall behind her.

"What's going on here?" Carver stood at the bottom of the stairs, watching the exchange between them. He ran up the stairs to the landing.

"This has nothing to do with you." Cullen said curtly.

"It has to do with my sister. It has everything to do with me." Carver stood next to Marian, glaring at Cullen.

She turned to her brother. "Please, Carver. I'm fine. Please. I just need to speak with Cullen."

"I think we were done speaking." Cullen tried to turn, but she grabbed his arm again.

"No, Cullen. Please. Let me explain. That's not what I meant." She felt tears springing to her eyes. Something told her that if she let Cullen go that would be the end. That his arm was the only thing she had left of him and if she let it go he would be too.

"Let him go, Sister. He's not worth it." Carver scoffed, his arms crossed.

"You think so?" Cullen growled, stepping towards Carver. His eyes locked with the younger man's, his body hot with anger. "Where have you been, little brother? Off with the Wardens. How's that working out for you? Are you protecting your sister from the Gallows with them? No, I didn't think so. Maybe, you shouldn't piss me off then."

"Are you threatening my sister?" Carver met Cullen midway, the two almost the same height and breadth.

"No, I'm threatening you." Cullen's hands curled. She felt the tension in his arm.

"Stop it!" Marian shouted, jumping between them and pushing them away from each other. "Stop it, Carver! Cullen!" She shoved them both away.

"He's an ass! Why are you wasting your time with him, Marian?"

"Because I love him!" She shouted, pushing Carver again for good measure. She turned back to Cullen. Her eyes pleading, tears falling down her face. "I love you. I didn't mean...that. I meant...I didn't want you to be mad at me, so I lied. I needed...wanted to protect my family. Like...like I used to."

Cullen looked at her, his eyes meeting hers. He was quiet, but some of the hardness faded. He stepped towards her and gathered her in his arms. He sighed and she felt some of the tension leave him. She rested her head against his chest and he held her tightly. Finally, he spoke. "That isn't your job anymore. You're a mother now."

She shook her head. "And that is why it is the most important job I have." She pulled back from Cullen so he could see her face. Know that she meant every word. "I needed to protect Malcolm. I needed to make sure those dwarves, darkspawn, demons, the Maker himself could not hurt my son. I will never stop protecting him. From anyone who wants to harm him."

He was quiet for a while, then he sighed and pulled her close again. "You don't have to do that alone."

She relaxed, hugging him back.

"He's still an ass." Carver said, walking away from them.

Marian felt Cullen smile against her head. From her bedroom she heard a faint cry and she pulled away.

"I may not have forgiven you completely," Cullen said, his eyes on the door to her bedroom. "But he has not even started."

She grimaced and nodded. She turned and walked back to her room to hold her son and tell him she would never leave him again. Cullen started to follow when his eyes caught movement in the shadows of the room below. He stopped and saw the dark eyes of the Champion watching him from the darkness of the foyer. He nodded at Cullen and turned to leave.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I noted in the previous chapter, if you have already been reading the story before 1/24/2015, I updated the entire work and Chapters 25-27 are new. Just as a head's up since I know that with updating the chapter system it may not have sent out emails. Anyway, enjoy!

The day after the battle with Corypheus, Garrett called Marian into his study.

She had been up all night with an upset Malcolm. He wouldn't go to sleep and when he did it was only for a few hours. She had fed him, bathed him, burped him, and changed him, but her son would not let her sleep. Cullen had found it amusing at first, telling her it was only her due for leaving him. After the fourth time, she almost started crying and Cullen helped her. Together they got Malcolm to sleep for a few hours. In between fitful bursts of sleep, she had told Cullen what had happened that day in the ruins. He was still upset with her, but he couldn't hide his fascination with her coming face-to-face with an old Tevinter magister.

“The one who turned the Golden City black.” He said, his eyes losing focus in exhaustion. They were lying on their backs, having just gotten Malcolm to sleep for the second time. Cullen was looking up at the ceiling after she had finished her story, his mind trying to process everything at once, but with the adrenaline fading, his mind was hazy. “I knew the Chantry was right. People always doubt, but why would they lie? Andraste knew.”

Marian buried her head against his shoulder, her eyes drifting closed. “I suppose it would have been fascinating if it hadn't been life threatening.”

Cullen shook his head. “Promise me something.”

Marian nodded against him, her eyelids heavy.

“Next time you face one of the first darkspawn. I-I want to be there.”

She chuckled. “I don't want there to be a next time.”

He smiled. “Well, you Hawkes find yourself in a lot of trouble. You never know. Just...no more alone.”

Marian was quiet, for the moment her sleep gone. “Cullen?”

“Hmm.” His eyes were closed.

“You know I can't promise that I won't be in danger, right? I could never promise that.”

He opened his eyes to look at her. Cullen pulled her towards him and kissed her forehead. “I-I know that. Just...don't go looking for it.”

“Trouble seems to find me.”

“I...know.” He sighed deeply.

Garrett looked up from his correspondence when Marian came into his study. He motioned for her to sit and she did. “How are you holding up, after what happened?”

Marian shrugged. “Now that Malcolm has calmed down and I have gotten a few hours of sleep, I feel much better. But...” She shook her head. “Maker, what happened...”

“I know.” He whispered. He put down the letter he was working on. “Marian, Father...he always did what he had to.”

“He was a good man, Garrett; you don't have to tell me that.” She knew that he was referring to the blood magic. Something they had both been brought up to hate and fear. And now they knew that their own father had done blood magic, to bind one of the first darkspawn. She had to admit it was a bit much to swallow.

Garrett nodded.

The door to the study opened and Carver put his head in. “Good, I was hoping to catch both of you in here.”

Marian turned to see her brother back in his grey warden armor. She felt a lurch in her stomach. “You're leaving then?” She asked sadly. She had known he would, but still...she missed her brother terribly.

Carver nodded. “I'm sure the wardens will have an ear-load for me. But the Warden-Commander is a good woman...er dwarf. I'm sure she will want to look into this Corypheus thing. Maker knows this sort of thing shouldn't just happen.” He shook his head and played with his sword hilt.

Marian got up and hugged her brother tightly. “Be good. And safe.”

“Yes, Mother.” Carver said, teasing her. She hit his shoulder for good measure.

Garrett got up and came around his desk, leaning against it and watching his younger brother. He folded his arms. “Might want to tell the wardens they should avoid blood magic. Perhaps then they could kill darkspawn instead of imprisoning them.”

Carver rolled his eyes. “Yea, I'll let them know the big Champion of Kirkwall is disappointed in them. I'm sure they'll quake in their boots.” He turned to leave. “See ya, ya big ass.”

“Carver.” Garrett called and Carver turned back around. “Stay safe.”

Carver and Garrett watched each other for a moment. “Yea.” Carver said, he nodded and turned back to the door.

Marian shook her head at her two stubborn brothers and followed Carver to the front door, hugging him again before he left. She prayed to the Maker to keep her brother safe.

* * *

Marian was just finishing lunch when Bodahn came into the dining room.

“Messere, Anders is here to see you.”

She frowned. Anders did not normally come to the estate and she had just visited him in the clinic a few days ago when Orana had said she would watch Malcolm while he napped. Marian had to get out of the house sometimes, if just for a few hours while her son slept. Occasionally, even Garrett would take Malcolm so she could have some quiet time. Currently, that was where Malcolm was. Garrett had taken him up to the Keep to visit with Aveline. Apparently, the Guard Captain had something to ask of Garrett. Marian had shrugged it off, even if it did rub her a little. Aveline was her good friend, why had she asked Garrett for help instead of her?

Marian made her way into the foyer where Anders was standing in front of the low burning fire. He turned when he heard her approach.

“I hear Garrett is out with Malcolm.”

Marian nodded and came to stand by Anders, watching the fire.

Anders was quiet for a few moments before sighing. “Listen, this...isn't going to be easy.” He turned from the fire to face her and she watched him. “Justice and I...clearly we were never supposed to be joined. I know that now and I would like to...change it.”

“You want to separate yourself from Justice? Is that possible?” From everything she knew about possession it couldn't be possible. Why wouldn't the templars just perform such an act all the time?

“I've been reading some texts from Tevinter and...There’s a potion that could...might separate us.” Anders' brown eyes looked so sad and distant. “I know you once said you would never help me, but I-”

“I will help.” She touched her friend's shoulder. “If there is a possibility, I want to help.” She smiled at him. “You will feel much better once it is done.”

His eyes stared towards the fire. “I hope you are right.” He shook his head. “There are two major ingredients I need. Everything else I can buy locally. I am going to talk to your brother about one, sela petrae. The other ingredient, drakestone, can be found at the Bone Pit and I thought you and I could go there and retrieve it.”

Marian bit her lip as she looked from Anders to the fire and back. “The Bone Pit? You know Garrett owns that, he could probably secure you some drakestone as well as...sela petrae? I have never heard of that.”

Anders smiled. “Believe me; you do not want to help with my retrieval of sela petrae. I suppose I could talk to Garrett about the drakestone, I just thought you might want to help.”

“I do!” Marian said a little quickly. She wouldn't let Garrett handle all their friend's problems. “I do want to help. We can go to the Bone Pit. It's about a day's journey there and back. If we leave in the morning we should be back by supper. I can even see the Fereldan workers and how my brother is treating them.” She frowned and then smiled back at Anders. “I will bring Malcolm. The fresh air will do him good and I can't leave him behind.” She didn't have the strength to go through that ordeal again.

“Then let us leave when the sun is rising. I will be here in the morning.” Anders turned to go and stopped. He turned to look back at her, his face battling over emotions she couldn't read. Finally, he sighed and just looked at her. “Thank you, Marian. You have no idea what this means.”

She smiled back at him, taking a few steps and putting her arms around him, squeezing him lightly. “I want to help, Anders. I'm always here for you.”

When she released him, his eyes did not meet hers and he bid her goodbye and left.

* * *

Cullen was allowed a few hours of leave to visit his family that night. They had eaten dinner and Marian had told him about her day, leaving out the Anders part. Cullen had told her that the Gallows were quiet for now, but he had heard some rustlings that the mages were unhappy.

“Fancy that.” Marian said with a frown.

“Marian.” Cullen warned, holding their son as they walked up the stairs to Marian's room. Malcolm had enjoyed being held by his father at dinner, fussing whenever Marian tried to take him away.

They usually tried to avoid talking about the mages at the Gallows. Marian knew Cullen had a duty to the templars and that his job involved making sure the mages didn't get out of hand, but she tried to avoid thinking about it. Whenever she did, she remembered her father's constant warnings about templars, the look on Bethany's face when they had run into Weasley, the countless mages that had died because of templars. No, better to avoid the subject altogether.

Marian watched Cullen put Malcolm to bed, the gentleness with which he treated their son, the smile reserved only for them. He was a good man, the man she loved. Cullen kissed Malcolm on the head and whispered him a good night before standing.

They walked out of the room and onto the balcony overlooking the foyer. She glanced at her husband as he leaned on the railing.

“When are you going to tell me what you've been avoiding?” He asked calmly, looking out over the estate. He stood up and looked at her, his arms crossed. “Or are you planning on not telling me?”

She started and stared at him. She hadn't realized she had been so obvious at dinner. Marian had decided to tell him about Anders after dinner when he was calmer and less likely to yell, not that she really thought he would, but precautions were a good thing when it came to talking about Anders.

He laughed at her expression. “You've kept far too many secrets for me not to know when you are holding back. Come now, love. Just tell me.”

She smiled. “I was planning on telling you, husband. I was simply waiting for the best time.”

He smiled and walked over to her, taking her in his arms and kissing her neck. “Now's a good time.” He whispered in her ear and she felt a jolt of warmth below her naval. She could see he had planned on other things for his last hour before going back to the Gallows.

Marian took a deep breath and spoke. “Anders came by today.”

Cullen stilled and pulled back, looking at her with furrowed brows. “What did he want?” His voice colder than it had been before.

“He asked me to help him...procure something.”

“What?”

She sighed. “Drakestone. It is at the Bone Pit.”

“What does he need drakestone for?” Cullen continued interrogating her.

“A...potion I assume, I didn't ask.”

His eyes narrowed. “Or you did ask and you know I won't like what he's making. What is it?”

“A potion, Cullen. That is all he said.” She knew better than to mention Justice. Cullen would never believe there was a way to separate the two.

Cullen took a step back and rubbed his chin, watching her, his stern Knight-Captain face back on. “You are going to the Bone Pit? Just you and him?”

Marian nodded.

“No.”

She sighed exasperated. “And you wonder why I wanted you in a better mood.” She mumbled darkly. They had agreed after the Corypheus event that Marian would not go outside of Kirkwall without telling Cullen and that he had the right to say no. That last part had been hard to agree to, but he had made it clear that he was not averse to tying her up to make sure she stayed in the city and he had told her he would get Garrett to help. She knew her twin would love to see her out of harm's way at all times and she doubted he would support her if Cullen actually did try to tie her up to keep her in the city.

Cullen watched her sulk, his jaw hard. He put his fingers under her chin and tilted it so he was looking into her blue eyes. She truly didn't understand how dangerous Anders was. He knew that and yet he had hoped she would learn. He still had nightmares about the two of them together, about what he had seen that day in the dining room. He had threatened to tie her up because he believed it would never resort to that. But sure enough a few months later and she was already rearing to leave the city. Would he ever have a handle on her? Would she ever settle down and keep herself safe? He kissed her forehead. This had not been how he wanted the evening to go.

“So that is it then? I can't go.” She said, her blue eyes flashing angry.

He admired her spirit. It was perhaps the thing that kept her safe from demons. He imagined she stared them down in the Fade and they all cowered. He knew he couldn't stay angry, not when she was so beautiful, not when it had been weeks since their last meeting and her lips were begging to be kissed. He moved closer. If she wasn't careful he would promise her all of Thedas before he could stop himself.

“No. That's not it. I said no you cannot go with just him.”

Her eyes widened and he saw the beginnings of a smile.

“Bring someone else and I'll agree. But you have to be back before dark and I expect you to write the minute you are home so I know you are safe.”

She flew into his arms, kissing him while her hands tore at his shirt. He responded just as eagerly, pushing her against the nearest thing and biting her lip.


	28. Chapter 28

“Ah, look at your mother's eyes. So bright when we leave the city, almost as if she would never miss it.” Isabela chuckled at the baby smiling in her arms.

Marian smiled at Isabela and Malcolm; she did feel better when they left the dusky streets of the city behind. It was a beautiful day outside Kirkwall. The sky blue and the air cool.

“Anyone would be happy to leave Kirkwall.” Anders said from beside Marian, his eyes dark and tired in the light of the sun.

Isabela swooped Malcolm up in the air, high over her head. “Can you see the sea, Cookie? Beautiful, isn't it?”

Marian shook her head and smiled. “You had better not turn my son into a pirate, Isabela. He will be a perfectly respectable man when he grows up.”

Isabela barked out a laugh. “Oh please, Cupcake. He's your son and Garrett's nephew. He never stood a chance of being respectable.”

They made their way along the rocky coast heading towards the Bone Pit. It should take them a few hours to get there and then hopefully not too long to find the drakestone, then they would be back in Kirkwall.

“Thank you for coming with me, Isabela.”

“Because apparently you need a chaperone.” Anders muttered darkly. He was the only one who didn't seem to be enjoying the walk out of Kirkwall.

“I don't need a chaperone.” Marian shot at him. “The roads are dangerous and...company is safer.”

Anders rolled his eyes. “You don't honestly think I buy that. The only reason Isabela is here is because your _templar_ husband doesn't trust me. When you have no idea what he--”

“Oh shush both of you.” Isabela scolded them, Malcolm on her hip. “It is a beautiful day and I won't have you both ruining it for me and the Cookie here.”

They reached the Bone Pit before the sun was halfway in the sky. Marian had put Malcolm in the harness on her back and he had long since fallen asleep. As they approached the Bone Pit, Marian noticed that it was oddly quiet.

“Where are all the workers?” She asked, looking into the first cave briefly.

“Maybe your brother gave them the day off?” Anders was also looking around questioningly.

Isabela laughed. “As if. Your brother is a slave driver. He'd make a Tevinter proud.”

Marian smelled something slightly...charred.

They walked through the mine camp, not finding any sign of anyone. Then Marian saw the first body.

“Oh Maker.” She took a step back from the burned corpse. It looked as if the man had been running when flames surrounded his body. Now the body seemed melted into the ground. She turned away before she was sick.

“We should leave.” Isabela was looking at the body and slowly around the deserted camp.

“But...this is the only place within miles where we might find drakestone.” Anders had walked towards the body to examine it. “Interesting. No fire spell could have done this.”

“Then what?” Isabela asked as she once more scanned the area, her daggers in her hands.

The echoing scream of a giant beast was her answer.

“Maker.” Marian gasped as a huge dragon flew directly over their heads and landed in the valley floor. She didn't think twice before bolting for the nearest mine opening, Anders and Isabela right on her tail.

“What are we going to do?” Isabela asked frantically when they stopped just inside the mine. “We are lucky that thing did not take off our heads right then.”

Malcolm started to cry at being jostled awake and Marian was attempting to soothe him while he was still strapped to her back. She couldn't take him out just yet, in case they needed to run or she needed her hands to cast.

“We need to leave. No doubt she had a brood nearby and is protecting it. The longer we stay in the vicinity the more likely we will be in danger.” Anders was looking out the entrance to the cave. Staring at the spot where the High Dragon had disappeared.

“That's not exactly helping, Anders.” Marian cast a small amount of spirit, calming her son. He fell back asleep instantly.

Isabela was looking farther into the mine. “Perhaps there is another entrance. If we follow this, maybe we can get ourselves farther away from the dragon threatening to devour us. My plans today did not include being lunch to a dragon mama.” Isabela started walking further into the mine.

Marian frowned and followed her, after a brief pause, Anders did as well.

They walked into the darkened mine. Anders and Marian lit their staves so they could see, the light showing the path and any treacherous rocks they might stumble on.

“I don't know how we will find drakestone like this.” Anders muttered angrily after an hour of walking in the dark. “This trip is turning into a waste.”

“Oh, I'm so sorry a dragon interrupted the beautiful day you had planned.” Marian growled, kicking a small pebble by her foot.

“Maybe if your brother took better care of his mine workers they wouldn't have ended up being food to a dragon.”

“How is this Garrett's fault?” Marian shot at him angrily. “How can you possibly blame a dragon on my brother, huh? Why does everything have to be his fault?”

“He is the Champion. He could use his influence to help these people instead of working them to death. He could use his influence to help the mages. Instead he does nothing. Instead he consolidates his own power for no other reason than because he enjoys it.”

“Have to start with the mages don't you.” Isabela muttered from behind them.

“The mages need our help. The templars...”

“Stop Anders. This isn't going to help us get out of this situation.” Marian sighed tiredly.

“You wouldn't want me to mention templars. Being in bed with one. Do you even see what he is?” Anders glared at her as they continued walking.

He wanted to argue. She could see that and she wanted no part of it. “Cullen is a good man.” Marian said simply, hoping to drop the conversation.

Anders laughed. “You know nothing of him. Nothing of what he does at the Gallows. At the atrocities he allows in his presence. Be grateful you can satisfy him with your body, some mages are not so lucky.”

“That is completely out of line.” She yelled at him. “Don't you ever--”

“Mages are being made tranquil at the drop of a hat and you are only safe because you are sucking the Knight-Captain's co--”

Lightning crackled from Marian's hands as she shoved Anders against the wall of the cave. “Don't you dare talk about my husband that way!”

“You're blind!” Anders growled, not moving to leave. “You don't see what is happening at the Gallows because you don't want to see. Stand up for yourself for once, Marian. Look at what your brother and husband are doing. Look at what you could do for the mages if you just cared enough.”

Marian shoved him and took a step back. “I can't do anything, Anders. The mages...they just have to fend for themselves.” She felt sick saying it, but what could she do that wouldn't endanger her whole family.

Anders scoffed. “With an attitude like that, you belong in the Circle yourself. Already one templar's pet, why not all of them?”

She felt hot anger coursing through her body, but she wouldn't give Anders the benefit of knowing he affected her. “Just keep your opinion to yourself. When this is over, we're done.”

Pain flickered through the other mage's eyes, but then they turned hard. “I never thought I'd see the day Marian Hawke gave up.” He pushed past her to walk ahead. She stared at the ground as his feet echoed away from her. She felt a pressure on her shoulder and looked up to see Isabela's warm eyes watching her.

“He's an ass. Let's not be dragon food and you can make him eat those words.” She looped her arm through Marian's and they continued through the cave.

After another hour of walking through the cave, they finally emerged into sunlight. Marian took a deep breath of fresh air. Anders was sulking a few feet ahead, trying to find some landmark that would tell them where they were relative to the road.

They heard voices and footsteps and Marian exchanged worried glances with Isabela before the loud roar of the dragon drown out all thought.

Suddenly, above the ridge the dragon flew above them to the right. Then from their left, Garrett, Fenris, Varric, and Sebastian appeared from down the road, all unsheathing weapons. Marian couldn't believe her eyes. What was Garrett doing out here?

“Marian!” Garrett yelled. “Dragon! Move!”

“We know!” Marian yelled back, her staff in hand. The dragon flew around them and landed some fifty yards down the path, roaring at them.

Malcolm woke up again and Marian quickly quieted him with magic. She had been warned not to use her magic too much on her son, but at the moment, the last thing everyone needed was a screaming baby while a dragon descended on them.

Garrett and his gang quickly spread out. Sebastian and Varric took a few shots at the dragon from their position. Isabela quickly ran down the path to join them. Garrett glanced back at his sister.

“You stay out of this, Marian!” He yelled back at her, and a second later he was running for the dragon, his blade raised high; Fenris right behind him.

“As if.” She growled and gathered her magic. The dragon was almost out of reach, but not quite. She sent a bolt of lightning at its wing and heard it tear through the delicate skin. The dragon roared in anger and she saw the jaws come close to her brother, his sword easily blocking the giant teeth from tearing into his soft flesh. Fenris took that moment to hack quickly at the neck and the beast jerked its head up from the pain. Blood now flowing down its neck from the wound.

Sebastian and Varric continued to harass the dragon with arrows and bolts, though just as many of them fell off the dragon as landed in its side. Anders was flowing spirit around Fenris and Garrett, making their skin stronger, shielding them should the dragon land in a hit. Isabela had snuck around to the flank of the dragon and hacked brutally at the dragon's shin. After landing two hits she quickly bounced away as the dragon flipped around to attack what was hurting it.

Marian gathered her energy again and sent a bolt through the other wing. The ripping sound was louder this time. The dragon roared in rage and fire shot out of its mouth towards a retreating Isabela. At that moment Garrett sank his blade deep into the ribcage of the beast and its fire breath turned on him. Luckily, the spirit shield Anders cast blocked most of the blast and Garrett was able to pull his blade back out before the dragon moved to trample him.

The next few minutes were spent harassing and hurting the dragon in every way they could. Varric sent a bolt through one eye, while Sebastian sent one through the wound Garrett had opened. Isabela was able to get around to the other shin and hack a gaping wound in its leg. The dragon frantically tried to reach all of them, while each was able to make her forget about one injury as they caused another. Marian sent a bolt of lightning at its head, stunning the great beast for a second. Fenris used this opportunity to sink his blade into the breast of the beast. Its head dropped in pain as the dragon roared. Garrett was suddenly at its neck and sent his blade through her throat, cutting the roar short.

The dragon moved slowly to one side and then the other. All fight gone. The tail lashed, but her head dropped to the ground. She fixed Garrett with her one good eye. Staring into him as the life left the great beast.

Marian spent the next few minutes checking everyone for injuries. She was surprised. Garrett had the worst with a bad burn on one arm and a few scrapes from the scales, but everyone else had minor scrapes and bruises from running around avoiding the dragon fire. She breathed easier.

“What are you doing here?” Garrett asked her, finally staring at her when she said for the millionth time that she was alright.

“What are you doing here?” She asked back. “I didn't know you were coming to the Bone Pit today.”       

“None of my workers had responded to a message I sent a few days ago. I came to investigate.”

“Anders was looking for drakestone.”

Garrett's eyes travelled to Anders, who was speaking with Varric.

“Does Cullen--”

“Yes. Andraste's ass Garrett I'm not a fucking child.” Marian shot out angrily. “I don't need permission from a parent to come out here.” She was sick of everyone treating her like a child. For Andraste's sake, she had a child herself. It was about time everyone started treating her like an adult. Including her brother.

Garrett simply nodded. “You should have told me. I would have come with you.”

“Well, you've been busy and I wasn't expecting it to be so...interesting.”

Garrett chuckled. “Yea, me either.” He looked at his sister. She could be so stubborn. Malcolm was still asleep on her back. The boy could sleep through anything it seems. Even dragon attacks. Marian was looking at him. Her jaw was set in a stubborn way and he wondered what had upset her. No doubt the warden had said something. The man seemed to easily get under her skin. Perhaps because he was always going on about the mage's plight. That got under Garrett's skin as well. “I am going to take a quick trip to the mine to check for survivors. We should head back to Kirkwall together.”

Marian nodded and for the next hour they searched for survivors. They didn't find any.

On the way back to Kirkwall, Marian was walking with Malcolm in her arms, bouncing him. Now that he was awake he wanted attention. Anders walked up beside her.

“I managed to find some drakestone while your brother looked for survivors.” He said, glancing at her cautiously.

“That's good.” There was no emotion in her voice.

“Marian. About what I said...”

“There's no need to apologize. If you were even going to do that. It's clear we have differing opinions, Anders. I believe there is a way to live with templars in peace, you do not. I think it's better if we do not delude ourselves into thinking we can change the other's mind.”

“I could change your mind.”

He didn't sound angry. He sounded sure of himself actually. She was surprised by that, but still shook her head.

“When were you last at the Gallows?” Anders asked.

“Yesterday.” Marian said matter-of-factly. Did he think she avoided the place? Far from it.

“And how many tranquil did you see?”

Marian thought back. There were always a few tranquil helping the shopkeepers with their stalls. “No more than usual.”

“Do you truly believe that?”

She thought back harder. No...there had been something. She remembered the group of templars talking and next to them there had been at least four tranquil standing by, awaiting order. She remembered that the shopkeepers had at least two or three tranquil helping them. She remembered the tranquil that had walked by while she was talking to Cullen. And the three tranquil she had seen as she left. Maker, how many was that? That was more tranquil than people shopping at the Gallows. There had almost been more tranquil than templars in the courtyard. How had she missed that?

Anders must have seen the realization dawn on her face for he spoke quietly. “Meredith has been making any mage who might question her tranquil. She wields the brand for no cause at all, Marian. The mages are not safe. They will never be safe as long as the Gallows stands. You must see that. Even if you are not affected by the templars. Even if you believe Cullen a good man. How can he stand by while mages are made tranquil for crimes that do not exist?”

Marian let Anders's words wash over her. She felt a cold pit form in her stomach. Cullen had mentioned the mages unrest, but she had not wanted to talk about it. Had not wanted to get in an argument with him. And now...now she learned what happened because good people didn't want to stand up to bad decisions. She closed her eyes. Perhaps Anders was wrong...perhaps he was exaggerating. She would ask Cullen. She would demand to know what was happening at the Gallows. Something needed to be done.

“Meredith wrote to the Divine requesting the Rite of Annulment.” Anders voice was very quiet now.

Marian stared at him. “But...she couldn't. Anders...she can't do that!” She felt panic go through her. An entire Circle, destroyed because the Knight-Commander was mad. No, Maker no let him be telling lies. But she could see from his face that Anders was telling her what he knew. Or what he thought he knew.

“It's the truth, Marian. We have to stop it. I have to stop it. It doesn't matter now what might have been, all that matters is that the Knight-Commander cannot go through with this insane plot. She must be stopped!” He turned to her and she saw a flash of blue in his eyes.

Marian nodded. “I will speak with Cullen. Perhaps he can make her see--”

“You truly think he will do anything? Marian he is a templar, bound by oath to serve Meredith. He will never lift a finger for the mages. You need to come to terms with that.” But she couldn't. She shook her head and Anders saw that arguing would do him no good. He shook his head. The Hawkes had always been stubborn. “Then talk to him. Let him tell you how he has let these atrocities happen. How he has done nothing to save the mages in the Gallows. He prides himself on keeping you free, but how free are you, Marian? You cannot do magic outside your home for fear of being discovered. You cannot even live with your husband. How free do you feel?”

Anders words hit her hard and she stared down at her feet. When she looked up Anders had walked forward and she was left with his words echoing in her head. _How free do you feel?_

 


	29. Chapter 29

They finally reached the Hawke estate towards midnight. Marian walked through the foyer and saw Cullen standing in front of the large fireplace. He looked at her and his face broke into a relieved smile.

“When you did not write...” Cullen stopped as he saw Garrett walk in behind Marian. Hawke nodded to the Knight-Captain before heading into the back dining room and kitchen. “What happened?” Cullen’s eyebrows creased in concern.

Marian smiled at her husband and beckoned him to follow her as she walked up the stairs. Malcolm had been passed around throughout the day as they walked back to Kirkwall and had worn himself out with her brother's companions. She was grateful; it had been a long journey back and she had been stuck in her own thoughts. Marian carefully put down her sleeping son and walked with Cullen out onto the balcony.

Cullen leaned toward her and brushed her face with his fingers. “I was worried. I did not know your brother was going with you. Did something happen? Were you delayed?”

Marian kissed the tip of his finger and sighed. “Yes we were...delayed. But I didn't know my brother was going to the Bone Pit either.”

Cullen's brow furrowed further. “Then what--”

“We were attacked by a High Dragon.”

Cullen stared at her. He watched her; his face a mask of worry mixed with relief and burning questions on the tip of his tongue. Finally, he whispered so softly she almost couldn't make it out, “Maker, you are never going to stay safe, are you?” He pulled Marian into his arms and hugged her tightly. When he let go he took a deep breath and asked her for the story. He wasn't really sure he wanted to hear it, but seeing her and his son safe made it almost seem unreal. If he didn't know Marian and Hawke he could believe it was just that, a story.

Marian told him an abridged version letting him know that she was very far away from the dragon and in little danger. That her brother and Fenris took the brunt of the dragon's attack and her and Anders kept them safe with magic. Cullen listened attentively and did not interrupt her. When she finished telling him there were no survivors Cullen frowned, but still did not speak. He knew Hawke was the largest employer of Ferelden refugees. That so many had probably died in the attack was sad. Cullen would see if the Chantry couldn't do something for the families of those workers.

Marian told him they had all returned together and gotten back as quickly as possible. Cullen still did not say a word. He was thinking about all the people lost in that mine and all the refugees in Darktown and wondering if there wasn't something, anything, that the templars could do for them.

“Cullen?” Marian asked, worried that he had so little response to her story about killing a dragon.

Cullen blinked and looked at his wife. He smiled. “I am glad you are safe. You and Malcolm. Maker, if I had known about the dragon...nobody has heard a whisper of it here in Kirkwall.”

“Well it's probably better they did not. We might have had more fools running off to get themselves killed before we were able to finish the job.”

He nodded in agreement. There was no shortage of fools willing to get themselves killed chasing an adventure. He glanced at Marian. “Trouble always seems to find you. Even on an innocent enough day trip to the Bone Pit.”

“Well, with a name like the Bone Pit one can hardly expect it to be harmless.” She grinned at him and the corner of his mouth lifted. Marian felt the smile slide off her face as she went back through what Anders had told her. Cullen looked at her curiously, frowning when she stopped smiling. “Can I ask you something?” Marian asked, watching her husband's face.

His eyes searched hers, but he simply nodded.

“Did Meredith write to the Divine requesting the Rite of Annulment?” She tried to make the question sound innocent, but she couldn't keep a note of panic out of her voice. Maker let him say no. Let Anders have been lying. But one look at his face told her the truth.

Cullen felt his heart sink and he closed his eyes. He rubbed the back of his neck and opened his eyes to see Marian still looking at him. Maker, who could have told her? No. He knew who had told her, but how had the man found out. Cullen sighed. “Marian, things at the Gallows have been...tense. The mages have not been cooperating and Meredith has had to take a tighter rein of them.”

“Did Meredith get the Rite of Annulment?” Her voice was firm. She needed to know. Her mind was racing. If the Rite was going to be performed she had work to do. She wouldn't let this happen. Not while she sat in Hightown. No. She had decided on the way home that she was done being passive on the side of this argument. She was willing to throw in with the mages. She would talk to Anders in the morning. She wanted to be a part of the mage underground. She would do anything to help.

“No. The Divine denied the request.” He had breathed a sigh of relief when he had been told, though Meredith had been furious. Maker knows that was the last thing they needed; even if the mages wouldn't listen to reason. Orsino believed he had the Champion's loyalty and was getting bolder by the day.

“You knew.” Marian's eyes widened. She truly hadn't believed that Cullen would have kept something like that from her. Her own husband; the man she had trusted above everyone. “You knew and you never told me.”

“I didn't want to upset you. There is nothing you could do if it had been approved, and I didn't want you to worry about the mages at the Circle.”

“I could have done something!” She shouted suddenly. “I should have done something. I-I should...”

“Should what, Marian? Put yourself in danger, put your family in danger; me, Malcolm, your son, for what? A few mages who are probably blood mages!” The heat of anger rose in his chest as he spoke. He saw the stubborn set of her jaw, but Andraste preserve him he would not let her win this. He would not let her die for the mages. He saw her conviction; saw it without her telling him. Saw that she was planning something even as she spoke to him and he would not allow it. He would stop at nothing to protect her, even from herself.

“A few mages?” Her voice was low, warning. “Because what, Cullen? Nobody cares about a few mages, right?”

“That's not what I meant. Do not twist my words, Marian,” he replied sternly.

“I hardly need to twist them to see what you really meant. You could care less about the mages. Templar glory, right? Few dead mages never hurt anyone.” Her voice was cold, fury pulsing through her veins. How could she have been so blind?

“That is not what I meant. The mages at the Gallows are weak, Marian! There are blood mages among them, we know this and we need to find them.”

“So you can kill them. Maker, you sound just like her.” She took a step away from him. “You don't even see what she is. She's mad, Cullen. She's mental! And you follow her blindly; you'd follow her into the Black City to challenge the Maker himself because you're a templar. Because templars never question bad orders, do they?”

“At least I follow orders! And so far that's kept you safe. Be grateful you are not among the mages in the Gallows, Marian. Who do you think is responsible for that? I am. Maybe for once you'll listen when I tell you not to do something. Don't do this. Don't go rushing off to save these mages.” She blinked in surprise and took a step back. “Yes, I know you.” He growled following her back. “Is that so surprising, Marian? I've spent the last five years getting to know you. I know you. But you will not do this, do you understand? Let the Circle mages be. Think of Malcolm. Think of me, Marian!”

She shook her head. “Think of you? A templar!” She shot back at him; she felt the stir of energy on her fingers as she yelled at him. How dare he think he was responsible for her safety? For her ability to stay out of the Gallows. “And what if I don't listen to you, oh mighty templar. You'll lock me up? Cart me off to the Gallows where you can use me however you see fit. Maybe if Meredith made me tranquil you'd be happy! Then I would listen to everything you say, without question. Is that what you want?!”

“Of course not! Listen to yourself! You are the one going mad here, Marian.” Cullen felt cold anger replacing the heat of fury. How dare she think he would do such a thing, or want to? Did she know him at all? Did she care about him or only see him as a tool to keep her out of the Gallows. “You really want to give all this up for a few mages not worth your protection? Circle mages who can so easily be corrupted by blood magic.”

“What else do they have to turn to when the templars abuse them every second? And what makes me think you are any different? You are just like them. Probably have a tranquil that satisfies you when you can't make it home to your apostate wife that you keep on a leash. Keeping her quiet with threats of sending her to the Gallows.”

“How dare you.” Cullen grabbed her, pushing her against the banister of the balcony. Marian's eyes narrowed and she pushed against him, but he wouldn't budge. “How could you say that to me? How could you think that? Maker, Marian, I've done everything, **everything** , for you. Do you even care? Do you care about anyone, but yourself?!”

“I care about the mages.” She growled at him. She pushed again, but he wouldn't move. With the banister against her back she had nowhere to go.

“But not me?” His hard amber eyes glared down at her.

She met his angry stare with her own cold blue eyes. “How could I ever care about a templar?”

Cullen glared down at her. He felt cold. His whole body frosted with cold fury. He took a step away from her and she pushed him, straightening her dress as he stepped away. There was a crushing feeling in his chest, but he ignored it. “And how could I care for a mage?” He asked quietly.

Marian glared at him. “Indeed.” She felt her whole body hurting but she was sure she had no wound from earlier. She shook her head and looked at Cullen. He was standing a foot away, glaring at her, his body stiff and she could feel his palpable anger. “We have been fooling ourselves into thinking this would ever work. I will do what I should have been doing all this time. Until this has blown over, until the mages are free from Meredith's tyranny...it's best...it's best if you leave.”

Cullen's jaw tightened further and she wondered if it would crack. “I will do what I must.” He turned from her and took two steps towards the stairs. He turned back. “Marian...” She saw a crack in his anger. He took a deep breath. “Be safe. Please.” He turned on his heel and left the estate. She heard the front door slam behind her templar husband.

* * *

The next day Marian went to see Anders. She left Malcolm with Orana and told Garrett she needed time to herself. Her brother was quiet and she suspected he had heard everything. She was almost surprised that he wasn't yelling at her also. But perhaps he knew it would be futile. She had made up her mind and nothing could change that now.

Anders was surprised to see her. She told him a brief version of what had happened the night before. That Cullen had admitted to knowing about Meredith’s Rite of Annulment, that the Rite had been denied, and that she had sent Cullen away.

“I want to help, Anders. In whatever way I can.”

He stared at her and nodded. “I never thought you would open your eyes. I'm...glad. I do have one thing you can help me with today. It's a small task.”

“Is it with the mage underground?” She was hoping to meet them. Mages who were fighting against the chaos the templars were causing. The more she had thought about it the more Marian was sure the unrest in Kirkwall was due to Meredith and her quest for power. Why else had no Viscount been appointed in three years? Meredith was drunk on power and she was using her templar army to control the nobles. She had to be stopped.

“Uh...no. I need you to distract the Grand Cleric for me. Just for a moment.”

Marian immediately got an uncomfortable feeling in her stomach. “Distract the Grand Cleric? Anders how does this have to do with mage rights? Elthina seems to be the only one stopping Meredith from a hostile takeover of the city.”

“No. Don't you see? Elthina is the problem. She does nothing and allows Meredith to do as she pleases with the mages. She will take neither side and so her peace is chaos.”

Marian shook her head. “What are you planning?”

Anders looked guarded. “Nothing troublesome, I promise you that. I just need to get into the Chantry...it's for...that potion I told you about.”

Her eyes widened. “Is there some ingredient you need from the Chantry? Anders why didn't you just say so? I was getting worried.”

He smiled at her. “I guess I keep forgetting whose side you are on. It won't happen again. Shall we go?”

The two of them made their way out of Darktown and towards the Chantry in Hightown. Anders told her of some of his work with the mage underground. Smuggling lyrium into the city, helping escaped mages get out of Kirkwall, and about some of his work stopping templars who overstepped their power, though he only briefly mentioned that and skipped over it. He told her the clinic had opened people's eyes to what was possible with free mages. He had helped so many refugees and they took care of him in turn.

“Think of it. Of the possibilities with free mages. Think of how many people can be helped. More than the Chantry. All they do is consolidate power and prey on noble's coin purses for more gold statues of Andraste.”

Marian didn't say anything. She still went to the Chantry to think some days, but she knew Anders cared little for Andraste and the Maker. She wondered if he had heard of Corypheus and his claim to be the first darkspawn. Would he have even believed him? Perhaps he didn't believe the Chantry's tale of where darkspawn came from. But Anders was a warden, he likely knew more of darkspawn than she did. The two of them reached the Chantry doors in no time. She smiled at Anders and went in first to distract any looking in his direction. She couldn't wait for his potion to work. She wondered what a separate-from-Justice Anders would be like. He was already a good man; he might even be a great one without the spirit clouding his judgment. She smiled and thought of how much good the two of them could accomplish together. Perhaps even Cullen would one day admit she had been right. When mages walked free and templars did not need to bow to the likes of Meredith.

* * *

Cullen watched his men train, but his mind was not following the movements of their swords and shields. He had sent Hawke a message that morning as soon as it was appropriate to send a templar to the Hawke estate. He briefly detailed what had happened between him and Marian last night. Mostly the part about her obviously planning on helping the mage underground and his strong suspicion that she would put herself in danger. After waking the ferryman and getting passage back to the Gallows last night, Cullen had barely been able to sleep. He felt sick to his stomach all day and had not been able to eat. Marian was so stubborn he didn't understand it. He knew she loved him, knew she was being bullheaded, yet some part of him couldn't shake the look on her face when she had said she did not care about him.

He sighed and ran a hand over his face, his eyes unfocused on his recruits. She needed space, but he wouldn't let her risk her life for the mages in the Gallows. Just this morning Meredith had yelled about conducting an investigation of the mage's quarters to loot out blood mages. Her and Orsino had argued, but now both were back in their offices, likely glaring at each other from across the hall. Cullen couldn't stop the itch that something was building. And that at some point, some hopefully far in the future point, this was going to come to a head. He only hoped he could keep Marian safe. Perhaps he should suggest to Hawke that Marian leave the city. Now might be the best time for that. Not that Hawke seemed to care much for Cullen's concern.

Cullen had received a reply to his first letter not half an hour ago.

           

_Do not worry about Marian, Cullen. I will keep an eye on her, as I always have. She will not do anything too drastic, I promise you that. Let her believe she is making a difference for a few days and when she has calmed down come speak to her. She knows how dangerous magic can be when unchecked. Focus on your duties as Knight-Captain and leave my sister's care to me._

_-The Champion of Kirkwall_

 

Cullen ground his teeth. Hawke clearly could care less that his relationship with Marian was teetering. If anything, the man was probably glad of it. He had always seemed to tolerate Cullen at best, each knowing they needed the other to keep Marian safe. Only how long has Hawke really needed Cullen. He is the Champion of Kirkwall. He is the second most powerful person in Kirkwall, and by some debate, possibly the first. If times were less chaotic, Hawke could in all likelihood let his sister's condition be known and the templars would not move against him. There were some countries where being a mage from a good family allowed much freedom. In another city, Marian would be able to stay at home and be free, while also being a mage of the Circle. In another life, Cullen would have thought the idea frightening and a catastrophe waiting to happen. Now, he was not so sure the strict policies Meredith had in place were truly helping protect the people from mages. There didn't seem to be any less blood mages and as the years went on there seemed to be more and more mages turning to it in a last defense to save themselves.

He rubbed the back of his neck. Save themselves. Marian had said something like that last night. He felt a rock in his gut. _Marian, be safe. Maker, protect my foolish beautiful wife; from herself if need be._


	30. Chapter 30

Marian spent the next week helping in Anders's clinic whenever she could spare the time. Orana was more than happy to watch Malcolm for a few hours, or Garrett, if he wasn't too busy dealing with nobles. On this day however, Marian was sitting in the library with Malcolm. She loved the library. Her brother had acquired so many books in the years since they had fled Ferelden and moved to Kirkwall. She skimmed through the titles on her brother's bookshelf while Malcolm sat on the floor playing with his wooden soldiers. Played perhaps wasn't the right word, since Malcolm enjoyed throwing them, crawling over to where they had landed and smashing them against each other while he talked to them in his baby voice. She sometimes wondered at all the conversations her son seemed to have in his own child language. She smiled to herself as she looked for a new book to read.

“M-M-Mam...Mama!”

Marian whipped around. Malcolm was staring at her, his mouth open and smiling. “Malcolm, what did you just say?” She ran over to her son, sweeping him up in her arms and laughing.

“Mama!” He shrieked between giggles.

She pulled him close, hugging him tightly. His first word. She grinned at her son and he grinned back. His blue eyes a match for her own. She walked out of the library. “Wait until Uncle Garrett hears you. Or your fath--” Her heart sank and the smile slid off her face.

“Mama!” Malcolm tapped her and she looked back at her son, smiling past the pain.

“Yes, that's me, Honey. I love you very much, Malcolm.”

She walked up to Garrett's study and knocked once before opening the dimly lit room. A templar stood in front of Garrett's desk and she stopped just inside the door.

Garrett looked up at her and frowned. “Marian, now is not the time,” he said, getting up from his desk. He nodded at the templar. “I will be there as soon as I am done here.”

“Serah immediately would be preferable.”

“I heard you the first time.” Garrett growled at him.

The templar hesitated, then nodded and turned to leave. He passed Marian and put his hand across his breast, saluting her as he left. She looked curiously after the man.

“What's going on Garrett?” She could see something had happened, her brother seemed agitated and the second the templar left he reached for his armor, strapping it to his body even as he went around the room picking up odds and ends of weapons and armor. He was preparing for battle.

“Business. I need to leave.” He turned to her. “Would it be worth it to ask you to stay inside? Would you heed me? I worry today may...I worry, Marian.”

“Mama!” Malcolm yelled at his mother who was no longer paying attention to him.

Garrett stopped and turned. “His first word?” He smiled and came over to his nephew. For a brief moment he forgot his duty to the templars; forgot the worries that awaited him at the Gallows. Marian relinquished her son to her brother who swung him in the air. “Your first word, soldier. How does it feel?”

“Mama!” He cried in glee, laughing at his uncle as he swung him close. Garrett laughed for a moment with his nephew.

Garrett stared at his nephew and his eyes went back to Marian. “Malcolm is...if anything in this world is worth what I do, you two...you both are.” He walked up to his sister and pulled her towards him, kissing her briefly on the temple. “Be safe today.” He gave her Malcolm back and walked out the door.

Marian stared after him, a growing unease in the pit of her stomach.

She wondered if she should head to Darktown, if she should check on Anders, but yesterday he had seemed distant and at the end of the day he had told her he would be busy today. So she had decided to spend the day with her son. Spend a nice day inside, reading, playing with her son, and generally trying not to worry. That plan was ruined now. She sat in the library, Malcolm back to playing with his toys. She was worried. Worried about Garrett, about what the templar had told him, about why her brother was worried. He had grabbed all his armor and weapons and left.

A different Marian would have gone after him. A younger Marian wouldn't have let him leave the estate without telling her what was happening. But now she sat watching her son play and worrying. She should have gone with him, but it wasn't so easy to leave her responsibilities at home and go parading around having adventures. Malcolm depended on her. Perhaps she should have given him to Orana and run after her brother. She sighed. She still could, she realized. Her stomach hurt in nervousness. She shook her head. Whatever Garrett Hawke had gotten himself into, she was not about to let him get himself hurt.

She stood up. “Orana!” She called out of the library.

And then the estate shook. The world became a loud explosion of noise and movement. She grabbed Malcolm in an instant, her son screaming even as she saw the blinding red light out the window. The estate shook and she heard the sound of thunder. No. Not thunder. It was the sound of rock hitting the ground. She ran.

She was out of the library when the first piece of debris hit the roof. The sound shook the estate and she worried the roof would collapse on them. Her heart raced as she ran into the kitchen and out the door into the basement. There was a room Garrett had deemed the safety room. It had everything in case of an emergency. Supplies, weapons, armor, even a bed, table, and chairs and it was protected with an enchantment specifically designed by Sandal. She threw open the door and raced in with her son.

The sound of rock falling everywhere was all she heard from the open door. Malcolm was screaming and she tried frantically to calm him. Bouncing him up against her and hushing him even as she felt like screaming herself.

A few minutes later Orana ran into the safety room, followed quickly by Bodahn and Sandal.

“Mistress! You are safe. Thank the Maker!” Orana ran up to Marian, looking her over quickly to ensure she was safe.

“What happened, messere?” Bodahn asked, his eyes scanning the room and then going back to the doorway. “Son, will the enchantment hold?”

“Enchantment!” Sandal yelled, he was grinning madly and bouncing up and down on his toes.

“I don't know what happened, Bodahn. Is everyone alright? Nobody hurt?”

“We are safe, messere. For now.”

Malcolm had stopped screaming and was now hiccupping as he cried. His eyes still closed and his face red. She continued to try and calm him while she took deep breaths.

“Mistress, here.” Orana offered to take Malcolm and Marian gratefully gave the crying baby to her. Orana bounced him and stepped away to sit on the bed.

Marian paced anxiously and looked from the bed to the door. “We need to know what happened.” She finally declared.

“Messere Hawke will come back. We can stay here until he returns.”

“The Master will return for us. You shouldn't worry, Mistress.”

Marian shook her head, her stomach clenched into a tight ball. Garrett had known. He had known something might happen and he had left. Maker, save him. She took a look around and made up her mind. “I am going to look for Garrett. I will return when I have found him.”

“Mistress, it could be dangerous.” Orana's eyes were wide and full of fear.

Marian walked up to the bed. She took Malcolm away from the elf and kissed him on the forehead. He had stopped crying and was now simply fussing. “Be good, my son.” She whispered in his ear. She handed him back to Orana. “Take care of him, Orana. If I am not back by tomorrow morning, find Cullen. He will protect you.” Before she could second guess herself, she turned on her heel and left the safety room.

* * *

“I will leave this...murderer for you to deal with, Champion.” Meredith scowled at Garrett and, leading her templars, she headed back to the Gallows.

For the Rite of Annulment. Garrett felt a stab of guilt at the thought of all the mages in the Circle that would be put down. For this one's crimes. He stared at the back of Anders. The mage in question was sitting on a crate not far away from him, his back turned to him and his head in his hands. It always leads back to Anders. Garrett walked towards the mage. The one who had started this, who had pushed Meredith to the brink, made her call for the Rite of Annulment. His mind wandered to his twin. Was Marian safe? Had she stayed inside? He prayed she and Malcolm were safe. That she had not done something foolish to endanger herself. The Chantry was far enough from their estate. It should have held against the blast. He sent a silent prayer to the Maker for his family’s safety.

“I had to do it, Hawke. We would never have been free. Me. Marian. The mages. The world needed to see this. It needs to see the templars for who they really are.” Anders spoke to him as he approached. “But I deserve the punishment. Me. Not them.” Anders stared down at his hands as if seeing the blood on them.

“Give him the punishment he deserves, Champion. For Elthina.” Sebastian glared at the back of the mage.

Garrett turned back to the others. Isabela stared at her daggers, the blood running down them onto the ground. Mage blood. From mages defending themselves as he sided with the templars. There would be more by the end of the day. Aveline was adjusting her shield on her arm. Tightening it and preparing for the upcoming battle. Fenris watched Hawke, his eyes occasionally flicking to Anders and back. Varric's hands caressed Bianca's trigger.

Varric looked up at Garret when he looked back at them. “I'm sick of mages and templars.”

“Kill him and be done with it.” Fenris growled. “That is what he wants.”

Isabela met Garrett's eyes. She shook her head ever so slightly and went back to staring at her daggers.

“Why are you stalling, Hawke?” Sebastian growled, taking a step towards Anders.

Garrett turned back to Anders. He should see a monster; should see the man who had destroyed Kirkwall and killed hundreds in the blink of an eye. Instead, Maker forgive him, all he saw was the man who saved his sister's life. And his brother's. He owed this mage his entire family. Marian, Malcolm, even Carver. The only reason Garrett wasn't alone in this world was because of Anders. He turned away from Anders, taking a step between the mage and Sebastian. “Leave, Anders. I don't ever want to see you again. If I do...I will not stay my hand again.”

He met the Chantry brother's eyes. And even as the man reached for his bow, Garrett gripped his sword.

“How can you do this? Let that monster go?” Sebastian screamed at him, his fingers itching to grab an arrow.

Garrett heard the sigh of the crate as Anders stood up and the footsteps of the man leaving. Sebastian reached for an arrow. Garrett's fist met his face instead. The crunch and cry of pain was all Anders heard as he hurried away.

* * *

Marian hurried out of the estate and into Hightown. It was a mess. Debris lay everywhere and she could hear people screaming and crying in pain. Her eyes scanned, but she could barely see anything through the smoke and fire left from the explosion. She looked in the direction of the Chantry and stopped. _Maker, protect and preserve me._ She silently prayed. The Chantry was...gone. The high towers gone from the skyline. Gone. Destroyed. She felt the crushing sense of dread. The crushing feeling as her mind raced for what could have happened. Magic. Magic had destroyed the Chantry. The explosion much like the one on her wedding. But so much larger. She felt hot tears prick her eyes and she pushed them down. Who could have done---No. She saw Anders in the Chantry. Anders asking her to distract the Grand Cleric. Anders asking for ingredients to make a potion. And she...had fallen for it.

“Maker, I am so sorry.” She whispered.

“Does he listen?”

Marian spun to see Merrill standing behind her. Merrill smiled at her softly, her eyes filled with sadness as she scanned the skyline where the Chantry had been. Marian realized she had not seen Merrill for many months. The last time she had heard something about her trying to restore a...mirror and then Isabela had hushed them both and told them to drink. She reached out and gripped her friend's arm. “Sometimes.” She answered finally. “Not as much as we hope for.”

“Sometimes is better than none. The elvhen gods...” She smiled at Marian again. “I am sorry for your loss. That is what one says at a moment like this, yes? What a human would say?” She seemed very sad for a moment and looked towards where the Chantry had stood.

“Thank you, Merrill. Yes, that is...that is what someone would say.” Her mind went to Sebastian. And Elthina. And so many of the Chantry sisters she had on occasion spoken to. She had gotten married in that Chantry. Marian sighed. “We need to find Garrett.”

“He went to the Gallows.” Merrill was wiping a bit of soot from her dress. “He came into the Hanged Man looking for Isabela and then he went with her and Varric to the Gallows. Fenris was with him and Aveline. I thought it better I didn't go and I don't think Hawke wanted me to so I came for a walk. I was going to stop by, but then I got distracted by a garden. Did you know there is the most lovely garden next door? It has roses, and tulips, and even some growing ferns. Ferns. In Kirkwall. I never expected--”           

“That is the neighbor's garden, Merrill.” Marian interrupted the elven woman. Her mind was racing. Garrett had gone to the Gallows. Then he was safe. Or...maybe. He hadn't been in the Chantry and that meant he might be safe and Maker that meant she needed to go to the Gallows. To make sure he was safe. “I am going to the Gallows, Merrill. Will you come with me?”

Merrill hesitated. “I...don't know. Seems to me it might be the last place we should go. With magic causing the explosion I imagine the Knight-Commander is not happy.”

“I am going to the Gallows.” And with that Marian walked away. Not two breaths later, Merrill fell into step beside her.

Merrill smiled at her again. Their staves clicked the pavement as they walked. “I am sure Hawke is safe, but you are right. We should check.”

They made their way down Hightown, heading towards Lowtown and the docks. As they rounded a corner, Marian made out fighting in the distance. Magic crackled in the sky and her and Merrill hurried forward. As they came closer she saw Anders fighting off three templars, but the templars were gaining on him. Marian quickly jumped in, sending lightning through the suit of one templar which jumped to the one close to him. Merrill conjured a giant rock from the Fade and sent it flinging toward the three templars. It rolled over one and knocked down the second. Anders finished them with a fireball.

Marian ran over to Anders. “Are you ok?” She yelled, grabbing him and pulling him around to face her. “Maker, Anders what happened?”

His face was white when he looked at her and she saw dark circles under his eyes. But he was whole and not bleeding. “Marian...you're alive. Oh forgive me, you're alive!” He grabbed Marian and pulled her into a fleeting hug. When he pulled her back he looked over her, his face seeming ten years younger. Then it fell. “Marian...what have I done?”

She pointed towards Hightown. “Your work then?” She put her hand on her hip and glared at him.

Anders nodded. “I knew the templars would never get any better. And Elthina pretended to care about the mages while giving the templars more power. She would never have resolved the conflict. She could never have made peace.”

“You didn't even give her a chance, Anders!” Marian cried at him.

“It is too late, Marian. Meredith has called for the Rite of Annulment. Even now she goes to the Gallows to kill the mages.”

Cold sunk into her heart. “No.” She whispered not daring to believe him. But she saw the truth in his eyes.

“Hawke told me to leave...but I cannot. This is my fault, Marian. I cannot leave the mages to be slaughtered. I cannot!” A flash of blue lit up his body.

She closed her eyes. Her heart was racing and yet no warmth ran to her fingers.

“We must go help them, Marian.” Merrill said urgently. “We cannot let them be killed. They are innocent. If Anders wants to help them, I say we help also.”

Marian opened her eyes, she was staring at the ground where a pool of blood from the now dead templar flowed. _When faced with the abyss. Leap._ The words had been meant for Garrett. She had always thought so. But now...now she would leap. Marian looked up at Anders and Merrill. They were worried…and Maker so was she. “We go to the Gallows. We will not leave the mages defenseless.”

She sent a silent prayer to the Maker to protect her brother…and her husband.


	31. Chapter 31

“This is insane, Meredith! We don't want to fight you!” Orsino cried; his mages backed against the stairs of the Gallows.

The Gallows were in chaos. Hawke had arrived minutes early, attempting to restore order, mages and templars lay dead around the courtyard. The templars were lining up, preparing for another attack while the mages hurried up the stairs, their spells giving them a buffer from the templars’ swords.

Cullen stood behind Meredith, his sword bloodied. He glared at the First Enchanter. Now Orsino said he didn't want to fight them; after attacking the templars as soon as he reached the Gallows. Cullen had been prepared. His men ready quickly in the aftermath of the Chantry explosion. He still felt cold when he thought of what had happened.

“Let us speak, Meredith. Before you destroy the city you claim to protect!” Orsino took one step toward the Knight-Commander, his right hand raised in peace.

 “I will accept surrender, nothing more.” Meredith spat at him. She walked forward.

Orsino put up his staff and Cullen signaled his men to stay back. Meredith, Orsino, and Hawke met in the middle of the courtyard. He heard them speaking, heard Orsino ask for peace; tell Meredith he would help her search the tower, if she would only revoke the Rite of Annulment.

Cullen watched the mages behind the First Enchanter. His blood ran hot. The mages attacked the people of Kirkwall, attacked the templars, and now they wanted peace. Wanted to back down and pretend they would be cattle once again. No. Mages that had known freedom once always demanded it again. He blinked. His eyes glazed over his bloodied sword. Mage blood. He breathed and steeled himself for the fight to come.

“What now Meredith? Do we fight here?” Orsino took a step back.

Lightning crackled in the sky and a barrier of ice erected between the Knight-Commander and First Enchanter. They both stepped back. Meredith's hands reached for her sword.

“No!” It was Hawke's voice. Cullen looked in the direction the Champion was staring and his heart stopped.

Marian walked forward, staff in hand, lightning crackling between her fingertips. She was glaring at the Knight-Commander as she went to stand beside Orsino. “I was almost worried I might miss this. That would be a...pity.” Her blue eyes were steel as she stared down the Knight-Commander.

Meredith stared at the mage. “Marian...Hawke. A surprise.”

“Bet it is.” Carver Hawke growled from behind Marian. Cullen was shocked to see the Grey Warden. How was he here? When had he arrived in Kirkwall?

Garrett was staring at his sister as if he could not believe what he was seeing, or as if he thought any moment he might wake up from this nightmare.

“So, Champion, the truth finally reveals itself. Interesting.” Meredith was glaring at Garrett, but he continued to stare at Marian.

“Why? Why are you doing this, Marian? Stop this.” His eyes never tore from his sister, willing the Maker to tell him this was a dream. Praying beyond hope that she would just walk away now.

“It is too late, Garrett. Did you think I would stand by while you murdered these people? Did you think I would let you condemn yourself by murdering so many innocents?”

“You say that while he stands beside you!” Garrett yelled at her, his head jerking towards Anders.

Cullen felt numb. He was watching the scene unfold and yet he could feel nothing but cold ice in his stomach. He saw the mage Anders standing next to Marian, the one responsible for all this, and on her other side stood an elven woman, Dalish by the tattoos and carrying a staff, so likely a mage as well. Maker, help him. All he saw was the woman he loved standing on the other side; the dangerous side. The side that would get her killed...and Cullen could do nothing. He prayed he awoke from the demon's torture. He prayed that the demon killed him now before he had to watch her die. He prayed he awoke before he bowed to the whim of any demon to see her safe for one more minute. He closed his eyes, but when he opened them Marian still stood on the other side of the ice barrier, glaring at Meredith.

“You have been harboring an apostate, Champion. That is a grave crime.” Meredith looked at Garrett.

“Sod off it. You're just pissed off because he got away with it.” Marian grinned mischievously at Meredith, her blue eyes sparkling with fury. “Don't get your panties in a bunch over it. The Hawkes have been fugitives for much longer than this. We will survive. But you...might not.”

“You should not be making threats so idly.” Meredith growled.

“They aren't idle.” Marian's hands erupted in sparks that lit up her eyes.

“Marian.” Garrett begged.

“I have made my decision, Garrett. It is not too late for you to change yours.” She looked at her brother for the first time. He stared at her, his brown eyes full of fear, terror. She had never seen it written so clearly on his face. He was terrified for her. She pushed down the boiling feeling of fear and kept her face blank. She was cold throughout, no emotion. She had made her decision and nothing he said could change it.

“The Champion stands with the templars. He stands for order. I don't expect an apostate to understand that.” Meredith took a step back. “Orsino, go. Prepare your mages. The rest of the templars are almost across the water.” She turned and walked back towards Cullen and the rest of her templars.

Garrett stared at Marian.

“Come. I will not turn away any help.” Orsino turned and walked back up the stairs towards his mages.

“Marian...” Garrett pleaded. He put his hand out as if he could pull her back.

She shook her head. “No, Garrett. This is right. This is...this is what father would do.” She turned away from her brother and followed Orsino. And for the first time in her life she willingly walked into a Circle.

Meredith came to stand in front of Cullen. She looked at him as if seeing him for the first time.

“My own Knight-Captain.”

Cullen looked at the ground. There was nothing he could say.

“It is hardly his fault, Meredith.” Hawke had quickly joined them. “I made a deal. He had no choice.”

She turned on him. “You...blackmailed my Knight-Captain.”

“Yes.”

“Hawke.” Cullen warned. No, he would not let him do this. Not let Hawke take the fall for his own decisions.

“And now I'm going to make a bargain with you, Knight-Commander. Or perhaps it's a demand. You will not harm a hair on my sister's head. Understand?” Garrett met Meredith's stare.

They watched each other for what felt an eternity while Cullen stood there hoping Meredith simply agreed. Hoping she saw reason, that they both saw reason. Some mages could still be saved. Finally, Meredith spoke, “I see you did not follow your sister foolishly in with the mages.”

“I told you once I stand with the templars and I mean it. I do not go back on my word so lightly. And now I expect your word. My sister will not be touched by your templars.”

“I believe she has already been touched by my templars. Or...templar.”

Hawke's fist clenched and Cullen felt dread fill his stomach.

Meredith seemed almost amused by Hawke's reaction. She smiled. It did not reach her eyes. “But you are right. You have stood by the templars and that loyalty should be rewarded. Your foolish sister will not be harmed when we take the Circle. Provided she does not stand in the way of justice.”

“I will see to it she doesn't.” Garrett turned and walked back towards his companions.

“When this is over we are going to have a discussion, Knight-Captain.” Meredith stared at him coolly. He knew that his life as a templar was over. And just as he knew that he knew what he had to do.

* * *

Garrett left Cullen and Meredith and walked back to his companions. Marian had made her choice and he had made his.

“Varric, Isabela, can you sneak into the Gallows? Find the mages. Find Marian.” They were the only ones that had a chance of slipping by the templars unnoticed and protecting Marian from the templars.

“I'm not leaving you, Hawke.” Isabela said, looking him dead in the eye. He nodded and turned to Varric.

The dwarf was uneasy, but he stared at Bianca a moment and nodded. “I'll find her, Hawke. What's the plan? Are we really doing this? Killing mages?”

“We are helping the templars restore order. And you are finding Marian and putting a bolt through any templar that tries to harm her. Do whatever it takes, Varric, I'm counting on you.”

Varric looked up at Garrett. The dwarf was weighing his words. “It's been an honor, Hawke.” And with that he left.

“Is that wise?” Fenris asked, watching the dwarf easily slip into the Gallows.

“The only thing we do today is keep Marian from getting killed. I don't care about templars or mages anymore. Kirkwall can burn to the ground as long as Marian walks out of the Gallows today alive.”

Fenris nodded. “I stand with you, Hawke. For anything.”

Aveline was still watching the templars gathering. “Meredith is almost ready, Hawke.”

“Aveline.” The guard captain turned to look at Garrett. Garrett had made his decision. It ended today. “If the fighting gets bad. If it looks like...promise me you will take Marian and leave.”

“Hawke.” Aveline looked conflicted.

“Promise me. You've been a friend to this family. You've been a friend when the Hawkes needed one. Promise me you will look after Marian no matter what happens.” He needed to know. He wasn't sure what was going to happen. Would Meredith keep her word? All that mattered was keeping his sister alive. He had felt relief when he saw Carver with her. Carver would make sure Marian stayed safe; he would make the hard decision if he had to. But Garrett needed to be sure. If it came to it, he would put himself between his sister and Meredith's blade. And he needed to know that if that happened, someone would watch her, take her back to Malcolm, back to his nephew. Garrett closed his eyes.

“Are you ready, Champion?” Meredith was behind him. Garrett turned and nodded, his hand gripping the hilt of his great sword.

* * *

They reached the great hall in the center of the Gallows. Orsino left Marian to go talk to the mages huddled in the corner. Marian saw children being rushed out of the hall. She hoped they would find a safe place for them. Would templars truly kill the children? She felt sick just thinking of it.

Anders walked beside her, watching her face. “Thank you.” He said simply. His brown eyes warm and almost human. “You've given me a second chance, I know that, and I will not forget this.”

Marian nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

“Marian...” Anders began; he considered his words before speaking. “The day of your wedding...I-I knew. I knew about the mages and what they planned. I could have stopped them, but I wanted...I was hoping they would make you realize what kind of man Cullen was. That he was a templar. But they were too late.”

She felt cold. She stared at Anders, his words washing over her. Another thing he was guilty of. Those mage's deaths were on his hands. He should have stopped them. Marian had walked away from her twin, from her husband, from her son. And now she stood in the Gallows surrounded by mages who all feared for their lives. Mages who counted down the seconds until the templars started pouring through the doors behind her to kill them, and her brother with them. Her brother and her husband, together, fighting to kill mages, her, those like her. She stared blankly at the floor. Twenty-seven years only to end like this. She breathed and reminded herself that she was not dead yet. She looked back up at Anders. She left everyone she loved to stand beside a man who murdered hundreds. “I don't agree with what you did.”

He looked hurt, but nodded.

Marian took a deep breath and continued. “I will never be able to forgive you, Anders. You thought what you did would solve the problem, but I fear it has only made things worse. Look at these mages.” She pointed around the hall, the Circle mages smelled of fear, their eyes white and some literally shaking. She knew they could not win this fight. She lowered her voice. “They are going to die because of what you did. I will never forgive you, Anders. But...” She shook her head. “I hope one day you can forgive yourself. I hope one day you find the peace you have been looking for.” She turned and walked away from him.

Orsino met her in the middle of the hall. “My mages are ready. I fear...” He glanced around. “I fear we may not win this.”

“Have some faith, First-Enchanter.” Marian said, trying her best to smile brightly at him. She wondered if it almost worked as he smiled at her, shaking his head at her stubbornness.

“I fear faith may be what caused this. But...we are not beaten yet, you are right.” He exhaled. “We may yet win. If we can secure the upper hand.”

“You have an idea?”

“I...yes. I have an idea. A method which may...may allow us to defeat the templars.”

“I'm all ears, Orsino.” She was getting impatient with his obvious discomfort at the subject. If he had an answer, now was the time for them to use it.

“Blood magic. If we--”

“No.” She said firmly. “Are you mental?!”

“What hope do we have?!” Orsino countered loudly. Marian saw the mages on the edge of the hall shift as their First-Enchanter confirmed their fears. Lost hope.

She saw it in his eyes; he truly did not believe there was any other way. “We will not become the monsters they think we are.” She took a threatening step towards him. She had not just thrown herself in with the mages to be branded a blood mage and killed for good reason. They would fight with honor or they would not fight at all.

“It is the only way. Quentin's research was too dangerous, but now. Now what other option do we have? He was mad, but perhaps--”

“Quentin?” Marian felt a shard of panic. “What do you know about Quentin?” The blood mage who had killed her mother. The man who had spent years killing women of Kirkwall. Oh Maker, what a mistake she had made.

“I would never have resorted to this. Would never have hurt--”

The doors behind Marian banged and she whipped around. Orsino took a step away from her and she felt magic being cast.

“Mages. Prepare yourselves!” She heard Orsino shout behind her as she brought up her staff.

The doors banged again and this time swung open, templars pouring through the opening.

“No!” She shouted, turning back to Orsino, her staff at the ready. But it was too late, his magic swirled in the air, she saw the mages on the sides draw daggers across their throats, their blood swirling around Orsino as he...changed. “Oh Maker preserve me.” She whispered and she took several frightened steps away.

“That's...not good.”

Marian glanced down at Varric who was suddenly at her side. He pulled the trigger and a bolt from Bianca attempted to pierce the swirling blood around Orsino, but it shattered on contact.

“Get back!” Marian shouted.

Anders and Merrill were at her side immediately. Anders quickly cast a barrier, allowing them to retreat farther. Templars ran towards Orsino. Or...what had been Orsino.

As the swirling blood pooled around him, Orsino was no more. In his place stood a creature of pure nightmare. A creature made of the bodies of mages. Of blood and bile and evil.

* * *

Garrett walked into madness. He was late reaching the hall as it had taken several minutes to convince Meredith to let Cullen take the innocent mages back to the Gallows courtyard. That he could save a few mages had made him hopeful. Until he walked into the great hall. The scene was...a nightmare.

A monster stood in the middle of the room, screaming and swinging at anything within distance, its arms unnaturally long. He saw Marian, Anders, Merrill, and Varric on one side of the room while the templars tried to attack the beast from the other.

“Spread out!” He called to his companions. “Flank it. Help them.” He approached the monster, his sword still dripping with the blood of the mages from the courtyard. Those who had resulted to blood magic. And this, this beast was clearly more blood magic. That no other mages were to be seen confirmed that. He sent a small prayer to the Maker and thanked him for keeping Marian out of the monster's clutches. As he approached he saw the body of the monster was made out of human flesh, the bodies of many strewn together with magic. He saw the white eyes and, gathering his energy he ran towards the monster.

Marian saw her twin out of the corner of her eye and yelled at Merrill, who quickly cast a barrier around him. Marian sent another bolt of lightning at the monster that had been Orsino and it did little to slow him. The beast screamed in rage and turned from the templars who had been harassing it to her. At that moment, Garrett reached it and sliced across the side of the monster with his sword, Fenris right behind him. Aveline was making her way closer to Marian and the others, her sword their last line of defense against the monster.

Marian saw a commotion at the door and more templars streamed through, followed by the barking orders of Meredith. She sent a prayer to the Maker to keep her brothers safe.

* * *

Cullen made it back to the courtyard with the three not-blood mages. He was pleasantly surprised Hawke had been able to convince Meredith to let them live. Maybe there was hope yet. Three saved mages. That was three more than he had thought he would be able to save.

He called over two of his lieutenants. Women both; he also knew they were reason minded and easy on mages. He instructed them to find a safe place for the mages and see that they were not harmed. Then he turned back to the Gallows courtyard. Many of the templars were still in the courtyard. Meredith had seemed to think it unwise to send all the men in at once, she was worried the mages may be hiding throughout the Gallows and take the opportunity to flee.

He turned back towards the doors to the inner Gallows, where Meredith and Hawke had gone. Where Marian was. He felt fear pulsing through his veins. Fear that Meredith would not keep her word. And there was nothing he could do.

 


	32. Chapter 32

Marian waited with bated breath in the silence. Garrett stood over the body of the once-Orsino, his body heaving with breath, his great sword dripping with blood. Meredith stood a few paces behind him, her eyes still on the monster's corpse. Anders stood next to Marian, his body still in the moments after the battle. Marian's eyes scanned the templars against the other wall. So many. She couldn't possibly fight them off. Would Garrett...would he stop them?

Meredith shook her head lightly and took a step and everything went back into motion. Garrett turned around to look at the Knight-Commander. Anders took a step back, almost as if he wished to use Marian as a shield from the templar's eyes. The templars against the wall moved slowly, milling towards Meredith. Garrett and Meredith exchanged looks. Marian stayed where she stood, her staff ready.

“I will meet you in the courtyard, Champion.” Meredith inclined her head and turned around, walking out of the great hall without ever so much as looking at Marian.

She felt a breath of relief leave her that she hadn't realized she had kept in until that moment. A weight felt lifted from her stomach for a brief second before it returned as her brother turned to her. She had conspired with the mages...and now the mages were all dead. All but the three of them.

Garrett walked towards her. His face was dark, unreadable even to her. His body was stiff. He was several paces from her when he flung his sword on the ground and, before she could think, his arms were around her, crushing her to his armor. She felt his body shake ever so slightly against her. “Marian.” He growled and she could hear the depth of fear, of relief, in his voice at finding her alive.

“Garrett.” She felt hotness sting her eyes, but she fought back the tears as her twin embraced her. For a second, she let herself be grateful they were both alive. She glanced towards Carver, that they were all alive.

He stepped back, but held her shoulders in his hands, his eyes scanning her for injury. “You are not hurt?”

She shook her head. “I am fine, Garrett.” She took a deep breath. “But what happens now?”

Garrett let her go and surveyed the room; he nodded at Carver and turned towards the door Meredith had left through, towards the courtyard and the templars. “I have spoken with Meredith. I only hope she holds up her end of the deal. You should be alright. With this over,” He motioned to the corpse of once-Orsino, “hopefully Meredith will be more reasonable.”

“Don't count on that.” Anders said under his breath.

Garrett turned his eyes on him. His jaw tightened, but he said nothing.

“And if she isn't, Garrett?” Marian prompted. Perhaps there was a way for them to slip out of here. Escape before Meredith turned on them.

Garrett considered for a moment. “We deal with that when it comes. I won't let Meredith hurt you.”

Marian sighed and nodded. She considered that if there was an escape, the mages would have used it instead of fighting, dying, by the templar's hands.

Garrett picked up his sword and slung it across his back. Then the party headed towards the Gallows courtyard.

* * *

Meredith came out of the great hall and Cullen could see anger in her eyes. She walked right up to him. Only templars followed behind her and Cullen's heart fell to his feet. He could barely breathe. Meredith came to stand in front of him, her eyes not truly seeing him, not seeing the expression of pure sadness on his face, of fear and terror at realizing the woman he loved was gone.

“When the Champion comes out, we will arrest him for crimes against Kirkwall.” Meredith said, shaking Cullen from his drowning sorrow.

He shook his head and looked at the Knight-Commander. “The Champion...is alive?” Some small hope bloomed in him. Hawke would not be alive if Marian had been killed. Hawke would die for his sister...Cullen felt a great weight hit him and he felt a crushing weight of guilt. He should be willing to die for her. He **was** willing to die to protect Marian. He would stop anyone who hurt her, who tried to hurt his family. He felt his resolve harden and his face became unreadable. Meredith was still not looking at him; instead her attention was on the door where the Champion would emerge.

Just then, Hawke and his band of miscreants exited the great hall. In front, next to Hawke, walked Marian. She had her staff in one hand and her eyes scanned the templars stationed in the courtyard. They rested briefly on him before moving to Meredith. Cullen's heart beat rapidly. Marian was alive. _Andraste be my witness_ , he prayed silently, _I will never allow her to be put in harm's way while I still draw breath to stop it._

Meredith walked up to Hawke, stopping halfway to him, she gestured around the courtyard while she spoke. “Do you see now, Champion, what magic does when unchecked?” Her eyes lingered on Marian before continuing, they held a cold anger to them that Garrett did not like. “Just as Andraste before me, so I must purge this place of the evils of mages with fire and blood.”

“And you've done that, Knight-Commander. But now is the time to help those who still need it. Your wounded, and those that can be saved.” Garrett's fingers itched to be around the hilt of his blade. Marian shifted next to him as the Knight-Commander again turned her eyes on his twin.

“I am beginning to wonder,” Meredith began; her glare icy turning to Garrett, “if your part was larger in this.” Her eyes scanned his companions and came to rest on Anders. “Strange that a Ferelden refugee with an apostate sister he hides from the templars for so many years should rise to such a height in this city. You have gathered much power in a few short years. How am I to trust that the mighty Champion is not a greater threat to Kirkwall than even the Circle?”

“Have I not done enough of your dirty work, Meredith?” Garrett growled, his hand twitched, but he avoided reaching for his great sword.

“Only to prove you are more clever than even Orsino.” Meredith took a step back, surveying Hawke, her eyes glinting red. “The people will mourn the loss of the Champion. But I shall tell them you died in battle. For a righteous cause.”

Marian gathered her will. She prepared for the templars, counting them. Even with all their companions she doubted they could win, but she would not let the Knight-Commander harm Garrett.

Cullen stepped in front of Marian. He held his hand up to Meredith, his other hand held his silverite sword. “I thought we intended only to arrest the Champion.”

“You will do as I command, Cullen!” Meredith growled.

“No!” Cullen took a step towards Meredith, his hand gripping the hilt. “I've spent years defending you Meredith, even against the whispers of madness. This...this is too far.”

Meredith grabbed the hilt of her great sword and swung it over her head as she yelled, “I will not allow insubordination!” The sword glowed red with the power of lyrium...red lyrium. “We must stay true to our path!”

Garrett took a step back, Marian gasped, Varric breathed, “Oh shit,” Anders groaned and Carver grabbed his sword, quickly unsheathing it. They all knew too well what Meredith's sword was made of.

Meredith smiled as she took in their reactions. “You recognize it, do you not?” She felt along the blade, her eyes shining red now. “Raw lyrium...listen to it.” She smiled now, her eyes crazed. The Knight-Commander turned to her templars, gesturing towards Garrett with her sword pointing at his chest. Garrett took the moment to grab his own great sword. “All of you,” Meredith cried at her templars, “I want him dead. I want them all dead!”

“Enough Meredith!” Cullen yelled, his hands gripping his sword as he stood between Meredith and Marian. “This is not what the Order stands for!” His eyes were hard as he met the stone cold crazed expression of his Knight-Commander. “Knight-Commander Meredith, step down.” Cullen commanded. “You are relieved of your command.”

The templars shifted uneasily on the sides, some had unsheathed their own swords for battle. They were now glancing between their Knight-Captain and their Knight-Commander.

Garrett glanced once at Cullen and then glared at Meredith.

Marian stood shock still, her brain barely believing what it was hearing. Cullen...standing up to Meredith. Standing up for what he believed in. Standing up for what was right. She stared at her husband; his sword readied, his face hard, anger coursing through his veins. Despite all of it, the fear, the tension, the overwhelming feeling that they couldn't win this, despite all of it, Marian felt a small smile play on her lips.

“My own Knight-Captain falls prey to influence of blood magic. The witch's doing.” Meredith turned quickly to her other templars. “You all have! Allowing the mages to control your minds to turn you against me!” She swung her sword accusingly at the templars, swinging it wildly around her. She swung it back, pointing the end at Garrett's heart. “But I don't need any of you. I will protect this city myself.”

Cullen put his sword up, inches from Meredith's. “You'll have to go through me.” He growled low.

“Idiot boy, just like all the others; falling for a pretty face and nice legs.” Meredith took a step back and swung her sword high, then drove it point first into the ground. Red tendrils of lyrium flew out. “Blessed are those who stand before the corrupt and wicked. And do not falter!” Meredith pulled her sword out of the ground and charged Garrett.

Cullen met her first attack, his silverite sword meeting her red lyrium sword in a blaze of sparks. He was pushed back; his head swung back and he felt a bloom of pain against his lip as her blade sliced him. He was able to parry her away from Hawke as the group quickly reacted.

Marian, Anders, and Merrill stepped up the steps, separating themselves from the ongoing battle. Garrett, Carver, Fenris, and Aveline put themselves between the mages. Garrett and Fenris were in front with Carver and Aveline behind them, protecting the mages from attack. Isabela used a smoke bomb to disappear from her spot and Varric leaped away to the side of the fight. By the time Meredith had shoved Cullen out of the way, they were ready for her.

Cullen fell to his knees and quickly got to his feet, but Garrett had met Meredith head on, her red sword making more sparks as it met his great sword. Isabela appeared behind Meredith and her dagger sunk into the woman's leg. The Knight-Commander howled in pain and slashed wildly, Isabela easily leapt out of the way of the big red sword. Cullen tried to enter the fray, but Meredith was slashing wildly at anything that got close. She stepped back, her eyes red as she glared at all of them before leaping...Maker Cullen couldn't believe his eyes as the Knight-Commander leapt easily thirty feet away to land behind the statues that garnished the edges of the Gallows courtyard.

“Maker, give me the strength to defeat this evil!” Meredith cried and sank her sword into the ground. Red flames erupted around the Gallows and shielded Meredith from Hawke. To Cullen's utmost horror the statues around the courtyard slowly came to life. They marched towards Hawke, their long bronze arms lowering to grab the Champion.

The one closest to Garrett froze as Marian sent a frost spell. Varric shot the bronze statue where its heart would be and part of its armor shattered. Merrill sent a large rock at one of the statues and it fell where Aveline and Carver hacked its limbs off. Fenris was maneuvering around another and Cullen darted it sinking his blade into the bronze statue's leg.

“Stand back!” Anders cried and both Fenris and Cullen stepped away from the statue as Anders sent a bolt of lightning down, frying the statue. Fenris pierced his blade through the leg and the statue fell, crashing to the floor of the Gallows.

Garrett finished hacking the legs off the frozen statue and turned to Meredith. “Come down and face me, Knight-Commander! Do not cower behind your own magic!”

Meredith growled and leapt back into the middle of the floor of the Gallows. Garrett met her first. Their swords slashing madly.

“I can't get a bolt in!” Varric growled, toying with Bianca at a safe distance from the crazed Knight-Commander.

Cullen stayed back, but his eyes flicked to Marian who was watching the fight with a frown on her face. She wanted to put a bolt into the Knight-Commander, but couldn't while her brother was so close. She felt eyes on her and turned to see Cullen watching her. She blinked and saw his lip was bleeding and blood ran down his face, but then her eyes went back to her brother.

Cullen turned back to the battle; he felt a worm of worry settle into his gut. Marian was safe, but...would _they_ be alright when this was over. He put the thought behind him and focused solely on keeping them both alive to find out.

Suddenly, Isabela appeared behind Meredith and sank her daggers into the Knight-Commander's other leg. Isabela sprang back as Meredith staggered a few steps away from Garrett. Marian sent a bolt of lightning into the Knight-Commander at the same time Merrill cast a frost spell and Anders hit her with a burst of raw spirit energy.

Meredith staggered back. “I will...” She was breathing heavily, her sword hanging low at her side. Garrett watched her, not following her in case it was a trap. “Not...be...defeated!” She pointed her sword at Garrett. “Maker, heed your humble servant!” She held the sword in front of her face and at her last word it exploded. Red lyrium embedded in Meredith's skin and two large pieces sank into her eyes. She screamed and dropped to her knees, her hands ripping at her skin as the red lyrium slowly consumed her body. Her screams echoed across the courtyard as her body became stiff. As she became raw red lyrium. Stone cold.

Marian stared at the now-lyrium statue of the Knight-Commander. A shiver passed through her. The templars around the walls of the Gallows approached, some raising their swords towards Garrett. She took a deep breath and felt her will come to her. She readied for another fight.

Cullen stepped forward, towards Meredith and Hawke. He glanced from Hawke to Meredith and then around to his templars. These men and women he had trained, some from day one. One of the recruits approached the statue of Meredith. She reached her hand towards it and recoiled. Her eyes met Cullen's through her helmet. The Knight-Commander was dead. Cullen looked back at Hawke. His brother. The uncle to his son. He breathed and bent his knee, his arm slinging across his body in salute. He heard the rush of cloth as his fellow templars bent their knee to the Champion of Kirkwall. The savior of Kirkwall. The twin to his wife.

Garrett looked at the templars and nodded. He looked up to see Marian staring strangely at Cullen bent on the ground. She was puzzled. Garrett nearly smiled. He held out his hand to his twin and she walked down to meet him. They stood a few feet from Cullen, but the templar's eyes remained on the ground.

“Come.” Garrett whispered quietly to his twin. It was best they leave this place while they still could.

Marian could barely take her eyes off Cullen, but with a slight nudge her twin got her moving out of the Gallows courtyard. To their home in Hightown. To her son and his nephew.


	33. Chapter 33

“Mama!”

Marian rushed into the foyer of the estate and picked up Malcolm in a rush; swinging her son around and pulling him to her. “I'm here, Honey. I'm here. I'll never leave again, I promise.”

Carver laughed. “Someone write that down. We'll need documentation.”   

She grinned at her brother as she hugged her son tightly. Marian was covered in sweat, dirt, blood, and other things she did not want to think of. She needed a bath. Now her son needed a bath too. But nobody under the Maker blessed sky would keep her from feeling elated at being reunited with her son. When she had gone into the Gallows, when she had followed the mages to their fate, knowing it was the right thing, she had truly felt fear, had felt nothing besides the knowledge that she may never hold her son again. It had been crushing and the events of the day were still swimming in her mind.

They had grabbed the ferry and Isabela had steered them all back across the bay. When they had reached the other shore and all found land beneath their feet they had walked towards Hightown. The city still burned and in far off corners, Marian could hear people crying, screaming, cursing, and talking. But those were problems they could not solve. She was beyond exhausted and her brothers looked all but wobbly on their feet.

On their way to Hightown, Marian had finally asked, “What now? What do we do now?”

Garrett had rubbed his face with his hand and sighed. “We go home, Marian.”

“And then what? Garrett what is going to happen?” She wondered if they shouldn't be leaving. If they should run while the templars were still recovering. That thought hurt her, but she pushed the feeling down.

“We rest. Probably take baths, sleep, eat, recover.”

“But what about the templars!” She looked at her brother. “Garrett, they know about me. They know what I am. Shouldn't we...” _run._ It's what the Hawkes had always done before. From village to village. Run. Avoid the templars. Get found out. Run. It was in her blood to run. Why was her brother not running?

Garrett shook his head. “We are not leaving Kirkwall, Marian. Not yet.”

She stared at her twin, but said nothing.

She worried the templars would come at any moment to take her away. She worried her brother would be charged with harboring an apostate. That Cullen would be tried for also harboring an apostate. She worried all that night when she finally was cleaned and in bed, Malcolm tucked into his crib, out like a light now that his mother was home. She worried the next day as she ate and fed Malcolm. Her brother was in his study and received a few visitors. Seneschal Bran among them.

When the templars did come, it was only one and it was a full week later; Garrett had been made unofficial Viscount, much to her surprise, and by the end of the month he would be the official Viscount of Kirkwall. Marian was untouchable by the templars of Kirkwall. Garrett had made sure of that.

The templar stood awkwardly in the foyer, looking around as if seeing the place for the first time. Marian walked down the stairs, Orana having gotten her from her room to tell her she had a visitor. The templar stood in plain clothes. Though still with the templar emblem in red on his chest. His sword was on his hip and he looked at her as if she were the embodiment of light itself.

“Cullen.” Marian stopped at the end of the stairs. Aveline had told her that he was the acting Knight-Commander until one was elected to replace Meredith. She had not seen him since leaving the Gallows the day of the fight.

He took a step towards her and stopped. His eyes never left her as he opened his mouth to speak and closed it, trying so desperately to find the right words to say. To make her understand. To tell her how much he loved her. But it was fruitless; he knew that no words could tell her how he felt. Every second away had been agony, and every second at night wondering if she would even take him back. He was not even sure if she should. He had sat in the courtyard while Meredith marched in to kill her...and he had done nothing. By the time he had decided it had been too late and Meredith too gone. He cleared his throat and tried to start. “Miss...ah...Hawke. I come on behalf of the templars of Kirkwall...to...” Maker, he had rehearsed this in his head a thousand times and he had forgotten it upon seeing her. His throat was dry. She was more beautiful than any image he could have conjured in his mind. She stood in her red dress with the Amell sigil, her legs showing, her legs he wanted nothing more than to run his hands up and pull up the dress to her...he stopped that line of thought. It had been a long week.

“I believe...templar...” Marian began, taking a step towards him. “That my brother, the Viscount of Kirkwall, would expect better manners towards his sister. And in his own house, the shame!”

Cullen colored. “Miss...I don't...”

“Well, you are the Knight-Commander, are you not? Surely, such a role should prepare you with manners towards your betters.”

“Marian...please.” He wanted to talk to her. He needed to talk to her.

She stared at him. “Why are you here, templar?”

“I want to...” He stared at her. Her blue eyes were examining him, curious, but not angry. As if he was something to be worked out, something she thought she knew, but was unsure of. “I came to talk to you.”

“Talk?” She shook her head. “I want an apology. An official apology on behalf of the templars of Kirkwall by their Knight-Commander.”

He thought he saw the hint of a smile on her lips. “I am only acting Knight-Commander.”

“Well that won't do. If you cannot give me an apology than I expect another act; an act of...good faith.”

“Anything.” She was not yelling at him and he was taking that as a good sign.

Marian watched him and then he was sure he did see the hint of a smile before her mouth formed the word. “Kneel.”

Cullen stared at her. His cheeks flushed. He met his amber eyes with her blue eyes and saw they sparkled with mischief. He rubbed the back of his neck. “My lady, you c-cannot simply demand a templar...”

“I believe you knelt to my brother in the Gallows. I have...thought about this often.”

Cullen felt heat pulse through him and his heart beat quicken. She took another step towards him, a small smile playing on her lips for real.

“I have decided...if the templars wish some...peace between us; for we both know I am a force to be reckoned with and I do not think the templars wish such on them now, not while in such a precarious position with the new Viscount. I think that I want the Knight-Commander to kneel. Perhaps then I will be...appeased.”

He felt the corner of his lip quirk. “I do not know that the acting Knight-Commander will do then, my lady. Perhaps you should wait for an _official_ Knight-Commander to do the job.”

“No. You will do.” She tried to hide her grin from him as she took another step, now standing close enough that she had to look up at him.

He inclined his head and bent to his knee, coming closer to her as he did, he could all but look up her dress and he raised his eyebrow at her as his eyes ran up the length of her. “Is this...sufficient?”

Marian smiled, pretending to think about it, she took her eyes off him rubbing her chin with her fingers. “I just do not know, _acting_ Knight-Commander. This does not feel...”

He grabbed her legs and pulled her towards him as he kissed her thighs. She squeaked in surprise and her knees dropped as she fell into his lap. She swatted his shoulder, her legs straddling his knee. Cullen grinned at her as she blushed. “Well, my lady, this is a precarious position you find yourself in. And with a templar. People will talk.”

She laughed. He watched her lips, wanting to kiss them. She smiled at him and continued to sit on his knee. “Well, what will you do with the Viscount's sister on your knee, templar?”

He ran his hand up her back. “Marian.” She was warm under his palm. So beautiful.

She sighed and rested her forehead against his.

“I am sorry.” He said simply. He knew no better way to put it. He was sorry for everything. He wished he could change what had happened, but he couldn't. He wished he could tell her what the future held, but he couldn't. All he could do was what he had been doing for five years; love her and hope she could love him back.

Marian lifted her head and looked into his eyes. She nodded after a moment. “I-I am sorry too. I wish I had known. I wish you had...” She sighed again.

“I know.” He swallowed. “There is so much I wish I could change, Marian.” He pulled her closer. “But this is not one. I love you.”

She smiled and leaned close; she hesitated and then kissed him softly. His hands hugged her body, the warmth of her making him feel whole for the first time in a week. Making him feel like himself since this whole disaster started.

When they broke apart he rested his forehead against hers again. “Marian...”

She put her finger against his lips. “Shh. Let us...let us take time, Cullen. For the moment...for the moment this is what I need.”

He nodded and kissed her.

* * *

Garrett was made Viscount and Cullen was made Knight-Commander. They worked together to put Kirkwall back together. “The city is in love with danger,” Varric had said and he was not wrong. The two worked tirelessly to fix all the wrongs, to put the Gallows back together, to help the remaining mages, the refugees. Marian was surprised how much her brother actually did for the people. He was rarely home and whenever she went to see him, Seneschal Bran reminded her that her brother was Viscount and very busy. Malcolm learned a new word. “Boom.” It did not amuse Cullen or her brother. His next word was “Papa” followed quickly by “Gar Gar”. Marian found that amusing and Garrett smiled when his nephew called out to him when he came home.

Marian and Cullen talked about moving back to the home by the docks, but with her brother as Viscount, Garrett encouraged her to stay in the estate. It wouldn't do for the sister of the Viscount to be living in a shack by the dock as her brother pointed out whenever she mentioned it.

Cullen was able to visit more regularly. But what really surprised him was the day Marian showed up to his office in the Gallows.

“So this is the great office of the Knight-Commander of Kirkwall.” She exclaimed, walking into his office one day. She was wearing a long cloak wrapped securely around her, had a basket in her hands, and thanked the templar that had shown her in.

Cullen stared at her and then smiled. He supposed, for the moment, there was no danger in her being taken by his own templars. All the templars that Meredith had chosen, the ones who seemed especially to delight in the mage's pain, had been told to leave. Only those templars loyal to Cullen and to peace had stayed. He would forge a new Circle, one where templars and mages could live in peace, where the mages need not fear the templars. That is what Cullen worked for every day. A Circle that Marian could be proud of, and perhaps even help with. She had mastery over lightning that he had never seen before and perhaps given some encouragement she might teach others. It surprised Cullen that these were the things he thought about now.

Marian grinned at him and hefted up the basket. “I brought some dinner; you didn't send word, so I thought you might be staying here tonight.”

Cullen nodded and gestured towards his desk. “I have a report to review on the apprentices that may be ready for their harrowing.”

Marian set the basket down and Cullen looked at it curiously when it made a significant thud upon being put down. “Orana added to what I was already making. She seems to think you do not eat when you stay here.”

He chuckled. “Thank her for me.”

“I will...once you show me around.” She smiled coyly at him.

Cullen cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. He had a lot of work to do, he glanced outside, surprised that it was later than he had thought. It would be dark soon. “Should you not be getting back?”

“I know a secret way.” She whispered. She pressed her finger over her lips and winked at him. “Come on, Knight-Commander, should you not show the Viscount's sister around when she asks?”

He sighed. He suspected she was going somewhere with this. “Right this way, my lady.” He gestured out of his office and she followed him. He showed her the offices, the practice courtyard where he had spent much of his time as Knight-Captain; they walked around the mage's quarters and the library. It was dark by the time they left the library. “Should you not be headed home, Marian?” He asked. She might be able to catch the ferryman if she was quick.

“There is one more place I wish to visit, if you would be so kind, Knight-Commander.”

He sighed and turned to her. She had been rather impressed with the Gallows so far, at one point mentioning that the lack of blood was quite remarkable.

In the month since the battle at the Gallows, Marian and Cullen had tried to broke the subject of what happened many times. They had slowly made their way through some of it. He had admitted that he had been wrong, that the atrocities done to the mages had been unacceptable and he should have stopped Meredith sooner. She had admitted that her reaction the night he left the estate had been poor and she should have handled it better; that she should never have helped Anders and that the mages had been a poor bet. But she had stuck by her decision to throw in with the mages when the templars declared the Rite of Annulment. She was stubbornly set that she had made the right choice and her brother the wrong one. Despite how many times Cullen had told her she put herself in danger; she would not admit that she was wrong. She claimed it was high time she made her presence known and she would not regret it. She declared that she was a mage and tired of living her life pretending she was something else.

“What do you want to see?” They had seen all the areas of the Gallows that were appropriate to show her. Some parts he would never show her, no matter how much flowery speech she shoved at him.

She seemed to be thinking hard about where he should show her, her fingers playing with the strings of her cloak, but he knew she knew exactly what she wanted to see. “I've seen...the mage's quarters...hmm...what about...the templar's quarters.” She smiled sweetly at him, her eyes sparkling.

“The templar's quarters?” The corner of his mouth lifted.

“Mhmm.”

He chuckled. “I could...give you a tour.”

They walked around the Gallows to the templar's quarters. They looked exactly like the mage's quarters except on the other side of the Gallows.

They walked down the hall and Marian tried to peer into the rooms. “Do I not get to see what a templar's bed looks like?”

“I would think you would already know, my wife.”

She grinned up at him and chuckled. “Come on, Knight-Commander.”

He turned to her and quickly pushed her against the wall, his hands on her hips. She gasped and he pinned her there, his amber eyes meeting her blue ones. “Call me by my name, Marian. Ask me nicely and I will show you what you came all this way to see.”

She blushed and heat shot between her legs. “Cullen.” His eyes flicked to her lips and he smiled. “Will you show me your room?”

He chuckled and released her. “Why did you not ask in the first place?” She swatted him on the arm and he put his hand on her lower back, guiding her to his room.

As Knight-Captain, his room had been slightly larger than the average templars. Only because he did not need to share it with his fellow templars and so all the space was his own. As Knight-Commander he could have moved into the far more spacious apartments just outside the templar's quarters, but they...still held too much of Meredith and so he preferred his smaller accommodations. His room held a bed, a dresser, an armor stand, a mirror, a small bust of Andraste with candles, a fireplace that had already been lit for the night, and a rug in the center of the room.

Marian surveyed the room and turned to him. She smiled and her fingers untied the laces of her cloak, letting it fall to the ground. He stared breathless at her. Marian wore...what he could only describe as elaborate underclothes. The dress, or shift as he would rather think of it, was a deep red and hugged her tightly. The sleeves hung off the shoulders, the tops of her breasts showing, and the whole thing came to her mid thigh, hugging tightly all the way down. He swallowed.

“Maker's breath.” He breathed, his eyes scanning down her.

She smiled and took a step towards him. He needed no encouragement and met her, his lips hot against hers. In the weeks since the Gallows fight, they had not been together. Cullen had given Marian space, knowing they needed to work out their problems and that sex would not solve it this time. She had sometimes seemed to want to, but at the last minute she would turn from him, her mind on other things. Marian had decided the time was now. She knew Cullen was a good man. He had made mistakes and so had she, but at the end of the day he was the only person she wanted to be with. The only man she would ever love. And perhaps she had a flare for the dramatic and knew Cullen would not be able to resist her in such a dress. She had felt positively scandalous buying it, but the vendor had been discrete, claiming it was for just the purpose she was using it.

Cullen's mouth ran down her jaw, kisses hot against her skin, the rough scrape of his stubble sending shivers down her body. “Where did you get this dress?” He asked between kisses.

“I'll never tell.” She breathed out.

He growled and pushed her against the wall of his apartment, his hand grabbing her hip. He kissed her neck, nipping lightly and sucking. She moaned and he moved up to capture her mouth, his tongue sliding against hers, tasting her. His beautiful wife. The woman he loved more than words could describe.

She grabbed at his shoulders and felt his muscles beneath. She felt the warmth of him against her. His arms held her against the wall, his hips resting against hers. Her hands slid down his back and pulled at the hem of his shirt. Cullen moved back. He grabbed it and yanked his shirt over his head. He threw it away and returned to her, pushing her back against the wall. His mouth returned to her neck. His hands moved down her hip, down to the edges of her dress and toyed with it. He grabbed her thighs and lifted, wrapping her leg around him; his cock hard against his trousers. He ground against her and she moaned.

“Marian.” He growled. His mouth found her breast beneath the dress and nipped against the outline of her hard nipple. She moaned and her fingers ran through his hair. “You drive me mad with want. Maker.” He grabbed her other thigh and lifted her into his arms, pushing her against the wall. He found her mouth, kissing hard and biting her lip. He shifted her in his arms and took a step away from the wall, turning towards the bed. “This dress.” He dropped her onto the bed and knelt down between her legs, pushing them apart with his hands.

Marian giggled. “Do you like it?”

He kissed up her thigh and pushed the dress up, revealing her wet curls to him. She was wearing nothing under the flimsy dress. “I want to rip it off.” He growled. He kissed to her curls and her head dropped back as she moaned. His fingers slid along her and he opened her to him, his tongue sliding between. He tasted her wetness, her desire for him. It still baffled him that anyone could love him; that anyone could want him after everything that had happened. His tongue found her clit and he flicked across it.

“Cullen.” She moaned, her fingers finding his hair. Her hips moved up against his mouth and he grabbed her, pushing her back against the bed. Cullen moved his finger up, rubbing against her entrance. “N-no.” She moaned and he stopped. “I want you, Cullen. I just...I want you.”

He moved up and kissed her. His fingers slowly undid the laces on her dress, and his mouth kissed her neck and jaw as he slid the dress down her body. When her breast was exposed he moved down, his tongue flicking across her hard nipple as he continued taking off her dress, moving it down her stomach and hips. His teeth scraped her breast and she gasped, moaning deeply. He pulled the dress down her knees and let it drop to the floor, then he leaned back to examine his prize. She was so incredibly beautiful. Her body flush with want, her blue eyes bright and her smile, her beautiful smile, that told him she wanted him.

He stood up and pulled his trousers off and met her back on the bed, his skin sliding against hers, the warmth of her soft skin against the calluses of his fingers, the freckles of his shoulder, the hard panes of his stomach, and his hard cock. She pulled him down to her, kissing him fiercely as her legs wrapped around his hips. He felt the heat of her, wet against the tip of his cock. His hand wound between them and he settled against the entrance to her, slowly sliding in, just the tip.

Marian's head fell back against the bed and her eyes shut as she moaned. He teased her with the head of his cock. Sliding in and out, his fingers brushing her clit. “Cullen.” She moaned, begging him, her hips trying to rock against him and pull him deeper. He chuckled as he kissed her jaw, slowly sliding a bit more into her.

She pushed her hips up and he moved his hand down to stop her. “Patience.” He chided. “It is a virtue of the Chant.”

She groaned and opened her eyes, glaring at him. He pulled out a bit and pushed into her, almost half way. She moaned; her body tight with want. “P-please.” She begged and he smiled. He kissed her and she opened for him, his tongue slid in and he pushed all the way into her with his cock. She moaned against him, her hands running through his hair and down his shoulders and back. He rocked his hips against her and moved his hand back between them. She met his hips with her own and they set a pace. Slow, but steadily Marian asked for more, her hips rising to meet his when they pulled back. She wanted more of him, all of him, only him.

She ran her hand down his shoulder, her other hand in his hair. He kissed her, his tongue matching the rhythm of his hips and she whined. He chuckled against her and pulled back leaning down to kiss her neck, biting lightly. He increased the pace, rocking his hips against hers. She met his and he groaned, his cock sliding deep within her. Maker, she felt so good. Her body hot and wet around him, the tight coil in his groin, his body wanting to release, but holding back, wanting her to finish. His finger moved against her clit and he moved his head down, finding her nipple and sucking. She gasped and moaned. He thrust harder, his hips moving faster as his hand ground against her. His other hand moved to her other breast and he rolled her nipple between his fingers. He heard her sharp intake of breath and felt her tighten around him. He groaned and bit her nipple as he released inside of her, the coil snapping. He bucked inside her and then lay panting on top of her. Cullen moved up and kissed her.

He pulled back, resting his forehead against hers. “Marian, I love you,” he breathed.

“I love you, Cullen.” She smiled and kissed him softly again. “No matter what happens. We can get through it.” She chuckled. “We've gotten through so much I doubt there is much else this city can throw at us. I love you.”

He breathed a sigh of relief and kissed her. He loved her so much. Surely, the city would be calm from now on. He smiled. He would ask her to teach at the Circle. He would ask her if she wanted to move back to their home by the docks, and Hawke would have no say in her answer. He would have a home with her. With their son. Their family. 

* * *

Marian looked at the table and smiled. She lifted her hand and a flick of flame lit the candles down the center, giving the dining room a nice glow. The table was set, the food was cooking, Malcolm was down for bed, and she was dressed in Cullen's favorite blue dress of hers. Everything was ready. Tonight would be perfect.

They had finally finished moving back into the house by the docks. Her and Malcolm and no nobles and no Viscount and no rules that were stupid and not to be followed and no servants rushing around bowing and scraping and no Garrett. She smiled. Marian was so happy to be back. It had taken too long for her to finally just leave the Hawke estate and return here. And tonight Cullen would come home. He would come home and everything would be perfect because she had thought of everything. She practically pranced around the dining room and hurried back into the entrance room. The fire was burning and her book was seated on her favorite chair. She couldn't be happier and she couldn't wait for Cullen to come home. She had exciting news to tell him and she could barely wait. She bounced on her toes, grinning as she looked at the door. He wasn't expected home for at least another half hour, but Maker she was so excited.

There was a bang on the door and the smile slipped off Marian's face. She walked to the door feeling a small worry in the pit of her stomach. The door banged again; a fist was pounding against it. She prepared her will, a lightning spell ready, and opened the door a crack.

“Marian.” Garrett stood there, a cloak around his shoulders shielding his face from view from the street. “We have to go.” He pushed the door open and walked past her. Fenris was behind him, also wearing a cloak to hide all but his face. The elf glanced up and down the street before following Garrett into Marian's house. “I knew this was a bad idea to let you move back here. I wish you had listened to me. We need to leave now.” He turned to her.

Marian stood still, staring at her brother. Fenris closed the door behind him. She shook her head; this was all a dream surely. She would wake up from a nap and Cullen would be there and they would have their perfect dinner and she would tell him the big news. That's what was supposed to happen.

“Marian.” Garrett began again, holding his sister by the shoulders and staring into her eyes. His dark brown eyes worried as they looked at his twin. “Where is Malcolm? You need to go upstairs and get a few things together. Write Cullen a note.”

“And say what?” Her voice slipped and she felt her eyes grow hot. “What is happening?”

“We need to leave Kirkwall. The sooner the better. The Chantry...” Garrett breathed and pulled off the hood of his cloak. “Marian, the Chantry is sending an Exalted March to Kirkwall.”

She gasped, her brain rushing as it tried to put all the pieces together. Garrett had not been back to the estate in days, stuck up in the Viscount's Keep and she had taken the opportunity to finally leave, sending Cullen and Garrett a note that she was moving back into the house by the docks. Garrett had sent her a note telling her he was dealing with something that could involve her and she needed to stay on the alert. Cullen had sent her a note saying he would meet her that very night to discuss some matters. Marian had been worried, but she had hoped her brother could deal with whatever the issue was without her. Especially now.

Garrett nodded to Fenris and the elf quickly headed up the stairs.

“Dinner.” Marian said numbly. The dinner was still being heated. She walked past Garrett and into the kitchen. She broke the flame spell that was heating the food and the cold spell that was keeping the wine chilled. She walked out of the kitchen and out of the dining room and up the stairs. Garrett followed her. She looked into Malcolm's room and saw Fenris gathering a few of her son's clothes and toys and throwing them into a sack. He nodded to her and she walked past the study and into her room. The room she shared with Cullen. She looked at the empty armor stand and closed her eyes briefly, not allowing the tears to form. Then she turned to her brother, who was standing in the doorway. “Why can't we wait for Cullen?”

“Because the Chantry may have sent people ahead to stop us from leaving. And because Kirkwall needs Cullen. I know that may be hard to understand Marian, but...” He looked conflicted for a moment. “Kirkwall needs someone that will keep the peace. I have left Seneschal Bran in charge as well as Aveline. But the templars here need someone to lead them. Perhaps Cullen can stop the Exalted March. Or make the Chantry see reason.”

“Won't he be in danger?” The cold pit of fear in her stomach wouldn't go away.

“He shouldn't be. If he is...hopefully he can lie. He did so for years to Meredith.”

That didn't help the fear leave. But she nodded and looked around her room, cataloging what to bring in her head. “Garrett...when will I see him again?”

“When we find somewhere safe. Or when the Chantry stops hunting us. Whichever comes first, Marian, I promise.”

She nodded. She would hope then. Hope was all she needed. “I-I just need to gather a few things and write a letter. I need to explain to Cullen. I need...” She faltered and felt her eyes grow hot, she took deep breaths and her brother's hand squeezed her shoulder.

“Do so quickly, Marian. We sail as soon as we reach the dock.”

 

_Cullen,_

_There is so much I want to explain, but I have little time. I am leaving Kirkwall with Garrett for the time being. I cannot tell you where we are going. He fears an Exalted March will come to Kirkwall because of what we did. Please be safe. If the Chantry comes to Kirkwall tell them we did what was right. That we protected people as best we could. I know you will keep the people safe while we are gone. You are a good man, Cullen. I know you will worry, but I will be safe with my brother. Me and Malcolm. And once the time is right I will send for you. Know that I will miss you more every day and look forward only to our meeting again. I love you, Cullen._

_I had news to tell you tonight. I fear a letter is not as good as in person and I so hoped to do better this time. I am pregnant. I do not know whether you will take the news well now that I am gone, but I hope we are together in short time so that we may celebrate in person._

_I love you, my husband. The Maker himself could not keep us separated for long. Be safe._

_Your loving wife,_

_Marian_

Cullen read the letter twice before he could truly believe what it said. “Marian.” He breathed, staring down at the flowing script in his hands. She was gone. Gone. Her and Malcolm. And Hawke had taken them away. He took gulps of air as his eyes felt red hot. His hands shook and he dropped the letter back down on his desk. He put his hand over his mouth, fighting a losing battle. They were gone. His world. His love. Gone. He had already been over the house looking, but he felt his feet move as they checked the rooms again. Again and again and then to Hightown. To the estate where he knocked the door in to look. Searching every room. Crying out for her. For Marian. For Malcolm. The tears fell hot against his cheeks as he searched, knowing deep inside that they were gone, that Hawke had heard the same rumor he had, perhaps even had evidence. But Cullen had thought they had more time. He had so hoped for more time. He sank down onto the floor in the foyer of the Hawke estate, staring at the empty fireplace. The cold of the stone sinking into his legs as the tears flowed down his cheeks. _Maker, give me strength in my hour of need. Help me to find them, to keep them safe, to protect them._

The Maker did not answer him and Cullen felt cold as the moon rose over Kirkwall.

 


	34. Epilogue

The Exalted March did not come to Kirkwall. When the first Circle rebelled, Cullen feared it was just the beginning. He kept hoping for some word from Marian, but none came. He kept himself busy, Kirkwall would always see to that. He worked with the mages left in the Kirkwall Circle, wanting things to be better for them, wanting them to want to be there. But day after day they heard more and more news of Circles falling, templars hunting down both mages and people protecting mages. Cullen feared the worse. He tracked down Varric and asked the dwarf if he knew where the Hawkes were. The dwarf replied that he knew as much as Cullen and that all they could hope for was that the pair were safe. Cullen did not have as much time to dwell on it, except at night, when he found his brain recited the letter over and over and he pictured the worst scenarios. He worried about Marian until sleep would finally take him. But Cullen did not let this happen often, instead he worked until his body screamed for sleep and finally dropped into bed only to be asleep the second his head hit the cushion. This way he could keep the worries out, drown them out with exhaustion and work.

The Chantry did come to Kirkwall, eventually. Cullen was watching recruits practice in the yard when a woman came up to him; he recognized the symbol on her chest immediately. Seeker. He had dreaded this moment since he became Knight-Commander. They had come to charge him with heresy to the Order, for keeping an apostate secret for years, for collaborating, fraternizing, and helping an apostate.

“Knight-Commander Cullen?” The woman asked, coming to stand next to him. Her keen eyes surveyed his recruits and he believed she saw every mistake his men were making.

“Y-yes. Seeker...?” Behind her, Cullen saw another woman, wearing a hood up near her face; he saw a flash of red hair behind it.

“I am Cassandra Pentaghast. I have come to ask you about...the events surrounding the last Knight-Commander's death. We should speak in private.”

He led the two women up to his office and the woman in the hood closed the door behind them. He stood uneasy; not knowing if he was waiting to be clapped in irons at any moment.

“Sit.” The Seeker commanded and Cullen sat. She stared at him, glared was perhaps more accurate, her eyes looking at all the secrets he held, at all the ones the Chantry knew and all the ones they did not. She surveyed him for a long time before speaking. “Tell us everything of the events that happened here the day the previous Knight-Commander...died. And if you have any information on the Champion of Kirkwall's location, now is the time to tell us.”

He stared at her. “H-Hawke? Garrett Hawke?” She wanted to know about Hawke? Not Marian? She wasn't here to charge him with crimes against the Order? Or perhaps she was and this was simply a method of putting him at ease. No, Seekers did not put people at ease. She could kill him with the snap of her fingers. She could set the lyrium in his veins on fire and he would die. She did not need to put him at ease to get her answers.

“That is the man's name, yes. We want all the information you have on him. On his actions that day at the Gallows.” The woman in the hood said.

“We have read this...book.” The Seeker slammed a book down on Cullen's desk. “But it tells us nothing of the Champion's current location, and the details...we do not believe they are accurate.”

“Book?” He stared at the leather bound parcel on his desk.

“Yes, book. Have you not heard of it?” The Seeker opened the page to the title. “The Tale of the Champion of Kirkwall by Master Tethras.”

Cullen's mouth fell open. Varric wrote a book? Andraste preserve him and wake him up from this nightmare. The Seeker was still glaring at him and he shut his mouth with a snap and cleared his throat. “N-no, I have not read...I did not even know of this book.”

“Then let us hear the events from your perspective, Knight-Commander.” The hooded one replied, smiling at him.

He shook his head, trying to clear it from the shock of learning Varric had written a book, what in the Maker's name did it say? He cleared his throat again. They wanted the events of what happened. He thought back to that day in the Gallows. “You...you know about the-uh-event at the Chantry?”

“We know the mage Anders killed hundreds of people. We know it caused the Knight-Commander to invoke the Rite of Annulment. What happened then?” Cassandra recapped to him.

He took a deep breath. “The Champion sided with the templars. He...he was a templar, so, he knew the dangers of magic...perhaps better than anyone. He agreed to help Meredith.” He looked from one to the other. The hooded one was nodding and the other was glaring. “M-Marian...” He felt his throat constrict. Even saying the name hurt. “She was at the Hawke estate when the...explosion happened. With our son. She...should have stayed away, perhaps things would have been different if she had, but she found the mage Anders and came here, to the Gallows, to help Orsino. To protect the mages from the templars.”

Cullen looked up and the two women had equal looks of shock, the hooded one quickly concealed hers while the Seeker stared openly at him.

“The Champion's twin sister? The apostate? What does she have to do with...?” The Seeker exchanged a look with the hooded one. “Marian Hawke?”

“You said 'our son'.” The hooded one said quietly. She glanced at the Seeker and then turned her attention back to Cullen.

He felt his mouth fall open again. “The b-book...you said it talked about—does it not mention Marian at all?”

“Only in passing.” The Seeker confessed. She flipped to the page and read: “The Hawkes escaped Lothering in the nick of time, outrunning and fighting through hordes of darkspawn beasts. The Champion, his brother, and his apostate twin sister fought desperately to save themselves and their mother. Along the way, they befriended a rather formidable woman, the kind who can easily lift oxen and cut down trees in one blow, her name was Aveline.” The Seeker closed the book and looked at Cullen. “She is only mentioned again in a passing note that the Champion kept her a secret from the templars while in Kirkwall.”

“But clearly, there is more to the story.” The hooded one looked sharply at Cullen.

He shook his head. The dwarf had been smart. He had kept Marian out of the whole thing and Cullen’s big mouth had put her back in. He rubbed his neck and looked from one woman to the other. He sighed and began again. “Marian Hawke is my wife.” Both women looked taken aback by his statement, but he continued. “I married her to keep her out of the Gallows, to keep her safe from Meredith. It was...it was the Champion's plan and I owed him a favor. It started as a political...arrangement. Meredith wanted me to get closer to Hawke, he was gaining influence, this was before he was Champion. And Hawke...he wanted someone to watch his sister and help him keep her out of the Gallows. But...”

“But then you fell in love.” The hooded one was smiling at him.

Cullen blushed and nodded. He had always been in love with her, but it had taken months for him to realize it and even longer for him to admit it to himself. Now he could look back and know that while keeping an eye on an apostate had been one of the reasons he had told himself he agreed to the marriage, the large part was wanting so desperately to get close to Marian. He told them briefly of his relationship with Marian, that he continued with his duties as Knight-Captain, that they had a son together, that at one point they had lived in a house by the dock, but later that she moved back in with her brother. He told them what happened that day in the Gallows, the day Knight-Commander Meredith turned to lyrium. When he was done the two women exchanged looks.

The Seeker turned to him. “We need the whole story.”

He sighed and rubbed his face. “I am not a story-teller, Seeker. If you want a more detailed account, find Varric Tethras. He can normally be found at the Hanged Man. He would know more about the Champion than I. I-I only knew Marian.”

“Do you know where they are?” The hooded one asked, she was looking at him rather sadly now.

He shook his head. “I wish I did. Marian...she was with child when she left. I do not know...” He felt pinpricks of hotness against his eyes and he rubbed them.

The two women were silent for a long time, he did not look at them as he tried to get himself under control. He should not have told them that. He should have kept his mouth shut about Marian from the beginning. But it had always been about Marian to him. Hawke was only a side story, his story was Marian's beautiful blue eyes, her mischievous smile, her wit and charm, her sense of humor, the way she could be so stubborn one second and tempting the next.

“Thank you, Knight-Commander. We will be back.”

He looked up to see the two women leaving his office. After they left, he dropped his head into his hands and felt the overwhelming sadness consume him.

* * *

Three days later the Seeker came to Cullen's office. He was musing over a report on lyrium supplies when the woman came into his office as if she owned it.

“We need to talk.” She declared, standing in front of him, her arms folded.

He sat back, worried that this time she would arrest him. “Did you find the dwarf?”

She contemplated her answer. “Yes. He gave us enough information to fill the gaps in the story, but we are still no closer to finding the Champion.” She shook her head. “But that is not why I am here.”

He swallowed. “Why are you here, Seeker?”

“Because we could use men like you. Men who hold true to the values of the Order, who believe in peace and not chaos. Men who are capable of knowing right from wrong without being told and who can command others. You possess all of these qualities, Knight-Commander. I am here to recruit you to the Inquisition.”

Cullen stared at her, he wondered if he had finally broken and gone insane under the stress of restoring Kirkwall. “But I married an apostate.” He said dumbly.

Cassandra surprised him by laughing. “Do not think you are the first templar to think with your heart when it came to the person they loved. You are also not the first to marry an apostate, not even the first to have children with one. But you command your templars with loyalty, and you should know they are loyal to you. And if templars will follow you, soldiers will as well.”

“The...Inquisition?” Was he seriously considering it?

“We are going to bring peace to Thedas, Knight-Commander. We will stop the war between the templars and mages. We will stop the madness before it harms more people. If you do not join for yourself, join for the knowledge that we will build a better future for your son.”

He glanced down at the report on lyrium. Lyrium. The drug of the templars. The leash the Chantry used to pull them. He crumpled the parchment and met Cassandra's eyes with determination. “When do we leave?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed the story. I am planning on writing a second story to encompass Inquisition and Cullen and Marian's involvement in it. I really appreciate all the comments and kudos. You guys are fantastic! :)


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